SHREDDER!

picture it kittens...the year was 1976...new wave punkie pop rock band

BLONDIE fronted by the absofuckinglutely flawlessly alabastered skin with the plumpest non filled pouter of it's time...songstress DEBBIE HARRY (just fer those of you who are too lazy to google the significance of this bands history...just do it!) was tear'n up the charts with their hit "RIP HER TO SHREDS"

while i had just shredded the competition and won the coveted jeweled sash fer the Miss Kick-Ass Kinderbeenier kweetie kompetition...thanx to my overly understated winged chartreuse buttoned up blouse accented by my peek-a-boo smile to compliment my perfectly arched cereal killer brows...silky chestnut locks and my impossibly high cheeks bones fer the very first time in Miss Grouseneks kindergarten class

16 years later in 1992 while sing'n an acapella version of Bob Marley's 

"WAR" on SNL...irish rebel songstress SINEAD O'CONNOR was open'n the hidden truths of the injustices that have been covered up fer years at the hands of many faithful finger'n frockers stand'n at the pulpit...by shredd'n a picture of the head mistress and declare'n to the all silent audience "FIGHT THE REAL ENEMY"...only to be ostracized by many brain dead band wagon scabs fer her actions!

even the QUEEN unfortunately got caught up in the controversy and cheekily mocked SINEAD a few months later on the same stage (which i can freely admit bothered me some at the time) though SINEAD was completely vindicated fer her actions years later when all the shit hit the fan about the CASPER crusaders gigantic cover-up!

28 years later...the shredd'n that was seen around the world at the last 

state of the onion address by the current mentally deranged lie'n corrupt cheeto dusted sack of pig shit with the cottage cheesed dilapidated ass...was absolute sheer glory...and completely warranted since that mentally deranged lie'n corrupt cheeto dusted sack of pig shit with the cottage cheesed dilapidated ass decided to vomit lie after lie to the american public...

from claim'n OBAMA's legacy was decline'n the economy...and his gallery of ass lick'n gimps made it the best it's ever been...which WAS NOT! (simple pimple google search kittens will correct that lie)

claim'n that the current mentally deranged lie'n corrupt cheeto dusted sack of pig shit with the cottage cheesed dilapidated ass administration was save'n everyone with pre-exist'n conditions...which IT IS NOT!

claim'n that the current mentally deranged lie'n corrupt cheeto dusted sack of pig shit with the cottage cheesed dilapidated ass administration has reduced the price of prescription drugs in 51 years...which IT HAS NOT!

claim'n that the current mentally deranged lie'n corrupt cheeto dusted sack of pig shit with the cottage cheesed dilapidated ass administration say'n sanctuary cities are release'n illegal immigrants back into the public to cause harm instead of lawfully detain'n them

among fling'n many other piles of hair pull'n bullshit from his seethin' sluggish jabba the huttish oxycontin'd mouth!

if he were attached to a lie detector that nite...he'd a short circuited the entire east coast

BUTT...of course...

leave it to the lobotomized brain dead deplorable gimps to loose their

equilibrium along with their lack luster'd looks and demand NANCY basically be burned at the stake fer shredd'n the current mentally deranged lie'n corrupt cheeto dusted sack of pig shit with the cottage cheesed dilapidated ass's coloring book notes

though NOT ONE REPUGLICUNT screamed BLOODY MURDER when the current mentally deranged lie'n corrupt cheeto dusted sack of pig shit with the cottage cheesed dilapidated ass destroyed his notes from his play dates with his pimp a while back

in conclusion...until you have ACTUAL proof that NANCY has...

colluded with foreign powers to keep her position...sexually assaulted many someones...mocked some disabled person...paid off multiple adult entertainment workers...called nazi's fine people...tore lil kittens from their parents and put em in cages...denied science effects...stole from multiple charities...duped students into pay'n fer a worthless education or bragged about how she could shoot someone without suffer'n any sorta consequences...

just GET OFF MY DRESS!

