BACK BY UNPOPULAR DEMONS (in my head!) pt. 1

what is that tired old whiny phrase?...one should NEVER eva say NEVER!

weh-heh-heeellll...it's about fuck'n time...don'tcha think my pretty lil mink? when we last left off back in 2023 i had a lil over 618k voyeuristic views before pull'n a Houdini on you all...since then i've managed to wrangle in another 800k+ stalkers without say'n a simple syrupy word so i figered it was time fer round 2 and believe you me...this time around...there's gonna be none of that damn NO HOLDS BARRED bullshit...FUCK THAT!!! it's gonna be a NO HOLDS BARRED X 100!!! i'm pull'n out ALL the plausibly pungent punches and serve'n every one of you curious kittens a plateful of the liably laughable lunches imaginably imaginable that my feeble lil mind can conjure up! 

(but NOT in a TAWNY KITAEN kinda way...OH NOOOO!)

more like in a WAKE ME UP (before you go-go runn'n off to yer socially unsupportive overly charged therapist way)

don't get me wrong....i am very well aware of how the climate of caustic

casual conversations has now turned into that annoy'nly weary WENDY RICHTER vs FABULOUS MOOLAH smack-down of salacious sling'ns and cuntentious casualties of the who's what and the WTF's of the pronoun pyramid scheme

seriously...call yerself what ever the live'n fiddlers fuck you wanna believe 

you are...it's truly not gonna affect mine or anyone else's life in the slightest...though trust me...there still is gonna be life fortunately after the love you think that you so rightfully deserve and yet unceremoniously get completely denied...

time after time!

cuz u gotta know that i outta know...after all...i was practically "engaged" 

fer all unpractical purposes to a former craigslist recipient last year (fer roughly a year) that i had met in the middle of my earlier than unusual mid-life crisis a lil over 13 years ago...who i knew from day one was gonna be nothin' more to me but a mere dickstraction from a former feral fickle fagolicious pickle that had been occupy'n my mental space without pay'n me the standard monthly emotional support rent that i so righteously deserved after pick'n him up from one self induced chemical crisis after another

he was ALMOST everything that i was ALMOST look'n for at the moment...

i was served up thee almost most killa kosmic kocktails durin'  this time frame which was my go to poison at this juncture in the road...

catered to an abosfuckinlutely phenomenal almost 5 star Michelin meal whenever i spent the nite...

all while watch'n almost everyone's fav-o-rit homo depot card carry'n politically-on-point clam collector RACHEL MADDOW...

then ended in the midnite hour by swapp'n throat plunge'n sonnets into each others esophagus in his almost blissfully bland boudoir...

BUUUUUUUT all of a sudden... 

(yea...you thought i'd forgotten huh didn'tcha kitten?)

after roughly 6 months into our bi-weekly routine of the bi-cautious affair 

that i tried to ferget by the time dawn had broken with my bedroom romeo 

(oh did i fergot to mention he was previously married to a maxi padder?)

well...since i was all too familiar that this "bi-scenario" was not gonna lead to any sorta Breakfast At Tiffany's bagels to remember (nor thankfully to regret) it was all just a frivolous and fancy...unsalted adulted entertainment with a free bonus fer me...

and lemme tell ya...that bonus practically had it's own P.O. box!

his only purpose to me at this place in time was to fulfill all my purposes...

all of which he had dutifully done...cuz i was thrilled that i didn't have to cook another shitty box of stale stove top crunch on burnt toast dinners then wash it down with a lukewarm glass of indignation a couple of days outta the week...

i was beyond elated that i didn't have to pay fer top shelf tanqueray...since i was beyond embarrassed when i found out that my local liquor store would not accept my platinum EBT card one even'n...

and i was over the moon that i got to enjoy some top notch pundit crotch since i couldn't afford cable in my shitbox (sorry fer that...i'm try'na not be sooo negative this time around) i mean my quaint lil shitbox!

unfortunately the only mountain i wanted broken was his backhanded bs 

he...like so many many others from my past shenanigans had sent me via the tic tac text'n sharade parade...

instead of a grown ass face to face confrontation...oops i mean C-L-O-S-U-R-E...pathetically imply'n of course that i wanted him more than he wanted me...all while declare'n that tired "it's not you it's me" dribble to soften the blow...oh and then he decided to top it off bi-say'n he was hitch'n up his giddy up to maxi padder #2!

