Showing posts with label CONVERSATIONS WITH COCO. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CONVERSATIONS WITH COCO. Show all posts

Monday, October 2, 2017

a TENSION TAMER

we've all experienced those...not so pleasant moments in life...
from time to time...when you wanna go ape shit on the next person who asks you to use yer inside voice when try'n to get yer point across
whether it be at yer family's gift exchange'n dur'in the holidays cuz yer parents never got you those cha cha heels you've been begg'n fer all damn year long
or when yer date doesn't return yer text in a timely manner...so you spend all day cook'n up a tasty bunny soup...even though he told you his wife was in a car accident and put in a self induced coma
or maybe it 's cuz someone brought you another damn green bean casserole to yer loved one's funeral luncheon
whatever the case may be kittens...take off yer temperamental tutu...cuz today i am sitt'n down with the perfect tension tamer to tame those restless natives dance'n around to that jungle music inside yer head

among her many numerous accomplishments from the big screen to the lil screen...today's special guest has worked tirelessly fer the past 27 years
as the break out star from the 1999 non heterosexual romantic comedy smash hit "TRICK" starr'n a sexually frustrated ivory tinkler...a hot to trot stripper and some annoy'n 90210 has-been...with the most poignant facial line ever used in cinematic history...that i unfortunately experienced literally weeks before i rented my VHS copy at my local blockbuster store
"ever get cum in your eyes Gabriel?" (and it does...no joke!)
in 2001 made a guest appearance on an episode of  the hit series
"WILL & GRACE"
(which...THANK CHER...it's FINALLY back on the air)
and then in 2003 as one of the headliners in this brilliantly hysterical bust yer panty lined comedies "GIRLS WILL BE GIRLS" that'll make you think twice about ever cross'n a queen

today's guest has performed across the globe from stage to screen
 and everywhere in between...of course i'm talk'n about the one and only Bronx beauty MISS COCO PERU

thank you sooo much COCO fer take'n time outta yer busy schedule to entertain my flock of kittens thru-out the globe...so let's get right to it...

you been slapp'n on yer very distinctively subtle war paint with yer 1st show "MY GODDAMN CABARET" in 1992 and have been travel'n the globe entertain'n the masses who sit on their asses ever since...tell us what can the audience expect with yer latest words of wisdom this time?
People who have seen the new show have been telling me how current it is and on point and that is satisfying to me because you always hope when you write that your stories resonate with your audience. Things are very tense right now in the world and I address a few things that have made me tense recently and try to work through it by sharing my personal stories and I think storytelling and taking the time out to gather as a group and connect is important to our sanity.

with yer brilliant series "CONVERSATIONS WITH COCO" where you've interviewed many great LGBT icons like BEA ARTHUR...JANE FONDA and most recently LILY TOMLIN that you taped for a series hopefully soon to be on television (that i'm glad i got producer credit for w/my donation) is there anyone yer really die'n to interview fer yer series?
I have interviewed both Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin so i would love to complete the Holy Trinity
 and interview Dolly Parton.
Of course Cher as well! So many possibilities, really!

you have a very distinctive and iconic look as perform'n illusionists go...i have always thought yer look was inspired by a 60's socialite party hostess...with yer appropriately cut dresses and yer equally distinctive sassy brassy Patty Duke flipped do...tell me COCO...do you ever feel pressure from dime store queens to change up yer fabulous firey flip?
YES! I address that very topic in my new show! Secretly, I think the other queens are jealous that I have a simple hairdo that requires very little work. When i created COCO I thought it was important to create a look that people would easily recognize and then stick with it.

with television and the internet bein' saturated with make-up tutorials and
do you think that the whole art of drag...as it once was...has now become much too main stream and lost its intrigue and mystery it once had?

NEW FLASH! Everything changes! I love the Boulet Brothers, I know them personally and I think they have done wonders for nightlife here in L.A. and also, I love that they celebrate the freak and the grotesque. I have always said drag is so much bigger than what some people think it is. Still, there is something strange about drag going as mainstream as it has,
but at the same time I love that teenage girls and their moms bond over their love of Coco Peru looking for Tension Tamer Tea. I'll be retiring soon so at the end of the day I'm just grateful that I have worked for as long as I have doing what I love. It's a miracle! If I was going to take issue with reality TV, and this is true for all reality shows, it is that the audience sometimes make celebrities out of people who are "ordinary."
When i was young my role models were people who trained and had a craft, who had worked years perfecting their art, people like Bea Arthur, Whoopi Goldberg, Bette Midler, Liza Minnelli, Robin Williams, to name a few. When I created Coco I knew that if I was going to survive I had to work hard in order to win over an audience and gain a following. nowadays, just being on TV and being loud is enough to make you a celebrity and that concerns me. However, I've been working for so many years and I feel like I have had to figure out a way to fit into this new world and I feel like I do. I love my young fans and I appreciate their support and I love when they call me Aunt Coco and even Mom!

