A HOLLY JOLLY GRINCHMAS

with the holiglazed season'n already nipp'n at everyone's runny nose 

there's always that batch of bellyache'n bitches with their britches in a twist who wanna constantly complain about the weather or contemplate whether they wanna simply drown their spirit in some spirits or not!

though most of the population tends to get caught up in the absolute 

pleasure of the chaotic retail check-out lines up until the very last xmas eve minute before close'n time...desperately cling'n onto whatever they can snatch off the shelves even if it's the last bag of ruffled  jalapeño cheddar chips just to stuff in some lil ungrateful shits stock'n...that we often overlook those with a tendency to revel in the disdain fer the ritualistic give'n of the gifts

with the recent pass'n of the "RESPECT FOR MARRIAGE ACT" signed

into law by PRESIDENT BIDEN (that was given the thumps up by only 39 G.O.PEE'rs) which includes non hetero and interracial facials finally bein' able to be legally just as fuck'n miserable as the rest of the population...who was joined in the brief'n room by "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN" and psoriasis sufferer...the colorfully unusual songbird CYNDI LAUPER who celebrated the sign'n with the rest of the country

unfortunately...it was a cactus to the cantankerous cunt of Missouri vaginal scab VICKY HARTZLER who broke down on the House floor show'n no mercy in the defecation of her character

from the great state that birthed the QUEEN OF THE DANCEFLOOR

this life long Michigander with an impressive resume consist'n of lawyer...educator...former prosecutor...senator in both the house and the senate floors and governor since 2019 

GRETCHEN WHITMER has passed a merried of bills include'n protection fer foster kids...bolstered election access among many many other bills since her re-election...though most that are not from the Great Lakes state only know about GOVERNOR GRETCHEN from the attempted coup to kidnap her back in 2020 which thankfully was thwarted...

despite the fact that her cuntasaurus anti abortion extremist repuglicunt opponent MISS TURD DICKLESS who suggested durin' the campaign that it was all just a delusional plot in her head

unfortunately...fer these 3 LARRY...DARYL and DARYL undemocratic dipshits who hadda hissy fit over the states covid restrictions at the time cuz one can only assume that it interfered with their possum fuck'n competition...can now hone in on the art of throat plunge'n in the state pen

once proud card carry'n orange anal beaded affiliates of the "WOLVERINE WATCHMEN" militia...they've now had to grovel pathetically...throw'n themselves at the courts begg'n fer mercy from the judge since they can no longer afford their monthly stupidity membership fee to the wolf club

luckily the judge waved the membership fee and they are now insolent card carry'n members of the CRY BABY club fer roughly the next 20 years!

BUTT that's not all...

after the diarrheic announcement from the orange mentally deranged 

disastrously diabetic dilapidator in chief from the last election...who only announced his despicable run fer the white house a month ago to pathetically hope it would cushion his orange anal leakage from a perp walk to Riker's Island hosted by red headed funny lady KATHY GRIFFIN as commentator (hey...one can dream!)

the bloated circus peanut once again tweeted a "magor announcement"

 last week that got ALL his orange anal beaded deplorables marinate'n in their massengill...desperately gnaw'n on pins and needles fer the news...

will it be paint by neo-nazi numbers and vagisil vixen MTG as his owl screech'n vice bunion buffer?

will it be a double date with his disappointments (and the reason abortion needs to be solidified as the law of the land) Beavis and Butthole to a monster truck rally in Raleigh

or will it be free concerts fer life from KID ROCK's residency at the Crackle Barrel in Kansas City if you just let'em grab you by the pussy?

unfortunately...many MAGA deplorables were burn'n their made in china

blood clot MAGA hats in enormous effigies across the land in every park'n lot from Chick-fil-A to Hobby Lobby (that hopefully include all those friends and fam members that guzzled down his putrid bullshit orange juice since he demoralized the planet 6 years ago that i need not mention)

when they found out that their lecherous lie'n congealed cheeto dusted anal warted gaslite'n demiurge’s 3am infomercial announcement was nothing more than to pathetically promote his latest and greatest grift game to fool them into hand'n over their bingo and bud lite coins by produce'n shitty worthless vanity inflated heavily photochopped fantasies of a 7 year old electronical bubble gumless trade'n cards as stock'n stuffers fer the misogynistic closeted or uncloseted race bait'n ass wipe in yer innner circle fer the low low price of $99 each so he could inflate his hemorrhage'n piggy bank from the multiple lawsuits he's drown'n in especially when they found out that these vomitous works of art were nothing but pointless pieces of poor quality shit  

