head hunters

anyone over the age of 40 knows exactly where they were the nite...

the castaways on some hollyweird back-lot were under siege by some diabetic headhunter...who was actually just the Skipper who hadda play 2 parts that nite cuz the AJC (Amazonian Jungle Committee) couldn't agree on proper coconut wages

ever since i was but just a young unintentionally internationally unknown

perform'n illusionist of my own universe...(insert awwww's here) i have A-L-W-A-Y-S been fascinated with give'n head...oh i'm sorry kittens...that's a typo...i meant gett'n some a head in life (but more falls to the latter these days...just a lil behind the beauty secrets to any future mistakes/headaches out there salivate'n in my stories) 

BUTT...

that's besides the point i'm try'na make on todays episode...the point is kittens...people have absolutely gone apeshit and lost their heads over Kathy Griffin's freedom of headless speech...

so i decided to toss on my Angela Landsbury fish'n cap and peruse thru all the bitches and the babble concern'n one Miss Griffin and the lil pickle she allegedly put herself into and came across this past-his-prime poster child for kaeopectate comebacks...and thought i'd join in on the conversation...the follow'n is based on actual events:

so after her comedic heart felt apology that was reposted on a FB pseudo friends page...(who shall remain anonymous to protect his utterly sick'n body from bein' molested by the throngs of hungry homo's and future fag hags out there...that would desperately wanna be his personal love slave)...this massengill milker had this to spout out...well...just cuz he does have the freedom of speech in this country...UNFORTUNATELY though...this is MY WORLD and you shall not remain anonymous and pull yer passive aggressive bullshit with me...KAPEESH?...(and really...i'm doin him a favor after all...cuz i looked over his FB page and i think he really needs more friends)

apparently he doesn't recall FOX NEWS FAUX SNOOZE...Roger Allies or Bill O'Reilly...so i thought i'd respond'n accordingly

i made it personal?...to whom?...so this testicular twat swatter decided to throw this in fer his back up ammunition...

well...of course you know it was time fer me to spray on my aqua net...SUPERIOR extra hold and open up a can of whoop ass on this cunt ruffle'n rectal rash

of course...Paul mr. fuckmuppet wasn't finished with me just yet...and like any true virgo...he of course wanted the last word

W-E-L-L...now this bucket of monkey jizz just made it personal...so as i was wait'n fer my nails to dry...i decided to fry up a back hand educational sammich fer him... 

i desperately waited fer a rebuttal...but apparently...mr. volcanic shitnozzle 2017 was putt'n on his 2nd coat of polish himself...so i decided to pull up my fishnets and end this thoughtless conversation that was goin absolutely no where...but my blog

but of course everyone's fav-o-rit diarectic dialoguer desperately hadda try and toss one more zigger...that pretty much fizzled out like diseased dick splash...make'n him look like a sad box of microwaved frogs

well...i knew at this point...this was a typical "str8" man's way of just try'n see what's under the hood...so i gave him a lil sneeky peeky...why not!

this was entertain'n and all and i wanted it to go on fer the next 15 minutes...but the cosmo was kick'n in...and i didn't wanna end up in FB jail...so i left him with a lil part'n gift

well...30 minutes had gone by without a peep from Paul...and i think we can all assume at this point kittens...

that his tuck got stuck!

of course leave it to the far righteous fucks to say "poor Barron"...but ya know...yer right...no child outta ever have to suffer the imagery of their parent in any sorta horrible situation

but...it seems to me this is tit fer tat territory! plus...just another reason fer our TWITTER bitch to try and deflect from the Russia investigation!

the ONLY real crime i can see that Kathy may have committed here was...

try'na save some benjamins by not use'n her make-up artist and hair stylist...kitten...without yer face beat to a pulp by Mac cosmetics and excellent light'n...ya just look'n like some sad ol' cow clit who just finished lick'n barbeque sauce of a bucket of briskets fer $7 and some ass gravy

i would say to Kathy...Kathleen Mary Griffin...milk it for what it's worth...this is yer HELL-O-WEEN year kitten...contact ALIBABA and have them package up a cheap blue bow tied blouse with a cheap red wig...a small plastic face with hay fer hair...(ask George Lucas if you can borrow Jabba the Hut's face fer a mold...same diff really) and a lil bottle of pigs blood...SHAZAAM!

