A BOUNTIFUL BUFFET

it's that time of the year again to help propagate the propaganda of that

delusionally delightful dinner often turn'n into a dreary dreadful discombobulated dilemma with the gather'n of guests once anal auntie Agnes inspects the three bean salad only to find out it had been made with just 2 noticeable bean families and then proceeds to bitch about it fer the rest of the nite…

sound'n like she's been gargle'n on lighter fluid fer the past 30 years from puff'n on her virginia slims menthol lights on the front porch to anyone pass'n by with their tin foiled leftover slop encased between 2 flimsy dollar store paper plates 

which includes a very generous portion of her unflavored gelatinous hard boiled egg/shrimp surprise fer dessert that no one dared touch at the table…that we all know is just the catalyst propagated by the many corporations...turn'n regularly insensitive assholes into aggressively argumentative zombified anal-warts line'n up outside the many department stores by 10pm

savagely hunt'n fer the latest and greatest piece of over priced crap they can't live without fer 24 hrs...turn'n into callous cuntasaurus's when they can't find what they can't live without to the minimally paid staff forced to skip their dinners to appease their boss's bottom line who are already barely scrape'n by with their wits and their underpaid wealth 

made by the skillful calloused hands of Herminio and his classmates

all packaged up in an unbelievable fantasy that comes 4 weeks later about some jolly burglar that'll come down yer chimney at least once a year...but that's...another story!

it made me reflect on what it is that i'm really thankful for fer most of my

existence...though immediate family should be apparently has to be recognized just to save face when it comes time to make sure yer part of the read'n of the will...there has been many more important influences that have molded me to be who i am today 

one of my 1st biggest influences of acceptance was when my grama Viola recognized i was bitten by the 80's gender bender bug while i was live'n with her in my late early teen years who tore down her brown polyester curtains in her live'n room one afternoon just to stitch me my very fer taste of the spotlight

however...i'd like to go waaay back where it all began...i could not and most likely would not...be who i am today if it wasn't fer the enormous generosity of the HALL family that took me in durin' the roughest patch in my life and guided me in the right direction in the late 80's...when i was but a lost kitten without a scratch'n post or a pot to piss in...litterally

of course i'm ever beyond grateful fer my very dear dear incredibly infectious friendship with the one and only Peetrinella fer encourage'n me to go under that pink gelled spotlight many moons ago and push'n me to become the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe that i am today (and not just cuz she knows exactly what to get me ALMOST every year fer the past 30+ years on my b'day and xmas...but trust me...it helps *wink*wink)

plus i am eternally grateful & thankful that i am thee only revered unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe fer all of you kittens who have followed my ramblin's fer the past 12 years...cuz without you...well...i'd be just a whore in heels without no wheels in motion

BUTT wait...there's more

i'm eternally thankful fer the brilliance of filmmaker MICHAEL MOORE

who called it fer the dems a month before the mid term elections...thanx in HUGE part to the decision of the supreme court ripp'n the reproductive rights out of the maxi padders hands essentially make'n them 2nd class citizens again...

which was pushed by this pasty ass pansy pouter...

turn'n the GOP's much anticipated red tsunami blood bath

into a laughable drip as 106 election deny'n dipshitters (with more to come most likely) who puckered their chapped lips around the dilapidated anal entrance of their mentally deranged orange puffer fished emperor with no clue lost their race!

insert modest humility here 

i'm also thankful fer the many many many laughs of watch'n the folks

at FAUX SNOOZE and other G.O.Pee'rs soiled in their sanctimonious shit shorts on a loop after they boasted fer weeks how they were goin to bury the dems in the sand...murdoch outlets gloat'n with headlines like "repuglicunts will win the house by 50 seats!" and "repuglicunts will take control of the senate with four new seats!"

fortunately...democracy in peril was just a badly hyped dream as they only got the house by the skin of their chinless chin and COULD NOT UNSEAT ONE DEM in the senate!

and lastly i'm very thankful i will no longer have to worry about send'n out 

any sorta christmas cards or wedd'n invitations or swapp'n my snappy and spicy snicker-doodle recipe to ANY of these sexually depraved dysentery dipshits who voted against bills 

to protect same-sexy sex'ers 

and interracially inclined facials from walk'n down the aisle...seriously? it's 2022 and we're STILL have'n to deal with this bullshit? THIS IS WHY mid term vote'n really does matter kittens...

