the $64,000 question…that i've been asked just about…oh…i don’t know…64,000 TIMES!
let's join my life already in progress…shall we?
i touched lightly on this subject like a heavy flow day many a time before…
but recently i met someone who hadda deal with their own "come'n out" process from an almost completely sheltered society that deems it an act of an abomonation...so i figered i'd explore it one last time fer the cheap seaters in the back…just so there is NO confusion!
first off…it boggles my mind why anyone that has not give'n me…at the very least…a birthday prez (or a STD for that matter) would not be able to get their irritably-bitter-bible-thump'n-non-homosexual-baby-make'n machinery function'n properly if i'm not…how do you non homosexuals
refer to it as again? "bang'n the beaver"
the climactic "butter'n the muffin"…
"poke'n the pie hole" or...
every non homosexual males favorite..."milk'n the melons"
don't worry…i'll get to "MY PEOPLES" poetic titles soon enough kittens
so where was i goin with this?…oh yea…how will it benefit or better yet
let's go back in time and see where it all went horrifically wrong...
i never got the "birds-n-the-bee's" story grow’n up in my household…
our understated moderately priced 19 inch zenith black and white tv...
grow'n up on the chicken/crop farm that we did...there was plenty to do
i hadn't been touched inappropriately by a man of the cloth…or had any
i don't recall being strapped to my high chair and shown any of those
i pretty much knew what tripped my trigger at the tender and supple age
justify your existence and wash away yer delusionally warped thought process if you knew i actually committed unnatural acts on some cookie cutter cunt of your choice?
let's go back in time and see where it all went horrifically wrong...
i never got the "birds-n-the-bee's" story grow’n up in my household…
i just remember my dad as being this fun love'n…hard work'n grizzly bear tree trimmer fer the city…
provide'n for his cubs (at this point there was only 6 in the den…2 more would be crawl'n about the follow'n years to close out the 70's)
and mama bear...barely hold'n on to her own sanity...in the insane household of diaper rashes and dirty clothes
our understated moderately priced 19 inch zenith black and white tv...
was nothing to brag about..at least we weren't subjected or bothered with stand'n in sub zero weather fer hours at midnite to fulfill a fade'n fad...but it kept us entertained...when tv was actually tv...with shows like...
grow'n up on the chicken/crop farm that we did...there was plenty to do
from sew'n the seeds...while nature grew the seeds...then we ate the seeds…
feed'n the monstrous cluckers with my older brother Jim was it's own horror story in itself…
gett’n lobotomized by the apocolyptic off key karaoke band at the local comedy club on sundays...hypnotize’n you to throw away 10% of yer weekly earn'ns to fund the frocked up CASPER crusader’s lavish lifestyle was like a weekly trip to funny farm but a break from ours
i hadn't been touched inappropriately by a man of the cloth…or had any
"THORNBIRDS" thoughts (well...til i met my 7th grade principle at catholic school fer the 1st time move'n him into his new apt as an altered salty boy with my brothers)
"boom chickie wow wow" movies involve'n steamy man-on-man action with my eyelids stapled to my forehead by one of the many cousins that used to babysit me...
nor was i subjected to endless hours of tap dance'n classes...though i would'a thoroughly enjoyed jump'n at the chance to be the break-out star in class and most assured that i'da excelled to the head of the troupe in no time at all
i pretty much knew what tripped my trigger at the tender and supple age
of 5...i can actually pin point where it all began...when fingers found flesh and my palm pilot was ready to take off
i remember flipp'n thru the back of Joan Crawford's jc penny catalogs...
in the bedroom i shared with 3 of my brothers and completely ignored the cross my heart advertisements
and went straight (ironic huh?) for the Jim Palmer underwear ads
(this was the actual ad)
i would get to relive my fascination with the full male formation when we moved into our new house on 4th st years later and i seen my first full man on woman porn at the still tender (but already impressed) age of 13 while visit'n my cousin's console tv with 2 of my sibs one summer afternoon...
who lived on the other side of our back yard and know'n the only thing i wanted to do to the nekid baby maker in the movie was back comb her hair a bit more (let me clarify...it was above her shoulders...and NOT below her boulders)
all my sibs decided to take that arduous road & go the Bundy route in life
live'n their naturally born lives...and are as happy as married couples can get i suppose...though you and i are well aware there have always been sexually suppressed married couples
live'n in denial due to societies standards and ignorance as a whole (thankfully times are a change'n though) but that ain't my prob kittens…i never ordered those "issues" and have cancelled my subscription to others who've tried to sign me up to their blister'n yet bountiful membership...i just realized after 50...i don't particularly like stretch marks that much
basically...in the end...let me end it with these thoughtful words of wisdom
if i ain't fuck'n you...or you ain't fuck'n me...then WHY OH WHY...do you care who i fuck? cuz i certainly don't give 2 fucks who yer fuck'n!
so there ya have it kittens…looks like society or the entertainment industry as a whole had nutt'n to do with my sexually flavored behavior…but if
yer STILL not convinced i'm happy just the way i am…then FINE! how do YOU know you don't like a meaty tooth chipper?
or give’n it a go at bein’ the best sword swallower?
perhaps a thick piece of meat (cut or uncut) choke'n the back of yer throat…or better yet...
remove'n yer lungs?
perhps tea bagg'n is more yer taste?
provided the factory is cleaned out thuroughly of course...no one loves a burrito pinata!
in conclusion…i was born a happy non heterosexual child...
(for the most part) who just happens to enjoy cock-a-doodle-do
BUTT this alone...
does not define me as a person just wait'n for someone to chant my name...while jump'n off a cliff!
stop with try'n to convert…indoctrinate…pass judgment or strip us of our
dignity...without slipp'n a dollar in the ol' g-string first of course...whom you think are live'n in sin...since me and a large population of non-heterosexuals are not doin it to you
i can admit though...i've been around those from my side of the fence who think they can and make it their mission in life to try to convert defectors
from the other side...but really...if they have any indication of interest...it's probably a good guess that they haven't cancelled their subscription just yet...so...game over! well...unless you got a rag and a bottle of chloroform handy (although i'm pretty sure that's considered part of the rape category at that point)
so if yer a non homosexual male who's doesn't like COCK…
or yer a non homosexual female who doesn't like PUSSY…
then eat what's on yer own damn plate...happy holiglaze kittens...now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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