the secret ingreedients

when it comes to suffer'n fer the sake of the bake...

Betty Crocker is right up there with all the fake bakers thru-out the land

there's ALOT to be said about expensive tastes when it comes to

just desserts...fer instance...the NOKA chocolates...made from the finest of pedigreed cocoa beans...hand plucked by many Peruvian whistle children of Borneo...from the highest mountain tops of Ecuador...Venezuela and Trinidad...can set ya back over a cool $850...PER POUND!

i'm sorry...but the only cocoa i'd be dropp'n that kinda benjamins on is one Miss Peru

(but no more than $85 w/a meet & greet and perhaps a complimentary "paddy whack" from the barback...in back)

if chocolate ain't particularly part of yer palette...maybe perhaps

a golden opulence sundae on a saturday nite from New York's Serendipity 3 restaurant might make yer taste buds dance until dawn...cost'n you a pretty hefty handful of pennies...10 million to be exact (that's 1000 benjamins fer you slow pokers)

but if i'm gonna spend $1000 on somethin' opulent...it ain't come'n in a glass bowl...it'll be come'n on my face

perhaps choke'n down on $14,500 worth of mouth water'n artistry...

complete with a bejeweled 80 carat aquamarine and served with a side of mango and pomegranate compote...is more bang fer yer buck...you can purchase this sweet treat at the Wine3 Fisherman Stilt restaurant in beautiful downtown Sri Lanka...tell em the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe sent ya...ya might get a discount...ya might not!

of course personally...i think yer better off sign'n up fer dance classes at the funny farm if yer gonna shell out those kinda coins fer some confectionary delight



but the pinnacle of pastry perfection to wet yer whistle will set you back

just a measly $135,000...or lack there of in this case...and you can find it in the wetlands of...Gresham Oregon?

well that's only cuz of these 2 CASPER crusade'n crocodile tear'n crustaceans tried use'n their "religiously held buffoonery voodoo beliefs" to regretfully make cake...

fer these 2 love'n pie-eat'n parents of 2...who were plann'n a wedd'n 4 days after it was legalized in Oregon back in 2014...just cuz Aaron decided this same sex couple were "abominations" and that is a direct quote he told one of the the mothers of the couple who returned 2 days later to reason with these religiously rectal wipes

the cankerous couple tried desperately to contact their voodoo...

voice of reason...unfortunately...CASPER had other pressing matters to worry about...

like whether or not Paris Hilton really was the reincarceration of veteran caricature actress Joan Van Ark at the golden globes last nite...

or whether OPRAH has a snowballs chance in H-E-double hockey stix to defeat and humiliate #45 for the WHITE HOUSE in 2020 (if he ain't been locked up by then)...so their annoy'n calls went straight to voicemail and were never returned... 

luckily fer everyone with a ounce of dignity and respect for the chastised couple...they were forced to close their callous cakery permanently 3 years later...due to their religiously held stupidity...and told to pay their dues

if there is a lesson to make from this very expensive lesson kittens

it's this...make'n the fuck'n cake or post a sign in yer windows that states yer a total lobotomized  cherry-pick'n asswipe...it'll make it so much easier on everyone else in the end...kapeesh?

now get off my dress!

ps...my good friend and co-partner who gave me my first taste of fame in the late 80's with our band ASTRO PUSSYCATS...Dr. Bob...made a kill'n between both online and in person benefits from his house fire on NYE morn'n...over the weekend...haul'n in over a hefty $17g's in 5 days...so thanx fer all who helped him and his fam out


tits up in the rhubarb

everyone out there always has someone that they have to look up to...

