THE STRANGEST THINGS

37 years and a mule ago after british babe CATHERINE BUSH dropped 

her hit single "RUNNING UP THAT HILL" fer the gen X'ers of the Mtv generation in 1985 where it only peaked at #30 on the billbore'n charts...an unexpected resurrection has occurred make'n KATE's bush beat the current competition of crap out there by turn'n her hit into the shit once again...race'n back up the charts this time to #1 in the UK and Australia and #5 in the US...owe'n much gratitude to her new found popularity from the whiney "wokers" with a weak backbone i mean non verbal social media clubbers of the gen Z'ers 

and Winona Ryder fans...like myself

thanx to the 4th installment of some lil upside down show...

and a feisty lil red head jammin' to her hit on her casio walkman!

so there i was one afternoon o.d'n on the tik taky's and insta hater reels

each one try'na out do the next with the oddest 15 second video overlay'n it with MISS BUSH's beats and it made me stop and think of the strangest things i've encountered in my very own upside-down existence like the time i stopped down one sunday funday years back to some over priced eatery in downtown Minne-Apple with a group of gaggers fer some shots of jaggers and nibbly's

i was warned by one sassy stalker in my group that they don't allow hats 

to be worn inside their establishment...however i'm here to tell you that this throat plunger don't play that game and simply explained to the halitosis hostess who reiterated and hated on my head piece that was keep'n my follicley challenged farm from the blister'n heat "that's fine but do you tell ALL cancer patients to remove their wigs?" to which she politely replied "hold on...let me ask my manager"

my groupies stood their in complete disbelief and couldn't believe that i 

thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe just told the simply dressed under paid door monitor that i had cancer...i immediately snapped back "i said no such thing Mary...on the contrary...i simply implied would she tell cancer patients to do the same? if she wants to interpret that as me have'n some incurable disease...well...whos' really to blame? me fer simply ask'n a simple question or her inability to enforce some racist profile'n bullshit?" a minute later we were shuffled inside single file and all was right in the world once again 

we ended up bein' seated at a big round booth in the back next to the  

kitchen...directly across from the Real Housewives of Raytown emergency blue rinse bingo luncheon as i 'm sure not to cause any sorta Jerry Springer smack-down with the barely there audience that exhaust'n afternoon over my deliciously dastardly hat deception...however i didn't care...we were seated and served like any other normal thirsty mongrel with a full purse of benjamins to blow as we continued on with our blissful unabashed banter...that is until i over heard some diabetic Iola Boylan bunion model at the table next to us ask the waitress "why is that young gentleman wearing a hat in here?" to which the waitress replied with a smile "he's got cancer!"

BUTT wait...there's more

the next strangest thing that i have ever had the last'n displeasure of bein 

engrained into my memory banks was bein offered to invest in what i was told was a very niche' market the very first time i was officially date'n my X steroidal Heman in my 30's while i was in between jobs of look'n and blow'n...somehow the topic got onto underwear...specifically his...more specifically...well lemme make this "brief"

with the downward spiral durin' the age of the dot coms in the early 2000's

my steroidal steak and eggs X i called Heman (button yer lip...that's was the last and only time i have ever used a lame ass nickname) anywho'zll'ding...he told me about these muscle worshippers online from around the globe who would pay him handsomely if they could use his undergarments as a surgical mask and even more so if he would "decorate it" with his dinner

now listen...everyone had there kinks and fetishes and if yer legally over 

the age of 18 and it's totally consensual...i say FUCK IT! just go fer it...regardless what others may think of the kink or of you...with that said...i just gotta say...who in their ever luv'n santa claus fuck'n mind would ever spend money from nana's change purse to bid on a pair of bean burrito basted bvd's from some buffed puff in Boise... 

while they mastered their own universe with a bidd'n war online? 

