get off my dress: August 2011

Monday, August 29, 2011

basically exstinct

what is a relationship?...why do we need a relationship to feel any worth? i wanna know who out there is make’n all us singles feel shitty about ourselves again?...the agenda isn’t beauty or ugliness…that’s…all your idea! history has proven that they never work

David and Goliath for example…

David…a simple isrealite in a tunic and berkinstock sandals…

Goliath…about as str8 act’n and appear’n as a water buffalo in manolo blahniks with a chip on her shoulders the size of Sarah Palin’s ego…

unable to confess his true love to David...cuz society deemed it "unnatural" and "immoral"...so Goliath made fun of David’s peeps

until one day David went all Loreena Bobbit on his ass and chopped of his head

(or so we’re lead to believe )

Tiger Woods tried desperately over and over to hold onto his relationships

and look where that got him…

knee deep in a spendy divorce

and a handful of fame whore’n STD’s

even convicted polygamist Warren Jeffs marriage to 50 easter eggs

had no chance of survival...since apparently they were all suffer'n from an extreme case of pixalation of the eyes due to cross breed'n i'm guess'n

if you tell someone your “widowed”...

they tell you to either pop a prozac like a normal person or simply…

kill yourself!

but if you tell someone you’re a “divorcee”…

well…that’s just tell’n em there’s a party in yer pants and there ain’t no cover charge!

i…myself…have even dabbled in a relationship from time to time…my longest last’n almost 4 years…i remember it as if it were yesterday…

he would call me his “wonderboy”…

always wonder’n what deliciousness I had cooked up for us next…

and these days...i refer to him affectionately as my...
“heart-break’n-two-time’n-cock-suck’n-ass-fuck’n-pig-slut’n-trailer-trash-piece-of-geriatric shit who could run a boat show thru his a-hole”

but i say learn from yer mistakes and hold no grudge…

i’ve done my fair share of the scary…merry…delusionally "str8 act'n and appear'n" charitable acts of the week thru-out my love life…i've marched along side the pity parade of pansies…

most of them being either emotionally unavailable…

socially retarded...

or chemically dependant!

human nature is so cruel!

but i never understood the scary…merry…delusionally "str8 act'n and appear'n" charitable acts of the week i’ve encountered...they are fool’n no one…come out come out…you know who you are…

i’ve cancelled my subscription to those “issues” years ago…let's leave the “act’n” to the professionals...shall we?

i’m still in contact with the old purse with the robo dick even after that STD with legs moved in with him…after all…we been thru a lot together…and cuz i’m much bigger than hold’n onto a grudge…

trust me…much BIGGER!

and though i’d like to get banged like a screen door in a tornado on a regular basis…

these days…i’m looking more for someone intelligent enough to chant my name...

while jump’n off a cliff

don’t let anyone fuck you over…fuck them over FIRST! FUCK THEM UP!!

now if you wouldn't mind...time fer me to soak in some jean nate' after bath body splash...