Winona Ryder found out all about the existence of the afterlife that helped her deal with her own miserable mortality in "BEETLEJUICE"
it made Demi believe there really was life after death...thanx to Whoopi use'n her body as some sorta sexual vortex fer her in "GHOST"
dearly departed lead singer PETE BURNS from the band "DEAD OR ALIVE" sung all about "just a ghost with a long long dead affair" with their ghostly 1986 smash hit "SOMETHING IN MY HOUSE"
of course not everything about the afterlife was a bed of roses as late actor ROBIN WILLIAMS found out with his utterly severe allergy attack in "WHAT DREAMS MAY COME"
BUTT move'n on
though i grew up forced into attend'n those apocalyptic voodoo classes with the other CASPER crusaders...i was never one to believe in anything
but spend'n a good buck...
on a good tuck...
but not fer a good...oh what the hell...it's not like yer not gonna google it at some point anyways...YES...fuck!
though i've had my run-ins with ouija boards...
and dabbled in the occasional seances over the years...
however...did i ever mention about the other dimension that i've had contact with? oh yes kittens...it's true!
the first time was way back in the 90's with my Grama Viola...i'd just gotten
off (hey...get yer mind outta the gutter ya dirty lil kitten...well at least this time) bein' a drug bunny fer the government...when i got a call one early morn'n in '93 from my cuz Heather tell'n me that she had passed away in her sleep at 87 (the way she wanted to) i was inconsolable at the time since i had just spoke with her the nite before lett'n her know that i planned on move'n back to her home to help her out around the house once my study was completed...she was like a rock of security i had never really had before from anyone after i lost my dad 13 years earlier...she took me fer who i was without pass'n any sorta judgment or point'n any finger at me...
she even measured me and sewn my very first dress as Elvira out of her brown polyester curtains in the front live'n room window fer halloween in '85...well roughly 2 weeks later after her pass'n..
i remember sitt'n on her couch at her house on 3rd street with her daughter (my aunt Ellen) while she was kick'n back in her motorized lift chair and leaned in towards us both...smiled and said everything was ok...after that she had disappeared like Houdini and i woke straight up in bed as if she was call'n me from long distance beyond this earthly realm...luckily she's shown up in a handful of dreams since...from that moment on death was just a fairytale to me
which incidentally was the hit song in mine and my good friend Robert's band "ASTRO PUSSYCATS" in '88 (which i read somewhere in the back of my mind that it was a moderate dance club hit in the underground hot spots of Uganda back in '95 though i unfortunately can't confirm nor deny such nonsense as i already had moved on into my life as the premiere unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe)
almost 20 years later...and the only real love of my life Mike...thus far
who i had nicknamed HEMAN fer obvious reasons and spent 4 1/2 tumultuous roller coaster years together...decided to call me one afternoon on my lunch break 8 years after i had ended the relationship although we still remained "close" friends fer 6 of them...break'n down (which he never had done durin' our time together) tell'n me that he found out he had some sorta cancer and that the doctors couldn't figer out what it was though he was start'n chemo...all i had thought back then was WAIT! they don't just dole out chemo like it's candy...they have to know what kind of chemo to give you in the first place...however my only response at the time was stunned...
