BUFF 'N' PUFF

i was recently reminded…a while back…”str8 act’n and appear’n” is the new black! (how dr. suess of me and i wasn’t even try’n…i swear)

by that…i don’t mean that african american…african european…african asian or african african (did i leave anybody out?) non heterosexual men are the latest in relationship accessories…hot mixed interracial relationships have been around since Tom and Helen Willis of the Jefferson’s

(that was not meant to be in any way…shape or form…single’n out any ethnicity of any part of the universe)

i am not a complete social retard…i’ve seen Prince like 3 times live and own almost all of Tina Turner’s musical history (stay with me kittens…i will make my point…eventually)

no…what i speakith of…is far more taboo…a rare hybrid sub culture of the non heterosexuals who try and pass themselves off as “STR8” by act’n and appear’n in a way publicly that is perceived by others that they have the ability to completely fool members of their own naturally born non heterosexual race (proud member since 1974…that’s not when i was born…it’s just when i knew) as well as those of the naturally born non homosexual race…just to prove to their narcissistic riddled ego their inability to deal with themselves as a mo’

and in their feebly delusional mind…they also believe they can…get this…sexually turn a non homosexual into a non heterosexual…and that would then be their greatest accomplishment to their entire existence

well…i’m hear to tell you…ya ain’t fool’n no one… let’s keep the “act’n” for the professionally trained....oh kaaaay gurlfriend!

there are many theories of how this sub culture derived :

fake bake’n with a spray tan before goin’ to the beach…Miller beer…the RAM truck or perhaps watch’n all 5 seasons of PRISON BREAK on a loop (one word…WENTWORTH MILLER…meeeouch!)

these are just a few suggestions…there are a merried of theories out there i'm sure

hold up…now before you grab yer picket signs…coon dog and hop in yer monster truck (and by that i mean…work-out purse…pekinese and pontiac grand prix)…i am not suggest’n in the slightest that some of you non heterosexuals out there cruise’n around along the informational highway on yer daily 5 minute break from adam4adam…gaydar…grinder…manc*nt
or whichever social site you choose to cruise for the latest has-been or been-had by half the population…are not just being yerself as you would regardless of who was or wasn’t present

a quick hiccup…for those right wing’n …apocalyptic fear’n…anti-bacterial soap’n…leave-it-to-beaver thinkers who think i or anyone of my naturally born non heterosexual race would CHOOSE to live this way…pick a finger!

think about it…if we didn’t have hetero’s…we wouldn’t have homo’s…if we didn’t have homo’s…we wouldn’t have poppers…if we didn’t have poppers…we wouldn’t have brain damage…and if we didn’t have brain damage…i’d be the only one read'n this right now :)

now…where was i?...oh yes...

i am merely speak’n to the trend of non heterosexuals known as the socially retarded…chemically dependant…emotionally unavailable...self-loath’n…narcissistically rare mo’…otherwise known as the “muscle mary”

in the simplest of terms…a “muscle mary” consists of high maintenance groom’n for a minimum of an hour in front of their bathroom mirror…before head’n to the gym…for another hour of check’n themselves out in the locker room mirror (and who’s check’n them out)…do the usual work-out routine til they break a sweat from check’n themselves out on the gym floor mirror (and who was check’n them out)…pop into the steam room to see what they were serve’n at the cock buffet…then publicly pretend they have no inclination of someone’s existence…because of the other person’s acceptance of who they are…what they do for a live’n…or how they may choose to dress themselves…and whether or not last season’s Prada bag falls outta their mouth everytime they open it and their comfortness level around others in public…or that there is any remote interest in said person…but secretly are the first ones to have their feet stapled to the bedroom ceil’n before you even get the front door closed on some random friday nite!

we hate to be judged…but let’s face it…we all have played judge…jury and prostitution at some point in our life

oops…may have to back-up on that one there…if yer not me (and why would you be) i can sense yer confusion…so grab a ticket and hop aboard the catch-up train and i’ll take ya there…in a minute or so

i am and have always been…mostly…comfortable in my natural born non heterosexual body and mind (though being a guinea pig for those governmental drug studies back in ’93 altered things…just a bit)

i used to be the skinny minny that would get shunned by the hideously delicious muscle mary flock corral’n around in circles at certain downtown non heterosexual entertainment establishments

then one day i joined a gym for personal and mental growth...and all of a sudden the gates flew open…i was accepted as one of the flock

at first i felt like i had made a bad judgment in judge’n the judgers…then i realized…when it was discovered time and time again thru word of mouth within the flock that i was indeed the unintentionally internationally unknown perform’n illusionist of her own universe…KRYSTAL KLEER…i would be shunned once again by the flock in public or on-line …though privately…more than a handful would prostitute themselves for my “ATTENTION” (i’m talk’n about “basement meat”)

too be fair…money was never exchanged…cocktails…cuisine and/or conversation…yes...but never any benjamins!

why did i care what they thought?...why does anyone care what they think?...they don’t! (it’s hurts their brain too much to think…what…with their balls take’n up so much space)

they are not trophies…but a testament to the torment we all felt as an awkward teenager on any given playground try’n to fit in

some were a friend…but that’s come to an end

they’re just an illusion…filled with sadness and confusion

i’m a buff ‘n’ puff…with ALOTTA stuff

yer just a mess…now…get off my dress!