TY A TRAGIC TORNADO pt. 2

picture it kittens...the year was 2014 and things would go from dreadful

to deplorable...beginn'n with america's brilliant blunt comedic cunt who lost her voice along with her life with an "accidental" slip of the knife after a routine check-up

JUSTIN BIEBER lost his morals along with his squeaky clean image turn'n to the dark side of his fame with a linty of charges stemm'n from a DUI...assault charges...disruptive house parties to (of all things) egg'n

and the biggest box office bomb of the year belonged to "STORAGE 24" rake'n in less than the price of a membership at Lifetime Fitness take'n in only an abysmally pathetic $72 total (no zero's are miss'n kittens that was their entire haul after 1 nite at the theaters) it was apparently soo bad that no one even bothered to make a useable gif on google fer this blog

click here fer pt. 1 to catch up of TY A TRAGIC TORNADO

i can't personally attest to how the relationship between Lyle and Telly

had evolved over the years between them both personally...however...professionally all i know from my point of view is that LUSH was enjoy'n a very boom'n success and Lyle pretty much was the main presence nite after nite pour'n his soul into to the biz...though i was not privy to the behind the scene operations

rumors had spread as much as Lyle's waistline had by the summer of 

2013 and apparently there was a rift within the couple as far as the finances went from what i recalled hear'n thru the soured grapevines that year when i popped in to the bar fer a breather and though it had nothing to do with me personally or professionally...i still had maintained somewhat of a casual repour with Lyle as he said that they were hope'n to acquire the bar across the street and turn it into some drag bar to add to their portfolio and asked me if i would be interested in bein a part of it

BUTT unfortunately

by the fall of 2014 the unthinkable happened on the morn'n of august 11th

when Lyle and Telly would take their finale road trip to a gas station in Arden Hills (you can read all the sordid deets by click'n here) and Lyle would end up evade'n the local authorities and the FBI in plain sight fer 30 days thanx to hook-up apps and craigslist supposedly...the capture reward alone was roughly a mid range years salary and had everyone search'n fer Lyle's whereabouts under every nook and crawl space like some sorta expensive easter egg hunt 

until he was finally caught by some soccer mom choke'n on her curly fires when she spotted a dishelved Lyle walk'n thru a drive thru try'na order a hot roast beef sammich with a couple of mustard packets on the side (allegedly)

now i'm not here condone'n Lyle's actions in the slightest...you do a crime

you do yer time P-E-R-I-O-D! 

however...from all i've known of Lyle since the first time we met at my

rental mentals (and trust me...they were just that) his later actions were such a beyond departure from the jovial juvenile antics that i once knew him as that at some point over the course of his relationship with Telly...somethin' obviously had to have drastically happened to change this once carefree boisterous clown into a cold blooded killer...was it a calculated callous crime or a desperate crime of passion? only one person will ever be able to tell that tale

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

TY A TRAGIC TORNADO pt. 1

picture it kittens...it was 1992 and a young REBECCA JANE PEARCH

would go bat shit crazy at the box office with "THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE" try'n to get her employer's newly born offspring to suckle from her pendulous breasts in order to replace the mother and move in on the D.I.L.F...i mean father (not to be confused with of course the obscure act of HONEY SUCKLEING...which quite frankly i could'a lived a 1000 lives over without ever know'n the actual true definition of such an act)

one third of the british female trio BANANARAMA...SIOBHAN FAHEY

joined her new band SHAKESPEARS SISTER and had a massive #1 hit with the hauntingly beautiful dramatic pop sensation "STAY" 

off their sophomore album "HORMONALLY YOURS" which is celebrate'n it's 30th anniversary this very year so if yer itch'n to get yer hands up their sleeves...click here to order the new vinyl (this was an unpaid endorsement)

the future 42nd prez of the US would impress the Arsenio audience with 

his massive pipe play'n presence and go on to win the nomination 5 months later

and i was finally finish'n up my position as a governmental guinea pig

when i met up with my new found fools friends Lemar and Lyle thru a roommate ad that i was rent'n from while i was doin a near year long lock up every other month while bein poked and prodded by the CDC or the FDA to fill up my FDIC account that made me a lil AC/DC if ya ask me which in turn fucked with my ZZZ's

though i was one of the original viagra bunnies (yes all you chemically enhanced hard-on's owe me a bit of gratitude) the last medical experimentation i had to endure fer a boat load of tax free benjamins involved some radioactive pellets in a 20 oz big gulp that i had to consume fer liver cancer i was told while bein locked inside the hospital fer 30 days and nites and though it's never been proven...my sleep patterns have been greatly affected ever since so i made the unconscious decision to never involve my body as the government's voodoo doll any longer...