ummm yea...kum-bye-ya my not so lil prairie dog with more issues than a yearly Vanity Affair subscription!

well there ya have it kittens...ain'tcha glad i came back? oh puhleez...

it's been like 3 years of blue-ball build-up H-E-double hockey stix fer me...who can stand all that damn pressure i ask you? i'm ready to explode...so stay tuned fer pt. 2 of BACK BY UNPOPULAR DEMONS (in my head!)

now GET OFF MY DRESS! 

oh and ps...btw...i'm still thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe...howeva...my newly acquired covid crown'n hence forth...i will be known simply as THE MATTRESS HATTER! (Krystal Kleer is hang'n up her heels fer the time bein' since i have no insurance or a huv-a-round at my disposal in case i teeter when i should'a tottered) perhaps you may even find me at some local non-union stand-up club test'n out my many muse'n live sometime in the not so distant future...perhaps!

oh yea...pps...GET OFF MY DRESS is goin bi (weekly that is) i have too many bee's in my unmade bonnet to truly dedicate a weekly read'n at my tender twilight stage!

40 YEAR OLD CAKE

picture it kittens...the year was 1983 and the colorful witty and widowed

mother who so boisterously exclaimed to the nurses "GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT" (which i  refuse to ever watch with anyone since i turn into a complete pathetic puddle each and every time i watch that scene without fail) in the sublime dramedy "TERMS OF ENDEARMENT" starr'n SHIRLEY MACCLAINE...DEBRA WINGER and JACK NICHOLSON (which incidentally won SHIRLEY a well deserved award fer best actress the follow'n year at the oscar's if anyone's wonder'n)

a razor tongued blue haired bingo wing'n matriarch of the dysfunctional

family from Raytown (played by "CAROL BURNETT SHOW" alumni VICKI LAWRENCE) snappy poly blender in pearls THELMA HARPER ran the roost fer 6 seasons...deal'n with the daily dilemma's of her extended family who never seemed to fly the coop on the hit series "MAMA'S FAMILY"

and my teenrager adventures suddenly became heavily sedated by my 

very own casio cassette player (thanx to the Cudahy's that used to live down the road from our farm) til the very wee hours of the morn'n try'n to pre-Napster the perfect mixed tape without all that damn annoy'n auctioneer ramblin' from the dj...when i needed to turn off my family's incessant WWE matches and tune myself onto the birth of the best songs that had shaped my pre unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe life...

BUTT...

i can't believe that some of my all time fav-o-rit musical memories that defined my teenrager years are now turn'n fuck'n 40 this year and have still stood the test of time when many of their contemporaries unfortunately have not (so with that said) let's move onto my all time top 10 fav hits from 1983 that defined my generational letter (in no particular order cuz i love them all)

#10 is the rock band from San Franny that originally formed in 1973 with

STEVE PERRY as their lead vocalist (and my bi-leveled babe) however i was unaware of JOURNEY and their popularity until their video dropped fer "SEPARATE WAYS" off their 8th studio album "FRONTIERS" and i personally wanted every member in my own "separate way" (if ya catch my drift kittens) well except the follically challenged  broomstick (i just felt he was phone'n it in durin' his whole appearance in the video and couldn't commit!)

though STEVE hung up his painted on jeans with the band in 1998...JOURNEY's wheels are still turn'n and tour'n with their replacement vocalist ARNEL PINEDA since 2007 and from what i've heard doin a fine job a that

#9 all the way from the city of Hagen in West Germany comes the high 

school drop-out GABRIELLE SUSANNE KERNER best known to the world as NENA with her riesenerfolg hit (that's "huge success" to you slow pokers) "99 LUFTBALLONS" from her self titled debut album with an english version "99 REDBALLONS" to satisfy all those skol chew'n corn whack'n tractor chauffeurs with their walkman headphones on the highest volume sett'n...pierce'n their ear drums all over Ottumwa, Iowa on those hot and sweaty summers in the field as they sang off key much to the chagrin of the farm animals (even though it's lyrics got lost in translation) with 6 albums front'n her band and 13 albums as a solo artist since 1989...NENA still enjoys the stage from time to time...however...you'll have to hop aboard a Pan Am express to enjoy her pipes in Hamburg, Germany these days