Speaking of things "that bothers me"...what would you like to say to that Melania gal if you were given the chance? (hypothetically of course)
I don't think I would say anything to her but maybe I would ask her questions and my first question would be, "Are you happy?" And then I would look deep into her eyes, deeply, and repeat the same question.

now comes the fav-o-rit part of the interview that i like to simply call... 
"can we talk about ME for a change?"

basically COCO...put yerself in yer best breezy Mrs. Walters smock
& put me under the spotlight by ask'n me ANY question that pops in yer mind under the rainbow that you want to know about me...from family/religion/sexpectations...i mean A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G...well except about rainbows...cuz that's just fuck'n lazy journalism
Hmmmm! You saw my new show in Minneapolis, so did it resonate with you and why?

i have to say...i have been bust'n my balls fer years (and really...i have...blue balls are no fun)...but more importantly...yer show has the brilliant blend of storytell'n with song...a roller coaster of emotions that brings you back to center stage...it taught me what it means to bring the "inner woman" in all of us...OUT!...
bein' thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe that i am fer the past 23 years...it was beyond eye open'n...littered with many many hysterically move'n moments fer me personally...but it also had many tender moments that made me reflect on some of my own personal regrets from the past...a perfect blend like a pomegranate martini...with just a sprinkle of bitters but pack'n one helluva punch...it definitely made my nite...that i hadda hop a red eye to Oprahville and see it one more time...and you did not disappoint...(even with that self involved A double snake hole in the audience who was try'na make it all about him) it was a beyond an absolute pleasure to meet one of my icons in person...fer the 2nd time...even if i hadda lose a lil bit of my dignity fer pocket change in order to get a respectable photo that didn't make me look like a model fer cerebral palsy (ps...to any of my "sensitive" kittens out there...that's not meant as ANY sorta dig on the cerebral palsy runway models of the world either...so don't call yer state senators demand'n immediate action!)
i wanna thank thee iconic legend MISS COCO PERU fer pave'n the way fer so many girlie boys...you'd be an absolute damn fool to miss this experience! click here fer current COCO dates in yer city and do yerself a favor and just go!

if yer a twatter...follow her on TWITTER here
if ya wanna be her BFF...follow her on FB here
if yer all about the pix...follow her on INSTAGRAM here
if ya wanna watch the COCO experience from
TARGET to tension tamer talks...subscribe to her YOUTUBE channel here

now get off my dress!

Monday, March 7, 2016

so lemme get this straight...sorta!

i was recently reminded once again...why i've pulled the plug and take'n
my love life off life support and decided to support someone i barely know...fer the next 7 days (as should YOU)...rather than support some fucktards trainwreck of thought...who needs a bungee cord to support their narcissistic self loath'n plump A double snakes from crush'n their teenie tiny brain of thought...
give'n that tired old dribble about why would someone...like myself...be interested in someone that's push'n the non hetero movement back by 1000's of years...
OH NO SHE DI'INT!

if this was the 18th century...it was not only accepted as the "normal"...
it was thee fashion statement of the century...fer any non hetero and any non homo man alike...to be seen in public in powdered wigs and heels...the only difference with today's man is that we have a vast array of colored wigs and clodhoppers to be seen in...BUT...back to ME!

there are many many myths in the world that many many people have...

like fer instance...the late 80's double chocolate mint twins Milli Vanilli...
who took home a grammy for  best new artist in 1990...fer best lyp-sync'n by a group or duo

or that the GOP would once again take control of the table come novem...
with their typical pile of ass backwards politicks fer the very minuscule minority of their fans...


a spell bind'n transgendered beauty like...

a terrorize'n transvestite as sweet as...

Tim Curry
and those loud mouthed ego riddled trans fats...
are all in the same

well...i'm here to tell ya kittens...THEY'RE NOT!

so lemme break down this tired myth about the "drag queen"...or as i prefer to be referred to as "thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe" or the others queens in train'n heels...simply known as a "perform'n illusionist" to use the term loosely 
(in this CHER fersaken PC BS generation we live in all of a sudden)
cuz dead beat drag queens are much too old and ugly...
of which i am neither...YET!

and when you can take a well endowed cock-a-doodle do and make it into a dirty lil kitty cat...you are in a sense perform'n a pretty damn good "illusion"

so with that in mind...let me debunk the myths you think you know to be true

# 1 all perform'n illusionists are gay
though the myth that ALL perform'n illusionists are non heterosexual...it's been debunked by many who see it strictly as an art form fer comic relief...and not a way of life (well that we're aware of anyways)