since all he did was cut and paste his bulge'n hemorrhoid between his shoulders with that haystack hot glued to cover his blowhole onto stock images from Amazon...Men's Warehouse among many other images without permission which will most likely bring on a slew of copyright lawsuits…

besides…the shitty worthless collectible card (literally) has already been done before

although the seditious sack of shit did offer a BOGO holiday special

on his bloated barfy originally untouched scratch and vomit wall poster that you can use to cover the draft in yer tin foiled den

however fer an added teaser...you can also be entered in a delusional

draw'n from his bullshit sweepstakes fer a chance to have him tickle yer taint with paint (cuz i ain’t) or motorboat his Mar-Lard-Goo'd muffin top

surprsingly…even his worn out political wart hog Steve Bannon decided it was time fer him to take off his support hose cuz of his ex boss's latest embarass'n shenanigans!

there is always gonna be MAGA nuts and extreme repuglicunts in many

many shapes and sizes and in every generational letter out there who WILL NOT be happy with just a simple elf on the shelf holiday anymore

since 121 of these wretched G.O.PEE'rs illegally voted to over throw the 2020 presidential election on jan. 6th, 2021 

so why fight 'em at this point anymore? just ignore them all together durin' the holidays and just let'em gag on their lunacy layers of cunt in a bunt this festive of seasons!

cuz thing is grinchies…in the end ya do get what ya paid for...total SHIT!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

HUNTING SEASON

with mother nature change'n her fall shawl fer a winter wrap...it's that time

of the year once again fer every swamp assed carnivore enthusiast to bundle up in their bvd's...belch their greatest hits with their "buds" along with a 24 pack of bud-lite lime all while try'na bag themselves a buck a duck or some simple "accidentally inebriated" camouflaged fuck

BUTT let's get back there in a bit...

picture it kittens...the year was the hedonistically shoulder padded times 

of 1982 when the price to fill yer Renault Fuego Turbo full of gas at 91 cents a gallon is now equivalent to the cost of just one tasty turbo charged appletini today

K.I.T was the navigational system designed to replace that dreaded fold out map 40 years ago however today it has now been secretly replaced by it's much greener offspring SIRI

and the rectally regurgitated religiously righteous repuglicunts of '82 went from shoot'n posters to scare the shit outta their target audience by belitte'n and demean'n the LGBTQIA+ community (which was largely ignored by the jelly beaned prez of the period i might add) to now just an all out assault use'n the LGBTQIA+ community as their target audience fer hunt'n season hide'n behind their 2nd amendment rights by certain psychologically deranged individuals

thanx in part to the rectally regurgitated religiously righteous repuglicunts 

of 2022 file'n a stagger'n 238 anti gay bills in the first 3 months of 2022 alone...compared to just 41 bills in 2018

with the all to unfortunate tragic events of last week in Colorado Springs 

at the cities only non heterosexual danceteria...a diabetically deranged gunman who's attorney's says is "non binary" (which to me sounds like a plausible escape defense from bein charged also with a hate crime in my opinion) walked into the nite club with you guessed it A FUCK'N AR-15 style kill'n machine and a handgun who then decided to blow off some steam by end'n the holidaze for...

28 yr old transman and bartender of CLUB Q DANIEL DAVIS ASTON...40 yr old transwoman patron KELLY LOVING...35 yr old LGBTQIA+ ally and patron ASHLEY PAUGH...22 yr old LGBTQIA+ ally and patron RAYMOND GREENE VANCE and 38 yr old bartender of CLUB Q DERRICK RUMP  

when just 6 years earlier 49 patrons lost their holidaze in Orlando at the popular non heterosexual dance club

luckily...if it wasn't fer the quick think'n selfless bravery of army veteran

RICHARD FIERRO who leapt into combat mode...dismantled and subdued the dude before the trigger fuck had the chance to cause any more murders and chaos...

