DON'T DRAG ME DOWN!

there are many many myths in the world that many many people have 

believed to be true...that sooner or later...at some point...gets debunked as 100% false like fer instance...popular psychic to the senile credit card callers in the 1990's MISS CLEO who couldn't predict her way outta a paper bag even if it was made out of invisible paper...

was really just out of work 80's actor TODD BRIDGES from tv's "DIFFERENT STROKES" dressed in a wig from the Eva Gabor's jerry curl collection...costume trinkets he "borrowed" from Mrs. Garrett's dress'n room and a tacky muumuu he got at some close-out sale at the Lane Bryant outlet in Indiana

that the saucy senior with the lavender locks from down under DAME EDNA is really just a hitman fer the gladiola mafia

or that transgendered beauty AMANDA LEPORE is 100% recyclable (she can't be more than 69%)

and even though the term "drag" is as old and ugly...tired and expired as a thanksgive'n dinner in july

i am neither (well not YET anyways) bein the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe that i am!

cuz when you can take a throat plunge'n cock-a-doodle do and turn it 

into a barely there scratch'n post...you are perform'n a pretty damn good illusion so with that in mind kittens...let's hop aboard the debunction function express

though most of the baby boomer generation of today are one by one

turn'n into a buffet fer dung beetles...they grew up watch'n mr. television MILTON BERLE dressed in his nana's naughty's on the “KRAFT MUSIC HALL" program which transitioned from radio to tv in the 1950's (even though he was reportedly a hard core homo phobie) that all kids watched with the family

while TONY CURTIS and JACK LEMON were musicians who escaped

a police raid and witness a mob hit (loosely inspired by the real life St. Valentine's Day massacre) so they disguise themselves in their best pressed grannies get-up and board a train to miami where they both compete fer the affection of lead singer SUGAR KANE of the all female band played by MARILYN MONROE in the crime dramedy of 1959 "SOME LIKE IT HOT" that the cool arty kids got to watch with their families who could afford the ticket prices

by the 1960's the popular series all about a suburban family of mythical 

creatures of the nite on the hit series "THE MUNSTERS" in one of their most popular episodes HERMAN portrayed his feminine side after exposure to a bolt of lighten'n that all kids watched with the family

in the 1970's....drag characters were embraced by audiences everywhere  

from the brilliantly hysterical HARVEY KORMAN who portrayed many drag persona's on the hit comedy series "THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW" where he began in 1967 til he left the series in 1977 winn'n a golden globe fer his performances in 1975 that all kids watched with the family

FLIP WILSON portray'n sassy liberated woman GERALDINE JONES on the hit series "THE FLIP WILSON SHOW" from '70-'74 and became the 1st successful african american series winn'n FLIP a golden globe and 2 emmy awards that all kids watched with the family

and JAMIE FARR as the quaky cross-dress'n CORPORAL KLINGER who wore his sunday best to try and get a section 8 discharge on the medical dramedy series "M*A*S*H" which ran from '72-'83 that all kids watched with the family

and on the big screen was the break-out role fer british actor TIM CURRY starr'n as the sexually starved transvestite DR. FRANK-N-FURTER in the cult classic (years later) "THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW" in 1975 which is still premiere'n 47 years after it's original release in theaters make'n it the longest release in movie history that the cool arty kids watched with the family along with toss'n toilet paper & bread crumbs at the screen

once the 1980's had rolled around...the gender benders began flood'n the 

air waves and small screens thanx to Mtv with the likes of BOY GEORGE...PETE BURNS...MARILYN...ANNIE LENNOX and GRACE JONES 

and those hard rock'n alcoholic wives DEE SNIDER of TWISTED SISTER...BRETT MICHEALS of POISON and VINCE NEIL of MOTLEYU CRUE who were all the rage fer those dirtballs from Des Moines to Detroit

with the main characters TOM HANKS as KIP WILSON/BUFFY and 

PETER SCOLARI as HENRY DESMOND/HILDEGARD play'n duel roles on the slapstick series "BOSOM BUDDIES" who were advertise'n agents by day and chatty kathy's by nite try'na save a buck on rent in an all woman's hotel cuz their apartment build'n was demolished while they slept than ran fer 2 seasons in 1980 that all kids watched with the family

and DUSTN HOFFMAN lit up the silver screen by 1982 portray'n out of work actor MICHAEL DORSEY who's been known to be difficult to work with until one day he hears of a female part open'n up on a soap opera as hospital administrator EMILY KIMBERLY and decides to disguise himself as DORTHY MICHAELS to win the part in the romantic comedy "TOOTSIE" make'n it the 2nd highest gross'n film behind E.T. that same year...that all kids watched with the family if the parents could afford part'n with their pennies fer a nite out after their swanson frozen dinner

with his love interest in the film and MN native JESSICA LANGE winn'n an oscar fer best support'n actress fer her performance

and JOHN WATERS indie musical smash "HAIRSPRAY"  that my friend Dr. Bob introduced me to in 1988 starr'n under ground disco sensation DIVINE as EDNA TURNBALD that became a broadway musical 14 years later and 5 years later would turn back into a movie about the musical that all cool arty kids watched with the family if the parents could to make it to broadway 

when the 1990's began so did the rise of over the top drag persona's 

that went from subculture to mainstream pop culture with the likes of JAMIE FOXX portray'n UGLY WANDA on the FOX comedy sketch series "IN LIVING COLOR" that all kids watched with the family

