society as a whole has done their damndest to damn you straight to the
bottomless pits of the self loath'n purgatory flames in Lucifer's relm if you dare escaped yer teenrager years into adulthood ever since the victorian age with every reason imaginable to rid yer complexion of each and every crow scratches that’s marched across yer mug...the music industry is no stranger to bein an unfortunate catalyst to this self imposed catastrophe
with the recent departure of founder and lead singer from the 60's super
group the RONETTES...RONNIE SPECTOR was the epitome of the girl group sensation sweep'n the world with hits like "BE MY BABY" among many many others
though i can freely admit i was only introduced to RONNIE when she mashed up her smash hit with the rigid and rough edge vocals of EDDIE MONEY's "TAKE ME HOME TONITE/BE MY BABY" in the 80's...milk'n her youthful fame fer as long as she possibly can
BUTT...that's not all
ever since the early morn'n hrs of august 1st 1981 every hyper gen X'n
preteen and post teenrager was prepare'n themselves fer a merried of eye issues from cataracts to glaucoma's later on in life thanx to the new way they would and could experience their music when that all important flag was planted on the moon and they knew exactly where they would be at the top of every hour thereafter until the end of the decade...at least
from "THE BUGGLES"
to "THE BANGLES"
from "PAT"
to "RATT"
we just couldn't get enough of those mini musical movies...it was like
the new legalized heroine fer a whole new generation and eventually everyone and their neurotic neighbor who was hooked on marinate'n in mayonnaise wanted to make a total A double snakes outta themselves just fer a mere moment of fame so they could tell anyone who would listen to their babble
as they placed their order with the lonely TCB-Y-R-U HERE counter help...to be apart of the hysteria in the make'n (much like those desperado tiktok'n spatchatters of today) though don'tcha ever wonder whatever happened to those support’n mini muffins after the camera's stopped roll'n and their musical celebrity moved on?
picture it kittens....it's 1986 and everyone was jell-o as H-E-double hockey
stix (and by everyone i mean MEEEEEEE) when 13 year old UK born cool blue dowey eyed FELIX HOWARD tried gett'n a sneeky peek of one MISS CICCONE
twirl'n her pendulous taataa's as an exotic dancer in the erotical peep show fantasy "OPEN YOUR HEART"
don't fret my lil pet...at 49 FELIX still enjoys gloat'n about his brief brush
with the QUEEN OF THE DANCE FLOOR while roast'n smores on a hot summer nite however this hot follicley challenged daddy didn't move too far from the music biz…FELIX became a successful head in the industry as a VP at A&R and EMI while also penn'n hits fer dearly departed AA reject
AMY WHINEHOUSE (hey the truth hurts sometimes kittens so learn to redirect yer anger at the issue and not at the fact checker)
SIA...
and the SUGARBABES among many other countless musicians
next up is the lil leprechaun model PETER ROWEN from across the
pond who grew up on the other side of the street from irish singer BONO of U2 fame who was friends with PETER's older brother and at 5 was plucked from obscurity to be plastered on the bands album cover "BOY" in 1980 then again at 8 in 1983 fer their "WAR" album then rumors started float'n around in my head that i suspected the EDGE probably got piss drunk one nite in 98 and won a game of canasta with PETER and so the EDGE got to take any old pic he wanted to of PETER to use fer their "GREATEST HITS" album...allegedly!
today PETER is a successful photographer in Ireland and still plays canasta with BONO and the EDGE when the band is back in town...ain't that just swell!
once the 80's decadence of make-up and aqua-net wore out it's welcome
the 90's rolled in with homeless sheik consist'n of worn out jeans...wife beaters...tattered flannel shirts and monthly ritiual bath'n routines to mask the scent of the many new drugs on the market (presumably) and no one pulled it of better than the members that sounded like they gargled lighter fluid of the groggily grunge band NIRVANA with their 2nd album "NEVERMIND" that featured a 4 month old SPENCER ELDEN and his willy wonka swimm'n after some benjamin bait that sold 30 million albums worldwide make'n him a household pedophiliac's dream
though SPENCER has enjoyed years of bragg'n about his notoriety whenever he got the chance to whatever Slovakian street vendor would bother to listen...even recreate'n an updated more PG version fer postcards and non pedophile fans fer many years since there's a rumor goin around in my head that he'd probably plug up the drain at this point were he not wear'n those cut off jeans (hey...an unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe can dream)
well now thanx to the repressed memories of the new woke generation
SPENCER has desperately tried to cash in from his dwindle'n art sales by sue'n the remain'n members of NIRVANA fer undisclosed millions fer the mental anguish and blatant pedophilic dreams that he was unable to consent to at the time unfortunately the courts weren't so kind in SPENCER's favor since he'd marketed and milked himself as the NIRVANA baby fer the past 30 years...
so rumor has it DAVE GROHL still wanted to amend the sticky situation and gave SPENCER the entire NIRVANA collection...some of KURT COBAIN's worn out smoke laced tee's that COURTNEY LOVE gave him after KURT's unfortunate death...
and some vintage bottles of car wax he stole from KURT's basement...so at least there was somewhat of a happy end'n i heard (SHHH!)
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