well cuz i only had 20 minutes left on my lunch break and i was a starve'n marvin...but more importantly...i reassured him that people lived years with the treatments they had out these days (he was 19 years older than me at the time...i was 42...so you do the math smarty pants) anywho'zll'ding...we kept in contact fer the next 6 month religiously every week fer about an hour talk'n about anything and everything under the sun...he was always good at return'n my calls within minutes if he happened to be preoccupied at the time when i called...alas...one day i would not here back from him all day so by the next day i would call and leave another message again though without a response...i kept this up fer 4 weeks wonder'n why all of a sudden did he stop return'n my calls...the only thing that went thru my mind was that he either fergot to pay his cell bill and it got cut off or he changed his number and fergot to save my number in his new cell
then one nite as i drifted off into rem sleep i found myself all dressed in black...walk'n down a long peer to a white beach with the flame'n sun beat'n the live'n shit outta me as i tried to hide my delicate milky white flesh under my black laced parasol (what...you don't have one?...huh...too bad fer you then!) all of a sudden i see someone walk'n along the wave lines on the sea and as they got closer i noticed it was HEMAN with a huge smile on his face...he stretched out his arms to me and simply said "hey Matty why don't you come with me for a walk" i replied with my token answer i'd always give'n him whenever he wanted me to do stuff with him outside under the blaze'n sun "Mike...you know i hate the sun on my skin" he simply replied laugh'n "i know Matty it's ok now...well i gotta go ok" and i said a simple goodbye as Mike kept on slowly walk'n along the beach...as i had turned and headed up the peer i turned around to get one last look to say goodbye i noticed Mike slowly began to fade into the wind and i woke up all of a sudden and completely content that we just said our final good bye
by the time i had made my way to work that morn'n...somethin' told me to log his name into google and to my utter surprise...Mike had died exactly 1 month to the day i had the dream...to this very day i do believe that was his way of tell'n me he knew i was try'n to contact him but i should stop call'n cuz he was no longer home and everything was ok and have had countless cross over conversations with him ever since in my dreams
my godmother and the closest relation that i had any real connection with
since my Grama Viola was my aunt Ellen...who always went way above and beyond fer me fer many many years ever since i was young...by give'n me my 1st sip of beer as a small child and realize'n my palette was made fer a much more refined distillery...take'n me to my 1st trip that i can ever remember outside of my state to South Dakota with my cuz's when i was 11 and lett'n me pick where i wanted to go...just like i was one of her very own kids (i chose Flintstone Park...why not!) and many times i would save up my paper route money or collect'n recyclable cans thru-out my teenrager years in my hometown to buy a bus ticket outta dodge to one of her many places she was live'n in at the time and stay with her fer the week or so
once i had made my way to the Minne-Apple in 1990...we would become even closer and go on many walks over the years...from the Mall of Hysteria on the weekends in the winter times with pit stops at our fav-o-rit therapy session...Fat Tuesdays...to replenish our fluids...to many walks around the many parks thru-out the metro area
halloween was always my fav-o-rit time of the year...Ellen even offered to
make her tasty potato soup fer my murder mystery party one year...we would spend a good chunk of halloween nites together in my 30's dress'n up and go bar hopp'n in Burnsville before i would hit the downtown Minne-Apple with friends...that is until one halloween when she went out as Hillary Clinton in a cape in 2008 (i'm assume'n the look was a blood suck'n politician she was goin for...not anything against Hillary as she was very much for her all the way) and i went lil red ride'n hooker (cuz i can) nonetheless...a lil trip to the boys room to powder my nose and retuck my stuck fuck pole was a bit of an awkward moment fer the 4 urinal warts unleash'n their belches and bladders with one say'n with a shit grin form'n on his face and lick'n his lips "ma'am yer in the wrong room" to which i simply replied in my best frog clogged voice "don't worry...you ain't my type" of course his only logical retort was" yer a fuck'n dude?" (ummm yea...it was time to get outta dodge pronto after that!)
Ellen was always one of my most supportive fans...come'n to many many
of my unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe performances over my years in the biz...even make'n it to my last performance a few years ago when i hosted the official (and highly successful i might add) REBEL HEART party at some shit hole bar in downtown Minnehopeless
we had spent many a holidaze together in one form or another thru-out
she told me once as a small child if she took care of me at the time (of which she did hands down durin' my treacherous and tumultuous 20's) that i would have to take care of her when she needed it later on in life...she would remind me of this from time to time over the years and i did my best to keep that promise by help'n her out at her board and lodge business she was part owner of...to paint'n and clean'n her condo numerous times over numerous years in Burnsville that even was featured in a small arty film i wrote fer one of the shows i was part of
one day quite a few years back now i was asked to move in and help
take care of her by 2 of her offspring's after i noticed a change in my aunt's behavior and subsequently ring'n the alarm after discover'n much of it was due to the drugs she was forced to take by her "care provider" after i had the meds examined by a licensed clinical technician only to have said "care provider" go ape shit on us both one thanksgive'n gather'n when she found out i had done my Angela work...
