CONVERSION PERVERSION

ever since the beginn'n of her career...the QUEEN of the dance floor has

pushed and perfected the boundaries of race...religion and freedom of expression with the brain dead basturdized religious right winged freaks call'n her satan while others (myself included) call'n her an absofuckinlute SAINT!

there is no need fer me to vomit the many beyond reasons why "religion"

as a whole...catholicism in particular...is nothing but an archaic misinterpreted scare tactic to suppress and sodomize marginalized "Mary's" in particular...oh don't take that wrong my faithful kittens...if you feel the need to vomit 100 hail mary's or kumbaya's every sunday to feel good about yerself cuz yer bett'n on the tail gate party at the pearly gates when yer time is up...go fer it...that's yer choice and YER CHOICE ALONE!

i won't dicktate nor try to indoctrinate what you outta believe in as long as you stay the fuck outta my backyard as well!

BUTT...it ain't that easy

there are those out there regrettably that are still breath'n among us...

who make it their mission in life to dictate how someone else (particularly the naturally born non heterosexual) should live their life as they see fit (after watch'n this most harmfully perverted and diabolically twisted  doc on Netflix "PRAY AWAY") all cuz of some massive comic book of fanatically insane reinterpreted vomit from 1000's of years ago (supposedly) that they've O.D'd on and how they can change someone's naughty parts from exercise'n those deviously devilish delights...to stay on the path of righteousness by rebuke'n those erectionally engorged regrets just fer the sake to fill their piggy banks regardless of what it may do to the person's mental...emotional and psychological state of mind...particularly in teens and trans

religion as a whole has been decline'n as fast as KAYNE's and the careers

of the KANKERSOURDASHIANS...with 2 million less practice'n in that ancient ceremonial clown production and nationwide infants marinate'n in dirty bath water down by roughly 40% (thanx fer the 411 google) 

trust me...if i knew now what i didn't know then...i'da probably worn that

communal robe with the butt cut out...however...though many other alter boys got to cash out years later bankrupt'n many churches...the priest that sang off key every sunday at my congregation all of a sudden decided to get picky so i ended up loose'n out on my 401K payout...thanx alot asshole!

it wasn't until this year in 2021 in my homo state of Minnesnowdah

that the ancient practice of "conversion therapy" was finally banned from the books and unfortunately there are only 23 other states that have followed suit bann'n this dysfunctionally harmful brain wash'n jamboree from their books with the Jersey Shore bein the 1st state to do so in only 2013

nonetheless...leave it to the J.O.N.A.H chapter of New Jersey to try and slide under the radar until they were hit with a hefty fine to the sum of $3.5 million 

the A.M.A...the A.P.A...the C.I.A...and SIA have all condemned this insane

practice of conversion/reparative therapy as destructive and completely ineffective and totally reprehensible...if there's ANYONE that's gotta change their "choosen lifestyle" since you choose yer religion and not who you nut on or in...

it's all these neanderthalic nutcases cuz "CASPER's" son never once spoke about convert'n anyone to yer diabolically perceived and perverted train of thought...so basically if we ain't fuck'n you and you ain't fuck's us...then why then fuck do you care who we fuck? cuz we sure as shit don't care who you fuck!

besides CASPER crusaders try'n to dictate their mentalness onto the non

heterosexual population...NOW these beyond sanctimonious side-wind'n basturds in the long horned up southern state of TEXASSES are try'n to be the spring board fer other repuglicunt states to follow suit by slowly disseminate'n and dictate'n to the female population as to what THEY CAN and CANNOT DO to their own reproductive organs and offspring's by shove'n thru the bill SB8 that they unfortunately passed last week 

without a damn serenade from the SUPREME's...

regardless of consensual...incest or rape fornication after 6 weeks when most women don't even realize they got a puke bucket eat'n away at their innards...

basically turn'n yer everyday ordinary tin cap wear'n CASPER crusader'n fucknut into vigilante terminators that would cash in with the courts fer a cool 10g's and court costs if they catch ANYONE who helps out or performs the abortions etc from the the receptionist at the clinic...the Uber drivers to family members who take them to their final decision...to the avon lady give'n them advice at the tupperware party to ultimately the doctor...putt'n each one in financial ruin eventually...provide'n they win the case

didn't you petrified puritanical zealots learn ANYTHING in CCD class?