thankfully these 12 G.O.Pee'rs voted to pass this absolute nonsensical law and can expect a candied yam in the mail from me sometime never (sorry i just can't waste my hard earned benji's on postage...that's like the price of a HH cocktail...you understand i'm sure) however...i am eternally thankful you voted against yer crusty calloused co-workers...puhleez keep it up!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

regurgitated reproductions

just like that tired old story goes about those 3 lil gelatinous piglets who try

 and out smart the big ol' bad flea bitten mongrel...by reinforce'n their quaint lil shit box outta bricks and mortar (cuz their dumb shit offspring's were try'na save a few benjamins when they built their shit boxes so they'd have a handful of disposable cash when they went to visit the "professional cabaret dancers" at the 4-mile on the weekends) haven't the slightest clue that no matter how much reinforcement they add to their homes...even with silent trip alarms and laser precision gamma rays to ward off any and all future unsuspect'n huff-n-puff intruders...it's absofuckinglutely pointless...

cuz the second they walk out their front door to skip to their loo down to the local water'n trough fer some vittles and voli...it all won't mean shit if they come across a mentally deranged trigger happy 2nd amendment'n lone wolf who never got asked the prom!

with the unfortunate all to common parade of hollow "thoughts & prayers"

from the brain dead CASPER crudade'n right wing'n society over all those lost and those left behind from the tragic mass shooting ...FUCK IT!...call it out fer what it really is...the tragically AVOIDABLE EXECUTIONS in Dayton, Ohio and El Paso, Texas the other week...if those elected officials would pass more than just their fuck'n bowels and their nitely bar runs!

thanks to the quick action of the Dayton Ohio boys in blue...they were able

 to kill the shooter within 30 seconds reach'n the chaotic scene and shoot'n off the 1st shot...even though it only took the actual shooter dressed in full protective armour gear to eliminate 9 unsuspect'n victims (include'n his own sister) and injure 31 more...with his semi-automatic AM-15 (based on the ever popular sport'n swiss cheese kill'n machine...the AR-15) in just a mere 24 seconds...24 SECONDS!!!

hmmm...now i just wonder if said executioner had thee ACTUAL weapon

 of choice that our 4 fathers were referr'n to...that took roughly 90 seconds to load (with practice)...was notoriously inaccurate when aim'n at a target and was usually survivable even at close range...how many helpless victims would still be here?

when yer look'n where to point blame...you can start by thank'n these

 heartless money grubbers...like majority leader and rheumatiodal arthritic turtle Moscow Mitch...fer not allow'n a common sense vote fer stricter gun laws in the senate (that the HOUSE already passed last feb)

and these other syphilitic snakes look'n fer stripper coins

which all comes from the piggy banks of their sugga daddy (and lucifer himself)...president of the parlor in purgatory...NRA's anal leakage master...Wayne Lapierre

though leave it to some CASPER crusade'n repuglicunt from Ohio

Miss Vaginal Suppository 2019 spooks model...Candice Keller...to point blame fer the Dayton Ohio home grown domestic executional terror attack...on non heterosexual marriage...Rutard fans and mary jane

just to clarify fer all those brain dead deplorable officials that try and give warped reasons as to ALL those tragic executions by semi automatics...

THEY ARE NOT CAUSED BY:

* non heterosexual marriage

* maryjuana

* open borders

* Rutard fans

* rap music

* Marilyn Manson

* lack of prayer

* mental illness

ACTUAL CAUSES:

* easy access to automatic swiss cheese kill'n machines

* a mentally deranged lie'n sack of vile angry orange pig shit who spews racist rhetoric pretty much on a daily basis via social media or at his many pointless grand stand'n press junkets

* FAUX SNOOZE reporters vommitous spin doctors

only pass that station gets from me is Sheppard Smith...well cuz his brain is not molded from a box of pomegranate jell-o with razor blades float'n inside and slathered on top with mayonnaise made outta bull excrement!

and leave it to the mentally deranged lie'n sack of vile...vommitous...

orange sack of lie'n pig shit...to not even be bothered to read the teleprompter in front of him correctly...well cuz he was too busy try'n keep his choppers from fall'n outta his sewer-riddled racist mouth cuz he didn't apply enough poli grip...all while try'n to stop the coke drippage from his snout that he snorted off his daughters derriere

cuz ANYONE with a functional brain cell knows that if someone wants to send subliminal messages to his (oh...fer fuck sake) or her audience...all they gotta do is throw out key words to lobotomize their brain dead fly'n 

monkey to eventually carry out their orders as to keep their tiny hands clean...as above mentally deranged lie'n sack of pig shit has done since 2017...by use'n scare tactical words like "invasion" "killer" & "animal" 500+ times when referr'n to immigrants at his sea of sewage rallies

then of course...leave it to our mentally deranged lie'n sack of vile pig shit

disgrace'n the presidency's botoxed brain dead blow job...Jared's beard...and his fav-o-rit lap dance'n daughter...princess both-sides...to try and deflect and distract fer dear ol daddy...by tweet'n out about how sad she feels...

followed by her "look over here...a shiny penny"  text...