then of course there's that pend'n case recently where some maxi padder 

alleges that in 2017 in a 2014 hyundai genesis nonetheless that she contracted a STD from her DILF and expects the insurance company to hand her a cool 5mill fer her troubles...ummm if she actually gets this payday someday then i want a retroactive payout fer my experience in 1992 where some Dirk dickslinger who wrangled me into the back seat of his 1987 busted out brown bronco after a difficult nite at the park doin things that would frighten fish and 3 days later i ended up have'n to shave my muffin down to the roots cuz apparently he gave me his family of crotch crickets who started perform'n a damn Wringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey act out on my nether regions

lastly is the advice i was give'n by many in regards to my humbled abode

plans fer my retirement home...now my head (which was never an issue with anyone from what i've been told) has always been forever romantisize'n about a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom tin canned tornado terror in the middle of nowhere thanx to my very 1st ever crush Joe Brabbit from the 6th grade who invited me to a sleep over at his dad's trailer one weekend

we constructed a gigantor fan fort...cuddled inside our sleeping bags (yes it was plural pervies) play'n donkey kong on the miniature arcade machine i got from our old neighbors the Cudahy's fer an xmas prez til the wee hours of the morn'n...sipp'n on shasta's while dream'n of play'n with his donkey dong (hey my hormones were start'n to blossom) 

then all of a sudden i heard "YOU CAN'T HURRY LOVE" by Phil Collins play'n on his Mtv 

so i DIANA ROSS'd my ass back to reality real quick like!

nonetheless i've always found it strange when someone in the realty world

needs a reality check from me when they try and convince me of the unbenefits from own'n a trailer...like the simplest fact that when mother nature decides to toss a fit...ummm REALLY? cuz i believe Dorothy lived in a modest 3 bedroom bungalow on her aunt and uncle's farm so yer skate'n on thin ice with that argument 

then they try to convince me that the resale will be a waste of time as i will 

not recoup ANY investments i may have poured into it and try to convince me a condo might be more of a sound investment for me (here we are again) ummm  REALLY? cuz if i plan on this bein' my last rest'n place to enjoy my "MURDER SHE WROTE" marathons while sipp'n my metamucil martini's and enjoy'n a creamy caramely worthless originals from time to time then why in the fiddler's fuck would i want a 30 year mortgage that the bank will most likely repossess before i kick the can?

or is it because you just wanna win a round of tic tac dough so you can enjoy yer yer tacky tiki drinks in Taiwan with yer con-vince'n?

everyone paves their own path in this life and i let them live it the way 

that they wanna live without turn'n into some judgmental judy however i like my organs in my body to give two shits about chromed brushed appliances with a bird's eye view of downtown hookers and heroin addicts so in close'n...you eat yer carrots yer way and i'll eat them mine!

and cuz i'm not gonna stay complicit and silent on reproductive issues

fer anyone even though they may have no physical bear'n on my supple and plump behind personally…

FUCK THESE EGREGIOUSLY HYPOCRITICAL REGURGITATED PURITYRANICAL CASPER BASTURDS and their DIABOLICALLY MONSTROUS SMUG OBSERDITY and ANY of those who do believe their rule'n was on point...you are 100% complicit with RAPE...INCEST...MEDICAL WELL BEING OF THE BIRTHING PORTAL and want a GILEAD nation…P-E-R-I-O-D!

bann'n the constitutional rights of uterine walls that they've fought for fer almost 50 years is beyond absofuckinlutely insane just fer the simple fact that all these callous CASPER crusaders talk'n out of their blown-out anal entrances vomit'n that it's "murder"  are so full of sanctimonious shit that

if you smacked any of them...they'd simply fuck'n splatter all over their biblical blouse of bullshit cuz once the lil puke buckets are born and the unbiblical chord is cut they will soon be abandoned and fergotten like Amber Heard's career...then all of these ass scratch'n puritanical pabst blue ballers and twisted subservient twats who had the frontal lobes of their brain removed by their own knitt'n needles will whine relentlessly about these pink eye paraders live'n off the system instead of putt'n any sorta energy and resources into fund'n enough aid fer those unfortunate unwanted tater tots especially if they're bequeathed with special needs and other inept disabilities at birth...or any sorta safety net fer single maxi-padders and poor families that are just try'na make the bare minimum to survive 

or safe foster care/adoption so the lil inch worm rodeo wranglers don't have to take their school field trips to the red door clinic and get antibiotics fer a lunch snack and wash them down with their tutti fruity juice box...

