BAD TO THE BONE!

have'n grown up as the 2nd oldest gen X'er in a large all american irish catholic family as thee ahead of my time pre unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe durin' the 1970's...

 it was not all that uncommon fer families like ours and many others in small communities scattered like a lawn sprinkler across the country to gather together for sunday morn'n mass...secretly cheer'n in yer head as the local tulip sniff'n town drunk in the bejeweled dracula cape had finally finished sing'n "hallelujah" to his lobotomized congregation off key once again just so you could get a snack at half time... 

as you waited impatiently stand'n in a single file line with the rest of the zombie apocalyps to play the communal game of russian roulette with the metallic slurpee cup full of stale berry flavored kool-aid represent'n a middle eastern dead man's hemoglobin (allegedly) in hopes that the blue rinsed hemorrhoidal prune with the uncontrollable gingivitis issues who lived down the street from you had take'n her prescribed meds as prescribed that day

recite'n that tired hymn with him "how great thou art (as i cupeth thy fart)"

 hey kitten...ZIP IT! every kid with a canker sore back then wanted to be the next greatest Emily Dickinson or Suzanne Somers 

perform'n yer useless jedi mind tricks towards the head of the household

just so you could personally hand over a donation of 10% from their weekly earn'ns in the form of an understated pale blue check in order to take credit in hopes of earn'n a few more extra credit points as a future CASPER crusader and solidify'n a golden ticket inside the pearly gates when they passed the collection plate made outta a mini wicker basket gorilla glued to a toilet plunger rod they had purchased from Pamida's after christmas everything-must-go sale...

so proud to be a part of the pathetically phony though ritualistically cathartic catholic charity charade parade that would eventually help pay for the many sexually abused alter boys therapy and their shopp'n spree's at Hermes and Gucci later on in life

as bread winners spent endless dollars fer you to spend endless hours 

with a happy meal box riddled with pointless air holes (but a genius market'n scheme you have to admit) in hopes it would teach you how to care fer a lifeless solid mass of minerals pray'n they wouldn't pro create

though we all had gallantly geeked out fer the galaxy far far away...

secretly however...a large portion of the gen X population cheered gleefully fer Leatherface...

and who couldn't help but not fall in love with Michael Myers...the babysitter was our only kryptonite from ruin'n the nite while rule'n the nest from yer siblings beneath you

BUTT...that ain't all!

once the 1980's had rolled around...we were completely bored with our 

breathless pet and just wanted to see how fast and how far we could skip that worthless chunk of a shitty xmas prez across the lake to it's graveyard as we skipped school while chugg'n down on the 5th can of our fav-o-rit chemically enhanced communal wine 

by summer you were told in a stern voice to "get the fuck outta the house" 

when the Culligan man showed up mid morn'n on any random unannounced day of the week and under no circumstances explicitly told not to return til dinner was ready...after they gave one of you a 5 spot to run to the across the street to the Nasty Habit and buy them a box of Virginia Slims ultra lights 

even though secretly you knew better than to give a shit what they were up to by not return'n home until well after the overhead lamps were dance'n in the streets

oh and lest we ferget...if we ever got teased or the live'n shit kicked outta 

us or even shot in the leg by a bb gun from some EPT test bunny that lived down the street from yer bff grama's house at the time...we were told under no uncertain terms to “suck it up” or “kick the fucker where it counts” and my most memorable “don’t think i’m pay’n for this shit!”

and though we were still gallantly geek'n out over the galaxy far far away...

we desperately yearned fer Jason Voorhees as he callously though meticulously hacked his way thru titty city at the Crystal Lake camp grounds...

and screamed in sheer ecstacy as Freddy Krueger finger fucked his way thru our teenage dreams!

Even though we had to suffer through countless bags of bullshit that only trickled down to the majority of the minority from that senile geriatric jelly 

beaned junkie repuglicunt in the big house who completely ignored the world's biggest health crisis at the time which caused 89,343 deaths under his watch alone

yet we all collectively still managed to make it thru those tumultuous and terrify'n pimple parade years to get that all unimportant waste of parchment paper without turning into a slice of swiss cheese!

with the unfortunate but not all that surprise'n incident from the lone star

state in the city of Uvalde that happened last week...create'n 22 more caspers from Robb Elementary school to roam freely about the earth...

as terrified tikes tried desperately to contact their inept Roscoe P. Coltrane cavalry who waited roughly an hour outside the chaos before control'n the stand-off as they swiped left or right on their cell phone or checked to see approximately how close they were to their next STD (presumably) bring'n the grand total number of mass murders up to 214 in 2022 alone and it's not even the 4th of july yet!

