FILL'N IN THE DYLAN

picture it kittens...it's the 9th month on the 6th day of 1970 and the clouds 

up above parted thru the chilly autumn skies with south westerly winds outta the north at 15 miles per hour while down below Joan had parted her legs to the east and west after 9 months and 2 weeks as the world would become introduced fer the first very time to a jaundice ladened pre unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe at 9:06 am that my dad had derivatively named me after his fav-o-rit gun sling'n Roscoe P Coltrane of the wild west...tv's JAMES ARNES as Dodge City's fictional MARSHALL MATT DILLION on the hit western drama series "GUNSMOKE" that ran fer an impressive 20 years from '55 to '75

by 1983...there was a new much more younger though equally as hot non 

 fictional sheriff in town burn'n up the big screen in "THE OUTSIDERS" known to the teenragers of the time as the hot to trot high school hard-on...MATT DILLION 

once the 90's had rolled around...the very popular DILLION name had 

a sorta fictional make-over which was portrayed by the luscious LUKE PERRY portray'n the delicious DYLAN MCKAY as the sizzle to my schinizzle fer 10 fanfuckintastic years til the new millennium on the smash teen drama series "BEVERY HILLS 90210" about high school cliquers deal'n with the hard hitt'n issues of the time like decide'n whether or not to toot around town in their friends cherry red  cabriolet or their parents mulberry wine toyota corolla...which incidentally was played by a bunch of middle aged 20 and 30 somethin's (cuz why not!) 

and ever since she became a tiktok sensation in 2022 document'n her 

amaze'n gender transition...DYLAN MULVANEY has became the new non fictional DYLAN talk of the town with over 1 billion views on her hit video series "DAYS OF GIRLHOOD"

though her career began by portray'n ELDER WHITE in the hysterically 

cheeky musical production of "THE BOOK OF MORMON" written by the brilliantly hysterical creators of SOUTH PARK... 

and the composer of "AVENUE Q" (which is another beyond brilliant ball bust'n production that i've lucked out and seen them both twice...both A MUST SEE when you get the chance...trust me!)

BUTT...let's get back on track

so once DYLAN completed her journey into womanhood the world was her

oyster and DYLAN would go on to appear on a podcast fer ULTA Beauty discuss'n her childhood grow'n up in an ultra conservative family...come'n out as trans and her subsequent transition which of course would eventually put a bee under the bonnet of (you guessed it) the ultra far right repuglicunt fuckertards who i understand live off a very rich diet of glue sticks and religious gonorrhea that of course they would be forced to trend a hashtag boycott'n UTLA Beauty cuz apparently they seen their delusional entity in a slice of moldy wonder bread underneath their unmentionables that commanded them to do so...while they paraded around with their feministic tiki torches claim'n that DYLAN's claims of F-I-N-A-L-L-Y bein happy in her own body as a woman is completely misogynistic...

yea...that's like say'n dumpster trumpster's are the beacon of all things beautifully sacred on this planet while read'n inspirational sonnets from...

the book of Ernest Goes to Colostomy Camp!

now that ANHEUSER-BUSCH the alcoholic inventors behind BUD LIGHT

have choose DYLAN as their spokesmodel fer the month of march madness in hopes to get a slice of her 10 MILLION+ followers on tiktok (along with show'n their support fer more diverse communities than just their typical target taint scratch'n...syphilis infested audience) DYLAN would once again be confronted fer her spokesmodelness

dirty dick cheeser's like anal suppository spokesmodels KID MOCKERY 

and TRAVIS TWITT who think they speak fer most 'mericans everywhere with their combined total of barely there 16 THOUSAND followers on tik tok fer this trans travesty by shoot'n up a case of bud light (that i doubt KID ROCK-BOTTOMLESS-PIT-OF-STUPIDITY doesn't even realize to this very day that ANHEUSER-BUSCH already has his money fer that very case of elephant piss he decided to shoot up in protest) and TRAVIS TWATLESS cancel'n his order of their products at his dwindle'n jamboree's...hmmm...may i suggest KID transition into ADULT ROCK fer a change and grow the fuck up and TRAVIS...well...he's just an angiogram away from retire'n so who really gives a fiddler's fuck what he thinks outside of his halitosed...hootenannied...preparation-H cheerleader swarms who attend his shows

the thing is...ANHEUSER-BUSCH and BUD products have been openly

promote'n and support'n non heterosexual good times every year since 1996 fer gay pride when their 1st slogan was "labels belong on beer...not people" 

and then again after the bill passed fer gay marriage in 2013...so basically these 2 anal leak'n...knuckle dragg'n...past-their-prime...brain dead...mediocre has-been...insecure hemorrhoids (and those try'na jump on their pathetic broken down...busted and rusted bus) have been suck'n on that queer beer fer over 25 years...and you know they milked 'em down to the very last drop…so who you kidd’n?