 fer just some momentary p-e-r-s-p-i-r-a-t-i-o-n...i'm sorry...what i really meant was i-n-s-p-i-r-a-t-i-o-n...(ummm...no i don't...insert evil grin here)

i never really followed a leader...i am usually followed...granted mostly by space cases who barely know the difference between their ABC's and their STD's...but hey...i always make sure my standards aren't any higher than my heels...it's alot easier to attain them

we ALL hate to be judged...yet we have been guilty of bein' the judge jury and executioner of anyone else who we see unfit to consume the air that we breathe on any given day...depend'n on how many xanax we popped with our percocet of course

unfortunately...legally speak'n of course...we can't go around shoot'n people just cuz they have no reason to live...otherwise...HILLARY would have no one to kick their flap jack'd A double snakes with this fall

we've all had to endure the reign of our fair share of oppressively ignorant 

vaginal warts fer the past century...from a space cased molded muffin just stuff'n the airwaves with her biodegradable bullshit just to sell books that is any comedians wet dream

to a tenaciously tired tuna purse who made things much worse after dropp'n her dance single earlier this year while try'na stump'n fer Trump after her many failed attempts to milk the public's interest by feed'n them as much of her alphabet soup as possible  

but the cream of the cockless cuntessa's is this right wing'n cunt ruffle... 

or rather...was the first lady of conservatism that desperately and single handedly tried to spear-head the demise of equal rights fer all non ball scratchers and non heterosexuals out of the political system durin' her tyrannical reign of oppressiveness since the 1970's

dubbed the "sweethaeart of the silent magority"...this crusted and very much rusted meat socket...Phyllis Syphilis Schlafly...had spent many a years in the political forum denounce'n and try'n to destroy the women's movements...basically suggest'n that they were much better serve'n their country by serve'n their mate...that their snatch was no match when it came to their ball scratch'n counter parts...but lemme tell ya kittens...she wasn't too cracked up about those tulip sniff'n cocksuckers either

though this up-tight twat had the back'n of many CASPER fear'n hand clappers follow'n in her footsteps...she failed to finish'n bake'n her political pie and her amendment failed by the early 80's

with the outt'n of her ass bandit son John in '92 by an activist (which i will say...i am not a fan of but in some circumstances is very warranted)...this cankersaureous coochie thought it was done as a deliberate act to embarrass her politically...but she would not budge on her position on non heterosexuals and she vehemently denounced gay marriage in 2010 state'n "nobody's stopping them from shacking up. The problem is that they are trying to make us respect them, and that's an interference with what we believe"

she also wasn't a big fan of the interracial facials

earlier this year she stumped fer Trump...which is her CASPER fear'n right to do mind you...but it just goes to show you...that after all this time...and as far as the world has evolved...this bitter bearded clam still hadn't changed her position on equal rights fer all after all...she still longed fer a world where women should still be soak'n in it and the bologna ponies just backcombed her bouffant 

though she made millions callously collect'n coins fer everything she was fight'n against regarding equal rights with herself bein' an exception of course...this pungently pruned pink taco also backed just about every war and said marital rape was "logistically impossible" 

thankfully though...this pungently pickled pussy did her final curtain call when her 92 year old meat curtains...along with her illogical ideology...closed shop fer good last week...she's probably gett'n lucky with Lucifer as we speak...if there's any justice

there are those who might say..."HEY...STOP!...she was more than just a vaginal wart on equal rights...she was also someone's wife...mother...and

grandmother...as well as a great grandmother...where's yer compassion?"

thing is though...hate is hate...no matter how many politically correct

bows you wrap it up in...no matter what age you are...and she was full of it for many many years...fer many many people...by fight'n against equal rights fer all...so if yer gonna desperately try and use that argument with me...then you have to use that same argument fer the likes of...

Hitler

Dahmer

Trump

from the immortal words muttered by one Miss Bette Davis... 

"you should never say bad things about the dead...you should only say good things...Phyllis Schalfly is dead...good!"

her legacy will dry up much like her little debbie snack cake has...so if you want to be treated like an equal human bein...and not shamed fer all of eternity on someone's blog...then may i suggest just try act'n like one!

C-U-Next-Time...now get off my dress!