overturn'n ROE vs WADE had absofuckinlutely nothing to do about bein' pro-life at all with these tiresome tyrannosaurus zealots...it's just fuck'n hypocrisy to save their seething self-righteous soul at it's core!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

FANN'N THE FLAMERS

what a weeks it's been...with the heat index rise'n up like a fickle phoenix 

from the proverbial flames make'n it as hot as a hooker at a hootenanny ho-down in Havana...i finally broke down and ran to the $1.25 store and picked up a roll of leftover Lilo and Stitch duct tape from 10 years ago to MacGyver up my air condition'n unit in the live'n room window to give me some much needed relief in my briefs...sweat'n like a banshee in the Bermuda Triangle while listen'n to my Connie Francis 45 collection and thankfully 45 minutes later it was up and runn'n make'n it feel like i was kick'n it down the frozen food section of the Piggly Wiggly in my Holly Hobby flannel nitey with the butt cut out

last time i remember it bein this hot out was when i woke up one morn'n 

barely able to see thanx to some overly active Tom of Finland buff puff daddy bouncer in his early late 40's with a loaded throat plunger who i met via the phone lines right after i purchased my 1st set of wheels in my late early 20's who decided to use my mug as target practice and splatter my face like a semi automatic paint ball gun give'n me a bad case of glaucoma or somethin' like that so i immediately popped in the shower then on down to the neighborhood Pearle Necklace Vision to purchase a pair of goggles with detachable windshield wipers fer the next time and it made me think of the recent heated moments reek'n havoc across the country try'na celebrate PRIDE

let's begin with the whole read'n rainbow incident that happened recently

at a public library in the San Francisco Bay area which treated a bunch of kids with their parents to story time by local drag personality PANDA DULCE who's been host'n the event since 2017 when they were rudely interrupted by a parade of anally unfuckable cool ranch dorito maniacs with spermicidal issues try'n to teach the audience what happens to yer brain when you eat too much glittered paste and huff on one too many of those fruit flavored magic markers at an early age

of course leave it to some dick lesion in the sunshine state Tony the teeny weeny Sabatini who's propose'n legislation to basically terminate a parents parental rights if they are caught take'n their own children to a drag show and slap em with a felony...cuz you know...things like gun legislation and vote'n rights issues are peanuts in comparison though it’s probably cuz he's been bitter ever since he was never crowned in the Miss Tight Ass Titty Queen 2015 competition

whether it's cuz these insecure closet cases are beat'n off in a bathtub

full of holy water to their fav-o-rit sonnets from that ancient comic book by CASPER while slurp'n down a big gulp of communal wine or not...these GOP dick nazi's and their unnecessarily barbaric anti-gay bills that they're try'na push into laws across the country WILL NOT automatically turn their little puke buckets into pole dance'n dick lickers or clammy capers just cuz they learn a lil about people like OSCAR...QUENTIN or VIRGINIA

SERIOUSLY...if that's their lame logic then i would'a ended up just like them...yer typical all american schlitz malt liquored pot pie'd prize fight'n ass pimple 

after i became a beauty school drop-out!