Fancy a Nancy

picture it kittens...the year was 1966...and the daughter of old blue eyes

was burn'n up the charts and stepp'n on hearts with her international go-go hit "THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING" by NANCY SINATRA

(though my BOY punk'd it up a notch and made a killa remake many moons later you have to admit)

although i considered myself a bit of an under cover sleuth at times...

no one was as good at crack'n the case better than 70's teenage detective Nancy Drew...played by Pamela Sue Martin...on the popular series "THE HARDY BOYS/NANCY DREW MYSTERIES" that ran fer 3 suspiciously cautious years in the late 70's on sunday nites @ 7pm (6pm central)

once the 80's rolled around...the only NANCY i was worried about was...

bein' threatened by a molest'n murderous boogeyman from her dreams thanx to her parents and their bridge club...in the killer thriller "A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET" that she would unfortunately succumb to by the 3rd installment

though the only real NANCY that i listened to durin' the era of big hair...

big shoulder pads and even a bigger deficit at the time...was occupy'n the WH...and grilled into me on a daily basis (thanx to my sweet tooth) when she discretely stamped the inside flaps of my fav-o-rit confectionery delights Mike & Ike's and JuJu Fruits...with her message of "JUST SAY NO!" when it came to narcotics...and you know...to this day...it still sticks

if i wanna get high...i'll add another inch to my heels!

by the time the new century began...everyone was glued to those lustful

"nancies" on showtimes hit series about over the top love and numerous under cover lovers fer 5 tumultuous years

BUTT (of course you know there would be)

no other NANCY on the planet has commanded my heartfelt gratitude 

and the globes admiration along with their attention more than the one and only speaker of the house...NANCY PELOSI...just in time fer christmas...when she recently added the final ingredients to begin bake'n an impeachment pie in honor of the mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of bloated cheeto dusted pig shit disgrace'n the planet

it started earlier this year...when she threw shade at the mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of bloated cheeto dusted pig shit disgrace'n the planet try'n to sound coherent at the state of the onion address he gave (and no i didn't not spell it wrong...cuz it was a compete tear jerk'n joke when he spoke)

by october...NANCY was at it once again...by fry'n up a back hand sammich to that mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of bloated cheeto dusted pig shit disgrace'n the planet and served it to him with her cold steady stare and her poignant pointer as he sat there and made a deposit in his DEPENDS

and though she said it with a heavy heart...just last week as an early xmas prezzie fer the planet...she gave the all go ahead fer the articles of impeachment as laid out in the Constitution...when she stepped down and exited the podium...NANCY ended up ripp'n off the tiny testicles of this egregious ejaculate'n jackass...

and sexually depraved "reporter" that was fired from FOX...James Rosen... who so desperately wanted to be the elephant in the room...got his balls shoved down his seething throat when he tried to twist NANCY's reason'n to begin impeachment proceed'ns by ask'n if she hates the president...to which she returned to the podium...

 fer that audacious odium...with her biggest bitch slap "DON'T MESS WITH ME"

all i gotta say is...much like you don't fuck with a bull or you'll get the horns...the same rules apply to with NANCY (and me fer that matter)

so GET OFF MY DRESS!

gobble gobble gratitude

it's that time of the year again to help propagate the propaganda...

that we should give thanx to John Smith fer winn'n fair and square cheat'n at that game of "top or bottom" with Tonto and his peeps many many harvests ago...cuz we all know this is just the catalyst that helped propagate the propaganda from corporations...turn'n regularly insensitive assholes into aggressive zombies jacked up on LSD...

savagely hunt'n fer the latest and greatest piece of over priced electronical "must have" crap we can't live without fer 24 hrs...

all hand crafted...pennies on the dollar...by the skillful hands of Herminio and his classmates...

all packaged up in an unbelievable fantasy that comes 4 weeks later about some jolly burglar that'll come down yer chimney at least once a year...but that's...another story!

it made me reflect on what is it that i'm really thankful fer...

