the great CLINK STINK

Clint did his best to "ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ" over 40 yrs ago

in 1978 and we [the audience] were led to believe that his escape was completely successful as planned and that he lived out a fullfill'n and fruitful life until his last breath...though the real escapees never verified if they did or did not actually make it out since there was no verification from TMZ or any other news outlet since!

i myself...unfortunately...even felt the long arm of the law many moons

ago back in 2005..when i got pulled over fer goin 5 miles over the posted limit one particular even'n and subsequently was arrested fer a DUI fer bein' 1 point over the legal limit...though 6 months later i was completely exonerated by the the judge due to the fact that the cop (as hot as he was...and trust me...i begged fer a strip search...WOOF!) had lied to the courts say'n that he had give'n me a breathalyzer at the scene and not the station...(apparently though his dash cam would not corroborate his story)

but as i was bein' photographed around 2 am on that fateful nite...i was completely disheveled and discombobulated in disbelief of what had just conspired to me and DID NOT want to come off look'n like some sorta magical lezbitron hooker durin' my photo shoot...and after see'n my mugshot...UGH!!! i was completely horrified by what i saw and begged fer a reshoot...thankfully the police's Annie Lebowitz took my request into consideration since no one else was bein' booked at the moment and let me retake my epic glamour shot...

thankfully...the 2nd photo shoot worked out to my satisfaction...that once i was released and made my long walk back home early that balmy morn'n...i decided to turn my lemons into some tasty lemonade and posted my mugshot as my profile pic and literally within minutes i tell ya...i was bombarded by numerous residents of desperadoville on whatever app i was on at the time...

with offers far and wide of putt'n a ring around my rosey and one that would even set me up in the best double wide across the mid west if i'd be their personal inmate date!

i learned my lesson and paid my dues and swore i would never return

behind bars...cuz there was no strip search...no phone call...and most importantly...NO KELLER!

15 years later...the moons had aligned once again but not in my favor

unfortunately...as i was give'n a cease and desist citation fer 24 hours via TWITTER due to Mr. Kaopectate 2019...Lindsay Graham...gett'n all butt hurt and report'n me to the TWITTER police over a tweet i sent that colostomitic twat

it was the roughest 24 hrs that i hadda zip my lip...lemme tell you kittens!

it wouldn't be but a mere 5 days later and the cries from social media
could be heard all the way from Boise to Bermuda the other weekend

where oh where is the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of her own universe and why hasn't she responded to our desperate requests fer a comment or 2?

turns out i didn't learn my lesson and ended up in FB jail fer 3 whole days 

thanx to some bored fuckless repuglicunts feel'n inadequate and unimportant at their knitt'n club with nothing to contribute to the weekly conversation

BUTT...lemme explain!

so this one guy...who i won't bother name'n since i don't wanna further his

insanity cause just to become the next you-tube sedation (you can watch his explosive diarrhea here to get where i'm come'n from) with his mental rant was in regards to the youngest offspring of the current mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of cheeeto dusted pig shit disgrace'n the planet and him bein' referenced in the testimony 

by professor of law at Stanford...PAMELA S KARLAN...who merely suggested a play on words with british nobility and his son's name...and DID NOT suggest ANYTHING else...contrary to the mouth flappers assessment of her testimony...and the many responses left by oblivious lobotomized repuglicunts

well...after view'n said video...i was bored in bed and wait'n fer my muffins

 to cool off after beat'n the batter to oblivion and merely laid out my defense in professor Kaplan's defense...not that she needed it mind you!

in order to protect their anonymity...all last names have been removed

but make no mistake...what i said was complete irrefutable facts...i was deal'n with obvious brain dead lobotomized repuglicunts who believe facts are like their fuckless nites...a nuisance and unnecessary at this point in their life

from many birth announcements to many birthday celebrations

and the million meme posts flood'n my FB feed regard'n that damn loud mouthed real house wife's breakdown and the white pissy pussy cat...that i still don't fuck'n get at all...and everything in between...I COULDN'T RESPOND OR REACT TO A DAMN THING!

i was goin thru complete withdrawal and there was no amount of methadone that was gonna make it any better...i would just have to slowly suffer thru it completely alone

by day 3...the sun had risen...the birds where sing'n...and my fingers were

 like banshees in a bushfire...delightfully tap dance'n away...respond'n to numerous backed up posts that my FB stalkers were so desperately wait'n patiently for...throw'n out likes and dislikes as fast as i could and all was finally good in the world once again

of course leave it to the lobotomized brain dead right to be completely 

mum when it came to that mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of cheeeto dusted pig shit disgrace'n the planet a week later...tweet'n his bitter contemptuous jealousy all cuz he wasn't the covergirl fer TIME magazine that was bequeathed to Swedish kick ass teenage environmental activist GRETA THUNBERG

so if there was one thing i learned to take away from my time away from 

social media post'n...and that is...WHY THE FUCK WASN'T I OFFERED A PROPER 80's GLAMOUR MUG SHOT SESSION LIKE MY LAST INCARCERATION? (hmmm...me thinks there's a market fer that...dont'cha think?) oh well...happy holiglaze

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

gobble gobble gratitude

it's that time of the year again to help propagate the propaganda...