#8 originally the flutist in 1976 fer the band DRAGON'S PLAYGROUND

eventually ANNIE LENNOX would join forces with DAVE STEWART and become'n the lead singer fer the band THE TOURISTS from 1977 til 1980...though ANNIE would not become a household name until become'n the most celebrated female gender bender of the 1980's with her neon orange buzz cut in their newly formed band EURYTHMICS with their synthesized smash "SWEET DREAMS (ARE MADE OF THIS)" the 4th and final single off their 2 album of the same name make'n a merried of melodramatic melodies thru-out the 1980's until ANNIE decided to break out on her own by 1990 until they regrouped once again before the new millennium fer a lil bit-o "PEACE" in 1999 though the band was inducted into the Rock & Roll hall of fame in 2022...ANNIE has decided to finish'n tour'n (though she does pop up on stage every now and then to this day) focus'n more on her political activism and many charitable humanitarian contributions with women's rights and AIDS...DAVE has decided to keep his legacy goin by finish'n up a 40th ANNIVERSARY SWEET DREAMS TOUR thru-out europe with 3 replacement singers...til he begins his US leg with BRYAN ADAMS in 2024...buy yer tickets here...WHY NOT?

#7 born PATRICIA MAE ANDRZEJEWSKI from the BIG APPLE in 1953

trained as a classical singer with a 4.5 octave range...PATRICIA began rock'n and roll'n on stage in 1979 under her spandexed persona PAT BENETAR broad'n her popularity by 1983 with a whole new set of fans from Fresno to Finland with her call to arms #1 smash "LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD" off her 5th studio album "LIVE FROM EARTH" release'n 7 more until 2003 with "GO" you can still catch PAT and her long time guitarist hubby NEIL GIRALDO work'n the casino circuits around the country to this day (i've had the pleasure 4 times to date and trust me...she NEVER disappoints) the rock'n pair even released some of their greatest hits fer a retell'n of the Romeo and Juliet musical fer the 21st century "INVINCIBLE" fer a limited run at the end of 2022 (here's hope'n it'll tour sometime soon)

#6 the next band 1st formed in 1978 across the pond in Birmingham

England and would go thru a few changes before finally settle'n on lead singer SIMON LE BON in 1980...by 1983 british new wave bad boys SIMON...JOHN...NICK...ANDY and ROGER of DURAN DURAN would take the planet by storm with their hit single "IS THERE SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW" that shot to #1 right outta the gate in the UK off their 3rd album "SEVEN AND THE RAGGED TIGER" the band had gone thru many incarnations fer the past 40 years with side projects...16 studio releases ("DANSE MACABRE" bein' their latest and darkest to date) and 12 different members thru-out their formation nonetheless the 4 most memorable members SIMON...JOHN...NICK and ROGER are back together and tour'n like nobody's biz and if you get the chance to see em live...TAKE IT!

#5 born WILLIAM MICHAEL ALBERT BROAD in Middlesex England

WILLIAM started out as the lead singer of the punk band GENERATION X from 1976 to 1981 til he decided to go out on his own as the spike haired peroxided pop punker with the snarly Elvis quiver and my high school hard-on (hush...this is my blog...deal with it!) BILLY IDOL declared more...m-o-r-e...M-O-R-E from all of us with his come hither hit "REBEL YELL" off his 2nd album of the same name...release'n 6 more albums and tour'n ever since...include'n bein' the 1st ever artist to perform a live intimate concert fer a selective audience of botoxed bimbo's and garish groupie's at the Hover Dam that was turned into a motion picture performance back in april tis year (check yer local list'ns fer showtimes)

#4 appropriately placed since she was the 4th of 12 siblings in a crowded 

1 bedroom cabin along the banks of Little Pigeon River in Tennessee where this lil lassie began her musical career before most girls hadda deal with "flo come'n to town" at the tender age of 10...with a wig collection to rival any drag queen's collection DOLLY PARTON is the patron saint of country music with a career spann'n 6 decades...DOLLY crossed over to country pop in '83 duet'n with teddy bear daddy KENNY ROGERS on their lovely collaboration "ISLANDS IN THE STREAM" released on DOLLY's "GREATEST HITS" album and DOLLY hasn't stopped since...

with over 200 compilation albums...48 studio albums...starr'n in 12 motion 

pictures (with over 400 tv appearances) and 1 theme park named after her (plus beyond numerous philanthropic endeavors as well) under her sequined belt...include'n team'n up with Duncan Hines...DOLLY was pleasantly shocked as shit when she was inducted into the ROCK and ROLL hall of fame back in 2022 without have'n a single "rock" album released until this year...aptly titled "ROCKSTAR" collaborate'n with a plethora of artists...also release'n the 1st ever listen'n event with footage and interviews in theaters...cuz WHY NOT!

