HAIL MARY fer the defense!

oh the roar'n 1920's... what a year it was...

with Lillian Gish and Rudolph Valentino 

as the biggest movie stars without have'n to say a word

on jan 29th 1920...a man named Walt Disney gets hired at KC Slide Co...

to begin his artistic endeavors at 40 benjamins a week

on may 16th that same year...the Vatican canonizes Joan of Arc...

as a saint fer all her hard work...

although she was burned at the stake almost 500 years early fer heresy
(some people get too damn touchy sometimes)

by next month on june 13th...children were no longer a loud...

to be mailed to their nana's house...just to save a couple of bucks fer their moonshine
(ummmm...dah!)

and later that year on sept 17th...in the city of Canton Ohio...

the National Football League was formed to become one of some of America's fav-o-rit pastimes

just like grannies homemade apple slop suffocate'n in a flaky crust...

but personally...i'd rather be play'n a different ball game myself...
but i digress

flash forward to the year 2014...

where you can't get certain "celebs" to shut their trap

cartoons are no longer drawn...but created by a click of a mouse...make'n millions

these 2 CASPER crusade'n clowns will receive their "sainthood"

babies are now finally send'n their own mail

and NOW...this footballer is make'n waves...no...not cuz he's a tall cup of hot chocolate (and there's no deny'n that...PERIOD!) and a top pick fer the NFL...he just happens to be...oh dear CHER...the horror of it all...come...gather 'round kittens...he's...he's...
HE'S a NON HETEROSEXUAL!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

how can this happen?...football is MAN'S MAN sport...i mean...

those tight pants...

those enormous shoulder pads

confine'n the family jewels in underwear with the butt cut out

and topp'n the whole look out with a match'n...protectively manly...sun hat

grabb'n fer balls underneath their buddies meaty thighs...
ummm NO...nutt'n NON HETEROSEXUAL about that...AT ALL!

fer anyone watch'n and think'n football is NOT non heterosexual...

ummm ya...lemme break it down fer ya!

tight end...split end...illegal touch'n...penetrate'n the defense?

ain't gotta tell me twice...sounds like a total verbal top to me 

(trust me...i speak from experience)

want me to go on?...OOOKAY FINE!

eligible receiver...hot receiver...open receiver...wide receiver?

coooome on...definitely a complete submissive pussy boy bottom 

(trust me...i speak from experience)

and last but most definitely not my least fav-o-rit...fantasy league? 

(sorry there was no cookie equivalent to this one...deal!)

well that's just a bus stop away from hookerville...just make sure ya got yer prophylactics and enough spermicidal jams and jellies to go around!

i could go on...but i think yea get my drift on the draft...comprende kitten?

so it really does have NOTHIN' to do with the fact that Michael Sam is an open non heterosexual and the one of the top picks fer the NFL...since the non heterosexuals have ALWAYS been there since the game began...

it's cuz he's never been arrested fer domestic assult...murder...drugs...dog fight'n...ect...plain and simple...as pointed out perfectly by this ol silver surfer

it's not that Micheal's try'na shove anything down yer throat by come'n out...like some might suggest...but imagine yerself in a locker room...

day in and day out with a bunch of teammates ripp'n on this guy or that guy cuz he's not a non homosexual...like former NFL player who made it to the SUPERBOWL in 1999 play'n with the Atlanta Falcons and also my friend Esera Tuaolo did

those that condemn Michael or ANYONE...be it in the public eye or in private with family and friends...that come out...do it to educate everyone...that NOT EVERYONE is into the same thing between the sheets...but they can still do the SAME THINGS T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R!

throw'n yer belief system into the mix is a complete asinine waste of time...cuz seriously...those hard core cherry pick'n CASPER crusader's that do...practice'n that religion of eat'n the body and blood of some ghost from yer color'n book every sunday...ummm...yer not really a faithful follower...

yer more like a vampirilic cannibal if ya wanna break it all down!

it's YER BELIEF YOU CHOSE...you WERE NOT born with it!..you don't want anymore non heterosexuals roam'n the earth play'n in yer "manly man" sports...then the only person you can blame...IS YOU! (that is if yer of the vampirilic cannibal non homosexual nature) cuz they can't be here...

without 2 of you!

ok...time fer me to get off my bedazzled milk crate...now get off my dress!