known as the more subservient pussy cat of the jungle...the tiger has had
it's fair share of the spotlight thru-out the ages...fer instance...as the flamboyantly limp wristed butt buddy of the whimsical bear Winnie...TIGGER always flounced and bounced his way thru Poohville...tip toe'n thru the tulips by the end of his tail
another famous ferocious feline from the forest was He-man's personal
uber from the Masters of the Universe galaxy...BATTLE CAT...who was the mild mannered cowardly Cringer by day...with his deep emerald fur and cascade'n marigold stripes...this was one puss you didn't wanna piss off when her claws came out to fight
with his overly jovial presence in every bowl of frosted flakes...proclaim'n
therrrrrrrre GRRRRRRREAAAAAT!...TONY THE TIGER was every child's coolest cat to start the day off right...with just a simple cherry colored kerchief wrapped around his thick neck as his only accessory to accent his cheeto colored fur while point'n towards the sky shout'n out his corporate mind numb'm slogan...the S&M community knew exactly what code Tony was try'na sell to his kinky frosted followers (google it kittens) it's absolutely frighten'n when i found out what it exactly means
BUTT...there's another
with the CO-VID 19 runn'n rampant thru-out the unisver as i currently type
i thought i'd try and calm my frazzled nerves from all those long lonely days & nites i've spent alone fer the past 10 days...incarcerated in my 2 room shit box (i mean my quaint lil 2 room shit box) that's made me feel like a trapped schizophrenic gerbil...by find'n somethin' to occupy my queerless quarantine along with my mind...then literally just at that very moment i received a frantic text from a friend suggest'n that i immediately check out the latest MUST SEE mini series on Netflix
i figered...why the H-E-double hockey stix not...i needed to take a break
from edit'n the neighbor's debut on PORNHUB after i had secretly replaced my binoculars with a zoom lens just the nite before...so i sauteed some styrofoam chips on a bed of grilled card board cut-outs and lightly sprinkled 'em with papaya sea salts & decided to grab my Blanche Devereaux tiki glass from the collection that Peetrinella will surely pick up fer my 50th this fall by click'n here (hurry...supplies are limited) and filled it to the rim with sparkling clean ice cold "himalayan mountain" water
don't worry...i don't use that blue rinse in my tidy bowl anymore kittens!
i was not expect'n the experience i would be privy to...but was pleasantly
pleased at the trailer park train wreck i was witness'n from the moment i pressed play...it was like heroin...i couldn't stop til there was nothing left...but it kept me desperately want'n more...starr'n root'n toot'n redneck'n bleach blonde bi-level'd prince albert'd mid life crisis and Mr. Zuba 1998 thru 2017...the one and only TIGER KING...JOE EXOTIC...owner of G.W. ZOO in Wynnewood Oklahoma
and his diabolical arch nemesis...the cunning lioness...with the killer...ummm...golden locks...CAROL BASKIN...owner of the BIG CAT RESCUE...a sanctuary fer battered and neglected big cats...located near Tamps FL
now...since the show is still fairly new...and we still got roughly about 2 to
3 ill fated months ahead of us with this deadly invisible apocalypse bullshit (hopefully no more than that) so i won't give away ANY spoilers in this batshit crazy series to those that have not yet seen it...but i never want this trailer park car crash to end...do you understand me? so there for...i will be send'n this blog in a letter form via the pigeon messenger service to creator of thee best serial killer series on tv today...Ryan Murphy
who desperately needs to fulfill my deathbed wish if i should happen not to make it thru all this crap alive...i've already took it upon myself to cast the cast from previous seasons to keep the continuity flow'n (cuz ya don't need a call from the actor's union reps) and to have the season showcased exactly how i intended it to be viewed by the viewers
(FYI...i'm sorry but this is non negotiable Ryan)
DYLAN MCDERMOTT of course would return to play the lead JOE EXOTIC (since they closed down his online "pay per view" performances...after that unfortunate "itchy outbreak" he experienced by himself a few months back...or so i heard ) he's sooo grrranimal already...obviously it's like a total no brainer...besides...ya don't wanna piss off yer picky pansies that tuned in fer the last 9 seasons
and no one would kill it more than FRANCIS CONROY portray'n cat lover CAROL BASKIN...enough said!
anyone read'n this that hasn't yet watched the series...LEAVE NOW!
cuz i have to reveal the rest of the crackhead castaways...so don't go call'n yer senators or moan'n to yer mayor about it if you didn't...cuz you've been warned...with that said...Joe's 3 husbands...YES...and did i happen to mention...they're all "straight" (yea...but really...so is a noodle...til ya cook it and that's a fact jack!) hubby #1 JOHN FINLAY...hubby #2 TRAVIS MALDONADO & hubby #3 DILLON PASSAGE
in order from above...JOHN shall be played by hot toddy EVAN PETERS cuz he deserves the most air time if i'm bein' honest here...TRAVIS will go to FINN WITTROCK cuz i am confident he can kill his portrayal...and DILLON will be portrayed by GLEE alumni DARREN CRISS
(grrrrrrr...am i right kittens?)
(grrrrrrr...am i right kittens?)
reality producer and professional crack smoker since his days at INSIDE EDITION (a lil birdy tells me) RICK KIRKHAM is almost the perfect doppelganger fer DENIS O'HARE
store owner and FBI informant...JAMES GARRETSON...is the role absolutely made fer the impeccably perfectionist KATHY BATES (hey...we gotta cater to the gender fluid crowd so they don't start another damn protest parade)
zoo keeper and Miss DumbShit Amputee 2013...KELCI "SAFF" SAFFERY will of course go to the brilliant character actress SARAH PAULSON...it may be small but still a very important pivotal role none the less...i'm predict'n an EMMY award right here
sidewinder and swindler of the the G.W. ZOO out from under Joe...JEFF LOWE will be covered by the bedroom brown eyes of one ZACHARY QUINTO (i want him to play it authentically...so make sure he gets baby blue contacts Ry)
after answer'n a craigslist ad...ERIK COWIE became the "head" keeper...and we all know that CHEYENNE JACKSON has plenty-o experience in both those departments!
and while yer at it Ryan...why not get the writers of Avenue Q on the horn
and have'em pen the Broadway smash hit of the season...just in time fer the Tony's cuz the actors will be look'n fer a meaty role to sink their teeth into after this virus thing passes...and i know this will be THE ONE they'll all be clammer'n to be apart of...with musical score by BOY GEORGE of course
hey...the TABOO musical and especially the soundtrack was absofuck'nlutely brilliant...that anal wart Michael Riedel was bein' a complete cuntruffle towards BOY's talent that year...just cuz he wouldn't autograph Michael's personality
(that's all i'm say'n)
stop down to yer local drug store (at a socially acceptable distance of course) and pick up yer copy TODAY...it's totally worth it just fer the free poster alone...plus
it'll help balance out yer room decor...displayed proudly next to that autographed Ralph Machio poster you still refuse to get rid of since the 80's...that you never knew what just signed by yer aunt Orlene!
of course there's a few more crackheads i fergot about...but trust me
you will too (meeeouch) now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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