her hit single "RUNNING UP THAT HILL" fer the gen X'ers of the Mtv generation in 1985 where it only peaked at #30 on the billbore'n charts...an unexpected resurrection has occurred make'n KATE's bush beat the current competition of crap out there by turn'n her hit into the shit once again...race'n back up the charts this time to #1 in the UK and Australia and #5 in the US...owe'n much gratitude to her new found popularity from the whiney "wokers" with a weak backbone i mean non verbal social media clubbers of the gen Z'ers
and Winona Ryder fans...like myself
thanx to the 4th installment of some lil upside down show...
and a feisty lil red head jammin' to her hit on her casio walkman!
so there i was one afternoon o.d'n on the tik taky's and insta hater reels
each one try'na out do the next with the oddest 15 second video overlay'n it with MISS BUSH's beats and it made me stop and think of the strangest things i've encountered in my very own upside-down existence like the time i stopped down one sunday funday years back to some over priced eatery in downtown Minne-Apple with a group of gaggers fer some shots of jaggers and nibbly's
i was warned by one sassy stalker in my group that they don't allow hats
to be worn inside their establishment...however i'm here to tell you that this throat plunger don't play that game and simply explained to the halitosis hostess who reiterated and hated on my head piece that was keep'n my follicley challenged farm from the blister'n heat "that's fine but do you tell ALL cancer patients to remove their wigs?" to which she politely replied "hold on...let me ask my manager"
my groupies stood their in complete disbelief and couldn't believe that i
thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe just told the simply dressed under paid door monitor that i had cancer...i immediately snapped back "i said no such thing Mary...on the contrary...i simply implied would she tell cancer patients to do the same? if she wants to interpret that as me have'n some incurable disease...well...whos' really to blame? me fer simply ask'n a simple question or her inability to enforce some racist profile'n bullshit?" a minute later we were shuffled inside single file and all was right in the world once again
we ended up bein' seated at a big round booth in the back next to the
kitchen...directly across from the Real Housewives of Raytown emergency blue rinse bingo luncheon as i 'm sure not to cause any sorta Jerry Springer smack-down with the barely there audience that exhaust'n afternoon over my deliciously dastardly hat deception...however i didn't care...we were seated and served like any other normal thirsty mongrel with a full purse of benjamins to blow as we continued on with our blissful unabashed banter...that is until i over heard some diabetic Iola Boylan bunion model at the table next to us ask the waitress "why is that young gentleman wearing a hat in here?" to which the waitress replied with a smile "he's got cancer!"
BUTT wait...there's more
the next strangest thing that i have ever had the last'n displeasure of bein
engrained into my memory banks was bein offered to invest in what i was told was a very niche' market the very first time i was officially date'n my X steroidal Heman in my 30's while i was in between jobs of look'n and blow'n...somehow the topic got onto underwear...specifically his...more specifically...well lemme make this "brief"
with the downward spiral durin' the age of the dot coms in the early 2000's
my steroidal steak and eggs X i called Heman (button yer lip...that's was the last and only time i have ever used a lame ass nickname) anywho'zll'ding...he told me about these muscle worshippers online from around the globe who would pay him handsomely if they could use his undergarments as a surgical mask and even more so if he would "decorate it" with his dinner
now listen...everyone had there kinks and fetishes and if yer legally over
the age of 18 and it's totally consensual...i say FUCK IT! just go fer it...regardless what others may think of the kink or of you...with that said...i just gotta say...who in their ever luv'n santa claus fuck'n mind would ever spend money from nana's change purse to bid on a pair of bean burrito basted bvd's from some buffed puff in Boise...
while they mastered their own universe with a bidd'n war online?
