SPIKE IT!

with the cool crisp breeze in the air...depend'n on the area code yer in

of course...begins yet another season of "DANCE'N WITH THE LEAVES"...which...quite frankly...is much more entertain'n to me than say that other ego stroke'n reality show...where all has-been actress's...actress's-a-like and whacktresses's end up on once their career has had a major stroke

it's finally time you can wear those angora sweaters you been knitt'n like a catholicker on crack all year long

but of course this also means we'll be condemned to roughly 6 months of some pumpkin spiced bullshit on every fuck'n counter top to every damn bar stool concoction known to the free world

but most of all...i'll be subjected to 6 months of beer guts and beer nuts...a time honored american tradition fer over 150 + years

ever since the beginn'n of the bustle ...we've been subjected to the hustle

i mean really though...i never got the FULL concept of football...a bunch of guys huddle'n tightly together in a circle jerk formation...in very tight knee 

padded culottes...grabb'n big balls underneath their legs...from tight ends to wide receivers...hmmm...seems a bit non heterosexual to me...but let's move on to the real story...shall we kittens?

so ever since that extremely hot chocolate (that's Kaepernick fer you overly sensitive PC dicks) decided to play his 1st amendment card...fer the 2nd time...by kneel'n fer all the disrespect and shoot'ns that blacks and minorities have received thru-out this country in the very recent past and fer all the unfortunate future present situations

#45 ended up toss'n a tantrum recently...wait...i'm sorry...that was a bit disrespectful of me fer call'n the one who's occupy'n the BIG HOUSE...i meant to say...our loud-mouthed-bloated-mentally-deranged TWITTER BITCH-in-unfortunate-command-and-out-of-control-piece-of-clown-shit...at one of his recent weenie roast stops in banjo county...call'n on the NFL leaders to "get that son of a bitch off the field right now" and fire any future players fer kneel'n durin' that anthem song

which to be honest...i don't think ever made Casey Kasem's top 20 list...so maybe they outta rethink about update'n the damn song...

has anyone tried to contact Diane Warren?

but to be fair ...i'll play devil's advocate fer a mere moment...and let this

tang sprayed jackass play his 1st amendment card...FINE!...NO WAIT!...sorry i can't...that's like try'na listen to a buddhist on barbiturates

i believe it was the soul sista herself who once sang
"R-E-S-P-E-C-T...find out what it means to me"

yer the one hold'n the hightest office in the country that little kittens and the country are suppose to look up to in times of need and unity...yet...yer on prime time tv...viciously vommit'n out this volatile bullshit to someone stand'n up for their rights...by kneel'n down...instead of help'n out the many victims of the recent natural disasters in this country (and i ain't talk about YOU!)

where was this insane spewage of disgust from his brain dead trumpanzee's...when Heather Heyer was mowed down by one of yer mentally deranged white supremacists in North Carolina?...could it be cuz this diarectic dicktator'n dipshit doesn't know the diff between HATE SPEECH and FREEDOM OF SPEECH?

or when he himself couldn't put his hand over his heart dur'n the pledge of allegiance?...(wait...i guess he has a good enough excuse...cuz he had his cold dead heart removed right after child birth...along with his brains...morals...respect...compassion...do i need to go on?)

luckily fer Kaepernick...his mom...his fellow players and the NFL were have'n none of it...and fried up a gigantic back hand bitch slap sammich fer our clown shit currently occupy'n our office

but wait...there's more...

our 5th avenue fraudster (who remember said he could stand in the middle of 5th avenue and "shoot somebody and wouldn't loose any voters"...tried to rescind his invitation to the BIG HOUSE...via twitter...to another super hot chocolate...STEPHEN CURRY...after he already said he had zero interest in goin  there in the first place

even everyone's fav-o-rit secretary from the south...DORALEE...couldn't escape the rabid bite from the zombie apocalyptick asswipes recently

those who oppose what certain sports figures or hollyweird entertainers 

have to say about ANYTHING political...can kiss my grits!...they have just as many opinions and deserved to be heard like EVERYONE else unfortunately in this country...even if they are lobotomized brain dead TWITTER BITCH troopers

say'n that Kaepernick or any other kneeler is bein' unpatriotic "protest'n"

 the flag...is like say'n that the lil spit fire sparker of the civil rights movement ROSA PARKS...was protest'n the public transportation system...

but you've completely lost yer argument all you brain dead lobotomized trumpanzee's...lost it BIGGLEY!

there must be some smart smitten kitten out there that knows that this...

tiny handed tantrum troll has clearly broken the constitution...but even bigger than that...#45 is use'n that age old trick of divide and conquer...by bein' a shrewder colluder and flipp'n the news stories

if yer merely gett'n yer bloomers in a bunch over a bunch of players...

take'n a stand over racial profile'n and not a by a president mock'n a P.O.W...yer not a patriot at all...yer just a complete and utter asshole!

the only way we can settle this annoy'n mess...is by 2 simple words...

