FROSTED FLAKERS pt.2

who amongt us out there has ever had that utterly uncomfortable feel'n

that you feel personally responsible fer the demise of all the Catherine Martin's of the world known simply as the "Karens" of today? (yea...me either) i'm not point'n any fingers...just take'n a poll...that's all! if yer lost...click here fer pt 1 cuz i ain't repeat'n my mistakes...again!

and now the excrutiate'n concussion to FROSTED FLAKERS pt.2

it would take me roughly a year later before i decided it was time to clean

my love shack shit shack from all that bad chi that had been linger'n around me fer far too long...and decided to go on my 1st actual date that i wanted to actually follow thru with

everyone knows when they think there's a possibility with a person of interest...you pull out yer rule book and just go from there...and this one seemed to fit my profile...he had the looks....charm...that wrinkled twinkle

 in his eyes that made me wanna know more (i am a sucker fer a set of cool blue iris's after all) to keep his anonymity safe...i'll just use what he said who he has been compared to before as a visual aid...and i gotta say...it's pretty damn accurate...anyways...where was i?...oh yea...the only thing miss'n from him was the back handed sammich compliments or glassy eyes that i seem to mentally get attracted to...he was just way too nice and dare i say "normal"...this was all new unfamiliar territory to me...so we continued to have non verbal chatter via text fer a week or so til we finally decided to have an ACTUAL verbal conversation...

somethin' that a large portion of the gen Y'ers and gen Z'ers see as a concept that they just can't completely comprehend unless you first follow them on tiktok...twitter..and instagram..."like" and leave them a lobotomized non judgemental comment so that they can brag to all their other non socially inept friends who wanna march fer the bann'n of tv series from...

the sexually flirtatous...homosexually stereo typed story lines of
"THREE'S COMPANY"

to the the sexually flirtatous...homosexually stereo typed story lines and racially profiled pre BLM series with that ONE white guy
 "IN LIVING COLOR"
(ummm you can insert laugh here without popp'n a prozac and organize'n a march on the state capital...m'kay?)

date #1 was at my palace...since he said he didn't have a tv yet at home...

so we watched one of my all time fav movies "MURIEL'S WEDDING" since he had never seen it before...and i could basically recite it word fer word at this point...but trust me Muriel...

"i was not terrible"...i pondered whether or not to have this be the 1st movie since some might interpret it as a "sign" of panic or desperation...but 2 tears in the bucket...mutha fuck it!

the alternative i'da rather watched was "THE TEXAS CHAINSAW 

MASSACRE": THE BEGINNING" then i remembered 1st dates are all about give'n memorable first impressions...and i didn't want him think'n i was some sorta ax wield'n homocidal maniac wish'n he'd packed his can of mace (well not yet anyways)

or wish'n he'd make a deal and gone with what was behind door number 2 instead

there was alot of saliva swapp'n and heavy pett'n at the conclusion of the

movie i can confirm...but no dignity was lost nor were any unmentionables covered in pearl necklaces

by date #2...i was summoned to his palace...which luckily...was within my

 drive'n radius...walk'n up to his perfectly sculptured yard...we talked more about this than that...that really was just the typical filler conversation on a 2nd date...and he was the perfect hostess too...he served me brown rice and tofu on a bed of lightly sea salted kale an exotic beer...and we talked alot more...and as the modular furniture faded into the nite sky...he started kiss'n me...like i hadn't been kissed in years (it's in my rules book under the chapter "slipp'n down the saliva slide too soon") then all of a sudden...off slid our dignity and i was oddly summoned by the faint sounds of Miss Bernhard...chant'n in the back of my head...while in his bed...

"stop! do you have any rubbers? while yer at it...could you make it 2?...and i would feel just a little bit better if you would apply some spermicidal  jams and jellies to the area"...i will not confirm nor deny if any sorta broken rules of fornication may or may not have happened at this point durin' the nite...you just go ahead and fill in the blanks with yer own dirty lil thoughts

finally date #3 had ultimately arrived as planned...and he planned fer us to

view "FINDING NEVERLAND" since he had gotten his tv and dvd set up

seriously though "FINDING NEVERLAND"? how about find'n a bar 1st? 

or at the very least a restaurant with some socially acceptable and very distanced atmosphere...this COVID life was kill'n me...i mean...i ain't pick'n sides but i'm totally intrigued by this whole melodrama between Depp...his millions and that gold digg'n harlet he unfortunately felt the need to marry fer some ungodly reason...cuz in my sadistically pleasant fantasy world...

Johnny would still be married to Winona...live'n in my hometown of Winona...with me as their personal assistant and manager of the most luxurious trailer park in all the land...on weekends we'd all get together on my 70's inspired lanai...sipp'n on jalepeno mules play'n canasta in our Gaultier onesies...laugh'n about what could have been...but was never meant to be...though i can say with all honesty...i melted...even if i wasn't really a fan of this Depp adventure

his hands were all over me like an octopus outta water the whole time...

which i guess meant he was sorta into me...unless it was due to some sorta nervous tick disorder he had and just fergot to take his meds...either way...i'll admit...it was nice

once the movie was over...it was time to take his dogs for a walk...and as i felt more comfortable with him...i began to unfold more parts of my past

since it was past due...but i noticed an instant change in his demeanor when i spoke briefly of my unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe career...an all to familiar feel'n that flows like a flood of apparent flaws thru me...now mind you...as much as i was try'n on these new flirty slacks that i haven't put on fer some time...i was in NO WAY ready to call it quits with my single life or memorize the lyrics to "I DO I DO I DO" by ABBA (even though i've practiced it plenty of times durin' one of my many highway car concerts) but at this point i just knew the storm was about to hit the brakes over my disclosure once the dogs were back home

the nite would end with that uncomfortable kiss you would give an elderly

 incontinent relative you haven't seen in ages...who fergot to put the choppers back in their mouth

well...at this point...i figer'd i had no need to spend my benjamins call'n...

 Miss Cleo fer any future advice...the write'n was on the wall...and by late nite the follow'n day...i would receive that "it's not you...it's me" text...somethin' a spineless jelly fish would send...cuz you know...person to person is outta the ?...pretty much say'n nothin' i haven't heard before...which is why it didn't shock me much at all...plus i'm not gonna waste my time try'n to decipher whether he may or may not have meant somethin' else via his text...

so to save face of course...i would respond with the stale mate refried crap on toast response "yea...friends are fine" text...which is what i thought that's all we were to begin with anyways...though realistically we both know it'll never come to that in the end

cuz all of a sudden...a light bulb popped on in my head and it was Miss Hobbs tell'n me exactly what i needed to hear

i seriously hold no ill will towards him at all...cuz he really was a sweet guy

and as per Avril...he to would make it into a sweet song...but sweets cause cavities...and who needs another mental dental bill? i could say i certainly hope he finds what he's look'n for...but why?

i have absolutely no regrets with anyone i've ever fancied thus far in my

love life...even as much of a struggle as it might have been in the 1st place with any of them...i just remind myself...i'm not yer bitch...don't lay yer shit on me and soldier on til it's time fer my metamucil martini's and Matlock marathons after my 3rd help'n of lime jell-o in the home

i'll just file this whole experimental experience under "don't distress"

just GET OFF MY DRESS!