CUTTER NUTTERS

picture it kittens...it's 1983....a canucker from Kingston releases his 2nd

single "CUTS LIKE A KNIFE" which stalled at number 6 on the charts...however...could totally be played as the backdrop to today's topics of terror...

let's begin...shall we?

the back streets of london were scattered with very sassy and salacious  

"ladies of the nite" durin' the 1800's who would do A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G fer some pocket change with a shot of penicillin and absinth...that is until 1888...when suddenly they started dropp'n dead like Bryan Adams career

slashed and trashed one by one thanx to a mysterious cloak and dagger dude in a top hat simply known as "JACK THE RIPPER" that has been the catalyst of many books and endless movies in the last century which has still gone unsolved to this very day

from 1974 to 1978 sexy yet sadistic sociopathic serial killer TED BUNDY 

terrorized the towns across 7 states with a particular taste fer college hussies who parted their hair down the middle...bludgeon'n and beat'n...carve'n and sometimes even starve'n fer their affection once they've decomposed like a true self respect'n necrophiliac would...at a rate of 1 per month...guilty of 20 kills though admitt'n to 30 and maybe even more until he was fried like a fritter in 1989

once the 90's rolled around...i had moved to Milwaukee fer a hot minute

only to find out 3 days in that dash'n debonair JEFFREY DAHMER had a delicate palet fer dead dick...slice'n and dice'n his males victims into tv dinners...though i personally had nothing to worry about since he hadda taste fer dark meat...DAMHER would finally meet his maker thanx to an inmate at the Columbia Correctional Institution in Portage WI in 1994

BUTT...it ain't all that bad!

sometimes serial killers are worth root'n for...especially if their hot to trot

and are actually just clean'n the country of countless callous cold-blooded killers...like SHOWTIME's "DEXTER" played by the incredibly edibly MICHAEL C HALL that ran fer 8 seasons from 2006 til it's absolute abysmal end'n in 2013

thankfully SHOWTIME has decided to breath life back into the serial killer

cop from Miami Metro and give his blood thirsty fans exactly what they've been crave'n...more hemoglobin hotness and splatter batter moments from the dark passenger DEXTER MORGAN that will hopefully redeem and restore it's glory days of gore once more

10 years later...DEXTER MORGAN has packed up his blood slides and

sold his boat and headed to the small quaint lil town of IRON LAKE in upstate New York live'n under the alias of JIMMY LINDSAY

with special dream sequence appearances from his dead sister DEBRA MORGAN played by the tough as nails JENNIFER CARPENTER

and trinity killer ARTHUR MILLER played by JOHN LITHGOW that one can only assume will appear as a flashback since DEXTER disposed of his body durin' the end of season 4 in the Gulf Stream

the limited return of 10 episodes begins nov. 7th on SHOWTIME

however...let's be real...dollars to donuts they've already penned and green lit at least 2 more seasons (everyone's doin 3ways these days it seems) so if yer plann'n on host'n a premiere party fer it's much anticipated return (and why wouldn't you?) may i suggest a menu offer'n of spicy bloody mary's as refreshments...a hearty meat pie filled with chopped blood sausage as the main course and lady fingers dipped in a tamale/raspberry sauce fer desert

bone appetite...now GET OFF MY DRESS!

to PEE or NOT to PEE

that whole adage about...if a tree falls down in the forest...and no one is

around to hear it...does it make a sound?

ummm yea...it's called a fuck'n tape recorder you uneducated cunt ruffle!

so recently...a small portion of the deep south has decided to hop in their 

righteous delorean...back to the draconian age of fuckery laws that can get you cumm'n or goin...one way or another...designed by some delusional entity that has been blindly worshiped fer centuries and bury it's head in the sand of revolution...when it comes to a simple human necessity that WE ALL have to do at least once a day

governors fuck'n pluck'n banjo buddies in North Carolina and Mississippi...

