WASN'T MY JOB

to think it's been 3 years since the photograph that was seen around the

world by the mayor of ZERO fucks to give...just hold'n up a mask of our unfortunate mentally deranged IMPEACHED FOR LIFE sociopathetik lie'n corrupt bloated sack of pig shit with the cottage cheesed ass...marinate'n in a bottle of spicey Heinz...that temporarily crashed her career...

until she rose from the ashes like a phoenix fer the flamers and turned her basket of lemons into an internationally award winn'n docudramedy that's been seen around the world and though Kathy got magor shit for it from the left and the right and the center...over her 1st amendment right as an american citizen with a PICTURE...she stood by her choice and carried on

recently...i myself got a lil glimpse of what Kathy must've felt like that

fateful day...under completely different circumstances and a much smaller audience of course...though the sediment was exactly the same OVER A POSTED PIC...already deal'n with no job due to the COVID...then a 10 pm lockdown thanx to the asswipe looters & rioters (& not the peaceful protestors) in MINNEHOPELIS...i recently recieved a distress'n phone call from a family member inform'n me that my dad's brother...my godfather and my uncle Darryl had passed away suddenly

so i decided to pay him a simple "so long" via facebook...

after spend'n the day help’n to clean up the chaos in my uptown neighborhood i've called home fer the past 25+ years...along with donate'n a laundry basket full of body soaps and lotions to those affected by all the destruction

well...it would be but mere minutes later from post'n my heartfelt tribute

that you'da thought i was decked out in my best Patty Hearst ensemble w/match'n beret and held up a White Castle fer all their chicken rings...or worse yet...put my uncle's farm in financial distress durin' his twilight years...(oh wait...my mistake...that was SOMEONE else)

when a certain family member decided to take aim at my post with unwarrented non verbal ammo...

no names are needed to get my point across since they know exactly who they are and THEY POSTED IT ON FACEBOOK ANYWAYS...i am well versed in the use of family decorum over the years...and i'm sure my uncle is "up above" look'n down on me with a fickle finger at my abhorrent behavior!

only to be followed up minutes later by a birage of non verbal bullets on a

public forum by another family member (again...i have redacted the name of the petulant perpetrator to protect their trigger happy identity)

fill'n me full of their non verbal ammo none the less...leave'n me absolutely shocked and shunned...bein' gunned down on a public forum

and i'm sure the one "like" you got on yer post the follow'n day must'a made you feel like Richie Rich when you got the notification from FB...just like the person that gave you the thumbs up...reassure'n me of their disgust from my blasphemous post & putt'n me in my place! (i guess the other 68 "likes" i received from friends/fam was just utter shamelessness on their part)

even though my sibling had made a similar post...roughly 15 minutes later

without ANY reprocussions...from anyone!...hmmm...was it cuz i didn't form it into a cute whimsical poem?

BUTT of course...

this is no surprise to me since i've gone thru this not too long ago with yet

another family member in regards to my dearly departed godmother and aunt Ellen 3 years prior...that i talked to at a minimum of 3 days a week and visited a minimum of 2 days a week and cleaned her condo a minimum of 1 day week (ripp'n up the very generous checks she would give me each time when i returned home) fer roughly 2 years before she was shoved into a deplorable nurse'n home...

after another family member had pumped her full of drugs like a mexican piñata against her will fer 2 years...where i would talk to her 3 times a week...visit'n her at least 2 times a week and pick'n her up to drive her around fer whatever she wanted to do once a week fer the month until she could no longer bare live'n there anymore

fer all those inquire'n minds...i didn’t waste my time at maybe gett’n carpal tunnel with a follow up retort...though innerest'n that it would only take roughly a month after my dear aunts pass'n that said family member had the utter audacity to contact me again after berate'n and belittle'n me to "help out"

to which i simply replied...

and then i completely shut the door after that...only to be followed up by another family member a year later try'n to cohorse not 1 but 2 of my brothers to try and get me to back off meddle'n in a bogus bullshit lawsuit they filed against the very group home that they tossed her into in the first place

so pray tell me...oh exhalted all mighty one...what actually is my job?