#3 began her musical journey in 1978 when she met saxophonist JOHN

TURI in Brooklyn and became the lead singer of the band BLUE ANGEL record'n a powerfully poppy new wave demo that would finally get released in 1980 when they signed onto Polydor records though the band would soon disband after only one album and the world would become mesmerized by the betty-boo songbird CYNDI LAUPER after the release of her debut solo album "SHE'S SO UNUSUAL" and the global impact of her open'n single "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN" 

release'n 10 more albums...starr'n in 12 movies...a plethora of tv appearances and PRIDE events around the globe...include'n winn'n best musical album fer penn'n the songs to "KINKY BOOTS" and recently release'n Cyndi's doc "LET THE CANARY SING" at the tribeca film festival that is tour'n theaters around the country currently

#2 as the drummer...guitarist and singer in bands "BREAKFAST CLUB"

in 1979 and "EMMY AND THE EMMY'S" in 1980...it wasn't til 1983 when a young whipper snapper from Bay City, Michigan scored her first billboard #1 chart topper with "HOLIDAY" off her debut self titled album "MADONNA" which began pave'n her 40 year career as the QUEEN OF THE DANCE FLOOR...

MADONNA LOUISE VERONICA CICCONE is thee most truly fashionably forward famous goddess and female I-C-O-N-I-C musical performer of all time...recognized by the Guinness books fer sell'n over 400 million albums...78 music videos...starr'n in 27 flicks...11 concert tour dvd's...7 children's books...6 kids...2 documentaries and 1 non profit RAISING MALAWI to help an impoverished nation in Africa among many many M-A-N-Y other philanthropic endeavors since her rise to the top...

M is currently sell'n out her 40 year spann'n career with the "THE CELEBRATION TOUR" across the globe...if you haven't yet...get yer tix here before it's too late cuz you'll kick yerself in the cooter if you don't go to see this tour de force live...trust me!

#1 of course no one embodied the look...the sound and the complete 

charismatic charm of 1983 more than lead sing'n gender bender (and my save'n grace to this day) the legendary BOY GEORGE and CULTURE CLUB with their only #1 global domination of the infectious pop diddy "KARMA CHAMELEON" off their 2nd brilliant album "COLOUR BY NUMBERS" sell'n more than 7 million copies that bought the band many fancy cars and homes cement'n their place in 80's nostalgic history...

release'n 6 full studio albums all together before restructure'n themselves nonetheless still continue'n to travel around the world perform'n to millions of fans both young and old...maxi pads and muscle mary's...trannies and grannies...

though there is no doubt that BOY GEORGE was and still is the focal point of the band's success who has also had a stellar solo career of his very own in between the break-up's and shake-up's like dj'n in every corner of the globe...release'n 9 studio albums of his own...penn'n the lyrics and starr'n in the brilliant musical "TABOO" (that i was lucky enough to see in both London and the Big Apple) create'n his own fashion line B-RUDE...curate'n his own ICH BIN KUNST on canvas...

appear'n on numerous reality series from "THE VOICE" to "I'M A CELEBRITY...GET ME OUT OF HERE" and anyone that would give him a proper celebrity ransom to have him appear...

release'n 3 autobiographies "TAKE IT LIKE A MAN" in 1995 "STRAIGHT" in 2005 and BOY's latest out now simply titled "KARMA" that should most definitely be on everyone's xmas list this year!

BOY will soon be portray'n the very scrupulously evil CAPTAIN HOOK in

the newest adaptation of "PETER PAN" this decem fer a limited engagement across the pond in Birmingham, UK (get yer tix here)...

before return'n to the Big Apple once again back on broadway where he belongs in 2024 starr'n as the zany enthusiastic club owner HAROLD ZOLDER in "MOULIN ROUGE" with no signs of stopp'n anytime soon!

and there ya have it kittens...the songs that shaped my soul and defined

a generation of X's...enjoy this mix of 40 other notably honorable mentions that are turn'n 40 and GET OFF MY DRESS!