A HOLLY JOLLY GRINCHMAS

with the holiglazed season'n already nipp'n at everyone's runny nose 

there's always that batch of bellyache'n bitches with their britches in a twist who wanna constantly complain about the weather or contemplate whether they wanna simply drown their spirit in some spirits or not!

though most of the population tends to get caught up in the absolute 

pleasure of the chaotic retail check-out lines up until the very last xmas eve minute before close'n time...desperately cling'n onto whatever they can snatch off the shelves even if it's the last bag of ruffled  jalapeño cheddar chips just to stuff in some lil ungrateful shits stock'n...that we often overlook those with a tendency to revel in the disdain fer the ritualistic give'n of the gifts

with the recent pass'n of the "RESPECT FOR MARRIAGE ACT" signed

into law by PRESIDENT BIDEN (that was given the thumps up by only 39 G.O.PEE'rs) which includes non hetero and interracial facials finally bein' able to be legally just as fuck'n miserable as the rest of the population...who was joined in the brief'n room by "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN" and psoriasis sufferer...the colorfully unusual songbird CYNDI LAUPER who celebrated the sign'n with the rest of the country

unfortunately...it was a cactus to the cantankerous cunt of Missouri vaginal scab VICKY HARTZLER who broke down on the House floor show'n no mercy in the defecation of her character

from the great state that birthed the QUEEN OF THE DANCEFLOOR

this life long Michigander with an impressive resume consist'n of lawyer...educator...former prosecutor...senator in both the house and the senate floors and governor since 2019 

GRETCHEN WHITMER has passed a merried of bills include'n protection fer foster kids...bolstered election access among many many other bills since her re-election...though most that are not from the Great Lakes state only know about GOVERNOR GRETCHEN from the attempted coup to kidnap her back in 2020 which thankfully was thwarted...

despite the fact that her cuntasaurus anti abortion extremist repuglicunt opponent MISS TURD DICKLESS who suggested durin' the campaign that it was all just a delusional plot in her head

unfortunately...fer these 3 LARRY...DARYL and DARYL undemocratic dipshits who hadda hissy fit over the states covid restrictions at the time cuz one can only assume that it interfered with their possum fuck'n competition...can now hone in on the art of throat plunge'n in the state pen

once proud card carry'n orange anal beaded affiliates of the "WOLVERINE WATCHMEN" militia...they've now had to grovel pathetically...throw'n themselves at the courts begg'n fer mercy from the judge since they can no longer afford their monthly stupidity membership fee to the wolf club

luckily the judge waved the membership fee and they are now insolent card carry'n members of the CRY BABY club fer roughly the next 20 years!

BUTT that's not all...

after the diarrheic announcement from the orange mentally deranged 

disastrously diabetic dilapidator in chief from the last election...who only announced his despicable run fer the white house a month ago to pathetically hope it would cushion his orange anal leakage from a perp walk to Riker's Island hosted by red headed funny lady KATHY GRIFFIN as commentator (hey...one can dream!)

the bloated circus peanut once again tweeted a "magor announcement"

 last week that got ALL his orange anal beaded deplorables marinate'n in their massengill...desperately gnaw'n on pins and needles fer the news...

will it be paint by neo-nazi numbers and vagisil vixen MTG as his owl screech'n vice bunion buffer?

will it be a double date with his disappointments (and the reason abortion needs to be solidified as the law of the land) Beavis and Butthole to a monster truck rally in Raleigh

or will it be free concerts fer life from KID ROCK's residency at the Crackle Barrel in Kansas City if you just let'em grab you by the pussy?

unfortunately...many MAGA deplorables were burn'n their made in china

blood clot MAGA hats in enormous effigies across the land in every park'n lot from Chick-fil-A to Hobby Lobby (that hopefully include all those friends and fam members that guzzled down his putrid bullshit orange juice since he demoralized the planet 6 years ago that i need not mention)

when they found out that their lecherous lie'n congealed cheeto dusted anal warted gaslite'n demiurge’s 3am infomercial announcement was nothing more than to pathetically promote his latest and greatest grift game to fool them into hand'n over their bingo and bud lite coins by produce'n shitty worthless vanity inflated heavily photochopped fantasies of a 7 year old electronical bubble gumless trade'n cards as stock'n stuffers fer the misogynistic closeted or uncloseted race bait'n ass wipe in yer innner circle fer the low low price of $99 each so he could inflate his hemorrhage'n piggy bank from the multiple lawsuits he's drown'n in especially when they found out that these vomitous works of art were nothing but pointless pieces of poor quality shit  

