Alex...can i take SSSSSH IT! for $500 pleez!

i’m still coming down from the high of my highly acclaimed oscar meyer wiener performance debut in my very first…very own…very off broadway production of “GET OFF MY DRESS…love is a drag!” from this past friday at BRYANT LAKE BOWL…if you missed my open’n…no worries…you still can come 4 more times…but if you were there…perhaps you just wanna come again

thanx to all those that came that nite…it’s like my biggest open’n i’ve ever seen (it just barely beat out the guy i used to date years back)…i’ll remember fer as long as i can!

then i thought to myself…i said SELF…what haven’t you talked about yet?...what’s the one topic that seems to escape most water cooler conversations?

i thought about it fer a minute...HMMM?...then i thought…SHIT!

seems to be a topic know one wants to talk about…yet we all do it!

it can be interpreted in many many different forms…

the obvious one being…the meatloaf ya hear splash’n in the bowl next to you in a public restroom...while yer try’n to take an inner mission...during yer intermission

(this breaks down into many subdivisional forms as well…but no visuals are necessary…are they?)

but it can also be used as an act of irritation…

“you piece of shit!…you gave me crabs”

take’n care of some elderly incontinent parent…

“can someone else change grannies shit shorts fer a change?”

a term of endearment to a small child...to let them know how much you really care…

“awww…ain’t you the cutest lil’ shit!…now run along and get yer mommie a cocktail before you feel another wire hanger on yer ass...ok kitten”

as a sense of entitlement…

“can someone get this lil’ barfbag outta my sight?…i’m a damn unintentionally internationally unknown perform’n illusionist…i don’t have to put up with this shit!...do you know how many blind himalayan migrant children it took to hand stich me this coat?"

then of course…plenty have used it during a fit of frustration…

“dammit…you lil shit…stop it now…or i’ll give ya somethin’ to whine about”

it’s used as a warn’n signal for the giver when wear’n out their knees…

“OOOOH SHIT…OOOH SHIT…i’m comin’…I’M COOOOOOOOMIN’!”
(pic used as speculatory purposes only...consult yer physician if erectile dysfunction occurs)

and also as a sign of depression…

“oh shit…the condom broke…again?!...but i was just gonna start auditions fer the next season of "dancing with the stars"...and i can't pass off another kid as my ma's"

one too many apple-tini’s can be a buzz kill…

“oooooh shit…get outta my waaaaay…think i'm gonna blow chunks again!”

this would be a good sign you need to start popp’n those gingko biloba pills...

“OH SHIT!…i fergot my underwear…AGAIN!”

or when it was THAT good…

“SHIT!…i can’t remember what restroom wall i found his/her number on”

when you have no control on an icy patch at 65 miles per hour…

“SHIT!SHIT!SHIT!SHIT!”

or make’n out with “mary jane”…

“that’s some good shit maaaaan!”

however you slice it…is fine with me…BUT…if you think fer a minute that yer shit don’t stink…well…you can just get off my dress!

Oh shit!...i almost fergot…this week...i'll be doin back to back performances (thankfully not on my back this time) thursday @ 10pm fer you nite owls and insomniacs and then all over again friday nite @ 7pm at BRYANT LAKE BOWL