RUPAUL's electrify'n club smash "SUPERMODEL (YOU BETTER WORK)" was burn'n up the dance floors everywhere around the world

the australian blockbuster "PRISCILLA QUEEN OF THE DESERT" that i 

had seen like 11 times at the Uptown theater in 1994 starr'n TERRENCE STAMP as BERNADETTE...HUGO WEAVING as MITSY and GUY PEARCE in his break-out role as FELICIA (which would go on to become a brilliant broadway musical 17 years later) that all cool arty kids watched with the family if the parents could afford  movie prices or waited til they could rent it at their local blockbuster 

and shortly after i absofuckinglutely decided to give birth to the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe KRYSTAL KLEER in 1995

MISS COCO PERU appeared in the romantic dramedy indie flick "TRICK" in 1999 that all cool arty teenragers watched with their friends while the parents played "cribbage" with the neighbors

and ROBIN WILLIAMS as the doting dad try'n to hold onto his relationship with his kids as his is fall'n apart in the mega hit "MRS DOUBTFIRE" from 1993 that won ROBIN an oscar...emmy and mtv awards fer his ingenious comedic time'n performance that all kids watched with the family and came back fer seconds with their "babysitter"

by the time the ball had dropped after it struck 12 on the new millennium

and all the clocks...the computers...the banks and society hadn't fall'n into the great abyss that was apparently predicted with the insane home generator sales we hadn't seen since the CABBAGE PATCH mania of 1983...

that everyone and their brother's mother from the neighbor's father was back comb'n the fuck outta their grama's Eva Gabor wig collection...throw'n on their babysitters thigh highs and lyp-sync'n with their lollipop to hits from LORETTA LYNN thru LIL KIM and every artist in between

movies like HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH in 2001 

and the british comedy based on a true story KINKY BOOTS in 2005 would both enjoy a fantastic run on broadway start'n in 2014

ever since 2009 when RUPAUL pitched a lil show called "DRAG RACE"

to tv execs at LOGO...the series has since turned into the devil of drag catastrophes fer 15 mind numb'n seasons...with 7 spin off seasons of ALL STARS and spawn'n into 14 other countries with their own visions of their 31 flavors of back stabb'n bitchiness on every episode that all kids watched with the family or snuck to their friends family to watch

BUTT...wait!

leave it to some fickle fuckless religious repuglicunt with less morals than

a brown marmorated stink bug…Senate majority asswipe Jack Johnson of Tennessee who introduced a "drag bill" that would stop performers in the great state of banjo's and beer belches from earn'n and entertain'n the cousins and kin folk of the Smokey Mountain state

which unfortunately was signed into law last week by their fucktwat of a governor Bill Lee

although not before their creepy christian colostomy bagged lieutenant repuglicunt governor Randy McNasty was busted with this bill between his britches by like'n posts of a nearly naked instagrammer posts who is 5 generational letters below his own with comments like "FINN, you can turn a rainy day into rainbows and sunshine" before like'n another post that read "I Am not a WHORE, I Am a HOE! there is a difference! One is a SLUT and the other is a Prostitute!" and of course wouldn't you know it...

his press secretiontary would explain it away as he "likes" to "support" his constituents (yea…i get'cha gramps)

though why not spend more time restructure'n yer education programs

fer the lil kittens in yer districts since last i checked fer 2022...you ain't doin so great as a state mate!

with 14 more repuglicunt states try'n to board the anti drag bills bus

those of us with half a work'n brain cell can see what the common denominator at play here is…

cuz drag performances have been around since that bald'n guy with a bad perm wrote his 1st play over 400+ years ago and know that this is all just a smoke screen bill fer bigger anti LGBTXYZPDQ bills to come up on the floor eventually...hmmm why not put more push fer gun reform so lil kittens will no longer have to dodge bullets instead of balls...perhaps free hot meals fer poor kids and maybe more cooler interest'n after school programs as simple suggestions where to begin anal warts! 

don't even get me started on the many drag queen library hours bein

  harassed fer no reason by the very same sack of sanctimonious bible thump'n dipshits turn'n into whiney lil bitches when karma decides to kick their dilapidated flap-jacked ass to the curb who want nothing to do with read'n to their own children at nite cuz one's too busy boink'n the babysitter in the backseat while the other one is pickle'n the principle's prick after the PTA meet'ns

though political cut-throater JON STEWART summed it up a lil more perfectly!

listen up kittens...we ALL grew up watch'n BUGS BUNNY ride into the 

sunset with their long flaxen blonde braids blow'n in the wind while cock tease'n the unfuckable Elmer Fudd (well the Gen X'ers anyways) so how many of you went on to live fairly family friendly lives though unfuckable after have'n a bunch of bawl'n brats bleed'n yer bank account dry fer the next 18 years without the urge to staple gun yer dick between yer derrière and parade around on stage in 8 inch hooker heels look’n like a colorful catastrophe fer dollar bills & drinks?  

yea i thought so...just vote these holier than thou phony fucktards out the next election cycle and

GET OFF MY DRESS!