fer most of my life...i have mainly been influenced by female and female persuasions...and though immediate family should be apparently has to be recognized just to save face when it comes time to make sure yer part of the read'n of the will...there has been many more influences that have molded me to be who i am today 

one of my biggest influences of acceptance was when my grama Viola...who recognized i was bitten by the 80's gender bender bug when i was live'n with her in my late early teen years...and she tore down her brown polyester curtains in her live'n room to stitch me my very fer taste of the spotlight

of course...let me begin by recognize'n how eternally grateful & thankful that i am fer bein' thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe that i am fer all of you kittens that have followed my ramblin's fer the past 9.5 years...cuz without you...well...i'd be just a whore in heels without wheels

my aunt and god mother Ellen who taught me to stand up fer myself and take no shit from anyone and that age is just a number when it comes to have'n fun also fer support'n me by attend'n most of my performances thru out the years

but goin waaay back where it all began...i could not and most likely would not...be who i am today if it wasn't fer the enormous generosity of the HALL family (especially the matriarch Laura) who took me in durin' the roughest patch in my life and guide'n me in the right direction in the late 80's...when i was but a lost kitten without a scratch'n post or a pot to piss in...litterally

to my very 1st employer that hired me at the tender and supple age of 15 who tought me the art of stalk'n...when she paid me $2 an hour to report on who came in and outta of her BF's fucktard's cabin that she helped build along lake boulevard in Winona in the 80's...even though i couldn't work more than an hour a nite...it taught me the valuable lesson to never like someone that much

of course i'm beyond grateful fer my very dear dear incredibly infectious friend Peetrinella fer encourage'n me to go under that pink gelled spotlight and push'n me to become the unintentionally internationally unknown performer of my own universe that i am today (and not just cuz she knows exactly what to get me every year fer the past 30 years on my b'day and xmas...*wink*wink*)

 and anyone that really really really knows me...knows that i am eternally thankful and WORSHIP the quicksand the QUEEN walks on (even if i was not the "chosen" au pair fer her brood brothel)

BUTT...we mus'nt ferget!

those that saved the world this year by fry'n up a HUGE BITCH SLAP 

to the establishment!

start'n with thee lovably redheaded & incredible wittiness all the way from 

the D-List...MISS KATHY GRIFFIN...who was mercilessly tortured verbally by deplorable sycophants and left in a financially funk fer roughly 2 years unable to find work in her own country cuz the current corrupt administration was try'na silence her 1st amendment right...by use'n the powers of the WH to bring her to her knees... 

over ketchup and a rubber mask!

thankfully though...she rose up like a phoenix from the feckless fake flames after collect'n her thoughts and slayed the mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of Cheeto dusted pig shit and his henchmen by give'n the sold out audiences around the globe the 1st hand accounts of what she had endured and to make sure it NEVER happens to ANYONE else and captured it all from her poignantly and personal accounts in thee sleeper smash hit of the year "A HELL OF A STORY"...if you haven't yet...put this on yer "MUST SEE" holiglazed view'n pleasure this season fer the entire family!

3 long and arduous years of back and forth banter of he said she said...

the 1st political high heeled powerhouse and astute speaker of the house NANCY PELOSI...finally stared down the barrel of a loaded "gun" put on our democracy and started the impeachment process against the mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of Cheeto dusted pig shit currently disgrace'n the oval office

oh to be a fly on the wall the day she fried up a bitch slap to the mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of Cheeto dusted pig shit and made him marinate in his shit shorts... 

with the holiglazed season upon us...NANCY assures the people that she's still bake'n her impeachment pie..and still has a few more hidden ingredients to add before the pie is baked

and lastly...but definitely not least...is this lil loud mouthed lassy from the  

shores of Sweden...GRETA THUNBERG became thee most globally famous teenage angst with a mission...bein' nominated fer a Noble Peace Prize...among the many other numerous awards she has accrued fer her fight against the environmental crisis at the tender age of her sweet 16th

it all stemmed from GRETA strike'n durin' her 9th grade school year in regards to the heat waves and fires that hadn't been seen in 262 years in her hometown of Stockholm and demand'n that the Swedish government reduce carbon emissions in accordance to the Paris Agreement 

GRETA spent 15 days at sea from the UK to the US in her 60 racing yacht equipped with solar panels and underwater turbines...eliminate'n her carbon footprint on the planet...cause'n "the GRETA effect" amongst her peers around the planet

so SPEAK UP and SPEAK OFTEN...and NEVER let yer voice be muffled!

and GET OFF MY DRESS!