40 YEAR OLD CAKE

picture it kittens...the year was 1983 and the colorful witty and widowed

mother who so boisterously exclaimed to the nurses "GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT" (which i  refuse to ever watch with anyone since i turn into a complete pathetic puddle each and every time i watch that scene without fail) in the sublime dramedy "TERMS OF ENDEARMENT" starr'n SHIRLEY MACCLAINE...DEBRA WINGER and JACK NICHOLSON (which incidentally won SHIRLEY a well deserved award fer best actress the follow'n year at the oscar's if anyone's wonder'n)

a razor tongued blue haired bingo wing'n matriarch of the dysfunctional

family from Raytown (played by "CAROL BURNETT SHOW" alumni VICKI LAWRENCE) snappy poly blender in pearls THELMA HARPER ran the roost fer 6 seasons...deal'n with the daily dilemma's of her extended family who never seemed to fly the coop on the hit series "MAMA'S FAMILY"

and my teenrager adventures suddenly became heavily sedated by my 

very own casio cassette player (thanx to the Cudahy's that used to live down the road from our farm) til the very wee hours of the morn'n try'n to pre-Napster the perfect mixed tape without all that damn annoy'n auctioneer ramblin' from the dj...when i needed to turn off my family's incessant WWE matches and tune myself onto the birth of the best songs that had shaped my pre unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe life...

BUTT...

i can't believe that some of my all time fav-o-rit musical memories that defined my teenrager years are now turn'n fuck'n 40 this year and have still stood the test of time when many of their contemporaries unfortunately have not (so with that said) let's move onto my all time top 10 fav hits from 1983 that defined my generational letter (in no particular order cuz i love them all)

#10 is the rock band from San Franny that originally formed in 1973 with

STEVE PERRY as their lead vocalist (and my bi-leveled babe) however i was unaware of JOURNEY and their popularity until their video dropped fer "SEPARATE WAYS" off their 8th studio album "FRONTIERS" and i personally wanted every member in my own "separate way" (if ya catch my drift kittens) well except the follically challenged  broomstick (i just felt he was phone'n it in durin' his whole appearance in the video and couldn't commit!)

though STEVE hung up his painted on jeans with the band in 1998...JOURNEY's wheels are still turn'n and tour'n with their replacement vocalist ARNEL PINEDA since 2007 and from what i've heard doin a fine job a that

#9 all the way from the city of Hagen in West Germany comes the high 

school drop-out GABRIELLE SUSANNE KERNER best known to the world as NENA with her riesenerfolg hit (that's "huge success" to you slow pokers) "99 LUFTBALLONS" from her self titled debut album with an english version "99 REDBALLONS" to satisfy all those skol chew'n corn whack'n tractor chauffeurs with their walkman headphones on the highest volume sett'n...pierce'n their ear drums all over Ottumwa, Iowa on those hot and sweaty summers in the field as they sang off key much to the chagrin of the farm animals (even though it's lyrics got lost in translation) with 6 albums front'n her band and 13 albums as a solo artist since 1989...NENA still enjoys the stage from time to time...however...you'll have to hop aboard a Pan Am express to enjoy her pipes in Hamburg, Germany these days

#8 originally the flutist in 1976 fer the band DRAGON'S PLAYGROUND

eventually ANNIE LENNOX would join forces with DAVE STEWART and become'n the lead singer fer the band THE TOURISTS from 1977 til 1980...though ANNIE would not become a household name until become'n the most celebrated female gender bender of the 1980's with her neon orange buzz cut in their newly formed band EURYTHMICS with their synthesized smash "SWEET DREAMS (ARE MADE OF THIS)" the 4th and final single off their 2 album of the same name make'n a merried of melodramatic melodies thru-out the 1980's until ANNIE decided to break out on her own by 1990 until they regrouped once again before the new millennium fer a lil bit-o "PEACE" in 1999 though the band was inducted into the Rock & Roll hall of fame in 2022...ANNIE has decided to finish'n tour'n (though she does pop up on stage every now and then to this day) focus'n more on her political activism and many charitable humanitarian contributions with women's rights and AIDS...DAVE has decided to keep his legacy goin by finish'n up a 40th ANNIVERSARY SWEET DREAMS TOUR thru-out europe with 3 replacement singers...til he begins his US leg with BRYAN ADAMS in 2024...buy yer tickets here...WHY NOT?

