HUNTING SEASON

with mother nature change'n her fall shawl fer a winter wrap...it's that time

of the year once again fer every swamp assed carnivore enthusiast to bundle up in their bvd's...belch their greatest hits with their "buds" along with a 24 pack of bud-lite lime all while try'na bag themselves a buck a duck or some simple "accidentally inebriated" camouflaged fuck

BUTT let's get back there in a bit...

picture it kittens...the year was the hedonistically shoulder padded times 

of 1982 when the price to fill yer Renault Fuego Turbo full of gas at 91 cents a gallon is now equivalent to the cost of just one tasty turbo charged appletini today

K.I.T was the navigational system designed to replace that dreaded fold out map 40 years ago however today it has now been secretly replaced by it's much greener offspring SIRI

and the rectally regurgitated religiously righteous repuglicunts of '82 went from shoot'n posters to scare the shit outta their target audience by belitte'n and demean'n the LGBTQIA+ community (which was largely ignored by the jelly beaned prez of the period i might add) to now just an all out assault use'n the LGBTQIA+ community as their target audience fer hunt'n season hide'n behind their 2nd amendment rights by certain psychologically deranged individuals

thanx in part to the rectally regurgitated religiously righteous repuglicunts 

of 2022 file'n a stagger'n 238 anti gay bills in the first 3 months of 2022 alone...compared to just 41 bills in 2018

with the all to unfortunate tragic events of last week in Colorado Springs 

at the cities only non heterosexual danceteria...a diabetically deranged gunman who's attorney's says is "non binary" (which to me sounds like a plausible escape defense from bein charged also with a hate crime in my opinion) walked into the nite club with you guessed it A FUCK'N AR-15 style kill'n machine and a handgun who then decided to blow off some steam by end'n the holidaze for...

28 yr old transman and bartender of CLUB Q DANIEL DAVIS ASTON...40 yr old transwoman patron KELLY LOVING...35 yr old LGBTQIA+ ally and patron ASHLEY PAUGH...22 yr old LGBTQIA+ ally and patron RAYMOND GREENE VANCE and 38 yr old bartender of CLUB Q DERRICK RUMP  

when just 6 years earlier 49 patrons lost their holidaze in Orlando at the popular non heterosexual dance club

luckily...if it wasn't fer the quick think'n selfless bravery of army veteran

RICHARD FIERRO who leapt into combat mode...dismantled and subdued the dude before the trigger fuck had the chance to cause any more murders and chaos...

with the help of a trans woman (not a drag queen like some lazy reporters stated) take'n out her frustration by stomp'n the shit outta the shooter's skull with her louis vuitton's (which incidentally fell on the eve of TRANSGENDER REMEBRANCE DAY) things could'a gone the whole PULSE route

and like ANY mass shoot'n the media fixates more on the damn murderers

back story than the victims themselves in hopes to turn their journalism into some big screen adaptation and rub shoulders with hollyweird's elite fer all the free cold shrimp cocktail platters with all the other oscar accolades come award season

so of course like any good reporter i also did a lil snoop'n late one even'n

clutch'n my fav-o-rit Angela Lansbury pearls while sipp'n ever so slightly on a chilled glass of 1947 chateau cheval blanc as i scoured the informational highway relentlessly in hopes of find'n anything behind the back story that would cause this murderer’s rampage...and unfortunately...it wouldn't take long

after a little journalistic digg'n turns out as no surprise that this deranged

murderer comes from an unfortunate broken home...with his mother in and out of consciousness most of her life and the dad abandone'n him after birth who spent time swapp'n cigs fer Bubba in the state pen to become'n a suedo popular MME fighter to a smarmy str8 mormon porn star repuglicunt (though i'm not all that sure what the order follows that last job description and google was no fuck'n help i can tell you that) what's this performer's name you ask?

