picture it kittens...i'll give you the year 1998 and bein a saucy lil sex minx
was nothing to scoff at...in fact it was an encourage'n career move...from a sexy swash buckle'n space cadet turned trophy hunt'n polished professor HARRISON FORD become'n plucked and picked by a group consist'n of 4 outta shape militant fickled and pickled fruitcakes/"friends of JUDY" and their unfortunate unfuckable past her prime stake and cake days beard they've known since 2nd grade as the sexiest man alive fer some shitty entertainment rag
some hot-n-steamy british bloker poker GEORGE MICHAEL cums out on
his own terms as a pole puff'n non heterosexual by gett'n busted shake'n his assets in some Beverly Hills lavatory to some undercover LAPD piglet (though this was no new news to me as i already knew roughly 10 years earlier when he offered me "a ride on his tour bus" after his "FAITH" tour in St Paul, MN)
the only reason i started pay'n attention to anything in the political arena
cuz he was the hottest prez since JFK...BILL CLINTON gets baked an incredulous impeachment pie fer throat plunge'n a hungry intern that was ultimately tossed in the trash cuz the public wasn't as hungry fer it since he had the country in tip top shape however most of his pole numbers rose to new heights thanx to the bitter repuglicunts who helped sky rocket his popularity durin' those tediously trivial tv trials all about his tonsil tickle'n
even 4 sexually charged cosmo queened maxi pads made their debut by lett'n their kitty kat hang outta the bag l-i-t-t-e-r-a-l-l-y with memorable zingers to last a lifetime
times without collect'n my $200 that i realized i was start'n to pass my prime time and it was about time to get exactly what i wanted fer some change a change...i was starve'n fer a marvin this particular even'n (hey it had been like a whole 5 days) and i was in no mood to bob fer blue balls at the local jovial jacuzzi so i said to myself (i said self) why not just order some taco'd john? you'd get exactly what ya paid for without have'n to order a side of free phony compliments fer a return visit besides i've never had spanish rice...it could be nice...but would it be worth the price?
as i meticulously searched thru my back issues of TOOTH CHIPPERS magazine...like a contestant who just solved the puzzle on the wheel of sexually frustrated fortune and was ready to pick their prick from the throat gagg'n gallery of goodies...it got me to think'n fer just a miniscule minute
how this position all began? how it used to be to how it is today? how does one even decide how set their base pay?
let's cue up the David Lee Roth hit and take a trip down the well worn out road to male hookerville
y'all know of course...the 2 most famous power bottoms in history...
were Roman emperors Caesar and Nero both declare'n concubinus caretakers fer their own sexual appetite on those cold lonely nites plus this was also where the origin of the term "royally fucked" originated from
by the time we hit the 15th century in Florence (Jean Castleberry) Italy
it was not uncommon fer young trollops between the ages of
TRANSFORMERS addicts to transform'n themselves...
begg'n to get tied up in some twisted tawdry love affair with a swiss bank account wealthy ancient relic who has enough riches to keep them in brand new britches...til of course the under the covers lover gets bored with ride'n the wrinkled willy and spills the beans...along with his dignity...to the closest publish'n company that with pay him fer a lifetime movie fer the weak
durin' the middle of the 16th century in Kawasaki Country...kabuki theater
was a treasure trove of high priced male hussies sought after by both male and female patrons fer their exquisite and appropriate applications of the correct base...lips gloss and eye liner...
even buddhists and samurai warriors were into tag team'n many of their "apprentices" fer educational purposes only of course
by the turn of the 19th century both Europe and North America were turn'n
out sweet transvestites faster than jail time to jihads...also known as "fairies" they were the latest "must have" accessory in the fall season from brothels to saloons with a "backdoor"...some even work'n in female brothels as an "exotic offer'n" fer their male clientele
the GREAT DEPRESSION wasn't really about a crippled economy...oh no
the greatest tragedy from the 19th century of course was the birth of the "str8 act'n and appear'n" non heterosexual hustlers as well as non homosexual hustlers take'n over the brothel's and backrooms of the Hurry Back Inn that once were dominated by the flame'n fairies and muscle mary's with a sense of savoir faire all the way from New York to New Mexico as a means to justify their blatant sexual sissification
from the sexual revolution of the 70's to the horny toads and toadesses
thanx to the birth of picky pop-up porn sites like GRINDR and SCRUFF
sure...i've had many many monetary moments offered to me in my 20's by many many much older than me in exchange fer extra curricular activities but i've revoked my blow-job valley membership eons ago...we've all used our youth to get exactly what we wanted at times regardless of what the outcome was to be...so kindly remove yerself from behind that pulpit pleez
so after very careful consideration i looked long while hard into my mirror
of the coked out 80's most cracked out casanova's came thru the drive up windows of lonely out-of-town toads look'n to "explore" all the city had to offer by dole'n out a hefty offer of their own to keep it on the DL
BUTT now...
stocks have plummeted to an all time low fer the work'n ho' with easy accessibility to pick'n yer own prick without all those high prices though yer spinn'n the roulette wheel these days with the free gift without purchase that usually takes about 3-6 weeks to clear up...if yer lucky!
sure...i've had many many monetary moments offered to me in my 20's by many many much older than me in exchange fer extra curricular activities but i've revoked my blow-job valley membership eons ago...we've all used our youth to get exactly what we wanted at times regardless of what the outcome was to be...so kindly remove yerself from behind that pulpit pleez
i mean really! how many times have you yerself impersonated a gyrate'n gigolo and expected or finagled yer way outta pay'n fer dinners? vacations? shopp'n sprees? or a musical interlude? from yer peers...yer parents or yer weekly passionistas? regardless whether yer old enough to wipe yer own ass to have'n to hire someone to do it fer ya...
and you far right finger point'n fickle fucktards who are gonna stand there and say to me "you can't do that...it's a sin" seriously? ummm...hate to break it to y'all but sin was just an imaginary disease invented by CASPER crusaders many many moons ago to sell the gullible and weak-minded much like yerself an imaginary cure called s-a-l-v-a-t-i-o-n and this unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe ain't play'n that tune anytime soon!
so after very careful consideration i looked long while hard into my mirror
and thought to myself (i thought self ) what am i doin? i may be a card carry'n AARP member and soon to become a monthly member of the June Allison fan club however i have never and ain't gotta pay fer no dime store dick from some dirty trick (well...not just yet anyways) i'm a fuck'n catch (that's not bein' conceited...that's just bein' confidentially convinced) so with that in mind it's time to spritz on the chloroform and watch me baby while i walk out that door!
now get off my dress!
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