decided to be the head of the pious pack...with a pack of their sanctimonious bullshit laws hidden in their state...by reestablish'n ancient laws allegedly created by some CASPER in the clouds...that were supposedly created thousands of years ago...as the only way to live life today...without any sorta persecution 

from those who look down on their balls...instead of just look'n down into some ball...that should be able to persecute them without any sorta prejudice to their insanity  

let's begin with mr. North Carolina and all those meatloaf makers...AND

lemonade leakers...so back in march...their governor...Pat McCrory McCrock-O-Shit...decided to piss all over the state by sign'n into law...the bill HB2...commonly known as the "bathroom bill" that basically says...if you were born a biological dick smacker or kitty scratcher...
regardless if you are in "trans"ition...that you must use the appropriate shitter assigned to you the second you slide down yer mothers fallopian tubes of course...

him and his posse of fecal fuckturds want the public to believe that this bill was intended to stop all those transgenderfied sexual predators (specifically male to female) from prey'n on their female offspring...BUT...

here's the thing...there IS NOT ONE documented case of ANY TRANSGENDER PERSON that has sought out sexual gratification in the urinal palaces in any state...NODDA ONE!...but oddly enough...

there's a list of GOP tinkle tappers who just couldn't get enough

unfortunately fer fans...the whole state felt the power of the twisted pen...

and a gigantic back hand bitch slap sammich by entertainment giants like BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN and RINGO STARR who pulled out their shows

along with brilliant documentarist MICHEAL MOORE and bad hair plugged WICKED composer STEPHEN SCHWARTZ who followed suit refuse'n to have their brilliant work wasted in some wasteland of comic book ideology that isn't consistent with those live'n in the present

also included on their shit list was the magically deliciousness of Cirque du Soleil

but the biggest blow that most won't be able to blow to anymore...

is a help'n hand from internet porn giant XHAMSTER...who blocked any and ALL North Carolinian pole smackers access to their site...and it's only gonna get worse...cuz they stand to loose many millions...if not billions of benjamins...

from corporations like PAYPAL and many others include'n the federal government

although CYNDI LAUPER has decided to continue with her tour in Raleigh on june 4th...she stated that she will be donate'n ALL her profits fer the nite to help fight this asinine law 

next is the MISSISSIPPI governor chosen confederate colostomy fucktwat

Phil My-Crack-In Bryant....who passed a shitload of righteous gas...with his religious "anti mystical teach'ns from some incredibly toned hippied hottie hammered on some timber many moons ago...allegedly...that they worship" freedom bill on steroids recently...which basically states that businesses and or governmental scabs can refuse non heterosexuals and their perspective clients and or partners ANY SERVICE...include'n if those non homosexuals who choose to dip in the pool of purgatory outta wedlock 

and just like in North Carolina...it'll hit the states piggy banks huge...

as entertainers like SHARON STONE and BRYAN ADAMS both refuse'n to work in the m-i-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-humpback-humpback-i state...with many many businesses and government funds to follow...loose'n billions in their sanctimonious swamp

thankfully not all is lost in the plantation nation fer the LGBTXYZPDQ 

kittens and their communities...as current Louisiana Governor John Bel Edwards signed into office an executive order to protect EVERYONE under the sun

hey North Carolina...why don't ya buy a clue from yer twin sister...AND

follow suit with Governor Nikki Haley...if you want any sort of pursuit to happiness fer ALL it's tax pay'n citizens

if state ass wipes and businesses wanna hide behind these fucked up...

 "religious laws"...FINE...but then they should let it be known by EVERYONE that either puts them in public seats or keeps there biz's afloat...by wear'n a simple symbol of unity and absurdity...so the ENTIRE population can make up their own minds where they're gonna blow their benjamins

in close'n...there is hope on the horizon kittens...all you need to do is

put pen to paper or poke the punch card and VOTE these neanderthalic nutfuckers outta office this november or else!

now get off my dress!