as if that wasn't enough drown'n in the spotlight...DYLAN would court yet

another apparent appall'n controversial decision later by become'n yet another spokesmodel the fer athletic giants NIKE...sport'n their sport bra's fer women

except this time DYLAN would be met in the box'n ring with worn out...tired and retired olympian maxi-padders CAITLYN JENNER and UK swimmer SHARON DAVIES both call'n fer a boycott of NIKE however…let's be real here…the ONLY reason fer the call to boycott is they weren't asked to model fer NIKE (cuz let's see) ummm...THEY AREN'T A HOT TOPIC anymore...the only thing hot about these bosom bitches these days are the flashes and inconvenient flatulence slippage they're suffer'n thru regularly

puhleez...you ALL combined have no tik tok power here...be gone before

somebody drops a house of common sense on y'all and ruin yer internal hatred for civility!

don't all these mundane menaposers and menopauser's realize that their 

blatant disregard fer those marginalized groups is not where this country is headed regardless of the political policies that are try'n to ban them from exist'n...major companies have used misconstrued "controversial figures" to sell their products since the beginn'n of time...trans people have always been here since the beginn'n of time...they finally just have a bigger voice and way more acceptance thanx to social media and their social injustices!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

CAN YOU IMAGINE!

imagine fer a moment kittens...that you picked the winn'n lottery numbers

in exact order from left to right (include'n the bonus ball) and yer biggest...most frivolous purchase was to the keys that belonged inside Marty McFly's fancy schmancy plutonium fueled wheels...whisk'n yerself away in but a mere blink of an eye to some exotoc...erotic mini vaca to escape all the trials and tribulations from all this current covid crap consume'n yer christmas treason...

would you choose the post modern prehistorical era of the FLINSTONES

 just to be the belle of the ball to show off that beautiful new pearl necklace that you got as a down payment fer all yer future affection from yer bestie...after he gave you that pent up pearl necklace along with some crotch crickets from the nite before?

perhaps a cozy nite kick'n up yer heels with Knights of the Round Table

is more to yer speed...where you could swap yer cattle fer a couple of cocktails at the local Hurry Back Inn

if i hadda pick an era honestly though...i'd really wanna go back to the jolly

jubilant days of the 1950's...just to be best friends with Miss Kitty's beauty mark...to be her "private secretary" in the back room at her saloon and to find out if that really was a gun in Marshall Dillon's pocket or if he was just happy to see me

where tv intoxication was commonly accepted as a priest on a playground!

of course though...if you really wanted to experience the full effect of the

1950's and how it affected the people of the golden era of capitalism...all you'd have to do is pop into any of the local beauty parlors or soda shops and talk amongst the common folk to find out about all the real trials and tribulations that they had to endure...

the follow'n comments are actual conversations from concerned citizens and studious shoppers that i've personally tracked down from nearly 70 years ago...

Mary Beth Brown told Veronica VanWinkle as she was gett'n a snatched

back bitch'n bouffant "oh Veron...i'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more...ever since they let Clark Gable get by with say'n "DAMN" in "GONE WITH THE WIND" it seems every new movie has either "DAMN" or "HELL" in it" Veronica snapped back "well MaryBeth...did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter? and i can't get over how i can't afford to be sick anymore...$35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood"

(anyone order a back alley abortion?...that's all i'm say'n)

down the street at FERRY's barber shop...you can here Abel tell'n his 

fav-o-rit "bowl'n buddie" Arnie "can you believe it Arnie...when i first started driving...who would have thought that someday gas would cost 29 cents a gallon...guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage...and i tell you something else...if cigarettes keep going up in price...i'm going to quit...a quarter a pack is ridiculous" 

(so much fer bump'n shoulders with the elite while you eat and sipp'n on those low balls while he grabs yers at yer fav-o-rit nite spot)

across town...Marcella Tingle tells the friendly bagger at the Piggly Wiggly

that she's been want'n to personally bag herself...as little Suzie stares aimlessly into his oddly shaped padded ass "i tell you one thing Archie...if prices keep going the way they are...it's going to be impossible to buy a weeks worth of groceries for $20 anymore”

(FUCK...there goes yer elegantly coutured wardrobe stash cash you been swipe'n from his weekly paychecks ladies)

think'n of gett'n away with the family fer the weekend after a rough week

at the office? well...why not take a lil advice from Vernon and Connie Miller first as Connie confesses "there's no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend...it costs nearly $15 for a hotel" as Vernon adds his 2 cents worth "thank goodness i won't live to see the day that the government will take half our income in taxes...i sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress"

(make sure he filled out the premium life insurance before you take that off the road...road trip)

just take'n a leisurely walk down main street...i overheard the Erpelding 

brothers...Ernie and Arnold...shoot'n the shit with ol' Bernie Wattembach...who was discuss'n the cost of hire'n help at his biz "geez..if they raise the minimum wage to $1...no one will be able to hire outside help at the store" then Ernie jumped in spill'n about somethin' absolutely insane "i read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century...they even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas" as Arnold chimed in "if they think i'll pay 50 cents for a haircut...forget it!"

(might as well kiss all those Betty Page private show'ns goodbye)

there ya have it kittens....unfortunately times were just as hard 70's years

ago as they are today...well...minus the pandemic and the mentally deranged IMPEACHED FOR LIFE corrupt lie'n cheat'n sociopathetik orange dusted anal warted sack of shit stained venereal pustule...

soon to be removed from the WH!

we all will eventually age like a wretched wine regardless of what decade 

we attach ourselves to...who knows what the future generations will uncover about what we were bitch'n about these days...so buckle up and get with the program kittens and GET OFF MY DRESS!