#2 perform'n illusionists only perform fer the money
this myth is definitely soooo not true...though some illusionists make a decent live'n from perform'n and deserve their own TV series... the vast majority of illusionists i know...have full-time jobs and spend more money than what they make from perform'n to get that perfect look...perform'n is an extremely expensive hobby when done correctly...that they just love doin...it's like a VanGogh or Monet that's come to life

#3 all perform'n illusionists wanna be women
this is one of those myths...that i even knew as a teenager doin' the polka dance with puberty...thanx to shows like Phil Donahue back in the 80's...didn't hold a shred of truth...those would be of the "transgender" category...and though it's true that some performers are of a transgendered nature...they are no longer an "illusionist"...a huge chunk of "illusionists" do it fer the attention they never received from their parental guidance...cuz they simply love it and it offers them a creative outlet....plus it's an easy way to make a fast buck without have'n to compromise yer morals under a burnt out street lamp in some back alley

#4 all perform'n illusionists are bottoms
i'm here to tell ya kitten...THEY'RE NOT! *wink*wink*...of course i'm assume'n all you out there in read'n land know what i mean by "BOTTOM"...so no explanation should be required...if not...get a book!

# 5 a perform'n illusionist isn't a REAL man
BITCH PUHLEEZ!...this myth is usually brought upon by closeted non heterosexuals that think that they're fool'n the crowd with their "str8 act'n and appear'n" well worn ambercrombie tank cum rag they're still try'na pull off...well past it's expiration date...on a date...schtick!...well i'm here to tell you kittens...ya ain't fool'n anyone but yerself...since 10 times outta 10...they have their legs stapled to the ceil'n before i can even get the front door shut...most illusionists are more of a man cuz they have big enough balls to do what they do...regardless what others may think...it takes an extremely confident man to put himself out there for others to judge and sometimes ridicule...just fer a handful of benjamins

  #6  anyone can be a perform'n illusionist
this myth...though seems all inclusive...is somewhat exclusive...depend'n on what bar ya visit...perform'n as an illusionist is not easy...and not everyone can do it...you have to have that "it" factor...if yer gonna be an illusionist...you need to be able to capture the audience's attention and keep the monkey's tap dance'n til dawn...or at least til yer heels and hair is paid off...plus you also need to have a large unclogged heart and be will'n to work for nothin' to raise money for charities and help the community...this is not an easy task to ask

# 7 perform'n illusionist's never use their boy names
this myth...some say is...you should never use an illusionists "boy name" when the war paint is applied...which is sometimes true...but it all depends on the illusionist and the situation...if he is in his illusion...then you should use his illusionist name obviously...especially if you want any sorta attention from them... i call all other illusionists by their perform'n name whether they're in or outta their illusion...cuz i can't be bothered to remember who they really are...and i expect the same...(though a generous genuflection is customary when address'n me on the street and much appreciated)

#8 wearing a dress makes you a perform'n illusionist 
this myth couldn't be further from the truth...this is usually a sexual fetish made popular by a transvestite...and most of them are 100% non homosexual...but just love the feel of silky things carress'n their unwaxed...flat and very tired A double snakes

#9 all perform'n illusionists are bitchy
this myth...though does hold some truth since most performers are known fer their cattiness...or extreme bitchiness...and it's what the audience expects...but let's stop and look at it from their perspective...they're wear'n multiple pairs of tights...marinate'n in 10 pounds of maybelline under hot lights...in heels that weren't made for their feet...add to that a corset and have'n their junk taped to their trunk fer hours at a time sometimes...you  would be a lil bitchy too...plus some feel that they have the right to judge them and demand things from them the second they're off stage...(i'm talk'n to you damn bridal parties)...bein an illusionist is not easy job and therefore we've earned the right to be a lil bitchy from time to time...but in reality...the majority of them are the coolest creative people you will ever meet...most of them would give you their blouse off their backs...while they're secretly gett'n slipped yer boyfriend's number

#10 all perform'n illusionists love to be photographed
this myth is only true when they're in a controlled environment...and someone like David LaChapelle or Annie Leibovitz is behind the camera...let's face it...we are ALL attention whores to the nth degree...BUT...the majority of illusionists should never...i repeat NEVER...be spontaneously jumped in a crowd by a bunch of drunken fly'n monkeys with their iphones set fer stunned...who instantly instagram our horrored look on facebook or tumblr or any other website...you will instantly be blocked fer life...and well into yer next life...cuz we NEVER ferget a bad pic!...if you would like a memory with all our fabulessness in tact...just ask...we're more than happy to oblige...as long as you shoot from straight on...or above...and have enough vaseline on the lens to make us look like a fetus in a wig...like we imagine we look like once we've reached a certain age

there you have it kittens...10 myths about perform'n illusionists...
debunked like a dead skunk...if you don't like some plucked fuck in maybelline and pedal pushers...that's just fine...it's not hurt'n you what so ever...everyone does what makes them feel comfortable and attractive to themselves...there are those that do...so don't over analyze the situation fer those that do or think fer one minute that it's damage'n yer internalized fragile "masculinity"...cuz really...you have no clue who yer talk'n to!