#7 born PATRICIA MAE ANDRZEJEWSKI from the BIG APPLE in 1953

trained as a classical singer with a 4.5 octave range...PATRICIA began rock'n and roll'n on stage in 1979 under her spandexed persona PAT BENETAR broad'n her popularity by 1983 with a whole new set of fans from Fresno to Finland with her call to arms #1 smash "LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD" off her 5th studio album "LIVE FROM EARTH" release'n 7 more until 2003 with "GO" you can still catch PAT and her long time guitarist hubby NEIL GIRALDO work'n the casino circuits around the country to this day (i've had the pleasure 4 times to date and trust me...she NEVER disappoints) the rock'n pair even released some of their greatest hits fer a retell'n of the Romeo and Juliet musical fer the 21st century "INVINCIBLE" fer a limited run at the end of 2022 (here's hope'n it'll tour sometime soon)

#6 the next band 1st formed in 1978 across the pond in Birmingham

England and would go thru a few changes before finally settle'n on lead singer SIMON LE BON in 1980...by 1983 british new wave bad boys SIMON...JOHN...NICK...ANDY and ROGER of DURAN DURAN would take the planet by storm with their hit single "IS THERE SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW" that shot to #1 right outta the gate in the UK off their 3rd album "SEVEN AND THE RAGGED TIGER" the band had gone thru many incarnations fer the past 40 years with side projects...16 studio releases ("DANSE MACABRE" bein' their latest and darkest to date) and 12 different members thru-out their formation nonetheless the 4 most memorable members SIMON...JOHN...NICK and ROGER are back together and tour'n like nobody's biz and if you get the chance to see em live...TAKE IT!

#5 born WILLIAM MICHAEL ALBERT BROAD in Middlesex England

WILLIAM started out as the lead singer of the punk band GENERATION X from 1976 to 1981 til he decided to go out on his own as the spike haired peroxided pop punker with the snarly Elvis quiver and my high school hard-on (hush...this is my blog...deal with it!) BILLY IDOL declared more...m-o-r-e...M-O-R-E from all of us with his come hither hit "REBEL YELL" off his 2nd album of the same name...release'n 6 more albums and tour'n ever since...include'n bein' the 1st ever artist to perform a live intimate concert fer a selective audience of botoxed bimbo's and garish groupie's at the Hover Dam that was turned into a motion picture performance back in april tis year (check yer local list'ns fer showtimes)

#4 appropriately placed since she was the 4th of 12 siblings in a crowded 

1 bedroom cabin along the banks of Little Pigeon River in Tennessee where this lil lassie began her musical career before most girls hadda deal with "flo come'n to town" at the tender age of 10...with a wig collection to rival any drag queen's collection DOLLY PARTON is the patron saint of country music with a career spann'n 6 decades...DOLLY crossed over to country pop in '83 duet'n with teddy bear daddy KENNY ROGERS on their lovely collaboration "ISLANDS IN THE STREAM" released on DOLLY's "GREATEST HITS" album and DOLLY hasn't stopped since...

with over 200 compilation albums...48 studio albums...starr'n in 12 motion 

pictures (with over 400 tv appearances) and 1 theme park named after her (plus beyond numerous philanthropic endeavors as well) under her sequined belt...include'n team'n up with Duncan Hines...DOLLY was pleasantly shocked as shit when she was inducted into the ROCK and ROLL hall of fame back in 2022 without have'n a single "rock" album released until this year...aptly titled "ROCKSTAR" collaborate'n with a plethora of artists...also release'n the 1st ever listen'n event with footage and interviews in theaters...cuz WHY NOT!

