40 YEAR OLD CAKE

picture it kittens...the year was 1983 and the colorful witty and widowed

mother who so boisterously exclaimed to the nurses "GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT" (which i  refuse to ever watch with anyone since i turn into a complete pathetic puddle each and every time i watch that scene without fail) in the sublime dramedy "TERMS OF ENDEARMENT" starr'n SHIRLEY MACCLAINE...DEBRA WINGER and JACK NICHOLSON (which incidentally won SHIRLEY a well deserved award fer best actress the follow'n year at the oscar's if anyone's wonder'n)

a razor tongued blue haired bingo wing'n matriarch of the dysfunctional

family from Raytown (played by "CAROL BURNETT SHOW" alumni VICKI LAWRENCE) snappy poly blender in pearls THELMA HARPER ran the roost fer 6 seasons...deal'n with the daily dilemma's of her extended family who never seemed to fly the coop on the hit series "MAMA'S FAMILY"

and my teenrager adventures suddenly became heavily sedated by my 

very own casio cassette player (thanx to the Cudahy's that used to live down the road from our farm) til the very wee hours of the morn'n try'n to pre-Napster the perfect mixed tape without all that damn annoy'n auctioneer ramblin' from the dj...when i needed to turn off my family's incessant WWE matches and tune myself onto the birth of the best songs that had shaped my pre unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe life...

BUTT...

i can't believe that some of my all time fav-o-rit musical memories that defined my teenrager years are now turn'n fuck'n 40 this year and have still stood the test of time when many of their contemporaries unfortunately have not (so with that said) let's move onto my all time top 10 fav hits from 1983 that defined my generational letter (in no particular order cuz i love them all)

#10 is the rock band from San Franny that originally formed in 1973 with

STEVE PERRY as their lead vocalist (and my bi-leveled babe) however i was unaware of JOURNEY and their popularity until their video dropped fer "SEPARATE WAYS" off their 8th studio album "FRONTIERS" and i personally wanted every member in my own "separate way" (if ya catch my drift kittens) well except the follically challenged  broomstick (i just felt he was phone'n it in durin' his whole appearance in the video and couldn't commit!)

though STEVE hung up his painted on jeans with the band in 1998...JOURNEY's wheels are still turn'n and tour'n with their replacement vocalist ARNEL PINEDA since 2007 and from what i've heard doin a fine job a that

#9 all the way from the city of Hagen in West Germany comes the high 

school drop-out GABRIELLE SUSANNE KERNER best known to the world as NENA with her riesenerfolg hit (that's "huge success" to you slow pokers) "99 LUFTBALLONS" from her self titled debut album with an english version "99 REDBALLONS" to satisfy all those skol chew'n corn whack'n tractor chauffeurs with their walkman headphones on the highest volume sett'n...pierce'n their ear drums all over Ottumwa, Iowa on those hot and sweaty summers in the field as they sang off key much to the chagrin of the farm animals (even though it's lyrics got lost in translation) with 6 albums front'n her band and 13 albums as a solo artist since 1989...NENA still enjoys the stage from time to time...however...you'll have to hop aboard a Pan Am express to enjoy her pipes in Hamburg, Germany these days

#8 originally the flutist in 1976 fer the band DRAGON'S PLAYGROUND

eventually ANNIE LENNOX would join forces with DAVE STEWART and become'n the lead singer fer the band THE TOURISTS from 1977 til 1980...though ANNIE would not become a household name until become'n the most celebrated female gender bender of the 1980's with her neon orange buzz cut in their newly formed band EURYTHMICS with their synthesized smash "SWEET DREAMS (ARE MADE OF THIS)" the 4th and final single off their 2 album of the same name make'n a merried of melodramatic melodies thru-out the 1980's until ANNIE decided to break out on her own by 1990 until they regrouped once again before the new millennium fer a lil bit-o "PEACE" in 1999 though the band was inducted into the Rock & Roll hall of fame in 2022...ANNIE has decided to finish'n tour'n (though she does pop up on stage every now and then to this day) focus'n more on her political activism and many charitable humanitarian contributions with women's rights and AIDS...DAVE has decided to keep his legacy goin by finish'n up a 40th ANNIVERSARY SWEET DREAMS TOUR thru-out europe with 3 replacement singers...til he begins his US leg with BRYAN ADAMS in 2024...buy yer tickets here...WHY NOT?