BUTT there's more...

if you thought that was as painful as purple polka dotted palazzo pants

in Paducah Kentucky...image bein a part of these anally intrigued PROUD BOYS who were recently demasked and demoralized after their pix were published plott'n to "party" at some Idaho PRIDE event 

and outed by the Couer d'Alene police along with their names (in case you wanna...you know...FB 'em fer a comment or ask 'em to be yer +1 at the next VFW jitterbug championship try-outs) that was unfortunately foiled by a concerned ferry trapper keeper who caught them all pile'n into the back of a U-haul dressed in khaki's with shin guards and smoke grenades'... 

however without a disco ball...a barrel of spermicidal lubrications...personalized fans or any other sorta homosexual irony

though of course now we F-I-N-A-L-L-Y know who is behind all those blank profiles on Grindr!

in cuntclusion...i wish there was a way that we could all just cum together 

to celebrate with all those non homosexuals who feel heavily disenfranchised...shunned by society daily and meticulously murdered monthly without any sorta sadistic reprehensible ritualistic repercussions in some savory savoir flaire fashion more than just the 365 days that they already have to celebrate without persecution...however until another day is invented...may i suggest if you ever wanna stop "US" from infiltrate'n yer schools...yer tv shows...yer hair salons...yer over priced restaurants or yer back alley pool halls...perhaps try jamm'n yer junk in a light socket "Jonathan's" and blow'n yer box apart with a bunch of bottle rockets "Bernice's" cuz that's the ONLY way yer ever gonna rid the planet of "US" kittens since it takes 2 of you to make millions of "US"!

HAPPY PRIDE & puhleez Jesus...Mary Kate and Ashley Simpson on a flakey graham cracker crust...GET OFF MY DRESS!

ATTA'BOY!

who in their right mind left the den when the DUKE boys BO & LUKE

put their family jewels on full display in their painted on jeans every time they slid across the General Lee on friday nites in the 80s? i know i wasn't the only one out there want'n both Dukes to pillage thru their tight lil hazzard county (so don't act like some innocent on-licker kitten...cuz yer taint ain't!)

perhaps bein' the ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL cream cheesed fill'n forced between a JUDD NELSON and EMILIO ESTEVEZ breakfast club sammich was more titillate'n to yer taste buds...

 or play'n with all the balls of the wild boys from DURAN DURAN as they spit roasted you relentlessly on their yacht thru the caspian seas til they plastered yer face like a Jackson Pollock paint'n

BUTT...however...

there was only one boy that molested my bedroom walls durin' the 1980's

which of course was the only BOY that mattered to me (at the time)

beginn'n his illustrious musical journey as LEIUTENANT LUSH in the new 

wave band BOW WOW WOW along side ANNABELLA LWIN was very short lived with just 2 live performances nonetheless that was the catalyst to form the biggest new wave band that dominated thru-out the 80's with their infectious reggae pop sound

with BOY GEORGE turn'n 61 on june 14th and back out on the road once

again with CULTURE CLUB (click here fer dates) and it bein PRIDE month and all...i figered i'd countdown my fav-o-rit over-looked top 10 gayest solo gems from the biggest gemmiest solo gay in the biz (according to google)

#10 TENSE NERVOUS HEADACHE    BOYFRIEND        HIGH HAT

start'n with a 3way tie first released in 1988 then followed by 2 more releases in 1989 this ménage 'a trois basically used the same photo shoot manipulate'n each cover slightly with every one contain'n extra tracks you couldn't get on the others...force'n you to buy all 3 to satisfy yer crave'n...my favs bein the the jamacian feel of "KIPSY" on #1 the sexually charged charm of "GIRLFRIEND"  on #2 and the tongue-and-cheek dance beats of "DON'T TAKE MY MIND ON A TRIP" on #3

#9 SWEET TOXIC LOVE 

released in 1992 with his new band "JESUS LOVES YOU" that he formed under his new label MORE PROTEIN (you do the math) this was an EP contain'n only 2 songs with 2 remixes...dripp'n in gorgeous religious indian acoustics on "SWEET TOXIC LOVE" and the dance floor delights of "AM I LOSING CONTROL"

#8  THE UNRECOUPABLE ONE MAN BANDIT

released in 1998 this was BOY's 6th studio album filled with everything from acoustic...pop rock...demo's and political punches like "GI JOSEPHINE" and "SHE WAS NEVER HE" and rock'n remakes like DAVID BOWIE'S "SUFFRAGETTE CITY" among many others