ROBERT MUELLER...#45 is NOT...HAS NOT & WILL NOT ever be presidential...he's a pathetick pussy'n grabb'n mentally deranged lie'n boil on the butt of human deecency...PERIOD!...and those who follow him are calous & complicit in his pukage!

though you may have a small group of mechanical menaces kneel'n to 

yer every word...the rest of us with a work'n brain...WILL NOT BOW DOWN to #45's bullshit bullhorn rhetoric...you work fer US you short tempered...ego maniac...bitch...now start clean'n up yer room...cuz it ain't yers fer very much longer!

don't like MY OPINION on the matter...well then...you can just kiss my

unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe A double snakes...cuz i ain't kiss'n yers fer ANY approval

but if you wanna ANOTHER sane opinion...then take it from this old white guy who never hadda ask the wizard fer a brain



so #TAKEAKNEE  #LOCKHIMUP &  #GETOFFMYDRESS!

head hunters

anyone over the age of 40 knows exactly where they were the nite...

the castaways on some hollyweird back-lot were under siege by some diabetic headhunter...who was actually just the Skipper who hadda play 2 parts that nite cuz the AJC (Amazonian Jungle Committee) couldn't agree on proper coconut wages

ever since i was but just a young unintentionally internationally unknown

perform'n illusionist of my own universe...(insert awwww's here) i have A-L-W-A-Y-S been fascinated with give'n head...oh i'm sorry kittens...that's a typo...i meant gett'n some a head in life (but more falls to the latter these days...just a lil behind the beauty secrets to any future mistakes/headaches out there salivate'n in my stories) 

BUTT...

that's besides the point i'm try'na make on todays episode...the point is kittens...people have absolutely gone apeshit and lost their heads over Kathy Griffin's freedom of headless speech...

so i decided to toss on my Angela Landsbury fish'n cap and peruse thru all the bitches and the babble concern'n one Miss Griffin and the lil pickle she allegedly put herself into and came across this past-his-prime poster child for kaeopectate comebacks...and thought i'd join in on the conversation...the follow'n is based on actual events:

so after her comedic heart felt apology that was reposted on a FB pseudo friends page...(who shall remain anonymous to protect his utterly sick'n body from bein' molested by the throngs of hungry homo's and future fag hags out there...that would desperately wanna be his personal love slave)...this massengill milker had this to spout out...well...just cuz he does have the freedom of speech in this country...UNFORTUNATELY though...this is MY WORLD and you shall not remain anonymous and pull yer passive aggressive bullshit with me...KAPEESH?...(and really...i'm doin him a favor after all...cuz i looked over his FB page and i think he really needs more friends)

apparently he doesn't recall FOX NEWS FAUX SNOOZE...Roger Allies or Bill O'Reilly...so i thought i'd respond'n accordingly

i made it personal?...to whom?...so this testicular twat swatter decided to throw this in fer his back up ammunition...

well...of course you know it was time fer me to spray on my aqua net...SUPERIOR extra hold and open up a can of whoop ass on this cunt ruffle'n rectal rash

of course...Paul mr. fuckmuppet wasn't finished with me just yet...and like any true virgo...he of course wanted the last word

W-E-L-L...now this bucket of monkey jizz just made it personal...so as i was wait'n fer my nails to dry...i decided to fry up a back hand educational sammich fer him... 

i desperately waited fer a rebuttal...but apparently...mr. volcanic shitnozzle 2017 was putt'n on his 2nd coat of polish himself...so i decided to pull up my fishnets and end this thoughtless conversation that was goin absolutely no where...but my blog

but of course everyone's fav-o-rit diarectic dialoguer desperately hadda try and toss one more zigger...that pretty much fizzled out like diseased dick splash...make'n him look like a sad box of microwaved frogs

well...i knew at this point...this was a typical "str8" man's way of just try'n see what's under the hood...so i gave him a lil sneeky peeky...why not!

this was entertain'n and all and i wanted it to go on fer the next 15 minutes...but the cosmo was kick'n in...and i didn't wanna end up in FB jail...so i left him with a lil part'n gift

well...30 minutes had gone by without a peep from Paul...and i think we can all assume at this point kittens...

that his tuck got stuck!

of course leave it to the far righteous fucks to say "poor Barron"...but ya know...yer right...no child outta ever have to suffer the imagery of their parent in any sorta horrible situation

but...it seems to me this is tit fer tat territory! plus...just another reason fer our TWITTER bitch to try and deflect from the Russia investigation!

the ONLY real crime i can see that Kathy may have committed here was...

try'na save some benjamins by not use'n her make-up artist and hair stylist...kitten...without yer face beat to a pulp by Mac cosmetics and excellent light'n...ya just look'n like some sad ol' cow clit who just finished lick'n barbeque sauce of a bucket of briskets fer $7 and some ass gravy

i would say to Kathy...Kathleen Mary Griffin...milk it for what it's worth...this is yer HELL-O-WEEN year kitten...contact ALIBABA and have them package up a cheap blue bow tied blouse with a cheap red wig...a small plastic face with hay fer hair...(ask George Lucas if you can borrow Jabba the Hut's face fer a mold...same diff really) and a lil bottle of pigs blood...SHAZAAM!