DICK DELAWARE (cuz...why not?) who was more concerned about the kid he abandoned bein' a cock sucker than a mentally deranged cold blooded murder

this entire unfortunate scenario has the complete make'ns of a twisted 

JOHN WATERS production!

with that said...how is it that these vomitously regurgitated meaningless

"thoughts and prayers" are ALL these far right repuglicunts can barely mutter time and time again when it comes to LGBTXYZPDQ rights and protections in incidents like these and many many others (especially towards the trans community) ask yerself...have you ever heard of ONE incident where a member of the LGBTXYZPDQ community goes into a straight bar armed like Arnold to clear their head and their hatred onto crowds of bud-lite guzzle'n swamp assed hunters or white clawed maxi padded cuntasaurus's just try'n to enjoy their nite away from the lil shits bleed'n em dry at home? 

OH...and ALL you NRA bullshitters can fuck'n stick yer 2nd amendment rights up yer dilapidated bud-lite swamped ass cuz ya don't need Rambo to turn yer rudolph into roast beef!

hate bills like "DON'T SAY GAY" in florida or drag queens read'n books

to young children at their local library WILL NOT indoctrinate them into sign'n up fer the Miss GRINDR contest nor will it turn them into throat plunge'n tulip sniffers or home depot card carry'n taco teasers...they just want someone to tell them "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE"

it's always the far right repuglicunts like Qwack'n bitter owl screech'n  

vaginal suppositories MTG and BLOFART who apparently lost a cactus up their cooter on pledge nite ever since their sorority days at Beta Kappa Kuntasores...turn'n a simple fun and imaginative story hour into some sexual deviant downfall of civilization by introduce'n bills to stop kids from enjoy'n a couture clown read'n to them since without sexualize'n the guest reader in a bouffant and a boa...they wouldn't have a pot to piss in or argument to stand on at all...cuz if story tell'n drag queens were the real issue here...

half the country would've been buy'n stocks in knee pads and vibrators to stuff in their kids stockin's in 1993 when MRS. DOUBTFIRE became the 2nd highest gross'n film of the year...P-E-R-I-O-D! and the LGBTXYZPDQ community only averages 5.6% of the population so you do the math kittens

which incidentally also took home golden globes fer best picture and best actor by 1994

it's sick deranged religious zealots like the bloated orange marmalades 

political blow-up doll and feminine crotch itch legal adviser Jenna Ellis who basturdize their religious beliefs to fit their hate filled agenda and wonder why millions are abandone'n that ancient CASPER crusade'n bullshit altogether! 

anyone who supports ANY politician who puts ANYONE'S RIGHTS as a

2nd class citizen remember this...you may not have take'n aim at someone from the LGBTXYZPDQ community physically...however...when you whine see'n them show affection in public...on tv...in the movies...gett'n married etc...yer part of the problem that built up this rancid rhetoric in our culture give'n credence to those murderous few take'n aim at the 5.6% of the population out there...YOU ARE the absolute ammo in their weapons durin' hunt'n season on the selected population by prolong'n the process all together...

so until you have to look over yer shoulder 24/7 wonder'n if this will be yer last day of not cause'n ANY harm to anyone but fer the simple fact of just exisit'n...do yer damn due diligence and VOTE these fanatical sexually depraved draconian anal warts out of office and out of yer life!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

NEVER NEVERLAND NONSENSE

picture it kittens...the year was the 1600's and oh what time it was to be

A-L-I-V-E....a long haired sour pussed smarty britches named ISAAC NEWTON earned street cred fer publish'n his book formulate'n the theory of gravity by gett'n knocked in the noggin by a macintosh fall'n from a tree branch above while frolick'n with his "special friend" (allegedly...don't go call'n yer state prepresentatives...do yer own research) by 1705 QUEEN ANNE of ENGLAND would knight him and SIR ISAAC decided to take his cousin Engelbert as his plus 1 to the queen's ball so you come to yer own conclusions on that one (hey...prove me wrong?)