#3 began her musical journey in 1978 when she met saxophonist JOHN

TURI in Brooklyn and became the lead singer of the band BLUE ANGEL record'n a powerfully poppy new wave demo that would finally get released in 1980 when they signed onto Polydor records though the band would soon disband after only one album and the world would become mesmerized by the betty-boo songbird CYNDI LAUPER after the release of her debut solo album "SHE'S SO UNUSUAL" and the global impact of her open'n single "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN" 

release'n 10 more albums...starr'n in 12 movies...a plethora of tv appearances and PRIDE events around the globe...include'n winn'n best musical album fer penn'n the songs to "KINKY BOOTS" and recently release'n Cyndi's doc "LET THE CANARY SING" at the tribeca film festival that is tour'n theaters around the country currently

#2 as the drummer...guitarist and singer in bands "BREAKFAST CLUB"

in 1979 and "EMMY AND THE EMMY'S" in 1980...it wasn't til 1983 when a young whipper snapper from Bay City, Michigan scored her first billboard #1 chart topper with "HOLIDAY" off her debut self titled album "MADONNA" which began pave'n her 40 year career as the QUEEN OF THE DANCE FLOOR...

MADONNA LOUISE VERONICA CICCONE is thee most truly fashionably forward famous goddess and female I-C-O-N-I-C musical performer of all time...recognized by the Guinness books fer sell'n over 400 million albums...78 music videos...starr'n in 27 flicks...11 concert tour dvd's...7 children's books...6 kids...2 documentaries and 1 non profit RAISING MALAWI to help an impoverished nation in Africa among many many M-A-N-Y other philanthropic endeavors since her rise to the top...

M is currently sell'n out her 40 year spann'n career with the "THE CELEBRATION TOUR" across the globe...if you haven't yet...get yer tix here before it's too late cuz you'll kick yerself in the cooter if you don't go to see this tour de force live...trust me!

#1 of course no one embodied the look...the sound and the complete 

charismatic charm of 1983 more than lead sing'n gender bender (and my save'n grace to this day) the legendary BOY GEORGE and CULTURE CLUB with their only #1 global domination of the infectious pop diddy "KARMA CHAMELEON" off their 2nd brilliant album "COLOUR BY NUMBERS" sell'n more than 7 million copies that bought the band many fancy cars and homes cement'n their place in 80's nostalgic history...

release'n 6 full studio albums all together before restructure'n themselves nonetheless still continue'n to travel around the world perform'n to millions of fans both young and old...maxi pads and muscle mary's...trannies and grannies...

though there is no doubt that BOY GEORGE was and still is the focal point of the band's success who has also had a stellar solo career of his very own in between the break-up's and shake-up's like dj'n in every corner of the globe...release'n 9 studio albums of his own...penn'n the lyrics and starr'n in the brilliant musical "TABOO" (that i was lucky enough to see in both London and the Big Apple) create'n his own fashion line B-RUDE...curate'n his own ICH BIN KUNST on canvas...

appear'n on numerous reality series from "THE VOICE" to "I'M A CELEBRITY...GET ME OUT OF HERE" and anyone that would give him a proper celebrity ransom to have him appear...

release'n 3 autobiographies "TAKE IT LIKE A MAN" in 1995 "STRAIGHT" in 2005 and BOY's latest out now simply titled "KARMA" that should most definitely be on everyone's xmas list this year!

BOY will soon be portray'n the very scrupulously evil CAPTAIN HOOK in

the newest adaptation of "PETER PAN" this decem fer a limited engagement across the pond in Birmingham, UK (get yer tix here)...

before return'n to the Big Apple once again back on broadway where he belongs in 2024 starr'n as the zany enthusiastic club owner HAROLD ZOLDER in "MOULIN ROUGE" with no signs of stopp'n anytime soon!

and there ya have it kittens...the songs that shaped my soul and defined

a generation of X's...enjoy this mix of 40 other notably honorable mentions that are turn'n 40 and GET OFF MY DRESS!