now get off my dress

Monday, February 29, 2016

coo coo for COCO

remember when you were a small child...if you were like me of course...
and how you would go absolute batshit bonkers fer a bowl of this chemically induced crunchy balls of cocoa force'n you to drink every last drop of milk until you fell into a chocolaty coma

only to grow up into a full fledged adult child try'na recapture my youth...
remember'n how much you i missed all that chocolaty goodness...desperately want'n to give into the cocoa one more time...without have'n to deal with all those empty calories

well...today has NOTHING to do with either!

from confess'n her anguish in the urinals to some stranger about...
the dangers of gett'n sausage syrup in yer eyes in her 1999 independent smash hit "TRICK" in which the part was specifically written fer her...by her...from her own personal experience

followed up by the instant cult classic comedy in 2003...
where she again played herself...this time as a lonely spinster live'n with 2 roommates...drag superstars Varla Jean Merman and Evie Harris...carry'n a torch fer the doctor that performed an abortion on her years ago

yes today kittens...i'm talk'n about none other than thee one...thee only

star of stage and screen...Miss Peru has been hawk'n her humor in heels
for over the past 20+ years and has no intentions of stopp'n anytime soon...this Bronx beauty has earned numerous nominations and awards fer all her hard work as an entertainer
but also as an activist extraordinaire fer all her endless hours dedicated to the LGBT-XYZ-PDQ community
though the throngs of Miss PERU's die hard fans...the COCO PUFFS (like myself) of  "GIRLS WILL BE GIRLS" have been wait'n impatiently in the back rooms of any downtown "adult theater" fer the follow-up to this cult classic...COCO and cast did release some shorts in 2008 & 2009 to tide us over til they decide to do somethin' about it

whether she's take'n us on a roadtrip fer her fav-o-rit Celestial Seasonings

teach'n you how to make the perfect cup of tea...in 20 simple steps

or teach'n you the in's & out's of  devirginalization with a good hard A double snake pound'n

COCO has been right there to help you along yer way...
this ballsy blue eyed beauty has spread her legs wings and appeared in everything from the small screen with shows like
WILL & GRACE & HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

to her critically acclaimed stage productions like "MY GODDAMN CABARET" & "SHE"S GOT BALLS" among many many other countless performances over the years

and her current production "A GENTLE REMINDER: COCO'S GUIDE TO A SOMEWHAT HAPPY LIFE"...get yer tix and other show dates @ a city near you here

pegged as "one of the last great storytellers" by the incomparable LILY TOMLIN

it's time that this copper top FINALLY get her break and get her own damn show...and this is where you and yer piggy bank come in

fuck all those presimental donations & the countless annoy'n charities...
hawk'n yet another sappy Sarah McLaughlin song in slo-mo...and seriously...like you really need another fuck'n box of those thin mints...cuz kitten...i'm here to tell ya there ain't nothin' thin about ya no matter how many contortions you put yerself in to take that perfect selfie...besides yer already one box away from a dialysis machine as it is!

NO!...the only campaign you needa worry about this march madness is...
 MISS COCO PERU's kickstarter campaign
where her very 1st guest of honor will be none other than the legendary MISS LILY TOMLIN on august 13th fer the pilot episode

COCO has hosted this on goin live series in LA fer over 10 years...
with past iconic legends like Bea Arthur...Lainie Kazan...Jane Fonda & Liza Minnelli to name a few


well...now it's yer chance to bring it to the masses that sit on their asses...
by make'n a small or LARGE...but very important donation...to make COCO's conversations come true...with many many fabulous gifts await'n fer you...no matter how LARGE or small you choose to loose outta yer purse...
as a personal THANK YOU from COCO herself...with a portion of the proceeds to benefit the LA LGBT center...where this whole shenanigan show began
with only 14 days to go ...it's time to put down that remote controlled panty top...and do yer patriotic duty dammit!.

 i've taken my love life off life support...dipped into my silk purse...
& generously donated my monthly anal retentive bleach'n to support (the still live'n legend) Miss Coco Peru...to make her tv show a reality...so why not kick that other "reality show" (the Kankersoredashians) to the curb...

you want fine quality tv program'n @ yer finger tips?...
rather watch a legend than a lesion?...then donate T-O-D-A-Y dammit!
CONVERSATIONS WITH COCO 

and get off my dress!