i suppose it wasn't my job either to run back into the burn'n farm house that i grew up in...being the oldest one in the home at the age of 10 at the time since my dad had just passed away 12 months earlier...to let our german shepard Mickey escape outside thru the basement while try'n to rescue my 4 year old brother who was up on the 3rd floor that i unfortunately couldn't find due to the flames that had completely engolfed the upstairs bedrooms by the time i had made way back to the top of the steps as my other 5 siblings sat outside in a frozen car

or it wasn't my job either to confess to another family member years after the fact that i was molested at 13 by another much older male family member only to hear years later that "i probably liked it" since i'm a naturally born non heterosexual anyways

or it wasn't my job either to help pack up another dear family member's belongings and move them clear across the country...hundreds of miles away...to her new home with my brother and nephew (cuz i don't remember see'n you in the van that i can recall)

or it wasn't my job either to fulfill a wish to the same dear family member that specifically asked me a year prior to her pass'n to create her tribute video about her life that i would personally pay $120 to a friend to complete it so it would be exactly the way she would've wanted it...without ask'n 1 family member fer a dime

or it wasn't my job either to do the many charitable functions that i have donated my unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe services to over the past 25 years...free of charge

i guess maybe it wasn't my job either to help the many numerous family or friends to either move or rearrange or paint their new residence or offer to babysit their kids...apparently i just did it outta pure ignorance i guess cuz i never needed to go to the ball after all!

who knew i needed an interview to pay tribute to a pass'n family member?

there will be those members in the "secret cuzin society" that will typically pick sides just cuz they can't "offend" other members of the club...in fear of gett'n kicked outta the club and uninvited to any future shenanigans...say'n that i'm act'n petty and have zero clue what i’m talk’n about...and that i'm just try'na be the center of attention yet again

no surprise there...though...if they sat and did the math...i don't need to be the center...i pretty much am the center when you line all the 1st cuz's up by age...but yer "verbal bullets" no longer have any affect on me!

and fer any extended family members offspings who choose to pick their parents side without hear'n the other side & then make'n up yer own mind...remember that's yer choice that YOU CHOSE on yer very own...you were not part of the problem in the 1st place...cuz FYI...i have ZERO problem stand'n on my very own...

i've been doin it ever since the 80's!

well...in close'n...let me tell you WHAT IS MY JOB and that is to this blog...

where i get to have MY OWN VOICE every monday now for the past 10 years...entertain'n the masses that are sitt'n on their asses...all around the world...and just like Kathy...i have ZERO fucks to give anymore...

so GET OFF MY DRESS!

it's the little things

there are many little things in life that'd we'd all like to ferget...

like when a good friend searches fer her contact lens on the dance floor fer an hour til you finally have to tell her that she doesn't wear any and to pick up her dignity and toss her A double snakes in a cab cuz she can't afford to pay this babysitter

or when yer in a rush to jump in the shower and get ready fer the most important date of yer life and you mistakenly grab a bottle of drano...instead of doosh

or when you spoil the plethora of nieces and nephews that have been bestowed upon you every chance you get when yer piggy bank allows you to...but they ferget that yer a registered voter on amazon's wish list or even a simple call on the most underrated holiday of the year known as gay uncles day...even if i'd rather be referred to as their aunt

after leave'n my 9 to 5 job after 9.5 years (and trust me...that .5 really does make a HUGE difference in some circumstances) at TCFuckers*...i decided to live off my newly acquired employment inheritance known as the 401k...and still at the tender but just barely there supple age of 45...it was time fer a new direction fer part 2 of this so called journey we call life

though many things went thru my head...and some thru my bed...day would turn into many sleepless nites...stare'n aimlessly at the ceiln fer hours on end...and in the end...i would do all i could just to try and force myself just to tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen...try'na pour myself a cup of ambition...yawn'n..stretch'n try'na come to life

from online interview to phone interview and eventually sometimes i'd make it to the front door...but door after door was slammed in my face...much like a dominant tooth chipper to his hungry whore...i would crawl back into my hole...or at the very least try and find one to slam into...that was tight enough that didn't feel like a boat show could run thru it with ease

the hidden depths of depression is unbearably palpable and quite frankly IS NOT a pretty blouse that looks good on anyone period...but especially if yer the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of yer own universe...like me!

time was tick'n by so slowly...and i couldn't pull a position outta my ass no matter how hard i was...i mean tried...don't even get me started on the unreturned texts or phone calls that were apparently made to annoy those who couldn't be bothered to return them in a timely manner

then in just one week...the 7 month itch would finally be under control...without the help of ANY antibiotics i might add...i could finally feel the light at the end of the proverbial unemployed tunnel

it all started with a simple homeless man i spotted after leave'n an interview that i was in fer almost an hour (and you know somethin' gotta be good there)...though he asked fer some simple change to purchase a simple gram of meth (that is a direct quote...almost)...i responded with helplessness...only if he had a credit card reader attached to his barely there threads...i'd be more than happy to donate a small portion of my benjamins to his addiction...alas though...i rarely ever carry any change...well unless some down low joe leaves a quarter on the counter on their way out...but they rarely do these days...

