Showing posts with label FIRST AVENUE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FIRST AVENUE. Show all posts

Monday, July 25, 2022

CRY ME A RIVER

i'm pretty sure we've all heard that story about the lil boy who cried wolf 
everyone's on his side til she finally pulls that proverbial string on their bucket of bullshit and all hell breaks lose...today they come in many forms from the attention seekers to the attention defecater's and eventually they all burn out and burn their bridges of any credibility they may have once had

recently comic guru DAVE CHAPELLE got the bucket poured all over him
hours before he was set to do his set at the infamous club FIRST AVENUE in the Minne-Apple thanx to a handful of sensitive salamanders with no sense of humor that picketed his sold out show which only added fuel to his comedic fire when it was moved into my old stomp'n grounds at the VARSITY THEATER in dinkytown 
all cuz his alleged hate fer the trans community in regards to late trans comedian DAPHNE DORMAN from his Netflix special "THE CLOSER" which i've seen a few times and all of it was blown completely out of proportion fer those seek'n to make splashy bait and switch headlines on their social media accounts
of course the militant whiners stomped their hooves in a temper tantrum by deface'n the Varsity with graffiti when DAVE wasn't cancelled...show'n exactly where their mentality level really is at!

though DAVE is not the only one feel'n the bruntage of the cuntage causes
lately...Disney recently decided it will no longer call their bibbity bobbity boutique clients "fairy godmothers in train'n pants" instead christen'n them "fairy godmother apprentices" to be more "inclusive" as they say...seriously though...who in the fairytale fuck do they think they're kidd'n...it's a market'n scheme to bow down to the whiney wokers while add'n more hidden charges to yer bill

now if you really wanna get yer britches in a bunch...why not focus all yer
anger towards somethin' more plausible like this political pussy JOSH HAWLEY who stoked up the lobotomized kool-aid drink'n dipshits with a fist bump of solidarity cause'n chaos on the nations capitol last jan 6th
then the feckless fucktard was caught on security camera's moments later runn'n faster than Lindsey Graham to an after hours party at a downtown DC gloryhole when the Wal-Mart beauty bunions breeched the barriers and made their way inside the capitol reek'n havoc everywhere
though the only real crime at the last jan 6th committee meet'n was why didn't Liz or Adam post that CLARK KENT look'n seat filler grindr’s profile in the ticker down below?

the LGBTXYZPDQ+ hard core militants are really ruin'n it fer everyone 
else in the alphabetty soup...whether you've transitioned or not...whether you wanna be referred to as they/them or not…whether you choose not to comprehend the distinction between humor and hate etc...WE ALL need to tiptoe thru the tulips or 2 lips (depend'n how you butter yer bread) 
and laugh at ourselves collectively at some point in order to get thru this thing called life...i whole heartedly agree when someone refers to ANYONE in a malicious...derogatory and or dangerous manner that puts ones life in jeopardy ect...by all means call them out on it and press charges if need be…
not everyone is entertained by a see'n a polished dick in a Dior with hair jacked up to jesus and my advice to them is THEN DON'T FUCK'N GO!
BUTT...that ain't all

trans people need to learn not to get all butt hurt and pull out their claws 
when someone in their own community has zero interest in anything more than just a simple casual conversation with them online or at the bar without bein' called insecure or prejudice just cuz they want nothing more than that...EVERYONE likes what they like sexually/emotionally P-E-R-I-O-D! also...words like "tranny" and "she mail" only became derogatory after it was perfectly acceptable fer the 1st 5 seasons on that popular scripted series all cuz of the new muff militia (yes i'm pull'n out the "my good friend is an actual tranny" card and play'n it at this point cuz she is not offended by the word) you seriously need to pick yer battles and this is not one of them kittens!

i mean seriously...i was talk'n with a friendly reminder recently who had
brought up a good point...the great spanish flu of 1919 had absofuckinlutely nothin' to do with Spain in the slightest nonetheless it's still referred to as just that though how many spaniards do you see bawl'n  their eyes out and brand'n their pitchforks at us in the streets? perhaps we outta just give them reparations fer the past 100 years and call it even steven huh?

there is ALWAYS room fer improvement with ANYONE...however not 
everyone will get on the bus yer drive'n if yer just gonna be speed'n thru town like a mental case sipp'n on mylanta nor remember where the hell it even stops if they do from time to time so take a chill pill "Jill" and just take em fer the ride yet pay attention to the road signs "Reggie"...you can't erase history any more than you can rewrite it

i wanna be introduced as the unintentionally internationally unknown
perform'n illusionist of my own universe (i know that's a mouthful...you can ask him) whenever i walk into a crowded gloryhole convention nonetheless i won't get butt hurt if it does not happen nor will i pull out my poster board...huff my magic markers and call fer a press conference at every entertainers gig i don't agree with...trans are terrific & non binary derry air is just delicious however as much as this new militant humorless degeneration wants to demoralize and chastise ALL those before them...
my i suggest take'n a lil bit of friendly advice from this slightly lightly seasoned sourpuss...i don't make trash...i burn it! don'tcha remember about the sticks and stones? so in cuntclusion...just pull up yer triggered knickers and GET OFF MY DRESS!

