ORANGE IS NOT the NEW BLACK

just so there's NO confusion this week...

i absolutely fuck'n luv Luv LUV this show...i'm finally gett'n around to season 3...and can't get enough of it...and yes i know i'm a bit behind the program sceduel'n...sue me kittens...but that's not why i'm here today

no...i think Camera Obscura said it best when they said...

"lets get out of this country"...

oh...not just cuz LORD ORANGE ANUS was "conveniently" give'n the keys to the big house last week...by fault of the lame electoral college mind you...

this loud mouth'd...trigger tweet'n happy...lie'n...mysogynistick...non tax pay'n...Russian luv'n...racist inciter DID NOT WIN the PEOPLE'S VOTE

SHE DID!

NO...it's cuz ALMOST half of this country is unfortunately...

 a bunch of brainless fuckwadian deplorables with no moral compass and no sense of compassion fer their neighbors...include'n some related to me by my bloodline or that are in my circle of "friends"

he may be the puppet runn'n the country to the ground fer the next 4 yrs

BUTT...

this clown WILL NEVER be MY PRESIDENT...since all he cares about...is HIS OWN special interests...P-E-R-I-O-D!

don't even get me started on his snakey lil VP puppet master Lucifer...

who's already up to his dirty lil tricks...that everyone bitched about with HILLARY over the past year

i'm not waste'n any time with what's to come fer the next 4 years...but trust me when i say...one things fer damn sure...Joan would have to fight tooth and nail to have it her way...were she still around...

so i don't wanna hear from ANYONE who voted fer the Dark Side...

when the Dark Lord Orange Anus strips a majority of this country from it's freedoms we once took fer granted...

with his band of despicables pull'n his strings

when it's all over...you'll wish they were in fer another 4 more years...

we've come so far as a country and i personally wanna THANK YOU a million times over Mister President and First Lady fer all that you 2 have done these past 8 years and for putt'n up with all the BS that you had to...i wish you both all the best

now just get off my dress!

i had a dream...

it was a steamy sat nite...i was gas'n up my shit mobile with the left over...

pocket change i had left in my pleated culottes...3 months back...from the movie i went to the other nite with my "extracurricular activities" friend...and the very attractive...toothless slug behind the counter ring'n me up...who was stripp'n me down with his barely there morals...but i didn't mind...i'da done the same i suppose...if i wasn't me already...(hey i ain't conceited...i'm just convinced)

where was i?...oh yea...so anyways...he would run my last minute lotto...

 ticket i purchased...after this BIG GULP that i hadda do from this insatiably mezmerize'n tooth chipper that had just passed in front of my on-cumm'n traffic...only to go ape shit and loose his marbles tell'n me i hit the BIG ONE....S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y?...

DOH!...eh...fuck it...ya can't win if ya don't play...right?

anyways...truth be told...i had just found out i finally got the BIG C

oh kittens...oh no...i don't mean the good kind...well not this time at least...no...

but unfortunately...i would have no Jerrod behind me buzz'n his locks...and hadda go it alone

i went thru every scenario and thought of every outcome i could...

that anybody in my situation would after find'n a lump...where a lump does not belong...after find'n out it has completely nutt'n to do with blue balls

well...i refused to pick out a formal gown fer some sorta pity parade fer my "situation"...it would be 3 months til i could get a check-up since the doc was back'd up...but i decided i hadda tell a small circle of 3 of my "situation" so it wouldn't fester in or on my mind...on a daily basis fer the next 3 months...

i knew hadda find a distraction to occupy my kaleidoscopic mind...

that was runn'n thru that marathon of emotions...as most do at a time like this...thankfully i found out my all time FAV-O-RIT BOY was come'n back to town...

BUTT

it would be 3 months i would have to also wait fer his return to town...  

so i focused all my energy fer the next 3 months...consumed by all the politicks of the delusionally desperate deplorables who were defend'n that hot headed...oompa loompa'd...dasturdly despicable...tangerine/cheeto'd Jesus slug...which unfortunately also included some of my family and friends...

in the off chance i would get "THAT CALL" that would end it all...i went thru my mountain of dvd's...cd's...hair and heels...decide'n who would get the biggest kick outta my earthly eBay possessions...