(oh and donate 10% of the profits to my piggy bank since i'm give'n you this money make'n idea fer free)

now...if you wouldn't mind pleez...GET OFF MY DRESS!

kill'n the bill

just like Uma did in the 2003 blood bath fight'n against assassins

try'na destroy her and her unborn pile of puke...it pretty much summed up what happened with the whole "replace & repeal" plan that a majority of republicants and republicunts had been try'n to do fer the past 7 years...if it had passed (i much preferred to call it the "bait & switch" bullshit plan)...cuz it would'a had the same outcome for roughly 24 million kittens if it had passed...(and that's like almost no where near thee amount of kittens that follow me weekly...that would'a potentially missed out on my weekly insightful and rivet'n journalistic stories)...thankfully some of the GOP'ers actually dropp'd their barely there shriveled nuts...grew a conscious...or actually listened to their constituents or risk loose'n their paycheck...in either case...they kung-fu-fuck'd the H-E-double hockey sticks outta doey-eyed speaker anal drippage of the house and that TWITTER BITCH's plan to obliterate OBAMACARE...in turn...destroy'n any hope fer try'na kill off the majority of his brain dead zombie's who choked on all the "juice" he poured fer them dur'in his campaign

but don't take my ramble'n word fer it...political funny pussy and Jerri Blank's prettier sister SAMANTHA BEE irons it out a lil bit more clearer

so the TWITTER BITCH...marinated in his soiled bvd's...hopped in his presidential mobile and sped off to his sanctuary tree house at Mar-La-Go

this is yet just another blow fer the white house's TWITTER BITCH...who...once again...has failed to try and pass his travel ban (much like he does his weekly bowel movements)

all becuz his heroin hooked scarecrow and 2017 kaeopectate spokesmodel...tweeted him late one nite...after watch'n a Bruce Willis marathon...

that foreigners had infiltrated and attacked the Nakatomi Plaza in downtown LA and immediate action needed to be done

and with the TWITTER BITCH's hot headed press secretion try'na to sit and spin his boss's every twisted tweets like a hemorrhoidal roller-coaster

these 2 clowns are just simply worn out..but take'n it fer the team

of course we all know...this is just a hopeful distraction on his admins part...

 to try and get the cancellation of this years hottest tv series...so they won't have to stand in the unemployment line they wanna get rid of

and you'd have to be a complete brain dead zombie to think that the FBI's Nellie Olsen NUNES would ever be an independent critic...since he was busted try'n to block the release of the much anticipated reason fer treason... 

this summer season...filled with intrigue and inhibitions about the unbridled and unpaid love of assets between a russian and his rectal pirate

though seriously...the only thing he needs to focus all his energy on is the build'n of his new build'n

now get off my dress!

huff'n and puff'n and blooow'n the HOUSE down

i think Dora Lee said it best when she said...

"look...i've been straight with you since the first day i got here [elected by the american people twice]...and i put up with all yer pinch'n [bitch'n] and stare'n [moan'n] and chase'n me around the desk[with yer filibusters] because i need [earned] this job....but this is the last straw! [with the government shutdown]...look i've got a gun out there in my purse [the american people] and up til now i've been forgive'n and forgett'n because of the way i was brought up [in the UNITED STATES]...but i tell you one thing [tea baggers]...if you ever say another word about me or make another indecent proposal 

[try'n to defund OBAMACARE/AFFORDABLE CARE ACT]...

i'm gonna get that gun of mine [the american people]...and i'm gonna change you from a rooster [republiCANT] to a hen [HILLARY] in one shot! don't think i can't do it [by 2016]

ever since OBAMA was E-L-E-C-T-E-D prezzie of the US...

