bottoms up!

from the title of today's highly informative and extensively researched blog

one could come to the conclusion that i was just gonna be talk'n about all those lovely hersey highway trail blazers that have paved their way to all those pleasure domes of doom fer all us horny corny kamikaze queers...but kitten PUHLEEZ!...back it up just a bit...i ain't all THAT easy sleazy...well not today anyways

besides...you know what everyone says about those that always assume...

you make an A double snake outta you...now get on all 4's fer me

no...today is all about all those repulicunts...failed fucktwats and cunt ruffles

who think their shit don't stink!

let's begin with everyone's fav-o-rit Kentucky fried snakey cunt ruffle'n

county clerk who was jailed fer Jesus last year...due to her insanely unmanageable mane not doin her job...due to her distaste fer fornicational ferry's who wanted to marry in her hometown...so she decided to stick it to the Supreme Courts decision on same sex marriage and save her soul by hunker'n down fer 5 days in the county slammer...only to be risen on the 5th day as some sorta pariah fer the progressives on the right...though her position has a CASPER clause in it that allows her to continue her job without religious retribution...she's gonna be ass up as her position is up fer re-election in 2018...so my advice Kimmy...start play'n the lotto or update yer resume...cuz you ain't got a snow cones chance in H-E-double hockey stix of gett'n re-elected

though Kimmy may haven barely made it by the hairs on her chinless chin

her presimental loser and failed fucktwat and waste of space Mike Huckleberry Pie...who dreamed of a chance to dance in the white house by become'n the open'n act at Kimmy's resurrection...unfortunately didn't fair to well i'm afraid...

as poor Mikey was unaware of the copyright infringement laws...in regards to the unauthorized usage of those 80's alcoholic wives hit "EYE OF THE TIGER" as the song to jump start Kimmy's catalyst cause...since he got doubled fisted with a $25,000 fine months later...sooo sad...too fuck'n bad...hey Mikey...maybe Kimmy can throw a non-blasphemous bake-sale to help cut the costs

last up is that cheetoed slug in a suit and the only republicunt who is proof

that abortions should not only be legalized but mandatory in some bloodline instances...was able to pluck the fuck outta every one of the far right bat shit crazy extremists that were runn'n fer OBAMA's bedroom this past year...but the Donald's pasty white deflated derriere is not far away from gett'n pounded like a bloated pig in a bad wig at the political county fair this fall...

not just cuz he's a sexist egotistical lyin' hypocritical bigot and a wart on the nose of humanity...

no...it's also not just cuz he's waste'n his time bad mouth'n Miss Clinton over Benghazi and her private emails after she's already been completely exonerated from both...or the fact that he doesn't know the diff between the Scots and the Brits

it's cuz he's been caught stick'n his hand'n in the foreigners cookie jar...only to get it bitch slapped big time...cuz...well...it's a NO-NO

i said it a year ago when this whole circus began...that this loud mouthed

 erectally dysfunctional baboon was only in it to only make a mockery of the entire republicant party...

and from the bottom of the bottom i found last week tap dance'n around

 my dungaree's...i thank you...fer all you did to make this possible...you hot headed anal tick'd failure

but to all of yer kankersoredashian'd zombies...i suggest y'all get yerself 

some good lube cuz yer rectum is really gonna require it come novem

now get off my dress!

fear factor fail

it's finally FINAL...in a vote 5-4...(and i think we know who THAT was)

the SUPREMES have made it the law of the land...that non heterosexuals shant be denied the right to a fruitful life...a blissful and unsalted liberty...and the pursuit of happiness to be as miserable as their non homosexual counterparts when it comes to decide'n who's take'n the garbage out or take'n the dildo's outta the dishwasher

though...cred should really be given to Sofia fer given us the answer 30 years ago

i'll admit...i never really thought i would ever have the opportunity to walk down the aisle...unless it was to make an offer'n to some porcelain god after a rough nite out...of course though now this means i'll have to over cook the vegetables...and help feed him jell-o 3 times a day in our twilight years at the raisin ranch...and i'm already so damn tired...but i figered...

eh!...at some point...even i...thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe...has to move on from beyond the bar stools of desperado fools...give'n them the endless jack hammer'n nites...pinn'n down some cowpoke on another gin soaked pool table...til they begged me to punch into Charlie's chocolate factory...and will eventually settle down with some cock-suck'n-husband-fuck'n-pig-slutt'n-two-time'n-beat'n-cheat'n-homo...with a peg leg and a glass...who's lost his looks along with his libido...but is still a card carry'n american express platinum member...just to make me brain dead happy...know anyone?

i'm think'n october...autumn colors look best on me...i'll choose somethin' by Gaultier to wear...perhaps with the butt cut out...or perhaps not!...i would like my options left open...what unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe doesn't?

of course...not EVERYONE was too damn happy to get this news...

lemme know if ya have heard this one joke before...a republican...a priest and pair of down under dingo's walk into a bar...

