rehashed trash on a stick!

if you were me...and luckily fer me...yer not (THANK CHER!)

we all remember the many trials...tribulations and tawdry nites that one sassy brassy bee-hived beauty and 5 time VFW jitterbug champion Miss Florence Jean Castleberry (who was my all time fav i just hafta say) had endured as a glamorous food delivery technician...along with her cohorts

Alice...Vera...Belle and Jolene...while work'n at that greasy spoon Mel's Diner in Phoenix, Arizona...from the mid 70's to the mid 80's on the hit tv series "Alice"

which was based on the Scorsese dramedy flick from 1974 (that no one under the age of 50 even remembers...sorry Martin) based on a widowed woman and her preteen pimple parade trudge'n across country to restart her dimly lit spotlight career that she gave up years earlier and ended up sling'n hash browns and ho downs

then of course there was thee all time classic cosmic cult film...

"THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW" (that was born from the stage production) in the mid 70's that has held it's title as thee most brilliantly cast...science fiction...double feature...EVER made in the history of cult musicals

that is until 40 some years later...when it got mercilessly slaughter like Jeffery Dahmers dates...by a bunch of PC pricks that turned out this atrociously nauseate'n piece of eye sore'n patheticness fer the tv viewer...and don't even get me started on the blood curdle'n...chalk board scratch'n...kill'n the neighbors cat "music"...seriously...i just can't!

if you were a gen X'er outcast...(like me) you were root'n fer Veronica & JD

an outsider and an honor student...to make their fascination last ferever...(or at least until the end of the trilogy...that thankfully never happened) everyone was strung out with line after line from the movie...much like a hooker is to heroin...dare'n to ask the question "fuck me gently with a chainsaw...do i look like mother theresa?" to "did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? from the cult classroom classic "HEATHERS" (which also had a decent stage production run fer 4 some years)

the new generation of whatever letter they were at the time...got the equivalent of spam on rye with "MEAN GIRLS"...which was a d-e-c-e-n-t tribute to it's predecessor i can admit (which of course hadda be milked to death...so it to followed suit to the stage...that premiered last year) FINE!...i can let this one slide since the title wasn't reused...like Pam Anderson's STD's (oh come on...don't even try to come at me with yer claws kittens...i read ALL about it in the STAR!)

but as i was make'n my sacrificial meatloaf offer'n to the porcelain god... 

the other day at work...i came across a trailer fer the beyond vomitous remake of my teen age angst years...bein' basturdized into a tv spin-off by just change'n the actors...and PC'n them up...i totally wouldn'ta had have a prob with this concept...if they just CHANGE THE FUCK'N TITLE and the characters names...and pretty much all the ripped off dialogue from the original!

may i suggest call'n it "WTF?" instead...or how about "OPEN YER MOUTH & LET US TAKE A STEAMY PILE OF POO DOWN YER THROAT!"

here me out...YES...i'm at least glad to hear HEATHER DUKE is part of this project at the very least...after all that BS she went thru gett'n booted from that famous zip code...then goin thru issues with her dirty pillows and all the past couple of years

but after putt'n on my Angela Lansbury cap...i found out they wanna redo another of 'merica's classic series...like the original family of fright...

"THE MUNSTERS"

cuz what?...sadomasochism makes fer great tv?

just like they did deep fry'n the series about a single outspoken 

tough as nails broad and her 2 brats that made it on their own terms...on the 70's hit "ONE DAY AT A TIME"

by turn'n it into a craptastic cuban nightmare fer the PC paraders

why not just call it...oh i don't know...
"PAPITAS NOT NEEDED...justa shot of CUERVO on the side"
and call it a damn day!

didn't they learn anything when the CW tried to desperately milk from...

the gigantic tit machine of NEW YORK...with this colostomy bag prequel...

that ended in a catastrophic cancellation by season 2...first off...CARRIE would'a never had the bank account to wear anything off the runways of fashion week in New York during the 80's...cuz she was too busy work'n at Benetton durin' the week after school...just fer the discount on all the latest swatch watches and was also a part time cashier at the Orange Julius on the weekends...she would'a been an awkward teen walk'n down the aisles of Woolworths fer the latest Star Hits and Teen Beat magazine...worry'n about bad calories and boy crushes...

and she did that ALREADY...IN THE 80's!

can these lazy ass hollyweird "writers" (and i use that term as loose as i used my x's plump prolapsed A double snakes) not think of A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G original anymore?...i mean really "sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens"...(and that IS NOT a direct quote...but don't quote me on that)

i only got ONE thing to say to all these catastrophic cankersourus reboots

now get off my dress!