DALIANCE DILEMAS

picture it kittens...the year was 1996 and hard rock'n alcoholic wives KISS 

had reunited fer the 1st time in their full demonic kabuki war paint want'n to "ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT" by become'n the highest gross'n tour that year 

SALLY FIELD began stalk'n rapey murderer KEIFFER SUTHERLAND 

in the highly intense dark drama "EYE FOR AN EYE"

and CELINE DION's sappy single "IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME" was 

basically KISS's face paint...SALLY and SUTHERLAND's flick and CELINE's song which could best describe just how things went down one hot~n~steamy july nite back then...

BUTT...lemme explain

have you ever had that blissfully embarass'n moment with a hook up that

you'd finally met from the phonelines after a few months of ping pong chitter chatter...where everything seems to be click'n like clock work...as Lil KIM's (feature'n SISCO...why not!) "HOW MANY LICKS" breaks the sound barrier on yer magnavox hi-fi shelf stereo system just as you get to that point of sheer explosive in yer face ecstasy...literally!

where you can feel the bells of Saint Jim Beam...Saint Johnny Walker and Saint Jose Queervo that you made out with earlier in the nite bang'n on yer fuck'n ear drums...

wish'n you'd of worn yer swimm'n goggles to bed only cuz yer "not so gentleman caller" tips his head back at a 45 degree angle popp'n his jaws open like a pez dispenser and lett'n out a boisterous whale like some 6'5 wookie with a throat plunger...

 as he blasts off like skyrockets in flight with buckets full of his afternoon delight (in the middle of the nite) well...suffice it to say...i will dispense with the visuals on yer behalf so my experience doesn't damage yer image of me...however...

let's just say it was like stare'n into a semi straight eye of an enormous sexual backed up Mount Saint Hummer that particular eye-open'n even'n

well..23 years later that story really has absolutely nothing to do with any

of today's off the wall insane asylum babble that i received via text one morn'n recently (i just felt like tip toe'n down memory lane and thought you needed a lil spice in yer life kittens) so any who'z'ill'ding

so there i was last week pull'n the lid off my coffin so i could recharge my 

sanity along with my cell when all of a sudden i received a random unknown text ask'n me "how are you doin?" to which i simply stated "wake'n up...who's this?" that my unknown texter followed up  merely millemoments  later with a "are you horny?" response...

to which i counter his question with a question of my own "AM I HORNY?" hmmm...though i had  hoped my random texter was from irish mchottie COLIN FARRELL and he had F-I-N-A-L-L-Y decided to lift that stupid stalk'n embargo he had put out on me years back when i tried role play'n "PHONE BOOTH" with him...however i had decided after i scraped my supple milky white A double snakes outta bed that this probably indeed wasn't the COLIN i was think'n about after all so i simply replied "not at this very moment mister mystery man though if you bring me an cranberry redbull i'll be ready to do the hokey pokey in a matter of minutes!" 

ps...unless he was some apocalyptic costco banshee who had stock piles in his fall-out shelter...they sadly discontinued my fav-o-rit energy booster in 2020 (which truly saddens me!)

who ever said live'n a life as thee unintentionally internationally unknown 

perform'n illusionist of my own universe was worth the adulation i bet never hadda deal with this bullshit so early in the am hours

as i began to splash on some jean nate' after bath body splash all over my

my supple yet tired milky white flesh just to wake up my tired ass wait'n fer a simple response and literally within a nano second i was hit with a title wave text with no clue who my early morn'n horny toad was so instead of smack'n you with the entire tidal waved text...i figered i'd break it down since you obvious have nothing else to do with yer day but read about about my life:

DAMNNNNNNNN...IT'S NOT COLIN! (i know this cuz bein irish and all he would never spell SHIT...it would be spelt SHITE!)

so the next clue was brutal...which of course made me immediately think of POPEYE's nemesis BLUTO or BRUTUS (depend'n on the year you watched him)

well...well...well...at this point it was gett'n all a lil "MURDER SHE WROTE" bullshit...cuz i still had no clue what shits he had of mine (i've been potty trained since i was roughly 3 after all) and i don't have a storage locker saved up anywhere that i knew of

then i thought why would they say don't call the FBI or the boys in blue...wai'da'minute...i bet this is just Marcella gett'n back at me all cuz i had poly gripped all her panty hose together into a parasol

kitten...PUHLEEZ...if MADONNA had taught me anything...it's that you N-E-V-E-R regret a thing and if you have it...ummm just FLAUNT IT!

oh OK LEX LUTHER...

you got me!

needless to say i had no stamps to comply to his ridickulous request

so GET OFF MY DRESS!

zip yer lip!

remember when a lil purple paisley bucket of pubic hair once said...

