POSSUM ON A GUM BUSH

ever since the early winters of  1979...almost every pre and post pimple 

 popp'n puke'n pecker wrecker was glued to their magnavox television set on friday nites to watch the hot to trot cousins BO and LUKE DUKE played by heart throbbers TOM WOMPAT and JOHN SCHNEIDER buzz'n thru Hazzard county on the hit series "DUKES OF HAZZARD" until 1985

those more confused non homo's with their tingle'n tapper apparently were

 more interested in DAISY parade'n around in her hiked up hysterectomy hot pants...seriously...get help...it's out there if you ask fer it (ummm...insert laugh here) played by the charismatically classy ass-kick'n CATHERINE BACH

who had all mooched off everyone's fav-o-rit silver haired moonshiner UNCLE JESSE played by DENVER PYLE

in the county of HAZZARD that was run by high cholesterol heart attacker BOSS HOGG and his bumble'n long arm of the law SHERIFF ROSCOE P. COLTRANE with his trusted basset hound FLASH and DEPUTY ENOS STRATE played brilliantly by SORRELL BOOKE...JAMES BEST and SONNY SHROYER

and of course we can't ferget about the awkwardly loveable ritual bath'n town mechanic COOTER played by BEN JONES

BUTT...this is a shepard to lost sheep

like many of the friday nite line-up shows pre #METOO #WOKEUP and

#MADONNAISSTILLTHEQUEENLIZZO light hearted slap-stick bumble'n comedy sitcoms like the "DUKES OF HAZZARD" would never survive any air born jumps in today's cautiously cantankerous climate...mainly due to the stereo typicalism...machoism...sexism...oh and that confederate flagism

say all what you wanna say about the history behind the GENERAL LEE's

roof top decoration...NOT ONE SINGLE gen X'er out there today gave 2 shits about the flag adore'n that 1969 carrot colored dodge charger...we all desperately wanted one from that silver bearded jolly plump A double snakes at xmas time to fling off our desk ramps at school in the 80's...with that said...

YES i understand the dark history behind the flag's symbol so don't go line'n up outside my shitbox to school me while yer wait'n fer the dunk'n donut live'n above me to pour you some freshly squeezed lemonada marinate'n in moonshine served in a chilled mason jar cuz it ain't happen kittens...everything has a history and some history deserves to be fergotten but it can never be erased...thanx to technology

those fans of the beloved buffoonery series suffered another tragic lose 

recently at the hands of mother nature's off spring HURRICANE IDA when she came tear'n thru town like a bumble'n bitch on booze and right thru BO DUKE's backyard in Louisiana where the original wheels from the series had decided to retire

and though the current generation may have ZERO interest in tv's

most beloved iconic car...treasured fans can still flock to the fairgrounds in Tennessee to see one of their fav-o-rit famous cousins and taste the flaw in the slaw at the GREENE COUNTY FAIR this october

where you can get a chance to be up close and personal with HAZZARD COUNTY'S hottest hostess with the mostess CATHERINE BACH...so fasten yer seatbelts and click here fer tickets and times...y'all come back now...ya here?

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

how to lift and separate

when ya think about it...the times have never really changed much

the powers in power have made up a large percentage of yer minds for you without you have'n to take any sorta responsibility to think fer yerselves...don't answer that...just think about it fer a minute?

we're subliminally...and stupidly many follow...bein' told to pick sides by the media between this or that...fer instance let's take a simple subject like KATY PERRY and TAYLOR SWIFT and their pettiness...bein pitted against each other as the WWF of the music world...all becuz of some stupid spat they had...as if that was gonna change the way they actually perform on stage

in the 90's we hadda pick between CHRISTINA AGUILERA and  BRITNEY SPEARS and who could pull off the wetter lip gloss in a glittered bikini made of mint floss and pasties

in the 80's it was MADONNA and CYNDI LAUPER and who was gonna outshine the other

but i'm here to tell ya kittens...this is not the MUSKRAT LOVE that the CAPTAIN & TENILLE would approve of...oh no!...why are you lett'n yerself bein' distracted by who likes what...this has been a no brainer free market'n tool for music execs to use against those who have no brain in order to drive sales

i mean...i'm sure if we looked back far enough in musical history...we'd know all about the disastrous smack down torch weild'n riots between who was the better ivory tickler...MOZART or BEETHOVEN

so to bring'n it back into perspective here and the recent clash...

no...not these guys (though the 1st guy on the left...like totally could'a rock'd my casbah back then i swear with those dreamy eyes)

no...unfortunately i'm talk'n about these brain dead lobotomized polo'd morons...(i'll save my perspective til the end) and all over a statue...or so we're lead to believe!

A STATUE?..REALLY?...cuz from what i ran across in the live stream media...they weren't chant'n in unison...while thrash'n their home depot tiki torches in match'n kaki's "let Robert Lee be...let Robert Lee be"...but let's just say it was about the damn statue fer a  minute

lemme break it down fer ya...so me...not really bein' a historian whore...or one who really was into cast iron catastrophes of the past...i didn't really get the point on either side...whether you were for the historian significance of the statue or against it...to me IT'S JUST A STATUE!

BUTT

 (don't worry...i just need'a breather to collect my lustful thoughts fer a min)

a simple pimple solution to the whole damn thing would be to just preserve the confederate statues (regardless how you feel about their significance to society) in a museum in which ever city you reside in...

and all those supposed "pissed of patriots"...can go worship their ghosts of a painful past...like the thousand of lobotomized CASPER worshippers do on sunday...that is...IF that was their real reason...of which those unlobotomized of us out there know...IT WAS NOT!

but let's no loose site and focus on what the REAL issue at hand is...

though some might think'n i'm putt'n on my paranoid floaters and take'n a dipp'n in the conspiracy pool...think about it fer a minute?...why NOW all of a sudden are we ignite'n a race war over a statue?...it's always been there...it's just suppressed at times thru-out our history

but is it really a stretch when you stop and think about it fer just a cotton pick'n minute (without whatever news channel and social media outlet post you choose to believe is REAL NEWS) this was all just a simple free distraction...most likely created by BANNON the CANNON...and now that he's gone...

there are many lobotomized applicants that have already begun to line up...fill'n out their applications to take his place...

when all they really need to do to get over all their pent up anger is listen to some KESSLER SISTERS or CONNIE FRANCIS  and get over their fuckery...yer free speech is fine...NO MATTER HOW INSANELY FUCK'D UP IT REALLY IS...but it should ONLY be doin just that
(no tiki torch'n...car runn'n over parade)

but i think Scully and Mulder would agree with me...we are only bein' pinned against each other once again as a distraction...instead of focus'n on the real deal...so our TWITTER BITCH can ride off into the sunset with his Rooski

like the queen says..."music...makes the people come together"

turn down yer emotions...turn up yer mind...and turn up the radio...oh...
and get off my dress!