as i walked away with a much happier pep in my step fer fer the 1st time in 7 months fer pt 2 of my so called life...i heard him exclaim..."i'd tap that ass!" (and that is a direct quote!) awww...soo soo sweet! as i turned back to try and thank him graciously fer unassumingly raise'n my spirits as he clutched onto his spirits in a paper bag...i became blinded by the shiny bracelets he was now wear'n compliments of the boys in blue...but it's the little things that mean so much to me at this point

as i made my way back to the temp service that serviced me better than any other service provider thru-out the metro area and beyond fer the past 7 months...i told my save'n grace that the interview went fine and that they would contact them within a week about whether or not i was right fer the position...(but i gotta tell ya kittens...rub-a-dub-dub-come-hop-in-my-tub...i'm good at just about any position you put me in)

we chatted about life in general fer a mere minute or 2 and as i was ready to walk out the door...this complete stranger/savior told me to hold on a minute...cuz she'd just received an email say'n that they wanted to offer me the position...i rarely use big words correctly...but i was so ecstatically humble that i could'a been eat'n a bagel filled with razor blades and it wouldn't have affected me in the slightest...the fact that a complete stranger who knew nothing about me...wanted to get invested in me enough and get the best deal she could...again...it's the little thing

i was ride'n on such a huge wave of euphoria at the moment...that i was certain...eventually it would all come crash'n down on me and i would be back at square one

*to top it off...the new company was gonna pay'n me almost DOUBLE from my previous position...where i was treated like a middle aged chimp make'n chump change on a daily basis with a donut trough as reward fer all the hard work (but more on that topic in a later blog)

3 days would pass before my life and my piggy bank would finally start gain'n some weight...and i was gett'n myself ready to meet my 3 cuz's Stacy...Jacque & Nadjua....a couple of friends...and about 3000 other burbian freaks...thanx to my one cuz Tim...at thee event of the year in Maplewood Mn at the Myth Club to recapture my tenacious teenage terrorific years with CULTURE CLUB in concert

though i got the looks of a leper enter'n a beauty contest as i walked up to the venue from the crowd anxiously wait'n to get inside the club and out from under the blister'n sun...then i hadda remind myself that i am rubber and they are just unimportant glue... i've learned over years of deal'n with countless finger pointers and lookie loo's...who don't even have the decency to offer up any canned goods...to not let their untalented and unwarranted stares affect me in any way

i was minutes away from turn'n into a puddle of maybelline and jewels in the park'n lot...when they finally opened up sesame...and as the crowd of costco beauty contestants...my cuz's and myself made our way thru the front doors....it felt like i was stepp'n back into 1984 all over again and made a b-line straight to the front of the stage...

i ended meet'n up with Vicky Ticky Tavy...(you'll remember her from here of course)...she's like my best look'n temporary tattoo i've ever had...that...in time...will eventually fade away until the next Culture Club site'n...and her roomie Tom

as the room filled full of the jean nate' after bath body splashers and poco rabanne over dosers...the unflatter'n houselights went down and the stage lights flooded the house...the band poured out one by one...the butterflies were ravage'n my stomach like a mongolian warlord that i thought i had under control...this is until the 3rd song and i almost lost all consciousness...

due to the fact that i was singled out by the one and only BOY...who acknowledged my very existence when it felt like the rest of the world around me hadn't in some time...by name dropp'n me from the stage and lett'n everyone know he follows me on Twitter

2 words: ABSO-FUCK'N-LUTE BLISS!

music has always been the best anti depressant out there fer me...and i've been O.D'n on it since i was but a wee unintentionally internationally unknown performer of my own universe...the show was absolutely fan-fuck'n-flawless and the once unconscious crowd who didn't give a rats A double snakes about me earlier...now wanted me to be their best selfie friend...i tried gett'n my cuz Jacque back stage to finally meet BOY (since i had already had my moment in time) unfortunately though the band had already left the build'n...but we all had an amaze'n time...

and though i wished i'da had this moment filmed in HD by George Lucas...with a match'n soundtrack...it was a momentous moment that'll never leave my memory...well...that is until dementia decides to ravage my cerebral cortex..and i'm complain'n about how i was cheated outta a couple jell-o squares in the raisin ranch...

i was lucky enough to get a surprise email outta the blue from again another complete stranger...who tracked me down on FB...who just HAPPENED to be film'n at the very moment BOY called ME out from the stage and sent me the footage...see how the little things can be bigger than anything you'd ever expect

thanx a mill to BOY...the videographer...the homeless man & the temp and to my cuz's & friends that helped turn myself into someone else

so when you see a stranger on the street...maybe someone who doesn't follow any leader in their life...or someone you know is try'na reach out...why don't ya try say'n or doin somethin' nice fer 'em...even if it's just lend'n out a lil ear-time...you might not get much outta it...but it's the little things that could change the other person's outlook on life immensely

now get off my dress!