Alex...i'll take "JUDAS & JESUS stapled to a tree" fer a $1000 pleez!

luckily LYFT ain't fuck'n play'n around with this militant divinty bullshit!

i think Miss Bernhard said it best in her smash off broadway one woman 

show back in the early 90's "and i'll tell you something else...i've erased the word "supportive" from my vocabulary...i mean it's hard enough for me to get behind organized religion let alone a course in miracles and if you want to go to the Ashram and chant...FINE...but i'm not going with you 

and while we're being really honest here...now that we're not together...here's her number...call MADONNA and fuck the bitch and while you're at it...FUCK MARTIKA!" (and that is a direct quote kittens) have truer sentiments ever been muttered i ask you?

FINE fuckturds...you wanna say a woman has ZERO POWER over her

 personally owned reproductive system regardless how they fell on yer pathetic pulsate'n semen serpent then how about this...they carry it to term on yer terms...H-O-W-E-V-E-R...then YOU and YOU ALONE are responsible fer feed'n...burp'n...clothin' and take'n that burden to their therapist twice a week until they turn the age of 18!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

YOU NEED MOORE!

if there is one thing you seriously need to do before you vote on nov 6th...

whether yer already decided or undecided or don't feel the need to bother...or are just a lobotomized brain dead gimp that believes in the vomit spillage from the mentally deranged lie'n sack of pig shit currently disgrace'n the oval office...

GO SEE MICHAEL MOORE'S BEYOND BRILLIANT MOVIE...FAHRENHEIT 11/9 now play'n everywhere...

put aside yer political affiliation...

put aside yer religious beliefs...

put aside yer yearly income bracket...

put aside yer hatred fer MICHAEL MOORE...

(even if you NEVER ONCE watched any of his previous brilliant works of cinematography)

do you care about ANYONE opposite yer own race!?

do you care about ANYONE opposite yer sexual taste? 

do you know ANYONE in a lower income bracket than yer own?

do you know ANYONE affected by disease now or in the past?

do you know ANYONE with a child?

do you know ANYONE who is or was a teacher?

can you think of ANYONE besides yerself and yer own personal future?

THIS MOVIE ANSWERS THOSE ?'s

now get off my dress...and go!

num yo ho...oh no!...really?

i've always wanted to ride around the midnite skies on a broomstick...

half that wish came true...now if i can only learn how to fly...HA!

to be part of some sorta coven of cackle'n colostomy carry'n tea baggers

one of my all time fav-or-it shows i used to watch as a small child when i would visit my grama’s house that dealt with cast'n spells and conjuration...

i'm talk'n about the original witch series from the 60's

and not that piece of refried crap-o-rama version...

that the new millennium non verbal communicative generation ignored

starr’n Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha Stevens…

the perfect suburban housewife…who just happens to be a witch!

and her flamboyantly colorful spit-fire of a mother...Endora

with her flame red locks...electric blue shadow and egyptian eyeliner...no self indoctrinate'n queen over the age of 80's Molly Ringwaldness would live without when they wanted to camp it up fer the nite

and how could you ferget the lilest witch of them all…Tabitha

the original Olsen Twin 

(don’t feel like a total anal wart…i only found out Tabitha was played by twins while doin' research fer this very important and extremely educational blog)

then of course there were those 3 bad ass witches from Eastwick

but the most famous of all would be the bitchiest witchiest from the west

and her sugar plum saccharinated schoolmate from the northside of town

the QUEEN even played the stylish witch Elspeth in the movie "Four Rooms"

of course who didn't love the self centered SUPREME on AHS...

while all these super natural sisters possess some sorta super natural hocus pocus powers with the twitch of their nose or the zing of their fingers...there was that one period of time during the 1600's...

when it wasn't really in vogue fer them if they were accused of being one

but none of these lovely ladies compares to the hocus pocus i experienced myself a while ago back on a pilgrimage to an open house that i went to...

and before i begin…this is a TOTAL observation on my part…from MY point of view as an innocent on liquor…i mean on looker…at a bullshit BUDDHIST gather'n

but trust me…i’d wish i was on liquor half way thru this rodeo show!

now Buddhism and Hinduism are sorta a cross stitch religion that seek the wisdom more than the worship...but i ain't got time to break them down fer ya...so feel free to wikipedia yer A double snakes away anytime ya want!

to begin...traditionally...a buddhist monk is rapped in like 300 count orange bed sheets from some sorta bed bath and beyond buddha shop...

with a very closed cropped hair style...to cut down on the shampoo bill

to get a better picture in yer mind...think Sinead O'connor...

but with alot less grammy nominations

they have a good eye for the use of bright and cheerful colors...

unlike that other store bought religion that's more torturous on the eyes

but if ya ask me…it’s just like that imaginary pillow factory in the sky that the other religion believes in…only yer on some kinda hocus pocus acid trip

when ya boil em all down in the big melt'n pot of life though…

they basically all just say’n be NICE to everyone!

so of course who hasn't heard of the Tibetan BUDDHA...