#7 born PATRICIA MAE ANDRZEJEWSKI from the BIG APPLE in 1953

trained as a classical singer with a 4.5 octave range...PATRICIA began rock'n and roll'n on stage in 1979 under her spandexed persona PAT BENETAR broad'n her popularity by 1983 with a whole new set of fans from Fresno to Finland with her call to arms #1 smash "LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD" off her 5th studio album "LIVE FROM EARTH" release'n 7 more until 2003 with "GO" you can still catch PAT and her long time guitarist hubby NEIL GIRALDO work'n the casino circuits around the country to this day (i've had the pleasure 4 times to date and trust me...she NEVER disappoints) the rock'n pair even released some of their greatest hits fer a retell'n of the Romeo and Juliet musical fer the 21st century "INVINCIBLE" fer a limited run at the end of 2022 (here's hope'n it'll tour sometime soon)

#6 the next band 1st formed in 1978 across the pond in Birmingham

England and would go thru a few changes before finally settle'n on lead singer SIMON LE BON in 1980...by 1983 british new wave bad boys SIMON...JOHN...NICK...ANDY and ROGER of DURAN DURAN would take the planet by storm with their hit single "IS THERE SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW" that shot to #1 right outta the gate in the UK off their 3rd album "SEVEN AND THE RAGGED TIGER" the band had gone thru many incarnations fer the past 40 years with side projects...16 studio releases ("DANSE MACABRE" bein' their latest and darkest to date) and 12 different members thru-out their formation nonetheless the 4 most memorable members SIMON...JOHN...NICK and ROGER are back together and tour'n like nobody's biz and if you get the chance to see em live...TAKE IT!

#5 born WILLIAM MICHAEL ALBERT BROAD in Middlesex England

WILLIAM started out as the lead singer of the punk band GENERATION X from 1976 to 1981 til he decided to go out on his own as the spike haired peroxided pop punker with the snarly Elvis quiver and my high school hard-on (hush...this is my blog...deal with it!) BILLY IDOL declared more...m-o-r-e...M-O-R-E from all of us with his come hither hit "REBEL YELL" off his 2nd album of the same name...release'n 6 more albums and tour'n ever since...include'n bein' the 1st ever artist to perform a live intimate concert fer a selective audience of botoxed bimbo's and garish groupie's at the Hover Dam that was turned into a motion picture performance back in april tis year (check yer local list'ns fer showtimes)

#4 appropriately placed since she was the 4th of 12 siblings in a crowded 

1 bedroom cabin along the banks of Little Pigeon River in Tennessee where this lil lassie began her musical career before most girls hadda deal with "flo come'n to town" at the tender age of 10...with a wig collection to rival any drag queen's collection DOLLY PARTON is the patron saint of country music with a career spann'n 6 decades...DOLLY crossed over to country pop in '83 duet'n with teddy bear daddy KENNY ROGERS on their lovely collaboration "ISLANDS IN THE STREAM" released on DOLLY's "GREATEST HITS" album and DOLLY hasn't stopped since...

with over 200 compilation albums...48 studio albums...starr'n in 12 motion 

pictures (with over 400 tv appearances) and 1 theme park named after her (plus beyond numerous philanthropic endeavors as well) under her sequined belt...include'n team'n up with Duncan Hines...DOLLY was pleasantly shocked as shit when she was inducted into the ROCK and ROLL hall of fame back in 2022 without have'n a single "rock" album released until this year...aptly titled "ROCKSTAR" collaborate'n with a plethora of artists...also release'n the 1st ever listen'n event with footage and interviews in theaters...cuz WHY NOT!