(oh and donate 10% of the profits to my piggy bank since i'm give'n you this money make'n idea fer free)

now...if you wouldn't mind pleez...GET OFF MY DRESS!

rotten tomatoes

sometimes...when hollyweird folk decide to give new breath to classic movies fer the next generation...whether it's cuz technology wasn't there at the time or cuz they were forced to overdose on ritalin as a small child...

it's warranted...case in point is one of my all time fav freak fests from the 70's i seen as a small...but very important...pre pubescent unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe...the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASCARA...at the time it shocked the shit outta me and made me drop a meatloaf surprise in my garanimals...i thought to myself...i said self  "damn girrrl...layer on those layers for yer own protection"

by 2003...thee original seemed more like kiddie play...compared to when i took myself to see the twisted remake by Rob Zombie in a small theater fer the 10pm show'n out in the burbs (which...in itself...was fuck'n scary enough fer me)...with only 2 others in attendance that nite...sitt'n directly behind me...by the time it had ended...i hadda take that long ass walk...ALONE...under the midnite sky...to my car at the very far end of the park'n lot (cuz i was a moron that nite)...i literally hadda check the back seat of my car to make sure i was in their alone....S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y!

BUTT...and yes there is always gonna be one kittens...

there are those flicks that should never be tampered with at all...for instance like the 1981 mythological masterpiece CLASH OF THE TITANS

sure it was jam packed full of bad edit'n and trumped up technology...but at the time...it was absolute awesomeness at it's finest and forced all us hot wheels hoodlums and strawberry shortcake sniffers who hopped on our huffy bikes and peddled our A double snakes as fast as we could to the 50 cent show'n at our local small town theater on a saturday afternoon...to believe...

that there really were snaky bitches and blind-sided witches out there...unfortunately...that we would have to contend with someday

but when they released a remake back in 2010...i barely made it past the 1st 15 minutes of misery with all it's technological vomitus over blown imagery...that i walked out and asked fer my benajamins back so i could find some discount dick at the nearest dime-store

when freaks finally felt that they to could feel loved after they fell in love with Johnny Depp as the freak with hands made outta kitchen cutlery...it was a magical delight fer all those pre-emo's...and pre-cummers

unfortunately...after the last 120 days (and count'n) who in their right state of mind (besides those brain dead beauty contestants & aerosol huffers from Wal-Mart...and sadly to report...some are actually members of my own fam/friend circle) would waste their hard earned stripper money to see this retell'n of a classic about some bloated cheeto puff who cuts his staff in half and can't count to 10 before he tweets his tantrums delusions of grandeur out about how he's been treated by the "fake news" or late nite comedians

action flicks with dicks were always a crowd pleaser and a teaser fer any tenderly supple teenage terror like myself...especially when the sequel makes plausible sense

however...i...along with 64% (and count'n thankfully) xeno/homophobes...who care about healthcare/medicare and the over all good of the nation...aren't sold on the idea of some Twitter bitch's intent on blow'n up his "facts" to make them seem "bigger" than he real is...along with our democracy and his waistline...even if his core audience still is gorge'n on his his bullshit after all this time...(makes ya cold cock em with a left hook...but you dare not...cuz you know they'd splatter)

it was tough enough to make it thru this chickless flick...for chicks...about 3 grown future hair plug recipients & prozac pimps try'na take care of a puke bucket with bladder control issues...all while juggle'n their careers and their cocks

seriously though...do they really need to waste a big budget on this treacherous trio try'n to control their over bear'n out of control glutton with the button who has the mind of a loud mouthed manipulative schizophrenic? 

this oscar winn'n story between 2 closeted cock wrangle'n sheep herders and their unbridled and very much unspoken man-love fer one another was as breath take'n as the scenery in itself...that tugged at every emotional string one might have...that is...unless yer plugged into a defibrillator to keep yer heart a pump'n

on the other hand though...i gotta tell ya...this one has the perfect twist of all the closeted intrigue and espionage we're all just die'n to see at the box office...between our Pricktator and Putin that will surely make millions...once Comey has his say!

so stop yer porn and pop yer corn...this ones gonna be good...oh yea...and get off my dress!