(tick~tock~tick~tock~tick~tock)

 ummmm no punchline...that was it!...oh how these religious rectal pirates are fume'n in the ovens of brimstone and fire that they believe in

but let's go back in time just a bit

beginn'n with everyone's fav-o-rit frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter

so this wonky eyed anal drip has decided once again that CASPER has called upon him in the wee hours of the nite...to spread the word his "unbiased" blasphemous bile thru-out the land...brought forth by those knob jockey heathens ...and run fer prezzie...waste'n millions of benjamins try'n to reverse the Supreme Courts decision...just to feel like a complete fool once more...hmmm...now if memory serves me correct Mr. Frothy...and i am to believe yer comic book stories as truth (insert laugh here)...wouldn't it be in yer best interest to appease yer delusional entity by spread'n the wealth amongst the feeble...the poor and those with unimaginable split ends instead first? 

yer time is O-V-E-R...the closest yer ever gonna get to this house...is in photoshop...now move along!

up next...is this hot under the collar CASPER crusader...

who preached and promised from his pulpit...that homo matrimony is plain baloney...and if the SUPREME COURT rules it's A O.K. fer these "friends of Dorothy" to join in wedded bliss...then he would have no alternative but to go up in smoke like a disco inferno

i thought...hey fine with me...just tell me where to bring the marshmallows!

but of course...as any typical preacher leecher...he don't practice what he promises and says that he was just referr'n to a spiritual song

i bought myself a brand spank'n new Armani pin striped suit...with like the butt cut out and the latest Prada slip-on's fer my 1st ever religious weine roast and everything...shit!...now what the hell am i gonna do with 10 pounds of jalapeno bratwursts?

so now this couple from the land down under...try'n to ruin homo thunder

are these 2 sexually frustrated cunnilingusly uncoitaled snakes who've been in wedd'd bliss misery fer the past 10 years but have vowed to FINALLY end it all by bite'n down on his n hers cyanide pills...followed up by a drano chaser gett'n a divorce cuz they feel that the sanctity of their marriage will become a mockery in the eyes of their delusional entity...should the Aussie government pass a bill allow'n turd burglars and kitty kat scratchers the right to enjoy wedd'd bliss by follow'n in the rest of the world's slow but steady foot steps (though i'm pretty sure the middle easterners will come in dead last...pun intended)

 i couldn't agree with them more...if i was a sexually oafish self righteous brain washed puritanical zealot myself...well...i'm not!...but not all is lost on these home lobotomies...as 183,000 have RSVP'd to their divorce party...to put it into perspective...that's like 10 sold-out Madonna shows at Madison Square Garden...just imagine all the free poontang and throat plungers you 2 will have to pick from

leave it to funny man John Stewart as he breaks it down exactly what all the fuss is about!

though some of you out there may not agree or believe in the rule'n...

it don't matter anymore...YOU LOST...now get off my dress!

under the rainbow

with all the hubbub about the impend'n decision in regards to...

the SUPREME COURT recognize'n non heterosexual unification thru-out the land in a few short weeks...in order to milk the system of tax and health bennies like the rest of the population has been doin fer years...i thought it was time to play a lil game...since essentially that's what marriage really is

so i decided to pull out my ouija board and try to get in contact with a popular game show host from my pre-teen pansy past...and i was lucky enough to contact the original canker sore collector...

Richard Dawson...but cuz of copyright infringements and a ban from Mark Goodson to ever host any game show with his name attached to it...even from beyond the grave...i hadda make a couple of adjustments...so now it's time to play..

hands on yer buzzer...top 5 answers on the board...

we surveyed 100 people...

name an absolutely insane reason why 2 consent'n anal astronauts or home depot card carry'n lezbitronics should not be able to tie the not...

Richard...i'm gonna go with  DROUGHT...cuz california is have'n a terrible time these past 4 years with their agriculture...and global warm'n has nothin' to do with that...i know it's cuz our delusional almighty CASPER is pissed at the rampant runn'n around all those people with easy virtue have been doin fer centuries

can i see DROUGHT?

yer on the board...do you wanna play or pass?

Richard...i'm gonna play cuz we're a CASPER fear'n family...and we know he would want us to win

ok i see yer name is Richard too...huh...well how 'bout we just call ya Dick so there's no confusion...that ok with you Dick?...name an absolutely insane reason why 2 consent'n anal astronauts or home depot card carry'n lezbitronics should not be able to tie the not...got 1 of the 4 answers left?

