Monday, August 2, 2021

CUTTER NUTTERS

picture it kittens...it's 1983....a canucker from Kingston releases his 2nd
single "CUTS LIKE A KNIFE" which stalled at number 6 on the charts...however...could totally be played as the backdrop to today's topics of terror...
let's begin...shall we?

the back streets of london were scattered with very sassy and salacious  
"ladies of the nite" durin' the 1800's who would do A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G fer some pocket change with a shot of penicillin and absinth...that is until 1888...when suddenly they started dropp'n dead like Bryan Adams career
slashed and trashed one by one thanx to a mysterious cloak and dagger dude in a top hat simply known as "JACK THE RIPPER" that has been the catalyst of many books and endless movies in the last century which has still gone unsolved to this very day

from 1974 to 1978 sexy yet sadistic sociopathic serial killer TED BUNDY 
terrorized the towns across 7 states with a particular taste fer college hussies who parted their hair down the middle...bludgeon'n and beat'n...carve'n and sometimes even starve'n fer their affection once they've decomposed like a true self respect'n necrophiliac would...at a rate of 1 per month...guilty of 20 kills though admitt'n to 30 and maybe even more until he was fried like a fritter in 1989

once the 90's rolled around...i had moved to Milwaukee fer a hot minute
only to find out 3 days in that dash'n debonair JEFFREY DAHMER had a delicate palet fer dead dick...slice'n and dice'n his males victims into tv dinners...though i personally had nothing to worry about since he hadda taste fer dark meat...DAMHER would finally meet his maker thanx to an inmate at the Columbia Correctional Institution in Portage WI in 1994
BUTT...it ain't all that bad!

sometimes serial killers are worth root'n for...especially if their hot to trot
and are actually just clean'n the country of countless callous cold-blooded killers...like SHOWTIME's "DEXTER" played by the incredibly edibly MICHAEL C HALL that ran fer 8 seasons from 2006 til it's absolute abysmal end'n in 2013

thankfully SHOWTIME has decided to breath life back into the serial killer
cop from Miami Metro and give his blood thirsty fans exactly what they've been crave'n...more hemoglobin hotness and splatter batter moments from the dark passenger DEXTER MORGAN that will hopefully redeem and restore it's glory days of gore once more

10 years later...DEXTER MORGAN has packed up his blood slides and
sold his boat and headed to the small quaint lil town of IRON LAKE in upstate New York live'n under the alias of JIMMY LINDSAY
with special dream sequence appearances from his dead sister DEBRA MORGAN played by the tough as nails JENNIFER CARPENTER
and trinity killer ARTHUR MILLER played by JOHN LITHGOW that one can only assume will appear as a flashback since DEXTER disposed of his body durin' the end of season 4 in the Gulf Stream

the limited return of 10 episodes begins nov. 7th on SHOWTIME
however...let's be real...dollars to donuts they've already penned and green lit at least 2 more seasons (everyone's doin 3ways these days it seems) so if yer plann'n on host'n a premiere party fer it's much anticipated return (and why wouldn't you?) may i suggest a menu offer'n of spicy bloody mary's as refreshments...a hearty meat pie filled with chopped blood sausage as the main course and lady fingers dipped in a tamale/raspberry sauce fer desert
bone appetite...now GET OFF MY DRESS!

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