#3 began her musical journey in 1978 when she met saxophonist JOHN

TURI in Brooklyn and became the lead singer of the band BLUE ANGEL record'n a powerfully poppy new wave demo that would finally get released in 1980 when they signed onto Polydor records though the band would soon disband after only one album and the world would become mesmerized by the betty-boo songbird CYNDI LAUPER after the release of her debut solo album "SHE'S SO UNUSUAL" and the global impact of her open'n single "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN" 

release'n 10 more albums...starr'n in 12 movies...a plethora of tv appearances and PRIDE events around the globe...include'n winn'n best musical album fer penn'n the songs to "KINKY BOOTS" and recently release'n Cyndi's doc "LET THE CANARY SING" at the tribeca film festival that is tour'n theaters around the country currently

#2 as the drummer...guitarist and singer in bands "BREAKFAST CLUB"

in 1979 and "EMMY AND THE EMMY'S" in 1980...it wasn't til 1983 when a young whipper snapper from Bay City, Michigan scored her first billboard #1 chart topper with "HOLIDAY" off her debut self titled album "MADONNA" which began pave'n her 40 year career as the QUEEN OF THE DANCE FLOOR...

MADONNA LOUISE VERONICA CICCONE is thee most truly fashionably forward famous goddess and female I-C-O-N-I-C musical performer of all time...recognized by the Guinness books fer sell'n over 400 million albums...78 music videos...starr'n in 27 flicks...11 concert tour dvd's...7 children's books...6 kids...2 documentaries and 1 non profit RAISING MALAWI to help an impoverished nation in Africa among many many M-A-N-Y other philanthropic endeavors since her rise to the top...

M is currently sell'n out her 40 year spann'n career with the "THE CELEBRATION TOUR" across the globe...if you haven't yet...get yer tix here before it's too late cuz you'll kick yerself in the cooter if you don't go to see this tour de force live...trust me!

#1 of course no one embodied the look...the sound and the complete 

charismatic charm of 1983 more than lead sing'n gender bender (and my save'n grace to this day) the legendary BOY GEORGE and CULTURE CLUB with their only #1 global domination of the infectious pop diddy "KARMA CHAMELEON" off their 2nd brilliant album "COLOUR BY NUMBERS" sell'n more than 7 million copies that bought the band many fancy cars and homes cement'n their place in 80's nostalgic history...

release'n 6 full studio albums all together before restructure'n themselves nonetheless still continue'n to travel around the world perform'n to millions of fans both young and old...maxi pads and muscle mary's...trannies and grannies...

though there is no doubt that BOY GEORGE was and still is the focal point of the band's success who has also had a stellar solo career of his very own in between the break-up's and shake-up's like dj'n in every corner of the globe...release'n 9 studio albums of his own...penn'n the lyrics and starr'n in the brilliant musical "TABOO" (that i was lucky enough to see in both London and the Big Apple) create'n his own fashion line B-RUDE...curate'n his own ICH BIN KUNST on canvas...

appear'n on numerous reality series from "THE VOICE" to "I'M A CELEBRITY...GET ME OUT OF HERE" and anyone that would give him a proper celebrity ransom to have him appear...

release'n 3 autobiographies "TAKE IT LIKE A MAN" in 1995 "STRAIGHT" in 2005 and BOY's latest out now simply titled "KARMA" that should most definitely be on everyone's xmas list this year!

BOY will soon be portray'n the very scrupulously evil CAPTAIN HOOK in

the newest adaptation of "PETER PAN" this decem fer a limited engagement across the pond in Birmingham, UK (get yer tix here)...

before return'n to the Big Apple once again back on broadway where he belongs in 2024 starr'n as the zany enthusiastic club owner HAROLD ZOLDER in "MOULIN ROUGE" with no signs of stopp'n anytime soon!

and there ya have it kittens...the songs that shaped my soul and defined

a generation of X's...enjoy this mix of 40 other notably honorable mentions that are turn'n 40 and GET OFF MY DRESS!