that we should give thanx to John Smith fer winn'n fair and square cheat'n at that game of "top or bottom" with Tonto and his peeps many many harvests ago...cuz we all know this is just the catalyst that helped propagate the propaganda from corporations...turn'n regularly insensitive assholes into aggressive zombies jacked up on LSD...

savagely hunt'n fer the latest and greatest piece of over priced electronical "must have" crap we can't live without fer 24 hrs...

all hand crafted...pennies on the dollar...by the skillful hands of Herminio and his classmates...

all packaged up in an unbelievable fantasy that comes 4 weeks later about some jolly burglar that'll come down yer chimney at least once a year...but that's...another story!

it made me reflect on what is it that i'm really thankful fer...

fer most of my life...i have mainly been influenced by female and female persuasions...and though immediate family should be apparently has to be recognized just to save face when it comes time to make sure yer part of the read'n of the will...there has been many more influences that have molded me to be who i am today 

one of my biggest influences of acceptance was when my grama Viola...who recognized i was bitten by the 80's gender bender bug when i was live'n with her in my late early teen years...and she tore down her brown polyester curtains in her live'n room to stitch me my very fer taste of the spotlight

of course...let me begin by recognize'n how eternally grateful & thankful that i am fer bein' thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe that i am fer all of you kittens that have followed my ramblin's fer the past 9.5 years...cuz without you...well...i'd be just a whore in heels without wheels

my aunt and god mother Ellen who taught me to stand up fer myself and take no shit from anyone and that age is just a number when it comes to have'n fun also fer support'n me by attend'n most of my performances thru out the years

but goin waaay back where it all began...i could not and most likely would not...be who i am today if it wasn't fer the enormous generosity of the HALL family (especially the matriarch Laura) who took me in durin' the roughest patch in my life and guide'n me in the right direction in the late 80's...when i was but a lost kitten without a scratch'n post or a pot to piss in...litterally

to my very 1st employer that hired me at the tender and supple age of 15 who tought me the art of stalk'n...when she paid me $2 an hour to report on who came in and outta of her BF's fucktard's cabin that she helped build along lake boulevard in Winona in the 80's...even though i couldn't work more than an hour a nite...it taught me the valuable lesson to never like someone that much

of course i'm beyond grateful fer my very dear dear incredibly infectious friend Peetrinella fer encourage'n me to go under that pink gelled spotlight and push'n me to become the unintentionally internationally unknown performer of my own universe that i am today (and not just cuz she knows exactly what to get me every year fer the past 30 years on my b'day and xmas...*wink*wink*)

 and anyone that really really really knows me...knows that i am eternally thankful and WORSHIP the quicksand the QUEEN walks on (even if i was not the "chosen" au pair fer her brood brothel)

BUTT...we mus'nt ferget!

those that saved the world this year by fry'n up a HUGE BITCH SLAP 

to the establishment!

start'n with thee lovably redheaded & incredible wittiness all the way from 

the D-List...MISS KATHY GRIFFIN...who was mercilessly tortured verbally by deplorable sycophants and left in a financially funk fer roughly 2 years unable to find work in her own country cuz the current corrupt administration was try'na silence her 1st amendment right...by use'n the powers of the WH to bring her to her knees... 

over ketchup and a rubber mask!

thankfully though...she rose up like a phoenix from the feckless fake flames after collect'n her thoughts and slayed the mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of Cheeto dusted pig shit and his henchmen by give'n the sold out audiences around the globe the 1st hand accounts of what she had endured and to make sure it NEVER happens to ANYONE else and captured it all from her poignantly and personal accounts in thee sleeper smash hit of the year "A HELL OF A STORY"...if you haven't yet...put this on yer "MUST SEE" holiglazed view'n pleasure this season fer the entire family!

3 long and arduous years of back and forth banter of he said she said...

the 1st political high heeled powerhouse and astute speaker of the house NANCY PELOSI...finally stared down the barrel of a loaded "gun" put on our democracy and started the impeachment process against the mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of Cheeto dusted pig shit currently disgrace'n the oval office

oh to be a fly on the wall the day she fried up a bitch slap to the mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of Cheeto dusted pig shit and made him marinate in his shit shorts... 

with the holiglazed season upon us...NANCY assures the people that she's still bake'n her impeachment pie..and still has a few more hidden ingredients to add before the pie is baked

and lastly...but definitely not least...is this lil loud mouthed lassy from the  

shores of Sweden...GRETA THUNBERG became thee most globally famous teenage angst with a mission...bein' nominated fer a Noble Peace Prize...among the many other numerous awards she has accrued fer her fight against the environmental crisis at the tender age of her sweet 16th

it all stemmed from GRETA strike'n durin' her 9th grade school year in regards to the heat waves and fires that hadn't been seen in 262 years in her hometown of Stockholm and demand'n that the Swedish government reduce carbon emissions in accordance to the Paris Agreement 

GRETA spent 15 days at sea from the UK to the US in her 60 racing yacht equipped with solar panels and underwater turbines...eliminate'n her carbon footprint on the planet...cause'n "the GRETA effect" amongst her peers around the planet

so SPEAK UP and SPEAK OFTEN...and NEVER let yer voice be muffled!

and GET OFF MY DRESS!