there can ONLY be ONE unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe out there...well cuz i'm copy written so don't copy me or we'll be hash brown'n it out with Miss Sheindlin guest starr'n as the referee
BUTT...i digest
with the latest annoy'n football season and stupid bowl finally behind us...
hey...if yer like me...you feel me there cuz the ONLY real redeem'n reason to waste endless hours watch'n a bunch of sweaty menses...parade'n around in painted on legg'ns...grabb'n each others balls between their enormously meaty thighs while smack'n each other on their perfectly plumped up A double snakes cuz of a tremendous touchdown in the communal showers afterwards...is the halftime show
the first time that i ever got sucked into watch'n this damn soft core sport'n
porn lifetime event of the week was when minnesota's very own dearly departed purple paisley man himself took to the field in Miami back in 2007...without miss'n a single beat as he was bein' beat down by mother nature piss'n all over his parade...shredd'n ALL the competitors before him...all while bein' thee most consummate sing'n sensation ever to come outta the Minne-Apple area
that i have the distinct privilege to be attached to thanx to my absofuckinglutely fantabulous cuz that is apart of musical movie history by starr'n in thee most pivotal open'n scene ever in cinematic history of his loosely based autobio movie that premiered in theaters back in 1984
it would take 5 more years fer me to give 2 shits about the halftime show
when the Prince was eclipsed by the QUEEN of the dance floor in 2012 @ the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis (mucho gracias to mother nature's cooperation that year) who raised the bar higher than any meth riddled addict that i've ever had the pleasure to date
though i will give a shout out with some honorable mentions to Katy Perry
in 2015...who tried her damnedest to mimic the QUEEN's show stopp'n performance with her Hot Topix costumes and her back-up dance'n rentals from the U-haul collection...but ended up look'n more like a fraternity production of "Alice is wonder'n where to land!"
and Lady Blah Blah's a year later...who did not make me go GAGA with her velveta sliced prerecorded open'n unfortunately...though a pack of rabid lil monsters froth'n at the mouth (much like the burned out Bernie bro's of today) tried to tell me different that nite and that she COMPLETELY jumped from the rooftops to the stage in one shot (sorry lil monsters...i know ALL about camera trickery) besides that obvious edit...the rest of the performance was a bit too safe fer what i was expect'n outta her to be honest (cuz regardless what they said...i was a fan)
"WAS" bein' the operative word
well...after this past months stupid bowl half time production with all the
"shake yer couchie couchie" action from latino sensation Shakira & former fly girl from "IN LIVING COLOR" J-Ho from the corner of autotone avenue...i was actually tentatively titillated by their performance...it was packed with plenty of glitter'n action and a brilliant stylized political punch in regards to the the current assministration policy of the kids they chose to lock in cages
BUTT of course (didn't know you were gonna get gang banged today did ya?)
leave it to a handful of pathetically past their prime...sex starved botoxed
CASPER crusader'n primal donna's this year (1300 to be exact) who need the jaws of life to get their cottage cheesed A-double snakes back into their high school cheer lead'n outfit just to keep their hubby from take'n the long route via the state line when drive'n the babysitter home on those long lonely thunderousless nites...just to get their already bent outta shape...shape...and their dilapidated dirty pillows in a twist over a couple of musical entertainers in 3 pairs of glittered full body spanx and a pole and C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y MISS THE MESSAGE!
like 1st grade teacher and Miss Massengill runner-up 2015-2016 and
the current reign'n Miss Massengill...Freida Fish...who wrote: "i do not subscribe to the Playboy channel, we do not buy porn for $20 a flick, we simply wanted to sit down as a family and watch the Super Bowl"
then of course there was this beaut from current sanctimonious WH
speaker in tongue and slither'n salvationary sinner...Paula White...who wrote: "god forbid we expected to watch football and a quick concert but instead had our eyes molested" and though i cannot confirm nor will waste my time even try'n to deny that it was actually take'n from her cellular device...it was a direct quote!
HMMMM?...so what in the fuck prevented these anal sores from...oh IDK
CHANGE THE FUCK'N CHANNEL fer 13 minutes?...or his an archaic idea...TURN'N THE FUCK'N TV OFF?
to be fair...Mr Levine got his share fair of FCC complaints back in 2019
fer his "nipplegate" performance...but received FAR LESS (55 to be exact) and 54 of them were from sex starved non heterosexual nympho's and their fawn'n fag hags who were pissed only because of the restrain'n order Adam had to put out against them from enter'n the stadium!
not to be confused with the original nipplegators Janet...Miss Jackson if yer nasty (and trust me...i can be fer the right price) and Justin's mal"fuck"tion in Houston back in 2004
fer all you uptight torn up twatters out there try'na regurgitate that tired old
"won't someone think about the children" rhetoric...are the same sanctimoniously decomposed cunt ruffles who will let their kids play murderous video games til the wee hours of the morn'n...
or stay up all nite watch'n the entire SAW franchise...hopped up on saccharinated suppers and slamm'n endless bottles of ritalin while wash'n em down with a mocha frappa latte'd chino...topped with non fat sprinkles
they NEVER let them have friend's outside of their financial status or skin tone over to the house fer dinners or a sleep overs...
and they NEVER live outside of their botoxed bubble that's putt'n 'em into bankruptcy and slowly deprogramm'n ANY empathy and compassion towards those outside of their designer fashions or religious beliefs...that they may have had at one point in their miserable existence!
so until a performer comes out at the stupid bowl and ACTUALLY strips down to their double stunts birthday suit...there's no need to scream bloody murder...quit yer bitch'n about the petty lil things and fuck'n puhleez
GET OFF MY DRESS!
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