i had zero issue with the transition of uproot'n my dandy digs except fer the distance factor to my work at the time so i mentioned to help find someone to help sell the condo and find somethin' closer to my work so i wouldn't have to do the long weekly commute (of which i was never a fan of cuz if it took me more than 15 minutes to get to work...i didn't wanna go) everyone was in agreement that nite so i set the ball in motion with a mutual realtor friend to help hunt fer new digs that we both could dig
flash forward to 2 years later when we both were blind sided one day
to hear that she was now goin to be put in "a home" that she had ABSOLUTE ZERO desire to ever be part of (after both the offspring's had time and time again cancelled with my realtor friend on show'ns til my realtor friend had had enough of them both waste'n his time) even though my aunt was promised by her own "care provider" (that i was privy at when she spoke it to her on 2 occasions) who stated emphatically that she WOULD NEVER put her in one...although much to her displeasure...once my aunt was moved into the "puppy pound fer displaced adults" she was now at the very least happy to be only a mile from my apartment and alot easier fer me to look after even though i felt helpless after the many talks we would have on the nites i would stop over after work and go fer a couple laps around the block with her as she told me time and time again how much she DID NOT want to be there...
til she finally told me one nite if she was no longer there on one particular even'n that it was cuz of them force'n her into the hell hole so they no longer had to feel inconvenienced in their own lives...instead of just follow'n thru and find'n her a home fer us both as we agreed upon from the very start of which i had a lengthy discussion with my other aunt at the time who shared in the same concerns as i so quite frankly put...selected offspring's can spin the end story to anyone who wants to buy into their bullshit...however i need no ones approval since i was there...they can say whatever to whomever that makes them sleep at nite while they stew in their own calculated cold-hearted guilt
she would only be in the hell hole fer one month when i received a call late
one nite 4 days after our last walk that my beloved aunt had passed away under "unfortunate circumstances" and to say i was completely devastated is a complete understatement...there were no words to describe what was goin thru me that late even'n...i was a mute mess...the rest will all come out in due time!
2 weeks would go by while i was sitt'n in my bed and would see a bright
blurry light make'n it's way thru a succession of fast paced black shadows...as the light made it's way thru the shadows it became more luminescent then all of a sudden i could see it was my aunt Ellen in a white puffy jacket wear'n her fav-o-rit green hat...walk'n up to the edge of my bed wave'n with her irish grin on her face and said to me "H-E-L-L-O...how are you?" i remember shedd'n a single tear of joy and say'n "i had this weird dream Ellen that everyone was tell'n me you were dead" then i realized she was really gone and i was wake'n up from a dream inside a dream...
she walked over to the side of my bed as the dark faceless silhouettes kept move'n past her...the light continually glow'n brighter...she leaned down to me say'n "don't worry everything is ok...i'm with Eugene" (her eldest brother who was stand'n quietly next to her) as she leaned into me to give me a hug i whispered into her ear "Ellen can you say hi to my dad for me?" she simply said "yes i will" and as she turned her head to the side and wrapped her arms around me...her body had completely dissipated into a blackness and i woke up...wide awake and completely relieved know'n she was finally ok and no longer have'n to deal with the meticulous insanity she was put thru the last few years of her life and have had many numerous nightly visits from her ever since fer the past 5 years after she crossed over
believe what you wanna believe whatever you think happens when you
gasp yer last breath...i myself believe there is an absolute afterlife that has absofuckinlutely nothing to do with all those vomitous delusional 4 horsemen apocalyptic CASPER crusade'n ghost stories that have been regurgitated to the masses on their asses over the centuries in the slightest...however...who really knows?
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