since all he did was cut and paste his bulge'n hemorrhoid between his shoulders with that haystack hot glued to cover his blowhole onto stock images from Amazon...Men's Warehouse among many other images without permission which will most likely bring on a slew of copyright lawsuits…

besides…the shitty worthless collectible card (literally) has already been done before

although the seditious sack of shit did offer a BOGO holiday special

on his bloated barfy originally untouched scratch and vomit wall poster that you can use to cover the draft in yer tin foiled den

however fer an added teaser...you can also be entered in a delusional

draw'n from his bullshit sweepstakes fer a chance to have him tickle yer taint with paint (cuz i ain’t) or motorboat his Mar-Lard-Goo'd muffin top

surprsingly…even his worn out political wart hog Steve Bannon decided it was time fer him to take off his support hose cuz of his ex boss's latest embarass'n shenanigans!

there is always gonna be MAGA nuts and extreme repuglicunts in many

many shapes and sizes and in every generational letter out there who WILL NOT be happy with just a simple elf on the shelf holiday anymore

since 121 of these wretched G.O.PEE'rs illegally voted to over throw the 2020 presidential election on jan. 6th, 2021 

so why fight 'em at this point anymore? just ignore them all together durin' the holidays and just let'em gag on their lunacy layers of cunt in a bunt this festive of seasons!

cuz thing is grinchies…in the end ya do get what ya paid for...total SHIT!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

YOU DON'T OWN ME

i have spent the better part of my 25 plus years as thee ultimate premier 

unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe perfect'n my stage persona without ever have'n to compromise my artistic integrity fer anyone (yes...i faintly remember hear'n that line muttered from another "performer" years back...so what?) anywhoz'ill'ding...blah blah blah just to appease the masses of kittens thru-out the globe without any (if none at all) regrets...though there was only one time in the beginn'n of my career that i can recall if i could redo it all over again i would'a bought my mouth a ticket to the to catch-up train to my brain when i decided to do a mena je trois on stage with 2 other lyp-stinkers doin the theme song to the 1996 divorcee hit "THE FIRST WIVES CLUB"

after spend'n $50 to have a dj friend remix the song fer us and a couple 

of tireless rehearsals to get our sync in step sorta like a pimp plann'n a mena je trois i guess...i of course obviously portray'n the voluptuously tasty flaxen blonde Goldie Hawn character while the other 2 bowel movements in breath take'n bore'n heels wrestled over the leftover parts...though technically we weren't even emulate'n ANY of the characters from the movie...i just needed the other 2 to make sense fer the audience to know i looked much more gooder

only to be confronted by my show director at the time on the nite of our performance that we would be unable to perform said routine fer the audience "KRYSTAL...who does BETTE music here?" inform'n me that SHE in fact was the MIDLER of the Minne-Apple of course

BUTT...there's always gonna be one

shocked & perplexed...i tried explain'n that we weren't try'na steal any of 

her thunder...i was only try'n to capitalize'n on a trio in the tune at the time...nevertheless...in heinz 57 sight i M-A-Y-B-E should'a asked her to be part of the production H-O-W-E-V-E-R i was 26 at the time and like most 26 year olds...we ALL think we rule the world...

and i WAS NOT about to be denied all those endless rehearsals that i worked so hard on unfortunately instead of bein diplomatic about the conundrum i had now found myself in i just blurted out the first thing that vomitted from my mind without think'n "well last i checked...BETTE wasn't 300 pds!" (and unfortunately that was a direct quote i do wish i never put out there in the universe) needless to say...there was only one viable option i had left in my satchel to pull out after my unthinkable outburst that even'n...

 i high tailed it outta dodge sorta speak but don't fret my lil feline pet...20 some years later...i would profusely apologize and hired BETTE in my very own show as a judge fer my Madonna drag race durin' my 2nd highly successful M party...cuz in the end...i moved on to other arena's with other performers without E-V-E-R 

have'n to compromise my artistic integrity!

so after 10 years of feverishly write'n my highly coveted and sometimes  

often highly controversial words of wisdom on a weekly basis...flash forward to this new era of artistic freedom where just about A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G and E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G is put under a damn microscope and under attack by the #metoo generation nation...the PC parader's and pretty much any annoy'n algorithm out there...include'n MY fuck'n past cuz it turns out as of last week when i tried post'n my popular lil post from my worldwide sought after weekly blog...

