BATTLE OF THE BULGE

i was recently accused...by some new kitten fucktard who apparently lives in lackofhumorville...who was read'n my blog...inform'n me...my blog doesn't make no sense!

listen here kittens...i will only write this once...10 more times...

i write fer the lowest common denominator out there...if you can make the Honey Boo Boo's of the world into an annoy'n phenomenon...

then my write'n is not all that far behind...if it's that HARD to understand...then GET OFF MY DRESS!

i'm not afraid to get my Barbara Wawa blouse dirty if need be...

i'll ask the tough ?'s to bring you the stories i believe that need to be told...

and i will cut the fame shit out that goes along with bein' the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe...to get you the answers that i feel are the most important popular...by me

i'm all about educate'n the masses...who'll fall on their asses...from laughter...from time to time...digg'n deep...from time to time...fer all of...

those HARD to find situations

like fer instance...a lil over 69 long long years ago...

was the end of the sneak attack by Hitler who thought he could infiltrate the allies in an attack called the "Ardennes Offensive"...but commonly known to most historian freaks as "the battle of the bulge"

and over 69 years later we're fight'n a whole new battle of the bulge...

and i ain't talk'n about Oprah's or Kirstie Alley's...though i'll take em anyway i can get em 

(in a non sexual way of course)

no...i'm talk'n about somethin' waaay more perverse...

to put it right out there...i'm talk'n about DICK!

no...not this geriatric erectile malfucktion and the reason why abortion rights need to stay legal...

we ALL know he's named after one (allegedly)...he has one (allegedly)...

and still is one  (most definitely!)

no...i'm talk'n specifically about non vaginal pipeage!

everyone from boys...to men...and monkeys to masterpieces

we just can't seem to get ENOUGH of the male persuasion

they come in ALL shapes and sizes :

from the after dinner mint

to lung removers

from the pretty 

to the perverse

some have made it their business

while others have said it's none of yer business

some have even dedicated a book to their nibbley parts

somehow though...HOLLYWOOD...unfortunately...is NOT in the business

of show'n us enough wood...unless you go to one of those back alley movie theaters...with a  roll of quarters 

though the paps have made it the latest OBSESSION...

from the debonair

to the disabled

and even the fabled

from the trim

to the tuff

we just can't get enough!

and luckily the few...the proud...show it out loud...

from tinsel town

to tv shows

the pricks are FINALLY gett'n the spotlight that they deserve...

instead of being shunned to look like a perv!

so give it up to the one eyed pirate....

that have to work so HARD...

with the battle of the bulge

so don't be a dick

and get off my dress!