began between Alexis and Krystle over presumably the last long last'n extra super hold can of aqua net on the popular set of DYNASTY (i don't really know...i never succumbed to that maxi pad festival)
teenie boppers and zit poppers alike were twist'n in their parachute pants with all the drama trauma of try'na fit the next blocked peg into the hole before they hadda hand over the joy stick and get down on their buddies joy stick (as legend has it i heard)
a young 8 year old Miss BARRYMOORE was born to pull off pyrotechnics with just a simple psychotic stare
and MR JACKSON's jerry curled quaff goes up in flames durin' the pyrotechnics of a popular soft drink commercial (allegedly there's reports that DREW's whereabouts on that day in question have STILL gone unanswered after all these years...hmmmm...i'm just say'n...do the math!)
i could practically feel the virginia slimmed stench of Auhgra's breath
huff'n and puff'n down the back of my neck as it permeated the air all around me with a firm grip of her talon securely clenched into my shoulder lead'n me down the long florescent flickered hallway to my uncertain future as i'm sure i probably relentlessly begged fer leniency to no avail
more than i ever begged fer CULTURE CLUB tickets that year fer xmas
BUTT however...
my desperate plea's went unanswered as Aughra led me up the steps
to the hub of the eagle's nest where the foreshadow'n of the Orwellian book had come to life with the soundtrack sung by the incomparable ANNIE LENNOX of EURYTHMICS runn'n thru my mind
as i witnessed first hand the multiple evil eye's scann'n practically every inch of the store
what had seemed like a complete lifetime was more like some 10 minutes
after call'n the authorities and without even offer'n me a tasty candied walnut salad with just a few maraschino cherries float'n in a dixie cup of cherry shasta to wash down my disgrace with some grace i might add...Aughra would swiftly open the door and exited without mutter'n a word to me as she barricaded me behind the door as i feverishly scanned the room to devise a desperate break-out plan
while i waited apprehensively fer Roscoe to show up and drag me kick'n and scream'n all the way to the electric chair
once we had reached the station Roscoe was the perfect host by come'n
around to open my door...i felt like i was at the premiere of some hollyweird blockbuster fer a mere minute til i realized there was no paparazzi blind'n my vision nor any Miss RIVERS to ask me who i was wear'n that afternoon
as i sat in Roscoe's office nervously he had asked me if i had anything
to eat lately and as i lowered my head in a forlornly fashion he left the room fer a moment only to return with a paper plate of confectionary carnage and a cup of water (not Perrier unfortunately) nonetheless i couldn't have been a happier camper as i was parched
after choke'n down 2 delicious maple long john's from the best bakery
in town called BLOEDOW's (that was not a paid endorsement kittens...just a fact) he had let me plead my case how i wasn't steal'n the toy fer me but fer my sister then explained to me that he hoped this would serve as a lesson not to repeat it in the near future and all seemed to go in my favor until he said he had called my house which meant JOAN would have to come to retrieve me and i knew the shit was eventually gonna hit our rusted broken down fan
you would probably think that me bein the teen rage'n pre-unintentionally
internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe that i was that i would be the one with all the over the top dramatic antics however as Roscoe lead me outside of the station to await my impend'n fate i was greeted in the police driveway by JOAN and the priest from my parish as if they really needed to perform some sorta twisted exorcism on me or somethin' right then and there
are you S-E-R-I-O-U-S?
well needless to say that was the longest week of retribution i had ever
had to endure...1st by bein' forced to do a STFU Q&A powwow with my sibs at the kitchen table about the sticky situation i had gotten myself into...then to add hydrochloric acid to an open wound by weeks end i had to go into the confessional at our CASPER Crematorium of Unconsciousness Tenants where the same priest who was at my release party would ask me thru the barbed wired window if i had anything i needed to ask CASPER fer fergiveness for to which i simply told the truth...
"don't play stupid...i was there...you was there and i'm sure HE was there!" (and that is a direct quote kittens)
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