(well...don't you wish yer name was Peetrinella about now)

the day had F-I-N-A-L-L-Y come...and so did i...almost...when i seen my gynecologist doctor...he put my mind at ease...as i slipped into the appropriate hospital negligee...

he put on a Shelly Fabre record (hey...i'm tell'n the story here) and as i looked around the sterile room fer any sorta hope...i just happened to catch my doctor's name...i am kidd'n you not...

DR. fuck'n BUTCHER...

GREAT!...i'm dance'n at the edge of a mental cliff and i'm gett'n examined by Dr. Freddy fuck'n Krueger...of course this set my mind at complete easy when he said i had nothin' to worry about...NOT!...but after a quick game of 20 questions...it was all over...well except i would have to wait one more week for my results...though...i will say...if yer gonna get the BIG C check-up...it's so much easier when yer doctor is a total GRRRRANIMAL!

luckily a week later...i got an email say'n the lump was benign...so i'm outta the clear fer now...but to come back if things should happen to change

then i FINALLY woke up!...HUH!...was this ALL just a scary dream?

NOPE...THANKFULLY IT WAS NOT!

now get off my dress!

**UNFORTUNATE UPDATE AS OF 11-9-16**
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!

trick or treason

this is my all time fav-o-rit time of year...wake'n up to the crisp clean air...

walk'n thru a kaleidoscope of fall'n foliage in the forest...

a classroom full of miniature spermicidal maniacs...

til you settle down fer the nite...drink'n dran-o shots and stick'n toothpicks in yer toennails wait'n in a-n-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-i-o-n for the death of yet another cult classic bein' ripped to shitty shreds on tv...i just even can't...all i can say is kittens...don't dream it...just fa-get-aboud-it! seriously

but the biggest shit show this hallowed season HAS NOT been about

the articulately qualified and equally funny MADAM PRESIDENT

or even this sexist...egotistical...lyin'..hypocritical bigot'd Orange Anus runn'n fer the highest orifice in the land

no...the scariest part of this entire electoral process has been between...

all those lowest common denominate'n Wal-Mart beauty contestants and their wives...otherwise known as the d-e-p-l-o-r-a-b-l-e home lobotomized Orange Anus beads who not only hung onto every word that this loud mouthed narcissistic neo-nazi neanderthal spilled from his seethin' coke consumed mug his entire campaign

but also...completely and grossly marinated themselves in it

listen here kittens...trust me...much like i believe that MADONNA is the 

undisputed QUEEN of the dance floor...who incidentally will let you relive the experience all over again when her global sold-out REBEL HEART TOUR  airs dec 9th on showtime

that i am BEYOND ecstatic to relive my teenage riddled angst with the ultimate 80's band CULTURE CLUB @ Treasure Island on fri nov. 4th...click here fer dates in yer area

and that certain stalkers body areas should be functional and not funky when visit'n thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe at Chateau Fever

i also believe it is YER RIGHT TO VOTE as a gas guzzle'n...self centered...monochromatic patriarch with a splash of neurosis on the side...i am not here to take that away from you...

BUTT...

VOTE yer conscious...and choose wisely!

if you believe the leader of the this great nation of ours...as you well know

(let's get real kittens...that was stolen) believes he should get a pass about bragg'n about "locker room antics"

believes in annihilation

believes in the glory days of the 60's

believes he's an over grown 10 year old 

believes women don't own the rights to their womb

believes woman should be graded on their curves

believes in incite'n riots

believes in mock'n the armed services

and believes in plant'n the possibilities...
then by all means...you are far more superior deplorable than the rest of yer country fellowman

if yer still struggle'n with the difference between yer ABC's and yer STD's

then...by all means...drag yer knuckles to the vote'n both on nov 28th

and don't fergit to take the dishes outta the sink before ya pee in it!

but fer the rest of the sanity parade...do yer due diligence and git yer A double snakes out there & vote a cool BLUE across the board...it's a very calm'n color...if not fer you...then do it fer the rest of the population that will have to deal with yer laziness...since you don't care about the future

 and don't worry if you vote the wrong way kittens...i won't disown you or block yer wretched A double snakes from FB or any other social media fer that matter...i will just flush you...much like you have with yer morals and human decency...down the drain...leave you outta my collection of Cher Boy George and Cyndi Lauper dolls...and cross you off my non existent christmas card list that you were never on in the first place when it was existent!

now get off my dress!