WEISHAUS represented the beautiful city of Bundy MN try'na balance the world's largest ball of twine atop her head while try'n to snatch the title of MISS MINNESOTA in the hysterically dark indy comedy where the beauty pageant turns deadly and becomes all to crystal clear (H-E-L-L-O) when someone goes to any length to win in "DROP DEAD GORGEOUS"
if you have not seen this flick then run and rent it/buy it/stream it...whatever you gotta do...it's a fuck'n hoot of what real award shows should be all about!
BUTT anyways....
it's that time a year when all of hollyweirds glitzkriegs and glamour toads
plump up their non existent pout and tout their tired tush and waxed bush down the red carpets from the INDIES to the OSCARS to give another vomit indulgent acceptance speech and squeeze out a single tear to thunderous applause then grab as many free fancy schmancy swag bags as possible in case their last movie bombed and the studio heads make a stop payment on their check
though personally fer me...it's really all about after so many uninvited invitations lost in the mail i’m sure that i will be able to F-I-N-A-L-L-Y attend the view'n party at my fav-o-rit rest stop fer some mouth water'n olive tapenade sunbathin' on some deliciously rustic italian sourdough bread and wash'n it down with a slightly chilled glass combo of champagne and chambord with a couple of plump raspberries pirouette'n gallantly at the bottom amongst an array of other deliciously orphaned frost bit nibbly's chipped outta the freezer from the previous holiday soirée thru-out the vote'n process...this of course is non negotiable so tick tock PEETRINELLA...T-I-C-K-T-O-C-K!
however somethin' more my cup of award tea is really just on the ROCKS!
more specifically THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME where we can make or break some bad ass with their pipes place in the musical archives of history!
and trust me...this years nominations HAVE NOT disappointed me EVER!
though it can only come down to 5 inductees so lets start with my 1st and fav-o-rit...born PATRICIA MAE ANDRZEJEWSKI who became a classically trained mezzo-soprano with her 4.5 octave range however was itch'n fer the wild side of the stage so PATTY quit her bank teller job who transformed into the bad ass bosom ballet rocker PAT BENATAR debut'n in 1979 with her album "IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT" that included the smash tinder swindler anthem "HEARTBREAKER" and the JOHN COUGAR MELLENCAMP cover "I NEED A LOVER" who went on to sell over 35 million records world wide...release'n 10 more albums...snatch'n 4 grammy's thru-out her amaze'n career and made it to the top of the charts with her take no shit from no one anthem "LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD" from her "LIVE FROM EARTH" album
though it's worth the honorary mention to mention another legend since
this 70's songbird has decided to respectfully withdraw her name fer consideration this time around the ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME has decided to keep her a permanent nominee which goes to prove the sheer impact MISS PARTON has had since the beginn'n of her career...born in a one room rustic shack along the banks of the Little Pigeon River in Tennessee in 1946 the 4th oldest of 12 sibs...DOLLY REBECCA was born to perform and by age 10 she did just that on "THE CAS WALKER SHOW" release'n her 1st sugar coated single "PUPPY LOVE" at 13...by 1967 the world would be introduced to the country legend known as DOLLY PARTON after bein' discovered sing'n her ditzy ditty "DUMB BLONDE" then was invited to co-host with country's blonde pompadoured PORTER WAGONER on his tv series "THE PORTER WAGONER SHOW" though she was seen as the sing'n pariah from the conservative audience cuz DOLLY ousted former co-host NORMA JEAN (no NOT the MARILYN one) fer 7 years until she decided to break out on her very own however not before release'n her farewell resignation song to PORTER "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" in 1973 (that had somewhat moderate success i heard from the rerecorded version in that Costner flick back in 1992) with 52 albums under her jacked up to jezus do's contain'n smash singles like "JOLENE" "COAT OF MANY COLORS" and "BETTER GET TO LIVIN'" to name a few from the 5000+ she's penned thru-out her illustrious career also share'n the stage with friends KENNY ROGERS on "ISLANDS IN THE STREAM" and BOY GEORGE "YOUR KISSES ARE CHARITY" among many many others over the years also fiddle'n the theme songs on her acrylic nails from "9 TO 5" to "STRAIGHT TALK" with her over-the-top attributes and act'n abilities DOLLY is country music's #1 most successful songstress in history
next up comes a duo from across the pond who began in the lil unknown
band "THE TOURISTS" from 1977 until 1980 when the band split before have'n modest success cover'n DUSTY SPRINGFIELD's "I ONLY WANNA BE WITH YOU" in 1979
3 years later the duo consist'n of ANNIE LENNOX and DAVE STEWART would form the euro synth pop sensation who branded themselves as the "EURYTHMICS" and with ANNIE's gender'n bend'n style and army approved orange julius buzz cut ANNIE's voice would rule thru-out the 1980's thanx to their 2nd album release of "SWEET DREAMS (are made of this)" with the album title break'n visual barriers and boundaries fer a new way to experience their music thanx to the age of MTV become'n one of the biggest songs of 1983 among many other glorious tracks like my fav-o-rit leopard printed madness of "RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE" also duet'n with the queen of soul ARETHA FRANKLIN on "SISTERS ARE DOIN IT FOR THEMSELVES" then decided to take a 10 year break from record'n before they released their 1st single the beautifully somber hit "17 AGAIN" off their last album "PEACE" EURYTHMICS would release 7 more albums accompanied by 33 staple singles before the new millennium began when they decided to hang up their towels to begin their respectable solo careers
from the 70's who began her career by team'n up with her sister LUCY in the group the "SIMON SISTERS" in 1967 release'n 3 albums with the moderate hit "WINKIN' AND BLINKIN'" until LUCY decided to leave the group cuz of her girly parts act'n up i think (listen kittens...i don't really care to invest that much research into her since she's not nominated kapeesh!) and CARLY SIMON would take the 1970's by storm winn'n a grammy fer best new artist in 1971 with breezy confessional hits like "ANTICIPATION" and "HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR THE PAIN" and release'n the biggest mystery in pop music history about the song's narcissistic lover on the track "YOU'RE SO VAIN" that in 2003 CARLY would sell to a buyer fer $50,000 under the provision that they NEVER reveal who the narcissistic lover was although she would reveal in 2003 that the song was about 3 lovers...WARREN BEATTY bein only one with the 2 others unnamed to this very day...by the 1980's CARLY would release her 9th record with my all time fav scorned lover's diss with "JESSE" and continued to record release'n 24 albums in total
and last but certainly not the least of them all...cousin to the late and great
MISS "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" HOUSTON born in 1940 DIONNE WARWICK was a singer...actress...tv host and goodwill ambassador that began her career in a gospel group called the DRINKARD SINGERS until her solo career took off in 1962 when she was discovered sing'n back-up fer THE DRIFTERS and released her very first single "I SMILED YESTERDAY" with many accolades under her glittered belt include'n 6 grammy's and a lifetime achievement award to name a few by 2019 DIONNE is best known fer the sooth'n cool stylish hits like "I SAY A LITTLE PRAYER" (that she even dueted with the BOY years later on SOLID GOLD) and "WALK ON BY" and the classic 80's over dramatic cardio vascular ache'n anthem "HEARTBREAKER"
so there ya have it kittens my top 5 nominees with a well deserved place
in musical history...VOTE BY CLICK'N HERE fer yer fav's from now once every day until april 5th
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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