with the help of a trans woman (not a drag queen like some lazy reporters stated) take'n out her frustration by stomp'n the shit outta the shooter's skull with her louis vuitton's (which incidentally fell on the eve of TRANSGENDER REMEBRANCE DAY) things could'a gone the whole PULSE route

and like ANY mass shoot'n the media fixates more on the damn murderers

back story than the victims themselves in hopes to turn their journalism into some big screen adaptation and rub shoulders with hollyweird's elite fer all the free cold shrimp cocktail platters with all the other oscar accolades come award season

so of course like any good reporter i also did a lil snoop'n late one even'n

clutch'n my fav-o-rit Angela Lansbury pearls while sipp'n ever so slightly on a chilled glass of 1947 chateau cheval blanc as i scoured the informational highway relentlessly in hopes of find'n anything behind the back story that would cause this murderer’s rampage...and unfortunately...it wouldn't take long

after a little journalistic digg'n turns out as no surprise that this deranged

murderer comes from an unfortunate broken home...with his mother in and out of consciousness most of her life and the dad abandone'n him after birth who spent time swapp'n cigs fer Bubba in the state pen to become'n a suedo popular MME fighter to a smarmy str8 mormon porn star repuglicunt (though i'm not all that sure what the order follows that last job description and google was no fuck'n help i can tell you that) what's this performer's name you ask?

DICK DELAWARE (cuz...why not?) who was more concerned about the kid he abandoned bein' a cock sucker than a mentally deranged cold blooded murder

this entire unfortunate scenario has the complete make'ns of a twisted 

JOHN WATERS production!

with that said...how is it that these vomitously regurgitated meaningless

"thoughts and prayers" are ALL these far right repuglicunts can barely mutter time and time again when it comes to LGBTXYZPDQ rights and protections in incidents like these and many many others (especially towards the trans community) ask yerself...have you ever heard of ONE incident where a member of the LGBTXYZPDQ community goes into a straight bar armed like Arnold to clear their head and their hatred onto crowds of bud-lite guzzle'n swamp assed hunters or white clawed maxi padded cuntasaurus's just try'n to enjoy their nite away from the lil shits bleed'n em dry at home? 

OH...and ALL you NRA bullshitters can fuck'n stick yer 2nd amendment rights up yer dilapidated bud-lite swamped ass cuz ya don't need Rambo to turn yer rudolph into roast beef!

hate bills like "DON'T SAY GAY" in florida or drag queens read'n books

to young children at their local library WILL NOT indoctrinate them into sign'n up fer the Miss GRINDR contest nor will it turn them into throat plunge'n tulip sniffers or home depot card carry'n taco teasers...they just want someone to tell them "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE"

it's always the far right repuglicunts like Qwack'n bitter owl screech'n  

vaginal suppositories MTG and BLOFART who apparently lost a cactus up their cooter on pledge nite ever since their sorority days at Beta Kappa Kuntasores...turn'n a simple fun and imaginative story hour into some sexual deviant downfall of civilization by introduce'n bills to stop kids from enjoy'n a couture clown read'n to them since without sexualize'n the guest reader in a bouffant and a boa...they wouldn't have a pot to piss in or argument to stand on at all...cuz if story tell'n drag queens were the real issue here...

half the country would've been buy'n stocks in knee pads and vibrators to stuff in their kids stockin's in 1993 when MRS. DOUBTFIRE became the 2nd highest gross'n film of the year...P-E-R-I-O-D! and the LGBTXYZPDQ community only averages 5.6% of the population so you do the math kittens

which incidentally also took home golden globes fer best picture and best actor by 1994

it's sick deranged religious zealots like the bloated orange marmalades 

political blow-up doll and feminine crotch itch legal adviser Jenna Ellis who basturdize their religious beliefs to fit their hate filled agenda and wonder why millions are abandone'n that ancient CASPER crusade'n bullshit altogether! 

anyone who supports ANY politician who puts ANYONE'S RIGHTS as a

2nd class citizen remember this...you may not have take'n aim at someone from the LGBTXYZPDQ community physically...however...when you whine see'n them show affection in public...on tv...in the movies...gett'n married etc...yer part of the problem that built up this rancid rhetoric in our culture give'n credence to those murderous few take'n aim at the 5.6% of the population out there...YOU ARE the absolute ammo in their weapons durin' hunt'n season on the selected population by prolong'n the process all together...

so until you have to look over yer shoulder 24/7 wonder'n if this will be yer last day of not cause'n ANY harm to anyone but fer the simple fact of just exisit'n...do yer damn due diligence and VOTE these fanatical sexually depraved draconian anal warts out of office and out of yer life!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!