clocked out fer the very last time after keep'n the seat warm temporarily fer some maxi padder who was out on paid leave fer 3 months all cuz she spread her vicious thighs and vomitted out another reason why she can never have nice things yet hold'n on to the simple fact that her newly acquired cottage cheese ass will 9 times outta 10 most likely prevent her from ever cling'n onto ANY hope fer a future with the baby daddy...while my only hope last summer was a movie called "NOPE"
which turned out to be a H-U-G-E NOPE fer me when i could'a slept at home fer free!
the only interest'n thing that happened in the music world was that we lost
a hand full of rappers due to the ever popular GOP scare tactics of the 2nd amendment rights...except fer COOLIO who had bit the bullet by "cardiac arrest" at 59
sorry i'm not that well versed on the garish grandeur of the gangsta life's
why can't they be more like LESLEY GORE?
maybe they'd still be here if they used their grills fer shish kebabs instead of their teeth...i'm just say'n!
BUTT...anyways
my last place of employment i was work'n fer the government process'n
cross country hauls fer the large Marge's of the midwest until the contract ended then i set my sights to sail the easy seas of funemployment which consisted mainly of...
organize'n my O.C.D's...
over-dose'n on E.L.O's...
and rearrange'n my DNA's when time permitted fer a 12 month streak
fortunately fer me...i learned to penny pinch many years ago so i didn't
squander away all my hard earned covid coins from the previous year on the latest "must have" piece of social media shit that was bombard'n me hourly that i needed at that very moment before it was all sold out
i'll never ferget that time back in 1988 when i survived on $35 i had earned
recycle'n cans and hope'n somethin' would transpire when i was forced to find new means of a roof over my head and my only X (of the 2 X chromosomes persuasion) at the time who generously donated the back seat of her exquisite slightly rusted out 1979 cream colored 4 door mercury marquis colony park station wagon with side wooded panels trimmed in aluminum chrome with slightly burnt sienna interior along with slightly burnt cigarette holes fer that artistic homey feel...retractable seat'n in the back fer maximum comfort on my single blow up water floaty bed that she so generously donated free of charge fer 2 full weeks (that i might add...I HAD TO PERSONALLY FUCK'N ASSEMBLE...thank CHER fer my non used blow job lungs at the time)
til one sunday morn'n when her aunt came out to get the paper before church and asked her niece whom was live'n with her at the time "Cricket...why is yer boyfriend sleep'n in the back seat of yer car?" to which Cricket so nonchalantly replied "eh...i don't know...he said everyone moved outta his house while he skipped school and was told by one of his sibs he would never be able to move into the new house cuz he was an embarrassment to the family...oh yea and he's not my boyfriend anymore cuz he told me he's gay!" (shortly there after i was couch surf'n at the HOUSE of HALL until the matriarch put me on a plausible path to freedom) so you can understand why i would never wanna live that way again!
now where was i? oh yea...if there was anything i needed of urgency i just
shazamm'd my Amazon list over to my good friend Peetrinella who would take care of it durin' the appropriated celebratory festivities when we would partake in them twice a year as i would hers fer the past 30+ years
so once the covid coins started deplete'n after the unemployment was cut
off…my piggy bank was really become'n all skin and bones thanx in part to my shit mobile catch'n some mechanical covid last feb where i was forced to take out a small loan to cover the costs only to find out the banker fucked me over (and not in a good way) with add-on's i never wanted added on and since i wasn't guaranteed a paycheck fer count'n the popcorn bumps on my bedroom ceil'n which was pretty much a full time job fer my state of mind at the time when dawn broke til mid-day all summer long until the leaves began to pirouette from the trees...or until someone gave me a reason to leave my shitty chateau...i knew my funemployment was come'n to a dead end
and with the many many texts and/or pop-up surprise visits i would do on my deplete'n dime to those who i've been acquainted with over the many many years to keep my barely there sanity a float was only to be met with the many many acquaintances either not return'n a text or with one word responses that i decided i wasn't gonna bother try'n to decipher anymore...i just knew the friendship was futile and it was time to finally focus on myself and stop waste'n precious time with the past that had no interest in my present state of mind
i found myself in a penny pinch'n pickle and started apply'n to any and all
positions that i have had over 22 years of experience in until 20+ online interviews later...week after week...where more than half of the interviewers just happened to have "testical difficulties" and couldn't get their video screen work'n properly (which i figered was just code fer they were hung over or didn't make it to the salon that week) even gett'n deemed an "undesirable candidate" even fer a shitty interview to be a shitty bagger at an ALDI's...i knew the end of year was near fer this desperate queer and with no cash flow in sight...
except fer the generosity of my highland park fairy would paid this ferry a fairly equitable fee to do odds and ends around her and her mothers new luxury live'n...i was ready to sell my shit mobile fer pennies on the dollar just to get by since it doesn’t quite have the same exact spacious leg room like my last home on wheels had cuz pity don't pay the rent (trust me...i've had to do worse)
then just last week after interview'n fer a handful of positions though i felt
like i'd been fucked over in more positions than ever seemed possible at this point…the employment fairies fulfilled my dream (fer the time bein' anyways) and finally DOLLY PARTON'd me a new position...
and once my FBI background check is completed (of which i'm not worried about) i've take'n my drug screen (of which i'm also not worried about) and receive my free complimentary prostate exam (of which i've studied fer all nite) i'll be good and beyond glad to get back in the game…
and then focus all my artistic energy on the new MADONNA 40th anniversary party (more on that one later down the road) so until then …
so it's time to roller set my muffin and permanently press my panty shields
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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