 that i have done consistently fer the past 10+ years...i was met with a denial block from post'n it on FUCKBOOK fer the 1st time due to it's multiple postings...UMMM SHAMLOM...i've been post'n it weekly and send'n it as a cheap bday prezzie to stalkers fer the past decade so whether it was flagged by some fairly fuckable guy from my high school days that desperately tried gett'n under my skin recently defend'n his vomitous politicks to me durin' the last election cycle...

or just a complete and total smack down by some fabuless Moolah with no sense of humor...either case i was not too damn happy to get this news...except now it seems all of a sudden that the flood gates are burst'n at the seams it seems with this whole "cancel culture" society we're live'n in!

now mind you Dr. Seuss made the ultimate decision to fall into line with 

the current state of affairs and erase certain literature from their lineage (though thankfully they left the above works of art in tact so read them to yer hearts content with yer lil kittens tonite before they're banished to oblivion) H-O-W-E-V-E-R...

leave it to the sanctimonious shit stainers of the political party (that's GOP'ers to you TikTok'ers) to latch on and suckle from it's literary tit...focus'n on inject'n a faux ban to rile up their brain dead light socket lick'n base...THAT THE ESTATE ITSELF DECIDED ON THEIR OWN TO MOVE FORWARD WITH...where certain anal warts chose to recite sonnets from it's books via twitter (of which none of them were even part of the banned list i might add dipshits) rather than focus'n on and vote'n on the IMPORTANT ISSUES AT HAND...like THE FUCK'N STIMULUS BILL to help millions out durin' these desperate times of need (up to and include'n this unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe)

and just so ya know it ALL you light socket lick'n reTRUMPlicunts...remember to thank the DEMS 100% for this...include'n PRESIDENT BIDEN FOR SIGN'N IT since NOT 1 single repuglicunt in the House or Senate decided to help you out so you can get that crate of double stuff ho-ho's or compete in the Miss Wal-Mart universe pageant 2021!

now if that wasn't enough to curl yer cooter wig...the PC parade decided

to drop the anvil on everyone's fav-o-rit parisian paramour Pepe Le Pew by gett'n him dropped from the sequel to Space Jam fer his overt sexually prowess...from 40 fuck'n years ago (oh what perfect time'n)

S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y? kittens...lemme explain somethin...

first off...Pepe has been chase'n the same damn dame fer 40 fuck'n plus

years and i do recall...Penelope Pussycat was not so virtuous herself...she may have lead us all to believe she was some unpollinated flower that deserves respect and DID NOT want ANY unsolicited advances from one Pepe...however...thing is...she didn't realize IT WAS ALL CAUGHT ON FILM...rewind the damn tapes fer all the proof people!

Penelope was not that I-N-N-O-S-C-E-N-T!

be that as it may...i'm glad the "movement" had it's voice heard over the

supposed "rape" culture that "could be" perceived by Pepe's forceful fornicational feline actions without even a simple trial like he was some sorta callous casanova give'n a bad impression to his view'n audience over the decades so he was ultimately canceled fer his "alleged" devious abhorrent behavior...now lil 8 year old Griffin can go back to play'n that Grand Theft Auto bullshit where he just plunged the ax he virtually purchased into that hooker's heart so he don't have to pay fer the ho!

you want more read'n?...of course you do...

so if that faux OUTRAGE by the colostomitick shit kicker's wasn't enough

to get yer culottes in a twist...now they've decided to peel back their layers of unfiltered disgust with Hasbro makers denouce'n the titles of Mr. and Mrs. from their package'n as to not dictate to the lil kittens play'n with em and let them make up their own minds as to who is who and who can be with who...thing is...the parts have ALWAYS been removable (just like yer soul) so they were ALWAYS interchangeable...and besides...

most kids loathed gett'n them as bday prezzies or from that jolly ol' drunk fat ass after 1975 anyways and would just marinate em in aunt Marcella's margarine bucket and watch em bake at 475 degrees in their older brothers easy bake oven fer 15 minutes til they were a molten puddle of toxic chemicals to slurp up with their purple play-do cookies anyways

listen here...the past is just that...THE PAST...we will ALWAYS offend

someone at some juncture on this road we call life...we can't erase history...IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED...they couldn't stop KATHY and the powers that be ain't about to stop me...we can all learn from our mistakes...if you have a mind...use it and just get a ticket to the catch-up train fer yer brain in the end from time to time!

 if you don't wanna take my advice...EH!...then FUCK OFF and kindly 

GET OFF MY DRESS!