(if ya haven't...this is it folks)

then there's KRISHNA...the most popular well known of the Hindu g*ds

think they might have a copyright infridgment lawsuit againt these guys...

pretty much the same look...but with alot less drag

then there's Hanuman...the monkey god...

who i'm sure had somethin' to do with make'n these monkeys...

into a very popular franchise since the 60's

and my fav-o-rit of all gods...is VIRAT SWARUPA...

it's like a poo-poo platter of personalities...it's like yer very own menage a trois..times 10...without all those messy STD appointments!

wasn't Sally Fields portrayal of this one to perfection?

so anywho as i was say'n...i sat thru my 1st session a while back...

(cuz there was no one interest'n in the area)

with a bunch of monks and burbanite raisin ranchers…humm'n and humm'n some hocus pocus chant from some unreadable comic book (shocker!)

when i realized they just sounded like a bunch of gereatrics...

try'n to jump start a jeep parade

then throw in the occasional dinner bell...

which i read no indication in the comic book i couldn't fuck'n understand nor follow in the first place...about when the ring'n of the dinner bell should occur

and you got a very underground version of the Tabernacle Choir...but trust me...the Tabernacle Choir doesn't have to worry about gett'n voted off on the next season of "chant"n with the religious stars" anytime soon

as one of the zombies…i mean chanter's…(and this i cannot confirm nor deny since i chose not to partake in this ritual) passed out some sorta grits and bacon bits to the unmalnourished flock…(GEEZ…what am i think'n) i mean the starve'n space cadets…i’m think’n…i'da wished i hadda V8...

with some stoli in it!...and no where in the program does it state that you are to eat only half…and give the rest as an offer'n to fill the Buddha's belly

now here me out… wouldn't it be more prudent…and far more practical…time wise let's say…if this REALLY needs to be part of the gong show…(i mean ceremonial festivities)…to only let the catatonic crowd take what they need to devour…and leave the rest for the sacrificialess ceremony?

cuz trust me…fer us new comers forced into this atmosphere under false pretenses or those who've gathered cuz they have no clue what to do with themselves religiously…you see someone come’n at you with a plate of…

twigs and berries…i’m sorry…but g*d or no g*d...it's hungry hungry hippo time at this point of the game…let the g*d find his or her own table scraps…i was hungry!

and apparently so was the one sitt'n next to me…cuz when the waiter came

back fer the offer’n…there was none to be had...ummm…sorry charlie!

half the congregation at this point had no clue what page everyone was on after the ceremonial offer'n of the table scraps...and i no longer had zero interest in partake'n in this hocus pocus focus group anymore…and my prayer was answered when someone came in behind me and i generously offered up my seat and made a b-line back to reality

now i may sound like i got a stick up my Vishnu...

but hey……ya never get a second chance to make a first impression...

well…unless of course yer Pete Burns from "you spin me around" fame

but to my credit....i sorta had already dabbled in this once before...
when Boy George was inspired by the hari krishna's and Buddha

back in the early 90's with his short lived band JESUS LOVES YOU

and wrote a complete album of songs with the tambourine players in mind

called "THE MARTYR MANTRAS"..."BOW DOWN MISTER" was sorta the top 10 long distance dedication to the religion

but unlike most organized religions look'n fer hand-outs…from my quick classes via wikipedia…this is the one that seems less about condemn'n non heterosexual man on non heterosexual man action …say'n that ALL sexual gratification will not lead you to the "path of enlightenment"…which is where apparently they wanna go in their next life

upon further exploration though...turns out that the reign’n Dali Lama...

who soon will be reliquish'n his crown…stands by the traditional Buddhists rules about sexuality

that the 69 position...

butt pirate'n...

and shillelagh schlack'n...is forbidden by ANYONE!

well…that leaves me out from ever contribute’n or convert’n to their cause…i’m sorry…but i can find more ways to enlightenment with my rusty ol' right hand!

so in close’n…glad those that do practice this form are less judgmental than most store bought religious brands...but currently i have no plans on join’n this hocus pocus focus group anytime soon either in the future...

kapeesha Ganeesha!

you worship your religion as much as you see fit yer way...

and i'll worship MINE!

practice it without preach'n it…

BUTT...

puhleez...get off my dress!