I AM WOMAN...HEAR ME ROAR!

picture it kittens...it was the spring of 1999 when diabetic hopeful TESS

WEISHAUS represented the beautiful city of Bundy MN try'na balance the world's largest ball of twine atop her head while try'n to snatch the title of MISS MINNESOTA in the hysterically dark indy comedy where the beauty pageant turns deadly and becomes all to crystal clear (H-E-L-L-O) when someone goes to any length to win in "DROP DEAD GORGEOUS"

if you have not seen this flick then run and rent it/buy it/stream it...whatever you gotta do...it's a fuck'n hoot of what real award shows should be all about!

BUTT anyways....

it's that time a year when all of hollyweirds glitzkriegs and glamour toads

plump up their non existent pout and tout their tired tush and waxed bush down the red carpets from the INDIES to the OSCARS to give another vomit indulgent acceptance speech and squeeze out a single tear to thunderous applause then grab as many free fancy schmancy swag bags as possible in case their last movie bombed and the studio heads make a stop payment on their check

though personally fer me...it's really all about after so many uninvited invitations lost in the mail i’m sure that i will be able to F-I-N-A-L-L-Y attend the view'n party at my fav-o-rit rest stop fer some mouth water'n olive tapenade sunbathin' on some deliciously rustic italian sourdough bread and wash'n it down with a slightly chilled glass combo of champagne and chambord with a couple of plump raspberries pirouette'n gallantly at the bottom amongst an array of other deliciously orphaned frost bit nibbly's chipped outta the freezer from the previous holiday soirée thru-out the vote'n process...this of course is non negotiable so tick tock PEETRINELLA...T-I-C-K-T-O-C-K!

however somethin' more my cup of award tea is really just on the ROCKS!

more specifically THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME where we can make or break some bad ass with their pipes place in the musical archives of history!

and trust me...this years nominations HAVE NOT disappointed me EVER!

though it can only come down to 5 inductees so lets start with my 1st and fav-o-rit...born PATRICIA MAE ANDRZEJEWSKI who became a classically trained mezzo-soprano with her 4.5 octave range however was itch'n fer the wild side of the stage so PATTY quit her bank teller job who transformed into the bad ass bosom ballet rocker PAT BENATAR debut'n in 1979 with her album "IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT" that included the smash tinder swindler anthem "HEARTBREAKER" and the JOHN COUGAR MELLENCAMP cover "I NEED A LOVER" who went on to sell over 35 million records world wide...release'n 10 more albums...snatch'n 4 grammy's thru-out her amaze'n career and made it to the top of the charts with her take no shit from no one anthem "LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD" from her "LIVE FROM EARTH" album

though it's worth the honorary mention to mention another legend since 

this 70's songbird has decided to respectfully withdraw her name fer consideration this time around the ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME has decided to keep her a permanent nominee which goes to prove the sheer impact MISS PARTON has had since the beginn'n of her career...born in a one room rustic shack along the banks of the Little Pigeon River in Tennessee in 1946 the 4th oldest of 12 sibs...DOLLY REBECCA was born to perform and by age 10 she did just that on "THE CAS WALKER SHOW" release'n her 1st sugar coated single "PUPPY LOVE" at 13...by 1967 the world would be introduced to the country legend known as DOLLY PARTON after bein' discovered sing'n her ditzy ditty "DUMB BLONDE" then was invited to co-host with country's blonde pompadoured PORTER WAGONER on his tv series "THE PORTER WAGONER SHOW" though she was seen as the sing'n pariah from the conservative audience cuz DOLLY ousted former co-host NORMA JEAN (no NOT the MARILYN one) fer 7 years until she decided to break out on her very own however not before release'n her farewell resignation song to PORTER "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" in 1973 (that had somewhat moderate success i heard from the rerecorded version in that Costner flick back in 1992) with 52 albums under her jacked up to jezus do's contain'n smash singles like "JOLENE" "COAT OF MANY COLORS" and "BETTER GET TO LIVIN'" to name a few from the 5000+ she's penned thru-out her illustrious career also share'n the stage with friends KENNY ROGERS on "ISLANDS IN THE STREAM" and BOY GEORGE "YOUR KISSES ARE CHARITY" among many many others over the years also fiddle'n the theme songs on her acrylic nails from "9 TO 5" to "STRAIGHT TALK" with her over-the-top attributes and act'n abilities DOLLY is country music's #1 most successful songstress in history 