a porgy prolific prodigian ivory tickler and ELTON JOHN's dopplegager

was born to Johann Ambrosius Bach and Maria Elisabeth Lammerhirt...by the 18th century JOHANN JR would pull a CHER all together by dropp'n his first and middle names only sign'n autographed 20x24 paintin's backstage as BACH as he raced up the charts with delightful ditty's like "MASS in B MINOR" "BRANDENBURG CONCERTOS" and the ever popular "THE WELL-TEMPERED CLAVIER" that made all the pleasant peasants go apeshit and faint in the aisles at his many concert appearances

and thanx to Massachusetts bein put on the map by JUDGE DANFORTH 

who popularized the 1st and the biggest outdoor fish fry ever fer all the town folk to witness durin' the Salem Witch trials though unfortunately would come to an abrupt end in the summer of 1693 much to the chagrin of the puritan right

BUTT it ain't all that bad in the end

some 400 years later...the SALEM WITCH TRIALS would get a rebrand'n

in a form simply called the "DON'T SAY GAY" bill thanx in part to this closeted sour pussed anal leakage and drag race enthusiast JOE HARDING who introduced the bill to the sunshine states legislation to stop the supposed insidious indoctrination of kinderbeaners thru third grade of which lipstick...base and eye shadow that goes best with their granimals

which unfortunately will most likely be signed into law by florida's very own medically lobotomized and diabolically unfuckable blow fish RON DESANTIS 

which would open the flood gates and give parents the right to micro manage what their kids are taught in school while they juggle their alone time between the gardener and/or babysitter also would give them the right to have a lil pow wow fer a lil cash cow with JUDGE JUDY if ANY teacher teaches their kids how to so much as stitch a lovely holiday table cloth with match'n napkins outta their dads old sadie hawkins gown

of course this only means that we can expect to hear an onslaught of the

  latest insane singles "jesus christ...you hit the wrong hole...again!" the low ball ballad of "puritanical pussy" and TGIF's boot scoot'n boogie dance floor crazy "2 holes in my bedsheets means it's gonna be alright" from every MAGA's fav-o-rotted screech'n cuntagious pterodactyl soccer mom C.L.A.P'n duo THE INGROWN CUNT HAIRS

thankfully brave students like senior JACK PETOCZ organized a massive 

student walk out at his school recently over this obvious draconian scare tactical witch trial which would only be used as a spring board to further strip non heterosexual students of their rights and their history beyond the 3rd grade that most likely would force them to get their education from gloryholes to GRINDR or hammers to Home Depot parades

and to comic queen staples like the incomparable MISS COCO PERU who couldn't be compromised or bought out by the almighty benjamin's by pass'n on perform'n fer the house of mouse after all that she's fought for durin' her illustrious career after the house of mouse who still funded the bill before come'n out publicly against it to save face and a large walk out 

to all those CASPER fear'n tin foiled cap spray can huff'n soprano howl'n

burnt water chef boyardee graduated battery acid big gulp drinkers and their worn out fried out type 1 diabetic scrunchied masengil meat flapp'n models LISTEN UP cuz i'm only gonna say this once fer the millionth time...

there is ALWAYS GONNA BE peter pansies...

tulip sniffers light in the loafers...

hot flash'n tool'n fools or any other ABCXYZPDQ+ out there all because of YOU so you have no one to blame BUT YERSELF...YOU PUT US TOGETHER by doin the hokie pokie with yer vomitusly sick perversional games

while burn'n out yer record player with the smooth cool style'ns of one BURT BACHARACH as a backdrop to yer retched fornications!

how is this insane barbaric bullshit law any different than IRAQ from push'n yer kids off some hypothetical rooftop?

non heterosexuals' WILL NOT FORCE yer child to do A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G 

they don't want to do however they will teach them nothing short of how to make you look yer very best at bridge nite with the Bronstein's...color code yer livin' room arrangements that best compliments yer blouse all while create'n a beautifully bountiful chilled dinner delight fer yer party guests

so in the end...why not try redirect'n yer angry where it belongs kittens

 since you non homosexuals have cornered the market fer years with yer tv personalities...politicians...and pontiffs!

don't even get me started on IDAHO and TEXASSES!

with that in mind i must finally bid ado kittens...cuz it's hammer time!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!