A-L-I-V-E....a long haired sour pussed smarty britches named ISAAC NEWTON earned street cred fer publish'n his book formulate'n the theory of gravity by gett'n knocked in the noggin by a macintosh fall'n from a tree branch above while frolick'n with his "special friend" (allegedly...don't go call'n yer state prepresentatives...do yer own research) by 1705 QUEEN ANNE of ENGLAND would knight him and SIR ISAAC decided to take his cousin Engelbert as his plus 1 to the queen's ball so you come to yer own conclusions on that one (hey...prove me wrong?)
a porgy prolific prodigian ivory tickler and ELTON JOHN's dopplegager
was born to Johann Ambrosius Bach and Maria Elisabeth Lammerhirt...by the 18th century JOHANN JR would pull a CHER all together by dropp'n his first and middle names only sign'n autographed 20x24 paintin's backstage as BACH as he raced up the charts with delightful ditty's like "MASS in B MINOR" "BRANDENBURG CONCERTOS" and the ever popular "THE WELL-TEMPERED CLAVIER" that made all the pleasant peasants go apeshit and faint in the aisles at his many concert appearances
and thanx to Massachusetts bein put on the map by JUDGE DANFORTH
who popularized the 1st and the biggest outdoor fish fry ever fer all the town folk to witness durin' the Salem Witch trials though unfortunately would come to an abrupt end in the summer of 1693 much to the chagrin of the puritan right
BUTT it ain't all that bad in the end
some 400 years later...the SALEM WITCH TRIALS would get a rebrand'n
in a form simply called the "DON'T SAY GAY" bill thanx in part to this closeted sour pussed anal leakage and drag race enthusiast JOE HARDING who introduced the bill to the sunshine states legislation to stop the supposed insidious indoctrination of kinderbeaners thru third grade of which lipstick...base and eye shadow that goes best with their granimals
which unfortunately will most likely be signed into law by florida's very own medically lobotomized and diabolically unfuckable blow fish RON DESANTIS
which would open the flood gates and give parents the right to micro manage what their kids are taught in school while they juggle their alone time between the gardener and/or babysitter also would give them the right to have a lil pow wow fer a lil cash cow with JUDGE JUDY if ANY teacher teaches their kids how to so much as stitch a lovely holiday table cloth with match'n napkins outta their dads old sadie hawkins gown
of course this only means that we can expect to hear an onslaught of the
latest insane singles "jesus christ...you hit the wrong hole...again!" the low ball ballad of "puritanical pussy" and TGIF's boot scoot'n boogie dance floor crazy "2 holes in my bedsheets means it's gonna be alright" from every MAGA's fav-o-rotted screech'n cuntagious pterodactyl soccer mom C.L.A.P'n duo THE INGROWN CUNT HAIRS
thankfully brave students like senior JACK PETOCZ organized a massive
student walk out at his school recently over this obvious draconian scare tactical witch trial which would only be used as a spring board to further strip non heterosexual students of their rights and their history beyond the 3rd grade that most likely would force them to get their education from gloryholes to GRINDR or hammers to Home Depot parades
and to comic queen staples like the incomparable MISS COCO PERU who couldn't be compromised or bought out by the almighty benjamin's by pass'n on perform'n fer the house of mouse after all that she's fought for durin' her illustrious career after the house of mouse who still funded the bill before come'n out publicly against it to save face and a large walk out
to all those CASPER fear'n tin foiled cap spray can huff'n soprano howl'n
burnt water chef boyardee graduated battery acid big gulp drinkers and their worn out fried out type 1 diabetic scrunchied masengil meat flapp'n models LISTEN UP cuz i'm only gonna say this once fer the millionth time...
there is ALWAYS GONNA BE peter pansies...
tulip sniffers light in the loafers...
hot flash'n tool'n fools or any other ABCXYZPDQ+ out there all because of YOU so you have no one to blame BUT YERSELF...YOU PUT US TOGETHER by doin the hokie pokie with yer vomitusly sick perversional games
while burn'n out yer record player with the smooth cool style'ns of one BURT BACHARACH as a backdrop to yer retched fornications!
how is this insane barbaric bullshit law any different than IRAQ from push'n yer kids off some hypothetical rooftop?
non heterosexuals' WILL NOT FORCE yer child to do A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G
they don't want to do however they will teach them nothing short of how to make you look yer very best at bridge nite with the Bronstein's...color code yer livin' room arrangements that best compliments yer blouse all while create'n a beautifully bountiful chilled dinner delight fer yer party guests
so in the end...why not try redirect'n yer angry where it belongs kittens
since you non homosexuals have cornered the market fer years with yer tv personalities...politicians...and pontiffs!
with that in mind i must finally bid ado kittens...cuz it's hammer time!
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