next up comes a duo from across the pond who began in the lil unknown

band "THE TOURISTS" from 1977 until 1980 when the band split before have'n modest success cover'n DUSTY SPRINGFIELD's "I ONLY WANNA BE WITH YOU" in 1979

3 years later the duo consist'n of  ANNIE LENNOX and DAVE STEWART would form the euro synth pop sensation who branded themselves as the "EURYTHMICS" and with ANNIE's gender'n bend'n style and army approved orange julius buzz cut ANNIE's voice would rule thru-out the 1980's thanx to their 2nd album release of  "SWEET DREAMS (are made of this)" with the album title break'n visual barriers and boundaries fer a new way to experience their music thanx to the age of MTV become'n one of the biggest songs of 1983 among many other glorious tracks like my fav-o-rit leopard printed madness of "RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE" also duet'n with the queen of soul ARETHA FRANKLIN on "SISTERS ARE DOIN IT FOR THEMSELVES" then decided to take a 10 year break from record'n before they released their 1st single the beautifully somber hit  "17 AGAIN" off their last album "PEACE" EURYTHMICS would release 7 more albums accompanied by 33 staple singles before the new millennium began when they decided to hang up their towels to begin their respectable solo careers

follow'n in the footsteps of absofuckinlutely fantastical sweet songbirds 

from the 70's who began her career by team'n up with her sister LUCY in the group the "SIMON SISTERS" in 1967 release'n 3 albums with the moderate hit "WINKIN' AND BLINKIN'" until  LUCY decided to leave the group cuz of her girly parts act'n up i think (listen kittens...i don't really care to invest that much research into her since she's not nominated kapeesh!) and CARLY SIMON would take the 1970's by storm winn'n a grammy fer best new artist in 1971 with breezy confessional hits like "ANTICIPATION" and "HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR THE PAIN" and release'n the biggest mystery in pop music history about the song's narcissistic lover on the track "YOU'RE SO VAIN" that in 2003 CARLY would sell to a buyer fer $50,000 under the provision that they NEVER reveal who the narcissistic lover was although she would reveal in 2003 that the song was about 3 lovers...WARREN BEATTY bein only one with the 2 others unnamed to this very day...by the 1980's CARLY would release her 9th record with my all time fav scorned lover's diss with "JESSE" and continued to record release'n 24 albums in total 

and last but certainly not the least of them all...cousin to the late and great 

MISS "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" HOUSTON born in 1940 DIONNE WARWICK was a singer...actress...tv host and goodwill ambassador that began her career in a gospel group called the DRINKARD SINGERS until her solo career took off in 1962 when she was discovered sing'n back-up fer THE DRIFTERS and released her very first single "I SMILED YESTERDAY" with many accolades under her glittered belt include'n 6 grammy's and a lifetime achievement award to name a few by 2019 DIONNE is best known fer the sooth'n cool stylish hits like "I SAY A LITTLE PRAYER" (that she even dueted with the BOY years later on SOLID GOLD) and "WALK ON BY" and the classic 80's over dramatic cardio vascular ache'n anthem "HEARTBREAKER"

so there ya have it kittens my top 5 nominees with a well deserved place 

in musical history...VOTE BY CLICK'N HERE fer yer fav's from now once every day until april 5th