he's checked off alot from his "TO DO" list...when the HOUSE and the SENATE was run by the people who gets things done...D-E-M-O-C-R-A-T-S back in 2009

well...leave it to the republiCANTS...WAIT!...let's be fair here...

it's just the moronic tourists of the republiCANT party...

known simply as the fucktards  TEA BAGGERS 

who just wanna HUFF and PUFF and bloooow the HOUSE down...while try'n on their halloween costumes

disregard'n ANYONE that it's REALLY gonna affect...even though they say it won't affect THAT many!

but after a lil investigate'n here at the offices of G.O.M.D...

i give you the top 10 tasteless non lipton TEA BAGS proudly responsible fer shut'n 'er down!

so besides the CONGRESS and the National Parks...

here's a list of other things that the republiCANTS are responsible fer shutt'n down...tear'n the country apart...affect'n EVERYONE live'n inside the U.S. borders...

check out the lovely part'n gifts yer state will be part'n with here

then we mustn't ferget the REAL tragedy of it all...

 that some poor...white...rich bitch...married to a piggy bank...like banjo pluck'n republiC*NT from North Carolina Renee Ellmers...who's also a paid RN mind you...d-e-s-p-e-r-a-e-t-l-y needs her $174k per year + bennies...cuz what?...their summer home won't winterize itself?...i'm surprised the cross around her neck doesn't burst into flames!
 

but she ain't the only anal wart need'n their benjamin's...

non middle class ass republiCANT Lee Terry of Nebraska has to keep his check as well...to keep a roof over his head...pay fer all his 1-800 tolls in the middle of the nite while the wife is drunk dial'n QVC  and support his free load'n off spring that can't pay his own way thru school...unfortunately like many other drunk party planners have to do

of course leave it to a handful of fucktards TEA BAGGERS...

to pass the blame and fan the flames in the opposite direction

and it's always a treat...to hear from MN's own batshit crazy clown...

to try and justify make'n sense of her non sense by talk'n over the host without actually have'n to answer the questions and toss'n in a big word or two that she used in her last scrabble game the nite before...Shelly...if ya don't know what they mean...don't use em...yer only embarass'n yerself!

and the whole REASON fer their TREASON....

they don't like what's on the NON RADICAL...NON CONSERVATIVE and let's be H-O-N-E-S-T...NON CAUCASIAN menu....PERIOD!!

play'n in theatrics around the country...JOHN BOEHNER is

thing is kittens...he actually has kittens scratch'n in the same shit box as him that could help end it all that aren't ask'n fer conditions...BUT...he's more worried about loose'n his rattle in the HOUSE

the majority of the kittens in this country...regardless of their party line...think it's fuck'n retarded that the republinCANTS are sett'n a mousetrap on their benjamins

and the man behind one of the biggest piggy banks in the country says that those certain republiCANTS pretty much got their finger on the trigger to let off a "nuclear bomb" in our own country...include'n  around the world if they keep on track where their headed

perhaps a history lesson needs to be learned here...

remember when YOU republiCANTS had the government shut down back in 1995...didn't turn out so good fer YOU come election time...did it?

leave it to the wonderful words of Stephen Colbert to break it down exactly how the rules of this game even work

it's pretty much a stupid wasteless game of rock em sock em robots...

and the republiCANTS will loose in the end come election time...
mark my word!

so lemme give ya some simple advice you should be able to figer out...

"Pat...i'd like to solve the crisis...ummm...i mean puzzled!"

though the makers at one company are lend'n a help'n "hand"...

to those furloughed workers durin' this crisis...so they don't have to at least!

BOEHNER...pull the straw out between yer ears...

 and quit try'na scratch yer brain on this no-brainer!

if not...YOU WILL LOSE

make this last and...

NOW BONER...TURN THE GOVERNMENT LIGHTS BACK ON...AND GET OFF MY DRESS!