Monday, April 25, 2016

PURPLE REIGN

picture it kittens...it's the wintertime...in the year of 1982...
i was in a trance when i 1st heard HIM make his way across the airwaves on our family radio before i had any clue who he was or what he looked like...that sat askew atop our frigid air box...think'n to myself...1999 is like so very very far far away...but i'm buy'n whatever this guy's sell'n!

i was on my plead'n knee's begg'n Joan Crawford the follow'n christmas...
for thee entire cassette tape...so i could bask in and mimic his sexual prowess in the mirror...i mean come on...i was 12 and finally got to witness all the "CONTROVERSY" that winter on Mtv fer the 1st time at my neighbor Tom Babler's house...just as i was learn'n to turn on all those tingly sensations that were runn'n thru-out my fresh nubile body like lighten'n bolts
well christmas would come...but instead of fulfill'n my pathetically whiny pleas that fateful morn'n...as i was open'n my one PRESENT that i hoped was about to come true...i was instead presented with the Fred Mann orchestra performs the hits to Prince's 1999 cassette...with the original Woolworth's price tag barely cling'n on fer dear life after Joan had managed to scratch off the mountain of discount stickers on top of it...as if it were some sorta lottery card...though our heritage is irish...she might as well have been jewish that xmas...needless to say...i was not a happy camper that holiday season...that is all
by 1984...i was hooked on HIM like a hooker to heroin

and to make matters even worse...i couldn't believe when i found out...
that i was actually related to someone who would always be a pseudo celeb in my eyes...that was attached to one of the biggest musical films ever made in the 80's...that bein' my very own spunky outspoken doggie luv'n cuz Shelly...when she got to make an appearance in the open'n scene of  "PURPLE RAIN"...(and she couldn't even sneak me in...HMMMF!...ummm insert laugh here kittens...i was only 13 at the time)...i was beyond excited fer her...but my envy was as thick as the rain forest
i was fortunate enough to finally get to see the "PARTYMAN" live twice in Minneapolis in the 90's...once with my sis-n-laws Kris & Jodie and then again with my good red headed irish tamale Karen

flash forward to 8:30 am last week thursday...
though last nites pizza was still try'na settle in my stomach...i woke to thee most unsettle'n news that morn'n...and my teenage angst years were heartbroken 

so of course..me and my good red headed irish tamale Karen...
decided to pay tribute to the lil Purple Paisley man himself...who chooses to sit alone..."UNDER THE CHERY MOON"...it's the "SIGN OF THE TIMES"...lovesexy and all that jazz...our teenage angst wept in a glass of purple rain in uptown...that unfortunately just tasted more like grape windex...but to mr. bartender's credit...if we it had our way...one of us would've really tried to be with child 9 months later...MEEEOCH!

Minneapolis was in mourn'n...as was the rest of the world that sad day...
but by nite fall...everyone came together to rejoice and honor the man that said "I WOULD DIE 4 U" in droves were it all began...at First Avenue...with a free 3 day tribute dance party til 7 am...to honor the man with the "LITTLE RED CORVETTE"...it truly was a completely surreal experience that i was glad i got to experience with my sis-n-laws Kris and Kim along with my friends Poonani, Karen, Renee, Jen, Malcolm, Fredrick and his kitten Miss Monette and 1000's of other fans til the wee hours of the morn'n
his presence was not only honored in Minneapolis.,..
but also...around the world

from my newly acquired hometown of Minneapolis in 1990...he was a ROCK GOD that single handedly created the Minneapolis sound for the X generation...that i secretly worshiped at least once a month durin' my many road trip car concerts where ever i went...his music and his image helped define not only many of my personality traits...but also helped out many other musical artists thru-out his extraordinaringly mind-blow'n career...that many might not be aware of...

though he wrote the haunt'n ballad that Miss O'Connor had made famous...

 he also wrote the break up rock ballad...
for CYNDI LAUPER

the reason you never wanted sunday to end...
for the BANGLES

the best work-out reason to get away with shawls on a tread mill
co-written for STEVIE NICKS

the drum beat'n fabulousness
for SHEILA E.

and though originally written in 1979...he handed over
for CHAKA KHAN

of course we all remember his cohabitation with one Miss EASTON on...
"U GOT THE LOOK"...but did you also know...PRINCE wanted to "take you somewhere you've never been" inside Sheena's "SUGAR WALLS"

and with his "RASBERRY BERET" hitt'n it in heavy rotation on Mtv... 
and even hard in the charts...he couldn't just stop there...cuz he also collaborated on a duet with the QUEEN on her come'n into her new cocoon album "LIKE A PRAYER" with "LOVE STORY"
there was even talk years ago about a possible world tour with the QUEEN and PRINCE

of course there will be the proverbial flood of "PURPLE RAIN" tears that'll 
be flow'n 4 years 2 come...PRINCE has inspired millions with his music...along with the many humanitarian efforts he performed thru-out his career that he didn't feel the need to broadcast to the world and will always be known as the GOD of eclectic sexually infused R&B funky popp'n rock-n-roll fer me and millions of others...but what can ya do?...i say 2 tears in a bucket...mutha fuck it!..."LET'S GO CRAZY"  and punch a higher floor
thanx fer the years and the tears...this is really what it sounds like "WHEN DOVES CRY" and we will never ever ferget 
honor Prince's musical legacy in Minneapolis

now "GET OFF" my dress!