then of course there's that pend'n case recently where some maxi padder
alleges that in 2017 in a 2014 hyundai genesis nonetheless that she contracted a STD from her DILF and expects the insurance company to hand her a cool 5mill fer her troubles...ummm if she actually gets this payday someday then i want a retroactive payout fer my experience in 1992 where some Dirk dickslinger who wrangled me into the back seat of his 1987 busted out brown bronco after a difficult nite at the park doin things that would frighten fish and 3 days later i ended up have'n to shave my muffin down to the roots cuz apparently he gave me his family of crotch crickets who started perform'n a damn Wringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey act out on my nether regions
lastly is the advice i was give'n by many in regards to my humbled abode
plans fer my retirement home...now my head (which was never an issue with anyone from what i've been told) has always been forever romantisize'n about a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom tin canned tornado terror in the middle of nowhere thanx to my very 1st ever crush Joe Brabbit from the 6th grade who invited me to a sleep over at his dad's trailer one weekend
we constructed a gigantor fan fort...cuddled inside our sleeping bags (yes it was plural pervies) play'n donkey kong on the miniature arcade machine i got from our old neighbors the Cudahy's fer an xmas prez til the wee hours of the morn'n...sipp'n on shasta's while dream'n of play'n with his donkey dong (hey my hormones were start'n to blossom)
then all of a sudden i heard "YOU CAN'T HURRY LOVE" by Phil Collins play'n on his Mtv
so i DIANA ROSS'd my ass back to reality real quick like!
nonetheless i've always found it strange when someone in the realty world
needs a reality check from me when they try and convince me of the unbenefits from own'n a trailer...like the simplest fact that when mother nature decides to toss a fit...ummm REALLY? cuz i believe Dorothy lived in a modest 3 bedroom bungalow on her aunt and uncle's farm so yer skate'n on thin ice with that argument
then they try to convince me that the resale will be a waste of time as i will
not recoup ANY investments i may have poured into it and try to convince me a condo might be more of a sound investment for me (here we are again) ummm REALLY? cuz if i plan on this bein' my last rest'n place to enjoy my "MURDER SHE WROTE" marathons while sipp'n my metamucil martini's and enjoy'n a creamy caramely worthless originals from time to time then why in the fiddler's fuck would i want a 30 year mortgage that the bank will most likely repossess before i kick the can?
or is it because you just wanna win a round of tic tac dough so you can enjoy yer yer tacky tiki drinks in Taiwan with yer con-vince'n?
everyone paves their own path in this life and i let them live it the way
that they wanna live without turn'n into some judgmental judy however i like my organs in my body to give two shits about chromed brushed appliances with a bird's eye view of downtown hookers and heroin addicts so in close'n...you eat yer carrots yer way and i'll eat them mine!
and cuz i'm not gonna stay complicit and silent on reproductive issues
fer anyone even though they may have no physical bear'n on my supple and plump behind personally…
FUCK THESE EGREGIOUSLY HYPOCRITICAL REGURGITATED PURITYRANICAL CASPER BASTURDS and their DIABOLICALLY MONSTROUS SMUG OBSERDITY and ANY of those who do believe their rule'n was on point...you are 100% complicit with RAPE...INCEST...MEDICAL WELL BEING OF THE BIRTHING PORTAL and want a GILEAD nation…P-E-R-I-O-D!
bann'n the constitutional rights of uterine walls that they've fought for fer almost 50 years is beyond absofuckinlutely insane just fer the simple fact that all these callous CASPER crusaders talk'n out of their blown-out anal entrances vomit'n that it's "murder" are so full of sanctimonious shit that
if you smacked any of them...they'd simply fuck'n splatter all over their biblical blouse of bullshit cuz once the lil puke buckets are born and the unbiblical chord is cut they will soon be abandoned and fergotten like Amber Heard's career...then all of these ass scratch'n puritanical pabst blue ballers and twisted subservient twats who had the frontal lobes of their brain removed by their own knitt'n needles will whine relentlessly about these pink eye paraders live'n off the system instead of putt'n any sorta energy and resources into fund'n enough aid fer those unfortunate unwanted tater tots especially if they're bequeathed with special needs and other inept disabilities at birth...or any sorta safety net fer single maxi-padders and poor families that are just try'na make the bare minimum to survive
or safe foster care/adoption so the lil inch worm rodeo wranglers don't have to take their school field trips to the red door clinic and get antibiotics fer a lunch snack and wash them down with their tutti fruity juice box...
overturn'n ROE vs WADE had absofuckinlutely nothing to do about bein' pro-life at all with these tiresome tyrannosaurus zealots...it's just fuck'n hypocrisy to save their seething self-righteous soul at it's core!
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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