"you don't have to be beautiful...to turn me on"

then that "dark lady" with the never end'n farewell tour told us...

"if you wanna know...if he loves you so...it's in his kiss"

nothing says passion more than the interlock'n of a pair of puckers...

swapp'n fornicational recipes....while swapp'n spit...whether yer hung like hot horsemen non hetero's...sick perversions of nature non homo's...or just plain ol' Ellen Degenerates lezbitronix

so a couple weeks ago the Neanderthalic Fundamentalist League...

finally drafted their very 1st OPENLY non heterosexually infused cup of sizzle'n chocolate

 MICHAEL SAM

now just to clarify things....there has been and still is and will ALWAYS BE...many closeted pipe puffers and butt pirates play'n the field...

i mean seriously kittens...who in their right mind can resist those bulge'n...ummm thighs...wrapped in a padded poly blend..sweat'n like a banshee on the beaches of Boca Raton?

now where was i?...oh yea...

so Michael got picked by the St Louis RAMS as a defensive end...pleez kittens hold all snickers and puns...(although they're understandably warranted)...and like ANY player that gets picked on live TV...if they're with their bed buddy...who ever it is...are ecstatic that they finally get a really outlandish paycheck fer the very little work weeks...get all caught up in the moment and do what ANYONE would do in the moment...kiss their luva!

of course this momentous celebration CANNOT be tolerated...

or considered even a celebration...at least that's what this CASPER crusader with her color-me-cat-piss bottle job and cheap Filene's basement blouse said from her cheap seat on the bargain basement knock-off of the VIEW...down in cowtown Texas recently

all up in arms over a simple congratulatory kiss...whine'n that she didn't want it shoved in her face cuz they be non heterosexuals...then patronize'n the audience to make her case by say'n she didn't wanna see non homo couples kiss either...hmmm...but i guess it's perfectly acceptable to be...

kiss'n unknown professionally trained money make'n std shakers live on the air cuz that's COMPLETELY acceptable traditional family values behavior huh?

if you'd like to learn more about this cheap Elizabeth Hasslebeckish...

vaginal wart...may i suggest you pick up her autobiography today

gimme a break you salvationary slut!...it wasn't as if he was give'n his boyfriend a tonsillectomy live on the air...or ramm'n his meaty beef whistle down his boyfriends throat and splatter'n his baby batter all over his lips...

it was just a simple kiss!

you say that ESPN was try'n to make a "SHOCK" moment on a sports channel that many "traditional families" watch with their kids...but ain't ya doin the same thing by turn'n it into a bigger "SHOCK" moment by whore'n yerself out about a simple kiss on any right wing nut program that will let you plop yer sorry disingenuous ass on...and if yer gonna use the "KISS" as yer argument that you don't wanna see it from anyone (which yer obviously just an annoy'n two faced crotch cricket)...then apparently i can only assume you must have a super bad case of carpal tunnel from write'n millions of letters of disgust to all those movie and television producers on a daily basis

speak yer mind all you want...but spare us yer bunny rabbit quotes...and quit try'na play "victim" just cuz yer backwash reality pissed off a handful of non hetero's and their supporters...when you started it

but this texan twat sore ain't alone in her charade parade...apparently this upset an insignificant portion of the population...and they got their tits in a twist on twitter cuz 2 NON HETEROSEXUALS OF THE SAME SEX would actually KISS on a national sports channel...and they wanted the informational highway to know what sorta neo-nazi non heterophobic fucktards they really are

listen here kittens...don't you'z start use'n that old whine ass "won't someone think of the children!" plea...think'n it'll get you off the hook...cuz i'll tell ya what...most of yer kids are become'n after school specials by turn'n tricks with their teachers at the cheerlead'n try-outs and all those outta town wrestle'n matches...cuz their sexually starved father is bake'n a cake as fast as he can with the babysitter...while their poor alcoholic mother is poke'n into her arms like a meth pin cushion to conceal the paranoia!

BUT...in the end...if MICHAEL can kick ass on the field...ain't that all that really matters to you'z meatheads and busted beef curtains anyways?...you only own yer kids minds until 18...after that...they're ready to bury the hatchet in yer mentalness...and you'll be left marinate'n in yer self righteousness...huddled in yer closet...cling'n to yer anal retentive rosary beads while watch'n highway to heaven reruns and chow'n down on EBT dinners!

so do me a favor...choke on all the unleavened sammiches that you want...but puhleez...get off my dress!!

ps...you want someone to think of the children?...then click here and vote...or i will hunt you down and kill you like the dog you are...kisses!