regardless of how much of the lifestyles of the moderately well off and suedo famous i'd get to experience

BUTT wait...there's more

Lyle and Lemar were just the hoot n a half that i needed to break me outta 

the sheltered life i was live'n in durin' this period and did they ever...both of them were complete aficionado's in the art of "absolute pleasure" via the massage biz they were in based on "swedish techniques" though seriously kittens between you and me...their swedish techniques were neither swedish nor technical they were tawdry and sexual...however...i'm not gonna be some judgmental judy tell'n anyone how to bring home their bacon kapeesh!

with their jovial dispositions and their pied piper antics that i so desired

we were almost inseparable from club nites to the casino lites where some middle aged diabetic loaf of wonder bread in his blown out bvd's who was their atm on legs...pay'n them plenty to cling to his side as eye candy fer the crowds...though i was no fool...on the many occasions i was a tag-a-long tart i would pocket the $100 i was given and say i lost it in the slots as they rolled the dice til dawn 

i can recall one nite when i was hired by Lyle and was told i would be paid

handsomely with top shelf cocktails of my choice and $25 if i could get this cling wrapp'n cock sucker off his back that he had dated or hooked up with a few times  though the details of their "liaison's" were a bit fuzzy to me exactly...either case...he wanted me to go all ape shit mary mary on the contrary with prada purses fall'n outta every corner of my mouth when i was forced to sit in between them in the back of one of Lemar's "clients" cars in hopes the whipper snapper would break it off with him cuz he didn't wanna be the bad guy so of course i pulled the whole damn prada boutique outta my A-double snakes on one even'n (hey $25 is $25) and by the time we reached our final destination the cling wrapper was on his maryless way

time would move on and eventually Lyle began to date an up and come'n 

smarty britches fer some medical device company (fer all purposes of this story we'll just refer to him as Telly) who conveniently and confidentially told me one even'n when i was to meet Telly that i WAS NOT to mutter a single word about the "profession" he was in...i mean why would i care anyways what this new guy thought...however...i zipped my lip and never muttered a single word to anyone only to find out later on how Telly never cared much fer me bein around them cuz he thought I WAS a massage therapist dole'n out happy end'ns so one would only surmise that Lyle threw me under the bus just to snatch himself a golden ticket

after a few years together eventually i would loose contact with my former

tag-along tarts only to meet back up with Lyle years later in 2009 once i heard thru the soured grapevine that Lyle and Telly had turned a mundane mechanical garage into a mega homo hideaway dance destination on the N.E side of town that was all a buzz fer those not want'n to deal with the hustle and bustle of the downtown crowds...co-dependents in the bedroom and on the bar stools

5 years on and going strong the bar was all the rage fer a large portion 

of the population both gay...straight and the not so straights of course especially on the weekends...i was even lucky enough to get asked to perform one halloween nite due to a previous production back'n out at the last minute apparently so i slapped together my best 80's BOY GEORGE look and brought an appropriately themed costume fer a 2nd number which i believe was "I'D RATHER BE BURNED AS A WITCH" by EARTHA KITT (not that it matters though i'm tell'n the story so it technically does) anywho'zll'ding...since this was a last minute request to my already planned hweenie plans...i demanded free bar tab all nite along with $200 cash which Lyle happily obliged and the nite went off without a hitch in my britches

ever since the very first time i had met Lyle after leave'n my position as a 

governmental pin cushion...i was immediately captured by his crystal blue eyes...his effervescent laughter and his charm'n teenaged antics...he was annoyingly hot though easy to bs with even if it was as fake as some of my orgasms at times...i never knew Lyle to be anything short of an absolute charmer...that is until 2014...

well there you have it kittens...tune in next week fer the excrutiate'n pt.2 of 

TY A TRAGIC TORNADO...now GET OFF MY DRESS!