of course leave it to just 50 rectally reprehensibly and religiously right

winged regurgitated repuglicunts in the senate to stand in some sadistic 3rd reich formation to care more about their power than they do about their people by completely stay'n silent on H.R.8 even though the democrats in the house had passed the the bill in 2021 after the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary that created 28 caspers just 10 years earlier

they wanna pass bills that will arm teachers to be imperial stormtroopers 

yet they don't trust them to teach kids unredacted history facts...ignore all lgbt issues and ban books that don't have the playboy bunny on the cover

they wanna overturn bills turn'n vaginal curly slides into their live'n vessel

yet they don't wanna help raise the results or lift them from hardships and squalor that those results reluctantly most likely will become accustomed to...where a majority of them will just end up make'n bongs during bible study as the others graduate with honors from pole dance classes by the 6th grade...so one has to wonder...why would they NOT want to pass a simple slice of legislation that is for the good of their constituents keep'n the casper count down since roughly 80% of the country has been on board now for years... 

while the other 20% earned an online degree crush'n their fav-o-rit malt beverage can against their forehead

one has to wonder WHY? WHY is this still happen'n? WHY once again?

i don't know...do you care to take a shot in the dark and guess?

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

YOU BETTER RUN!

i think it's this years rock-n-roll inductee Miss Patricia Mae Andrzejewski

who said it best in 1980 "you better run...you better hide...you better leave from my side...yeah!"

ok so maybe her hit was more of a bad break-up anthem than it was about

actual gun violence...however...this was the first song title that started dance'n in my head when i heard about the recent blood bath involve'n 10 people at a grocery store in a predominantly black neighborhood in Buffalo NY compliments of yet another unhinged wonder breaded mentally deranged racist rectal rat in tactical gear sack of excrement who live streamed his carnage...

in hopes most likely of try'na become the next top 10 netflix movie of the week played by some out of work actor hope'n fer an oscar win...well kittens his name needs not to be mentioned in my blog just to give that chemically imbalanced fucktard more jack-off headline material to beat-off to while he enjoys free room and board...free hot lunches...free cable tv...free work-outs while cumpete'n in the occasional complimentary throat plunge'n olympics durin' the communal showers hosted by Bubba and his bathroom buddies among many other amenities...

while those slain have to have those they left behind plant their plot!

now i'm not suggest'n that ALL mass shoot'ns have been perpetrated by 

only pure inbred love'n pimento'd bologna and velveeta cheese wizzed with a dollop of mayoglazed neo nazism alabasturd asswipes...

though somehow...fer some reason...survey says in the past 10 years 14 of the 20 mass shootings alone in the US have been just that…with unfortunately many more undoubtedly on the way after Buffalo

anyone notice'n a particular flame’n hot cheetos/not-so mello yello big gulp color scheme here?

with the masses on their complicit asses engulfed in the media tornadoes 

and the regurgitated religious vomit of "thoughts and prayers" after each and every mass shootin'…treat’n them more and more like picnics in the park for the whole family to enjoy while very few politicians dangle a carrot of some sorta legislative gun reform that will eventually just get buried under a sacrificial meatloaf offer'n from the GOP which has become all too common and all too complacent these days

BUTT however...

last week Giggles the Clown also known as the 43rd dipshit who would 

become the 1st ever commander-in-thief to win the presidency without winn'n the popular vote in over a century...draped his well known tarnished dilapidated flap jack'd A double snakes into a frivolous freudian slip and full of bullshit heels when he pathetically tried criticize'n Putin fer his atrocities in the Ukraine though admittedly say'n "blah blah blah....a wholly unjustified and brutal war in Iraq!" before backtrack'n and try'na cover it up like he was some sorta 2 drink minimum nite at some downtown stand-up event fer 2nd graders

so hear me out here...about 111,693 Iraqi civilians were unanimously and

ceremoniously murdered along with roughly 4,370 soldiers which in the end (i’ve done the math so you don’t have to burn any brain cells kitten) brings that total to a whoop'n 11,6063 new casper's roam'n about the planet fer no reason accept to avenge his father fer bein' bullied by that middle eastern floor mop and make bank which ALL HAPPENED durin' his dipshit reign (though yes you trigger happy finger point'n brain dead jell-o molds...i'm WELL AWARE it still continued fer another 2 more years)

5 foot 6 clorox huff'n helter skelter'd schizophrenic jitter bugg'n champion 

Charles Manson had N-E-V-E-R once pulled a trigger nor did he slash a throat though luckily he was convicted to life in prison fer 4 decades until he turned into a casper himself fer just order'n the killin' of 7 people by 5 of his chemically deranged ritual bath'n groupies

so tell me then...how is it that this smug satanic humpty dumpty is still 

give'n a podium after scarf'n down a plate of bacon wrapped pork tenderloin...julienne fries and a candied walnut raspberry vinaigrette side salad wash’s it down with a chilled sippy cup of Schlitz even though he never fired a shot?

just ask'n fer a friend!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

NEVER AGAIN!

remember when Ralphie begged that jolly ol' fat ass that he wanted

an official Red Ryder...carbine action...200-shot range model air rifle...with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time...to which saint diabetic so impetuously replied "you'll shoot your eye out kid!"

it was bad enough bein' subjected to a damn double dog dare you by yer douche rag friends in the bleak winter lunch break at school

i myself can recall the roughest times i ever had as a teenage terror in the 80's was try'n to figer out which base...lip gloss and eyeliner went best with my aura on any given day...all while i was bein terrorized by some ax weild'n scissor happy tight end and his dipshitter possee

some kids CAN BE ASSHOLES...and they have to take some responsibility fer their actions...