TIME (CLOCK OF THE HEART)

we've all had those momentous first time moments in the earlier stages 

of our life that you've either seen with yer own 2 eyes or participated in fer the very first time that end up leave'n an impactful imprint deep into yer memory banks that you'll end up carry'n with you up until the very last moment before you kick the can...whether it be the very first movie yer dad took you to as a small but important future unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of yer own universe...

where you learned that in outer space you should always do yer research before commit'n yerself to a cloak made out of a brown poly blend potato sack as they don't have the best protection against a lone evil doer with asthmatic issues who has an axe to grind with half the fuck'n universe

then there's that very first time you learn all about the judicial systems as a

 

tittilated teenrager by have'n yer very first judge judy experience in 1987 thanx in part to an unplanned trip to the barbershop inside yer school lunchroom at 7:45 am then immediately hopp'n on yer huffy bike since Joan wanted you out of the house...huff'n and puff'n like the wicked witch from the west end of town to yer former bff's palace in the projects of the small minded unimportant town…

just to have a mental break down in front of his mom in her Daisey dukes and crop top puff'n on her marlboro lights on the back stoop...as she gives you her simple but effective advice "you sue that mother fucker and tell the judge you were gonna use yer hair to be in a rock band" (and that is a direct quote) completely push'n you into the spotlight of the entire school all cuz of yer fabulous follicles...

which were part of some twisted diabolical plot designed by a group of jack-off jocks who wanted to show you who's runn'n the roost by have'n some piss'n contest and cutt'n off a portion of the luscious locks from the new leper in the lunch room (insert me here) i of course would come out victorious in the end by sue'n the head of the football team's ass (though i'm sure secretly all he really wanted was head or my smooth plump ass back then and all he hadda do was ask...i would'a obliged...back then anyways) 

and from that very moment on i would N-E-V-E-R take shit from anyone anymore no matter who they were!

and how could i not mention that time in the pre 90's cell phone era of '95

when i was about to come in my culottes after leave'n a popular STD disco hole in the downtown Minne-Apple area late one even'n when i hopped skipped and jumped into a dark camaro driven by some midnite cowboy who was my last call to bust his balls with as i was trollop'n head'n home fer some head thru Loring Park...

only to make it 2 blocks before we were pulled over by some Roscoe P. Coltrane who tried to take me down fer solicite'n in my slacks...fortunately my jedi minds tricks worked that nite and he let us off so we could get off...

back at my place where my midnite rider admitted this would be his only and last "batt'n practice" before his wedd'n day the follow'n day and asked me if i knew who the TWINS were... 

to which i responded "you mean the OLSON TWINS or the WONDER TWINS?" to which he said "NO the baseball team!" i let him know that sports was the last thing on my mind so why not be a good sport and get to work then leave a quarter on the counter on yer way out

BUTT move'n forward

we might be in the year 2022 nonetheless i felt like i went thru some sorta 

time warp back to the best decade ever invented fer music durin' the 1980's as i inverted back into my teenrager times by start'n the month off see'n PAT BENATAR (w/NEIL GIRALDO) live in concert...then roller disco'n with MADONNA in Central Park the follow'n week before return'n back home ecstatic to see DURAN DURAN at an outdoor venue except fer the fact that mother nature decided to bitch slap the band and the audience with a severe thunder storm minutes before the concert was to begin that nite...make'n it a disaster fer the flock of fans near and far who were crammed into the casino like salty sardines only to have the concert completely canceled in the end to the dismay of many

end'n out the month with my ALL TIME FAV-O-RIT BOY  in thee absolute 

entire universe that's been well documented in this blog over the years and of course his boys who he would not be without...

back at MYSTIC LAKE with CULTURE CLUB where they absofuckinlutely DID NOT disappoint as usual

BOY was in tip top shape...engage'n with the audience like he was have'n the best time with his gal pals over a lovely cup of herbal tea and a macrobiotic serve'n of steamed kombu over a bed of hijiki with just a slight sprinkle of gomashio

i'll admit it...I AM A BOY JUNKIE...someone send me to B.G.A...STAT!