"INNER CITY"...really?...you obviously meant to say non caucasians...didn't cha? you incompetent vaginal secretion!!

only problem there is...that it NEVA HAPPENED the way this twat tweeted

 it did...luckily...Oprahville's Mayor Lori Lightfoot educated Miss Dandy Defecate 2019 on the actual situation that happened that particular weekend

huh...and we all thought Eric was the stupid one!

just in case yer keep'n score as to who's made the most mass executions

 to date this year...(and we're only 224 days into the year as of today's post) you ain't got nothin' to worry about kittens...the US is winn'n by a tremendous landslide!...in the vile words of that mentally deranged lie'n sack of angry orange pig shit disgrace'n the presidency... (and i quote) "we're going to win so much...you're going to get tired of winning"

can ya guess who WASN'T an immigrant? the Las Vegas shooter...the Sandy Hook shooter...the Parkland shooter...the Charleston shooter...the Aurora Movie theater shooter...the Gilroy shooter...the El Paso shooter...

and most recently the Dayton shooter (not to ferget about ALL those mass executioners that came before them obviously)...but the thing is...women have mental illness as well...yet 98% of ALL mass executioners are committed by HOME GROWN WHITE MALES...hmmmm...to all my repuglicunt kittens out there read'n this...are you tired of winn'n yet?

perhaps a lil advice from Oscar winn'n documentariest MICHAEL MOORE

 might help law enforcement to make it more fair and balanced when deal'n with racial profile'n criminals?

of course WALMART is bein pro-active by pull'n all violent video game 

DISPLAYS...cuz in ALL instances of MASS EXECUTIONS since Columbine to El Paso...the evil perpetrators bludgeoned ALL of their casualties to an unspeakable death by inconspicuously brandishing enormous unsuspect'n cardboard cutouts of fortnite and call of duty displays! (how so VERY proactive of them..don't'cha think?)

NO kittens...they [the recent perpetrators] ARE NOT quote'n lines from ANY video games...THEY ARE post'n on their social media and quote'n the bullshit rhetoric from our unfortunate mentally deranged lie'n sack of orange pig shit...with the cottage cheese ass...disgrace'n the country

P-E-R-I-O-D!

so a friendly lil reminder fer all you alt right...blood shedd'n...swiss cheese

shredd'n...2nd amendment vommitous advocates who try to justify these mass kill'n machines as merely entertainment toys fer most...here's a lil history lesson of a lil harmful entertainment toy...from way back in 1987...about the very popular game LAWN DARTS that actually killed a 7 year old girl...and how it was BANNED BY THE GOVERNMENT...BY 1988...so let that soak into yer brain dead skull fer  minute!

and get off my dress!

dude...where's my car?

thee ONLY reason to ever suffer thru this dreadful hot poker up the jaxie

maryjane induced tragic comedy is becuz of Seann William Scott's scatter-cushioned lips...and his grrrrranimal magnetism...PERIOD!

BUTT...in the end

this sorta made me think of the issues i had a few weeks back that involved my very own shit mobile that was barely hold'n together by duct tape and quite a few hail mary's every time i traveled beyond my safety bubble of my shitbox...(i'm sorry)...i shouldn't be so negative...i meant to say...my quaint lil shit box

i acquired said shit mobile fer a buck after my sibs hadda toss one of our

reclused relatives into a state run shitbox...excuse me...i mean refined raisin ranch...where metamucil parades and Matlock marathons kept him busy fer the better part of the day...after my prior shit mobile was putt'n me into the poor house after 12 years together

flash forward to  2 1/2 years and i decided i no longer desired to turn into

 a puddle every time i took that long ass 2 hr trip back home to Winona...so i decided one early afternoon since i had some free time on my hands...i'd take a road trip and hire my exceptionally mechanically talented nephew to get the air to finally work properly in my mobile

after a few hours tinker'n around with the innards...and roughly $200 later...i FINALLY had air...i can't even describe how elated i was...just close yer eyes and visualize kittens...it felt like i was Han Solo hunt'n fer Skywalker on Hoth...that i almost hadda knit myself a shawl...there was only one prob...i no longer had a horn!