BUTT...

brilliant filmmaker MICHAEL MOORE thought he had awaken the country

to asinine gun laws and school shootings with his his brilliant documentary "BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE" in 2002

unfortunately...times...they...are...a change'n!

instead of dodge'n balls and biology class like the good ol' days

kids today are unilaterally dodge'n bullets and brain splatters unfortunately ever since Columbine

today's schools in this country...at random...without any notice...have become literal battlefields...and unfortunately not because of love

with the latest bein' Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland

Florida...where 14 students and 3 teachers lost their lives...well...these students have had ENOUGH!

the most outspoken of the survivors...EMMA GONZALEZ and DAVID HOGG...both accused by far right conspiracy fucktards as "paid crisis actors" of course...but they are anything but...urge'n their congressional constituents to basically quit bein cunt-fluffers for the NRA...or come mid term...they will be apply'n fer unemployment when they are VOTED OUT!

i can recall have'n this same bullshit conversation with an extended member of my own family years back when he went batshit cuz they ran outta the ever popular hunt'n rifle...high capacity blood bath shredder...known to most brain dead 2nd amendment asswipes as thee AR-15...all cuz he heard somewhere that OBAMA was gonna take away his CASPER fear'n rights as an american...to be able to turn Rudolph into swiss cheese if he chose to

1st off...OBAMA...(clearly one of thee best prez's we've EVER had since the turn of the new century...that's not opinion...or open to discussion...that is a verified FACT!) NEVER intended to take away ANYONE's rights to bear arms...much to the crock of shit vommit'n outta their murderous mouths of the right wing repuglicants and repuglicunts dur'in his 8 years in office...he merely wanted to curtail the sales of the infamous AR-15 that obliterated the lives of 20 kindergarteners and 6 teachers

which has been the fire arm of choice by the mentally deranged killers...

from San Bernardino... 

to Sandy Hook...

from a movie theater in Aurora....

to the dancers at PULSE nightclub... 

and the concert goers in VEGAS...

and recently added is MARJORY STONEMAN DOUGLAS HIGH SCHOOL unfortunately!

but leave it to our unfortunate piece of mentally deranged pig shit #45

to suggest that we arm teachers with weapons to help protect their flock that they're just try'n to teach with the bare minimum to begin with

so what happens if you get a teacher that's mentally deranged themselves? (much like yerself mr piece of mentally deranged pig shit) or if the teacher gets shot...who's next in line for that gun?...also what insurance policy will the teachers and schools need to purchase once a parent decides to sue the school and the district fer wrongful death? or what if the trained gun tott'n teacher accidentally shots one off in his class by mistake?

place'n Barney Fife at every school across the country...DOES NOT OR WILL NOT give them a sense of security...schools are meant to be a place to learn...

not to feel like they need to break outta to Alcatraz come 3 o'clock

fer that mentally deranged dipshit in the WH to try and say that schools

are a gun free zone and that's why it makes it so easy fer the mentally deranged shooters to have a field day popp'n of Peggy and Peter and their pals like a shoot'n gallery at the carnival...is like say'n....

well...that thee Austin bomber was give'n a hall pass to do his destruction cuz there were all these bomb free zones" everywhere in Austin...if everyone would'a hadda bomb to protect themselves...derrr...ummm...none of this would'a ever happened!

ummm...see how stupendously brilliant you sound?

but perhaps a word from everyone's fav-o-rit 'merican "christian" speaker 

Betty Bowers can break it down on both sides of the gun issue

the 2nd amendment was meant to defend you and yer familia...not to be bastardized by basturds to extinguish crowds of kittens in under a minute

or less...with the recent MARCH FOR OUR LIVES on DC and around the country...and the world...this past weekend...started by students who want to be pick'n out corsages instead of pick'n out caskets...the future is theirs to take control and not be afraid to walk to school

leave it to this frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that sometimes

is the byproduct of anal clown sex...whiiiining that the kids outta be take'n CPR classes instead of march'n for gun reform...cuz ummm the logic there...i'm sure is...well geez...they can save their fellow students with gun shot wounds faster than it would take fer paramedics to get to the scene...yea...that's what it'll do!

so schools all of a sudden outta be triage centers instead of learn'n centers...mister shit-fer-brains?

OH YEA...& FUCK YER THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!

to those 2nd amendment dipshits that believe their constitutional right

 to possess firearms is bein' stripped away by use'n that as their argument...a huge FUCK YOU!!...a kid should not be used as a target fer yer toys!

how is yer right to own an assault weapon outweigh their right to live?

VOTE THEM OUT!

and get off my dress!