that's Boy George Anonymous fer you uneducated kittens...since this would now be the 9th time see'n them live so of course i hadda pull out ALL the stops and pull an all niter into a dayer by gett'n hopped up on an assortment of fruit flavored chemicals consist'n of jalapeño skittles and multi purpose flavors of red bull in order to kick my OCD into high gear by hot glue'n by hand stone by stone and sequin by sequin in an orderly fashion fer roughly 23 hrs and after another 3 hours in make-up i set out to begin my musical journey

arrive'n to the casino just a few minutes early cuz i'm such a gurly swat 

after all when it comes to punctuality...i waited patiently fer my friends to show up as i miraculously mosied on up to the bar without gett'n shot at when outta the corner of my eye i caught this pickled patsy absolutely tickled stare'n at me as if i were Medusa and she was about to turn to stone (though to be quiet honest...i think she was just a wee bit stoned) anywho'zll'ding...she had asked if i was BOY GEORGE or a member of his band...awwww...how sweet!

of course i hated to burst her narcotic laced bubble (allegedly) nonetheless i hadda set her straight by reveal'n my real name

once my friends arrived we enjoyed a quick cocktail then sashayed our

A double snakes thru the casino to the theater but not before i was bombarded every step of the way by a stampede of gawkers and stalkers politely ask'n me fer a pic with them and without hesitation i turned their world upside down and inside out...why not!

as the theater lights began to fade and the stage lights began to light up

no one in the sea of fans new and old at the packed theater meant a damn thing to me as i regressed into my former self almost 40 years earlier 

moments later the band slithered out from the sides then BOY himself appeared on stage in full glory...play'n up and down their repertoire of hits over the past 40 years and a few new surprise gems and mash-ups fer roughly 2 hrs straight

as the concert concluded i was once again bombarded with many many  

requests fer more pix with the audience and though i was desperately search'n fer a cocktail to quench my severely parched throat from sing'n along all nite...i bit my painted lips and held onto my arthritic hips by oblige'n the masses wait'n patiently to strike a pose with me fer the next 45 minutes as i tried to purchase a lil medium memorabilia fer myself

most celebrities like myself usually try & run in circles with the same status

follow'n any kind of event...it can get to be very taxi'n after endless hours of humility wear'n 20 pounds of make-up and wrapped up in an outfit so tight that you feel like yer give'n yerself a homemade hysterotomy every time you have to walk thru a barrage of fans that have no concept of proper light'n or angles as they snap their selfie with you while yer just desperately seek'n the jaws of life to release you from the misery of it all and though i may be at the bottom of the celebrity totem pole...i'm still there dammit and i have a threshold to my thoughtfulness and mine ended seconds after the concert ended…i had had enough with the relentless requests fer snaps (i highly doubt MADONNA ever has to put up with this shit anymore!)

nevertheless i completely melted while i was wait'n in line to buy

some over-priced tee at this pre-teen who i could sense was nervous to ask me fer a selfie (which made sense i suppose…i mean come on…i rocked the shit outta my look that nite) however after see'n the absolute joy pour'n outta his pretty blue puppy dog eyes as he gleefully told me it was the best concert he had ever went to...

suddenly i had an epiphany…music has always been a powerful drug to me and i could tell that this kid was as high as a damn kite from the concert…i realized that i was stare'n directly at myself nearly 40 years ago when i felt the exact emotions see’n  CULTURE CLUB on Mtv fer the very first time and even though i was denied the same live experience in 1984 that this kid got to experience in 2022...

i fer one WAS NOT about to crush and scar this kids memory banks by stomp'n all over his request so i happily took a pic with him and the other 15 to 20 some people that waited anxiously behind him before i bid my ado to them all and met my friends who hooked me up to the cocktail drip wait'n fer me at the bar.

now GET OFF MY DRESS!