Richard...i'm gonna go with THERAPY...cuz i was born in the great state of Texas...were cheaters always win...and winners always cheat...and the fact is...that those tulip sniffers need as much therapy as we can provide them to put them on the righteous track...even if it's been prove'n not to do a damn thing and cause more harm than help'n em...but hey...sounds like a good plan to me!

gimme some THERAPY...

good answer...you know that surprises me...but move'n on

Gertrude...i'm guess'n you applied yer poly grip this morn'n didn't you my love...can i getta kiss? there's 2 answers on the board...in order to stay in the game...gimme 1 of the 3 answers left up there on the board sweetness

Richard...i'm gonna go with WEBSITE...cuz after a long day of yahtzee tournaments at Our Lady of Rapturous Debauchery in Shreveport Louisiana where i was the state champion with my tic tac pie 3 years in a row...i like to kick back with a couple bottles of bottom of the barrel pinot grigio...knit afghans fer them Armenians...and surf the informational highway to my fav-o-rit site fer the latest word of the almighty...but those sneaky sodomites stole it out from under us...redirect'n me to some devil's playground of fornicational filth last weekend...so i been recite'n hail mary's with my bloody mary's on sunday til the situation is corrected

let me see WEBSITE...

well...to be fair Gertrude...if the owners of that site weren't spread their secretaries thighs...while spread'n their vicious lies around the internet...they wouldn't be in this mess to begin with...now would they?

how's my beautiful Norma doin? you know Norma...has anyone ever told you if you put a simple little L at the end of yer name...you might actually make sense?...just a thought...ok Norma...you gotta answer fer me love? by the way....i love that enchant'n smell yer wear'n...what do you call it?

hi Richard...i'm sooo glad to be here...thank you fer notice'n...yer smell'n my Ben-Gay...i rub it on my shoulders to fight my rheumatism...but as CASPER is my witness...i've never been gay...that's just a lil joke i like to say when people notice my smell...ok Richard...i'm gonna go with they shouldn't be allowed to marry cuz of that horrible TRAIN CRASH last week...i heard it on that news channel that bends the truth so they can get brain dead people like me to believe it...but i actually had a premonition of the same thing...it was scary...i think i could be an actual journalist on that program or somethin'...dont'cha think?

if it's there...yer still in the game...can i get a TRAIN CRASH?

luckily only 3 others mental cases believed you...just barely made it by those stubborn hairs on yer chiny chin chin

hello Richard...i just wanna give a shout out to all my local parishioners in Macon Georgia...my gingivitis is finally under control...i'd be as pickled as a peach on sunday if i could get a kiss from the late great Mr. Dawson...can ya hold onto my teeth while i pucker up?...and make it a good'n Richard...

ok Henrietta...i need an answer love...my hemorrhoids are really act'n up...

well Richard...i think i know the #1 answer...

is it cuz they worship that lil harlot that's hitt'n the road this year?

sorry my love...but that is a strike...gimme another answer and make it a good one this time..

ok...can i get one more kiss of death fer good luck Richard?...thanks...ok how about CAKE? cuz ya know...my fav-o-rit pill popp'n radio preacher...who's cherished the sanctity of marriage 4 times in the house of the Lord...was just say'n the other day on his program...that those meanie muslims are to blame fer hatred towards those flame'n fruit cakers...not us ignorantly righteous right wing-nuts with no sense of sensitivities to anyone but our own agendas...plus...i'm almost positive it says in the bible somewhere that those who shall believe in me shall not mix their poly blends or their ingredients fer those deviant throat plungers or carpet cleaners

if it's there...you'll win the game dear...let'em eat CAKE?

CONGRATULATIONS...yer family may have won the game...but you've also proved to yerself and those who follow in yer idiocy...you have ALOT to learn...anyone that believes that the definition of marriage dates back to biblical time and was meant to join a man and woman...HA!
let the schooling begin...

marriage originally originated as an agreement between 2 MEN and was specific to a business partnership...THAT'S RIGHT...2 MEN...it evolved to include more than business as is the case when supposedly Saint Serge married Saint Bacchus during a wedding ceremony witnessed by Jesus Christ. (that is if you wanna go that comic book route)

applying the modern day metric that 10% of the population is non heterosexual and bein' there were far less people on our planet back then...it was even more uncommon to see same gender couples....that people would come to forget the origin of marriage...emerge'n was a disdain for all things different from oneself or one's family...marriage eventually became limited to an arrangement decided by parents between first cousins...male and female and ultimately between non-related male and female

in short...it isn't gays and lesbians who perverted the tradition of marriage...it was the non homosexuals...first with their practice of incest and then with insecure short sighted views of this world and an inability to embrace...to learn from...and to evolve cuz of the magnificent differences in CASPER's "alleged" design of each person....but arranged hetero incest coupling?...seriously?...that's just FUCKED UP!

well...that's it fer this special episode of "FUCKED UP FEUD"....

now get off my dress!