#7 THE DEVIL IN SISTER GEORGE 

released in 1994 this is a MUST HAVE EP fer any BOY fan with thee best garage reggae euro house hits BOY had ever released at the time...rework'n the beats to his massive CULTUTURE CLUB hit "MISS ME BLIND" and the kaleidoscopic colored gravitational pull of "GENERATIONS OF LOVE"

#6 SWALLOW ME

released in 2002 this fuck'n unbelievably obscure underground dance record see's BOY goin under another pseudonym THE REAL FEMINEM which rapper M.C SPEE lent his vocals on along with a sample from the king of pop's "BILLIE JEAN" and spoken words from the great DIVINE...this tune was a venomously twisted and hilariously shade one off to Eminem's "FOLLOW ME" at the time

#5 YUM YUM

released in 2004 under the altered ego THE TWIN which was heavily inspired by the late great LEIGH BOWERY contain'n one after another of thee best electroclash toe tappers durin' the scene at the time with gems like "HERE COMES THE GIRLS" "SANATISED" and "FIRE-DESIRE" that featured Avenue D

#4 ORDINARY ALIEN (THE KINKY ROLAND FILES)

released in 2010 this album contained killer remixes of tunes he previously released on myspace to youtube from 2001-2009 with brilliant beats like "TURN 2 DUST" and "LOOK PON U" include'n an amaze'n dance cover of FLEETWOOD MAC's "GO YOUR OWN WAY"

#3 COOL KARAOKE VOL. 1

released in 2021 this was the much needed surprise album and the perfect distraction we desperately yearned for from the planets pandemic runn'n amuck...dropp'n his 1st single with a judo champ/dancer/singer/actor and hot fuck'n slice of challah ASAF GOREN on "RAINBOW IN THE DARK" also duet'n with 80's blonde bombshell alumni KIM WILDE on "NAME AND NUMBER" that also includes the stunn'n mellow dramatics of "WHAT WOULD YOU CALL UNREASONABLE" and the polychromatic uplift'n pulses of "OUTSIDE THE BOX"

#2 THIS IS WHAT I DO

released in 2013 this would become BOY's 1st full length album with all new recordings since 2010...his matured soulful voice is unmistakably present accompanied by powerful lyrics which are never lost on the title track "KING OF EVERYTHING" with "PLAY ME" hooked to dub steps work'n once again with rapper MC SPEE and "FEEL THE VIBRATION" that invokes a much deeper vocal and considerably darker lyrics about the Arab spring march'n fer basic human rights while dodge'n bullets...it also includes a throaty cover of YOKO ONO's "DEATH OF SAMANTHA" end'n with the bubbly toe-tapper "TURN ON A LITTLE LIGHT FOR ME"

#1 CHEAPNESS AND BEAUTY

released in 1995 BOY's 5th solo album is his most personal and most underrated LGBTXYZPDQ of his career where he no longer had to alter his lyrics to appease the radio audience since it coincided with his autobiography "TAKE IT LIKE A MAN" from the glam rocker dedicated to his bff MARILYN "GENOCIDE PEROXIDE" the country pop pride parade of "SAME THING IN REVERSE" to his emotionally haunt'n vocals backed by bleed'n cinematic strings on "IL ADORE" this album definitely deserves a re-release in today's homo climate...it also includes the killer rock'n remake of IGGY POP and DAVID BOWIE's tune "FUNTIME" 

there you have it kittens...there are many many more hits that didn't make 

this list like the top shelf tequila "MEXICAN WAVE" and featured on PETE TONG and HER-O's 70's throwback to the Studio 54 hay daze "SYMPHONY OF YOU" but are just as worthy of purchase'n...download'n or stream'n with yer finger tips tap dance'n across to yer fav-o-rit media outlet...here's wish'n BOY GEORGE a beyond brilliant 61st and anxiously wait'n fer the next release to click my cha cha heels to!

to all you twatters follow BOY on TWITTER

to all you FB'ers follow BOY on FACEBOOK

to all you tubers follow BOY on YOUTUBE

now GET OFF MY DRESS!