television comedy sketches were all the rage or at some dank dingy downtown smoke filled cabaret theater that would host the current comedy clown who could smack you up side yer temples so hard with some of the most outrageous off the wall blister'n zingers just so you could escape from yer every day run of the mill mundane existence that you would end up projectile'n yer over priced 2 drink minimum cocktail thru yer nostrils?
in the 1970's MR. ROPER had allowed JACK TRIPPER to move in with
JANET WOOD and CRISSY SNOW only cuz he thought JACK "buttered his bread on the other side" and made many many "friend of Dorothy" gestures to JACK's demeanor until he sold the build'n...that i (bein' of the non heterosexual persuasion that i am) have watched a million and a half times over that i can practically recite the entire series and STILL die laugh'n at without gett'n offended!
though i'm sure if STANLEY were landlord today...he would've gotten a call from some defamation lawyer on behalf of some PFLAG parader in assless underwear who's O.D. on sensitive train'n classes
managed to make millions make'n his audience dump in their dungarees from Boise to Bangkok
though if he were still around today he'd most likely be give'n citations at seminars fer the emotionally unstable
when the 1990's had rolled in...AL BUNDY totally was the antithesis of
ROSEANNE's household with his mouthy misogynistic macho attitude mock'n typical middle class meatheads with a prerequisite fer porn stars and had dominated the decade like nobody's business
unfortunately in today's climate (if he were still on the air) his macho nacho attitude would've only gotten him fickled fame from the "tarred and feathered" trend by the fierce fallopian TIKTOK'ers and their whole foods shopp'n shitheads
after a much needed break from shows like "FRIENDS" and "FRAISER"
in the 2000's the righteous raunchy salacious syrup dripp'n from LISA LAMPENELLI's tongue that me and my sister found play'n russian roulette with the remote control one very late even'n on COMEDY CENTRAL left us tired ass bitches in tired ass stitches thee entire hour...LISA's COMEDY CENTRAL ROASTS were legendary...
they were like early EDDIE MURPHY on steroids durin' menopause...she made it fun to be fat and said to date a black guy just fer the screwed up credit plus they had somethin' to hide behind when the cops started shoot'n (and that is a semi direct quote!)
sadly...she decided she had said enough salaciously slapstick'n soundbites to last a century thru-out her comical career and packed her potty mouth away...though i sweated it outta this lil birdy who told me it's cuz of the "METOO!" & "BLM" tsunami that made up her mind in the end (so i decided to roast that lil birdy at 425 degrees and serve him with some fava beans and nice chianti!)
this newly formed crop of highly sensitive pre and post ejaculatory trauma
slaves apparently had their funny bone removed thru their puckered sphincter or given themselves one too many clitorectomys with their personal desk fan i swear cuz ANYTHING you say that is remotely insensitive that's been either tweeted...posted on fuckbook or insta...aired on tv...sent in a smoke signal whatever...whether it was said in the now or excavated from yer past...they make it their life's mission to kamikaze yer character without the slightest interest of the repercussions it has on the intended target
oh BUTT there's more...
i...thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my
own universe (i might add) recently had to deal with my own fair share of online PC parade'n night stalkers who somehow succeeded in gett'n me banished from not only post'n properly my somewhat spicy words of wisdom and colorful catch phrases along with eye popp'n imagery that i've written into my electronical diary fer over the past 10 years on fakebook that i'm quite sure even VIRGINIA WOOLF is roll'n in her grave wish'n that she could've achieved planetary fame if only she'd inserted some bulbous male gluteus maximus into her write'ns as well
(though i've managed to find the folger's loop hole in their post'n judgement)
i also can no longer title my pix with a comment or heart someone's pix on instagratificationgram...however i can still heart someone's comments!
fer instance...someone had scattered a plea along the informational
highway a few weeks back that read "does anyone know of an air fryer that could handle a family of 8?"
well i had just returned home from huff'n on a dozen helium balloons
after try'n to perform a briss...i mean try'n to perform a ballad at some Jewish baby shower just cuz they fergot to hire a bartender (HELLO! am i the only one that thought all expectant mothers depended on some dependency at their sacrificially saccrinated snorefest?) so anyways...me bein the helpful lil hussie that i am...i simply replied to their plea fer help with a mere gesture of humor "take it easy there JEFFERY DAHMER!"
well of course...the intended recipient wasn't too damn happy to get my
morbidly matter-of-fact comical response and decided to burn me at the stake by respond'n back with their lit match and a can of petrol at their fingertips "NOT FUNNY!! the man was SICK and mentally unstable! He was a MURDERER!! MURDER IS NOT FUNNY!!😡"
needless to say that bein a virgo that i am...i needed to have the last word
"huh...first day on the internet kitten?"
i know i shouldn't've responded in retrospect but that's like send'n a
small child into the mall of america of candy stores in Jordan, MN to watch their eyes pop outta his or her head from the mouth water'n anticipation upon enter'n then tell'n them that it's all made outta brussels sprouts and alligator shit know'n full well they won't want any...
their reaction is priceless as they try to fall into a sugar induced coma give'n themselves a visually stimulated anaphylactic shock! (insert laugh here)
comedy is art and art is subjective so if you don't like somethin' on tv
here's a quarter...buy a clue...TURN THE FUCK'N CHANNEL!!! or read somethin online that may seem a bit out there...then just keep a roll’n or snap back with a witty retort...don't go write'n yer senators and purchase'n poster board...glitter and glue from the family dollar store fer yer pathetic outrage parade only to ruin the laugh lines on everyone else's face!
yes i do believe there are topics that you outta stay clear of...like the
holocaust...slavery or DAVID HASSELHOFF's side hustle (unless you know yer audience of course) however...this higly sensitive "woke" generation has completely blown up the boundaries of what THEY consider acceptable laugh lines these days...well i'm hear to tell all you prozac popp'n comedy kill'n tweet hunt'n junkies on yer expeditions just to ruin someone's livelihood just to mellow the fuck out...people's perceptions change over time and everyone says things they regret at some point in their past but you apologize fer them and you move the fuck on with it!
there's always gonna be some smarty britches that knows absolutely
nothing about yer mental stabilities along the informational highway nor care enough to find out since we live in such fickle and feckless times these days...just take it with a grain of salt and deal with the salt on yer fragile sensitive wounds!
if not then just GET OFF MY DRESS!
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