Same Thing in Reverse

sorry i'm a day late kittens...but it was a holidaze after all...and it was time to "regroup" (which is just another loose term fer recovery...which we'll explore at a later date)

so without further ado...

i’ve been asked a merried of times since i was old enough to know which way i was gonna butter my bread…how do i know if i don’t sexually like non-homosexual women if i haven’t tried one…(nothing against my lezbotronic sisters…but rarely am i asked if i might be one)

the $64,000 question…that i’ve been asked just about…oh…i don’t know…64,000 TIMES!

let’s join my life already in progress…shall we?

i touched lightly on this subject a while back…but let’s explore it a bit more…so there’s NO confusion!

first off…it boggles my mind why anyone that has not give’n me…at the very least…a birthday prezzie…(or a STD for that matter) would not be able to get their irritably-bitter-bible-thump’n-non-homosexual-baby-make’n machinery function’n properly if i'm not…

(how do you non homosexuals refer to it as again?)
“bang'n the beaver”…

the climactic “butter'n the muffin”…

“poke'n the pie hole” or

every non homosexual males favorite...“milk'n the melons”

don’t worry…i’ll get to “MY PEOPLES” poetic titles soon enough

(FYI…i don’t believe in disclaimers…it cuts down on the traffic…so if yer old enough to open my world up…yer old enough to know better…and if yer easily offended by offensive imagery...well...can't say i didn't warn ya)

so where was i…oh yea…how it will benefit…or better yet…justify your existance and wash away yer delusionally warped thought process if you knew i actually committed unnatural acts on some cookie cutter c*nt of your choice? (hey...at least i stratigically placed an * there)

let's go back in time and see where it all went horrifically wrong...

i never got the ‘birds~n~bee’s” story grow’n up in my household…

i just remember my dad as being this fun love’n…hard work’n grizzly bear…

provide’n for his cubs (at this point there was only 6 in the den…2 more would be crawl’n about the follow’n years to close out the 70’s)

and mama bear...

barely try’n to keep her sanity in the insane household of diaper rashes and dirty clothes

our moderately priced 19 inch zenith black and white television

mainly consisted of shows like M*A*S*H…

The SONNY and CHER SHOW…

ALL IN THE FAMILY…

The JEFFERSON’S…

and who could forget the girl who could turn the world on with her smile

(those born since the new millennium are exempt)

we grew crops…

fed chickens…

and went to church most sundays

i hadn’t been touched inappropriately by a man of the cloth…or had any "THORNBIRDS" thoughts

i don't recall being strapped to my high chair and shown “boom chickie wow wow” movies involve’n steamy man-on-man action

by one of the many cousins that used to babysit me...

nor was i subjected to endless tap dance’n classes

i pretty much knew what tripped my trigger at the tender and supple age of 5…i can actually pin point where it all began...when fingers found flesh and my palm pilot was ready to take off!

i remember flipp’n thru the back of my mom’s jc penny catalogues in the bedroom i shared with 3 of my brothers and completely ignored the cross my heart advertisements

and went straight (ironic huh?) for the Jim Palmer underwear ads

(this was the actual ad i believe)

i would get to relive my fascination with the full male formation when we moved into our new house on 4th st and i seen my first full man on woman porn at the still tender (but already impressed) age of 13 while visit’n my cousin’s console tv with 2 of my siblings one summmer afternoon...and know'n the only thing i wanted to do to the nekid woman in the movie was back comb her hair a bit more (let me clarify...it was above her shoulders...and NOT below her boulders)

all my brothers and my sister are

live'n their naturally born lives...and are as happy as married couples can get...but you and i are aware there are sexually suppressed married couples live’n in denial due to societies standards and ignorance as a whole (thankfully times are a change’n though)
https://outfront.wufoo.com/forms/oppose-discrimination-in-the-constitution/

but that’s not my problem…i never ordered those “issues” and have cancelled my subscription to others who’ve tried to sign me up to their membership

so there ya have it kittens…looks like society or the entertainment industry as a whole had nutt'n to do with my sexually flavored behavior…but if yer STILL not convinced i'm happy just the way i am…then FINE!

How do YOU know you don’t like a tooth chipper…

or a sword swallower...

perhaps a thick piece of meat (cut or uncut)

choke’n the back of yer throat…or better yet...

remove’n yer lungs?

maybe tea bagg’n is more yer taste?

punch'n into Charlie and the Chocolate factory can be entertain'n…

as long as the factory is cleaned out of course

in conclusion…i was born a happy non heterosexual child
(for the most part)

who happens to like cock

but this alone does not define me as a person just wait'n for someone to chant my name...while jump'n off a cliff

stop with try’n to convert…indoctrinate…pass judgment or strip us of our dignity (without slipp'n a dollar in the ol' g-string first) whom you think is live’n in sin...since me and a large population of non-heterosexuals are not doin it to you
https://outfront.wufoo.com/forms/x7x2q5/

i can admit though...i've been around those who think they can and make it their mission in life to try to convert...but really...if they have any indication of interest...it's probably a good guess that they haven't cancelled their subscription...so...game over!

so if you are a male who’s doesn’t like COCK…

or a female who doesn’t like PUSSY…

then i suggest you eat what’s on yer own plate…and quit try’n to force feed others and just get off my dress and go to Bryant Lake Bowl !

(ps…for all those big kittens out there disappointed the graphic imagery was a bit of a disappointment…i got lil kittens out there read’n my column as well…so grab yerselves some quarters and go see a movie perv!)