there was absolutely NO WAY i i could live without my precious horn...i mean...i am thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe after all...i wasn't about to loose my voice when i needed all those saturday nite assholes to get outta my way...when i was doin that drive of shame desperately try'na make it to some Remington party and was gett'n sick of wait'n fer my friend to get her bag of spicy corn nuts and cherry slushie...so it was back to puddle city...and back to the cities

by the time i had arrived back home...it was time to get some groceries...

and don't you hate when this happens to ME...i'm in a rush to get outta my girdle...throw some simple supper together and relax to my sunday nite dvd programm'n and my damn neighbor Gladys had to stop and talk to me about how delish her damn spam casserole surprise was with the Bronstein's over the weekend...

i said "Gladys...i'm glad my recipe helped out and all...but gurl puleez!...it's been a long ass shitty day and my diet pills are start'n to wear off...i just wanna get home...fix me an Ovaltine cocktail and watch me some Trapper John MD season 3...H-E-L-L-O GONZO GATES"

"see you at Bingo next weekend...tah tah!"

well...wouldn't you know it...as i tried reverse'n my shit mobile outta the lot

it decided to go forward! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

after a mini meltdown and 3 ho-ho's later...i decided i had had it with this

piece of shit transport system...that...even if it initially only costed me a very small fortune of 1 crisp benjamin...i had now just sunk $200 in it fer air i would never be able to get comfort from on those long hot summer "indiscretionable" nites...and don't even get me started on the already $1700 i had put into it puke'n on me over the last couple of years...so i knew i would have to break down and find a local mechanic to fix whatever the current issue was...and by morn'n...my trouble weren't ANY better!

though the pork chop at the front counter at the closest station i could find

near me which was in the downtown area of the Minne-Apple...wait'n on me...was pleasantly use'n his comfort'n inside voice and tactics to assure me everything was gonna be ok...i would come to find out 6 hours later there was no way i could smack him cuz he was FULL OF GELATINOUS SHIT!...

try'na tell me there was a leak in my brake line (of which i already informed him of) and cuz my car bein' 1999...that they no longer made brake lines fer that model car...and that they would have to 1st build a mold to pour in the metal then meticulously sculpt it to fit my out of production car...fer the low low price of $2400 and some small pocket change! 

needless to say...i was in zero fucksville central at that very moment in time and decided to look at my other options

after a few more meltdowns at home and 5 ho-ho's boxes later...i decided it was time to explore other options of purchase'n a new vehicular system

of transport...but what would it be?...though Sanford and Son's truck would come in handy when have'n to move my mountains of dvd's and make-up cases...but then i'd be forced to help others...and though i do give to charitable causes whenever i can...i prefer antibiotics to help clear up any confusion

my next thought was...hey...how about somethin' Dixie mobile-ish?...i'd look super cute climb'n outta my jeep in my hysterectomy shorts...but not very practical fer those long winter runs around the park late at nite

i always wanted to ride around in nostalgic style...but i'd go ape shit on the 1st shit head that spilled on my faux leopard interior

then i thought...i needed somethin' that's slick and doesn't seat more than me and my groceries so i no longer hadda be the proverbially free Uber system fer the many freeloaders in town that assume i fill my tank off of my good looks...but then i figer'd K.I.T insurance was gonna cost more than i really wanted to fork out

and as much as a 70's style hotel on wheels would be ideal fer those "sticky" situations at nite...gas ain't cheap!

in the end...i ended up with my nephews girlfriends 2014 outta my 

price range but affordably adjustable dusty dark blue mobile...i believe the technical color term is midnite at the oasis...WITH ARCTIC AIR...that you practically need a down feathered shawl to really appreciate it...

that's all folks!

OH WAID'A'MINUTE...

if there's ONE FILM YOU NEED TO SEE BEFORE NOV 6TH
THIS IS IT!!!...if you wanna premiere screen'n in yer hometown this wed...grab 25 or more of yer friends...click here to find out by sign'n up...TRUST ME...YOU'LL WANT TO fer te sake of the country!

now get off my dress!