NEVER NEVERLAND NONSENSE

picture it kittens...the year was the 1600's and oh what time it was to be

A-L-I-V-E....a long haired sour pussed smarty britches named ISAAC NEWTON earned street cred fer publish'n his book formulate'n the theory of gravity by gett'n knocked in the noggin by a macintosh fall'n from a tree branch above while frolick'n with his "special friend" (allegedly...don't go call'n yer state prepresentatives...do yer own research) by 1705 QUEEN ANNE of ENGLAND would knight him and SIR ISAAC decided to take his cousin Engelbert as his plus 1 to the queen's ball so you come to yer own conclusions on that one (hey...prove me wrong?)

a porgy prolific prodigian ivory tickler and ELTON JOHN's dopplegager

was born to Johann Ambrosius Bach and Maria Elisabeth Lammerhirt...by the 18th century JOHANN JR would pull a CHER all together by dropp'n his first and middle names only sign'n autographed 20x24 paintin's backstage as BACH as he raced up the charts with delightful ditty's like "MASS in B MINOR" "BRANDENBURG CONCERTOS" and the ever popular "THE WELL-TEMPERED CLAVIER" that made all the pleasant peasants go apeshit and faint in the aisles at his many concert appearances

and thanx to Massachusetts bein put on the map by JUDGE DANFORTH 

who popularized the 1st and the biggest outdoor fish fry ever fer all the town folk to witness durin' the Salem Witch trials though unfortunately would come to an abrupt end in the summer of 1693 much to the chagrin of the puritan right

BUTT it ain't all that bad in the end

some 400 years later...the SALEM WITCH TRIALS would get a rebrand'n

in a form simply called the "DON'T SAY GAY" bill thanx in part to this closeted sour pussed anal leakage and drag race enthusiast JOE HARDING who introduced the bill to the sunshine states legislation to stop the supposed insidious indoctrination of kinderbeaners thru third grade of which lipstick...base and eye shadow that goes best with their granimals

which unfortunately will most likely be signed into law by florida's very own medically lobotomized and diabolically unfuckable blow fish RON DESANTIS 

which would open the flood gates and give parents the right to micro manage what their kids are taught in school while they juggle their alone time between the gardener and/or babysitter also would give them the right to have a lil pow wow fer a lil cash cow with JUDGE JUDY if ANY teacher teaches their kids how to so much as stitch a lovely holiday table cloth with match'n napkins outta their dads old sadie hawkins gown

of course this only means that we can expect to hear an onslaught of the

  latest insane singles "jesus christ...you hit the wrong hole...again!" the low ball ballad of "puritanical pussy" and TGIF's boot scoot'n boogie dance floor crazy "2 holes in my bedsheets means it's gonna be alright" from every MAGA's fav-o-rotted screech'n cuntagious pterodactyl soccer mom C.L.A.P'n duo THE INGROWN CUNT HAIRS

thankfully brave students like senior JACK PETOCZ organized a massive 

student walk out at his school recently over this obvious draconian scare tactical witch trial which would only be used as a spring board to further strip non heterosexual students of their rights and their history beyond the 3rd grade that most likely would force them to get their education from gloryholes to GRINDR or hammers to Home Depot parades

and to comic queen staples like the incomparable MISS COCO PERU who couldn't be compromised or bought out by the almighty benjamin's by pass'n on perform'n fer the house of mouse after all that she's fought for durin' her illustrious career after the house of mouse who still funded the bill before come'n out publicly against it to save face and a large walk out 

to all those CASPER fear'n tin foiled cap spray can huff'n soprano howl'n

burnt water chef boyardee graduated battery acid big gulp drinkers and their worn out fried out type 1 diabetic scrunchied masengil meat flapp'n models LISTEN UP cuz i'm only gonna say this once fer the millionth time...

there is ALWAYS GONNA BE peter pansies...

tulip sniffers light in the loafers...

hot flash'n tool'n fools or any other ABCXYZPDQ+ out there all because of YOU so you have no one to blame BUT YERSELF...YOU PUT US TOGETHER by doin the hokie pokie with yer vomitusly sick perversional games

while burn'n out yer record player with the smooth cool style'ns of one BURT BACHARACH as a backdrop to yer retched fornications!

how is this insane barbaric bullshit law any different than IRAQ from push'n yer kids off some hypothetical rooftop?

non heterosexuals' WILL NOT FORCE yer child to do A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G 

they don't want to do however they will teach them nothing short of how to make you look yer very best at bridge nite with the Bronstein's...color code yer livin' room arrangements that best compliments yer blouse all while create'n a beautifully bountiful chilled dinner delight fer yer party guests

so in the end...why not try redirect'n yer angry where it belongs kittens

 since you non homosexuals have cornered the market fer years with yer tv personalities...politicians...and pontiffs!

don't even get me started on IDAHO and TEXASSES!

with that in mind i must finally bid ado kittens...cuz it's hammer time!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!