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

STICKY FINGERS pt. 3

it's still 1984 kittens and all the claws are out as a kitty cat cage match 

began between Alexis and Krystle over presumably the last long last'n extra super hold can of aqua net on the popular set of DYNASTY (i don't really know...i never succumbed to that maxi pad festival)

teenie boppers and zit poppers alike were twist'n in their parachute pants with all the drama trauma of try'na fit the next blocked peg into the hole before they hadda hand over the joy stick and get down on their buddies joy stick (as legend has it i heard)

a young 8 year old Miss BARRYMOORE was born to pull off pyrotechnics with just a simple psychotic stare

and MR JACKSON's jerry curled quaff goes up in flames durin' the pyrotechnics of a popular soft drink commercial (allegedly there's reports that DREW's whereabouts on that day in question have STILL gone unanswered after all these years...hmmmm...i'm just say'n...do the math!)

click here fer pt 1      and     click here fer pt 2

i could practically feel the virginia slimmed stench of Auhgra's breath

huff'n and puff'n down the back of my neck as it permeated the air all around me with a firm grip of her talon securely clenched into my shoulder lead'n me down the long florescent flickered hallway to my uncertain future as i'm sure i probably relentlessly begged fer leniency to no avail

more than i ever begged fer CULTURE CLUB tickets that year fer xmas

BUTT however...

my desperate plea's went unanswered as Aughra led me up the steps

to the hub of the eagle's nest where the foreshadow'n of the Orwellian book had come to life with the soundtrack sung by the incomparable ANNIE LENNOX of EURYTHMICS runn'n thru my mind 

as i witnessed first hand the multiple evil eye's scann'n practically every inch of the store 

what had seemed like a complete lifetime was more like some 10 minutes

 after call'n the authorities and without even offer'n me a tasty candied walnut salad with just a few maraschino cherries float'n in a dixie cup of cherry shasta to wash down my disgrace with some grace i might add...Aughra would swiftly open the door and exited without mutter'n a word to me as she barricaded me behind the door as i feverishly scanned the room to devise a desperate break-out plan

while i waited apprehensively fer Roscoe to show up and drag me kick'n and scream'n all the way to the electric chair

once we had reached the station Roscoe was the perfect host by come'n 

around to open my door...i felt like i was at the premiere of some hollyweird blockbuster fer a mere minute til i realized there was no paparazzi blind'n my vision nor any Miss RIVERS to ask me who i was wear'n that afternoon

as i sat in Roscoe's office nervously he had asked me if i had anything

to eat lately and as i lowered my head in a forlornly fashion he left the room fer a moment only to return with a paper plate of confectionary carnage and a cup of water (not Perrier unfortunately) nonetheless i couldn't have been a happier camper as i was parched

after choke'n down 2 delicious maple long john's from the best bakery

in town called BLOEDOW's (that was not a paid endorsement kittens...just a fact) he had let me plead my case how i wasn't steal'n the toy fer me but fer my sister then explained to me that he hoped this would serve as a lesson not to repeat it in the near future and all seemed to go in my favor until he said he had called my house which meant JOAN would have to come to retrieve me and i knew the shit was eventually gonna hit our rusted broken down fan

you would probably think that me bein the teen rage'n pre-unintentionally

internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe that i was that i would be the one with all the over the top dramatic antics however as Roscoe lead me outside of the station to await my impend'n fate i was greeted in the police driveway by JOAN and the priest from my parish as if they really needed to perform some sorta twisted exorcism on me or somethin' right then and there

are you S-E-R-I-O-U-S?

well needless to say that was the longest week of retribution i had ever

had to endure...1st by bein' forced to do a STFU Q&A powwow with my sibs at the kitchen table about the sticky situation i had gotten myself into...then to add hydrochloric acid to an open wound by weeks end i had to go into the confessional at our CASPER Crematorium of Unconsciousness Tenants where the same priest who was at my release party would ask me thru the barbed wired window if i had anything i needed to ask CASPER fer fergiveness for to which i simply told the truth...

"don't play stupid...i was there...you was there and i'm sure HE was there!" (and that is a direct quote kittens)

now GET OFF MY DRESS!