HO HO HOLD UP A MINUTE...

the holiglazed season is upon us ONCE again...

and i couldn't be more PLEASED!

well i could be...but i'm NOT...here's why...

from those who are grinchy...

to those who are penny pinchy...

it's hard not to be just a lil Finchy!

reason #1 GRINCHY

what started out as a very simple dedication to my ALL TIME FAV-O-RIT... 

biggest musical act in the universe a few months back...who incidentally...is a true genius with his words i might add...on his fan forum site...has turned into an all out battle of the last word with some depraved stalker on the other side of the planet...i've experienced fan hysteria myself...

i mean...i am THEE UNINTENTIONALLY INTERNATIONALLY UNKNOWN PERFORM'N ILLUSIONIST OF MY OWN UNIVERSE after all...i get it...but some of these fans of the forums take it WAY too serious...and it can get way to U-G-L-Y at the drop of a hat...but this total asswipe...half way around the globe...with the maturity level of a grape...just made it personal!

i think Miss Benetar said it best when she said...

"put up yer dukes and lets get down to it"

the gloves came off...and i gave him a good left hook and an upper cut...

the follow'n is the actual archival footage...his response is in blue...

call'n ME a "stupid c**t" just cuz i hadn't placed my comments in the correct section of the forum?...oh kitten puhleez!...i have been called many many MANY things over the years...

but putt'n me in the same category as this loud mouth right wing nut...i don't think so!

not realise'n my fan base was much bigger than his genitals...he finally hadda give up and bow before me...fer now

reason #2 PENNY PINCHY

it's a rarity i will ask fer a hand out...i would rather give than receive...

in MOST circumstances...hey there are some exceptions

so come'n home one day only to find out i had no home to come to durin' my pre unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe years...i grew up fast and figered it out on my very own...

from live'n in my one time only non homosexual relationship's station wagon fer a week...til her aunt found me one sunday morn'n before church and set up a bed fer me in the basement...

 to hopp'n from bedrooms to broom closets to anywhere i could to lay my head and count sheep...

dumpster dive'n fer my dinners...

and collect'n enough pop cans and sell'n off what lil possessions i had left to get a new outfit at the local charity shop...so i'd be the most visually stimulate'n vagabond on the street...it made me who i am today and i wouldn't want it any other way...but also would NEVER wanna relive the past again

that is until recently...when i was head'n outta town and fergot my mind along with my wallet and once again flashed back to what it was like 25 years ago...try'n to figer it all out all over again...and from my experience...some people get funny about money...no matter how much they brag about how much they have...i've learned to live without it...

so i hadda pull out my grovel shovel and dig fer the right words...and though it worked out in the end...i was left feel'n like i had just starred in a mini drama

reason #3 FINCHY

online date'n these days is like order'n thru drive thru...

the menu is a smorgasbord  packed full of whatever you desire...with everyone lay'n out their options...

it takes out the guess'n work at what will work fer you at the moment...or fer the long haul

sometimes you want somethin' to tide you over til the next breakdown...and other times yer happy with order'n the same ol' thing...but as long as yer just drive'n thru...you have no moral commitments to anyone but yer own

my last order wasn't necessarily a new order...i've ordered the same thing by mistake before...but this particular order surprised me and tasted so good since it had been so long...that i thought i was done pull'n up to the drive thru...that is until what i had ordered turned out to be a whooper...

with WAAAY too many layers fer me to digest!

 turns out the whooper wanted to get back on the griddle until he was "fried out"...and eventually had to be take'n off  to "cool" himself off...i did what i could to help out in the process...we would talk about continue'n with this unstable happy meal if it was what would be the best thing on the menu fer us both...once the cool'n process was completely over...

once the first part of the cool'n process ended and the 2nd half began...he apparently went back and super sized his paranoid fries...but unfortunately i was in no mood to try any of them out...i am not a nun...nor am i a nympho!

i'm not say'n i would never order this whooper again...but...i really don't need all the extra crazy calories anymore

so until this whooper gets his ingredients in order...

i don't wanna be eat'n from this unhappy meal!

now get off my dress