A HOOT AND A HALF!

now that all the candy has been consumed til it's reeked levels of chaos

on yer kids tic tac teeth with their costumes all torn to fuck'n shreds and tossed away like some cheap hussie in the heartland while yer pumpkin spiced coffee's...pumpkin spiced cocktails and pumpkin spiced cod fish catastrophes have left yer taste buds begg'n to be molested by figs and fruit cakes...it made me think of the one beloved pint sized fruitcake that we lost recently due to gett'n or give'n head in his mini mercedes and crash'n head on into barbie's dreamhouse (though i personally cannot confirm nor deny that this was the actual cause of brother boy's death cuz i really can't be bothered to research the logistics at this time)

LESLIE JORDAN was a magnificent mini multi-faceted matron of comedy

whether play'n the TAMMY WYNETTE obsessed brother boy in the "SORDID LIVES" installations...KAREN WALKER's fancy frenemy BEVERLY LESLIE on the hit series "WILL & GRACE" or the many different dynamic characters on "AMERICAN HORROR STORIES" he will be truly missed as one of my all time favs chats ever since i had the absolute honor to snag him as my 3rd celeb interview fer my blog in his west hollyweird hideaway 10 years ago this week...so in honor of his unfortunate pass'n i figered it's only appropriate to share again a lil glimpse inside this comedic genius's mind...enjoy! (ps...you'll have to suffer til next week kittens fer pt 2 of TY A TRAGIC TORNADO)

BUTT anyways...

hey kittens…you know that say'n "big things come in small packages!" 

well most of the time…it's sometimes true (depend'n how much you REALLY wanna pay fer it) hey…i'm not here to point fingers and be some

judgemental judy...i'm just say ya might wanna keep a couple of benjamin's by yer bed stand fer those "rainy nites" after ya reach a certain age

but no worries about shell'n out any shill'ns from yer lil change purse today

kittens...cuz have i got a lil snicky snakc fer you (and i mean that literally) from my informational studio today fer i have none other than that pint sized larger than life brilliance who's been on stage...television and film fer the better part of 2 decades...best known as everyone's fav-o-rit comical keebler elf on the hit series "WILL & GRACE"

LESLIE JORDAN

(insert the clap here)

so LESLIE...WOW! i was totally surprised see'n you hitch hike along the informational highway this morn'n so i'm glad i pulled over to pick ya up...how the H-E-double hockey stix are ya?

i don't know what that means

that's MN talk basically mean'n "what the hell have ya been up to lately?" 

oh...well in 2006 i won an emmy for a tv show i was on called  "Will & Grace" and i thought i was set then it just all went into the shitter...i don't know what happened so i had to reinvent myself

(side note...how very Madonna of you Leslie)

i have a management firm in Palm Springs that books me and i do about 

45 venues a year...i do stand up comedy in gay bars...that's very lucrative and make alotta money doin that

i leave tomorrow and i'm host'n the largest gay dinner for 3000 gay men in black tie and gay women in Dallas Texas...to raise money for something...i'm not sure what's it 's for

yer bank account maybe? (Leslie's laughs)

let's start there and get it outta the way…it's been like what about 6 years

since you starred in a lil hit comedy show that ran fer 8 glorious years called Will and Grace and as you stated you snagged yerself an Emmy in 2006 fer Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series fer yer portrayal of  not so str8 act'n and appear’n pretentious socialite Beverly Leslie first...that quite frankly…still owe me fer the hospital bills fer putt'n me in stitches every thursday nite…what was it like work'n with such an incredibly funny cast?

well working on Will and Grace was like a turning point for my "tribe" and America and i was really proud to be apart of that cast. 

bein' Karen Walker's number one non heterosexually closeted nemesis….did that involve a lot of research on yer part?

 

no...that part was originally written for Joan Collins if you can believe that...she was gonna become the best friend of Karen Walker...

they wanted them to have a spat and pull each others wigs off and Joan Collins balked and they fired her ass so i nailed it on the very first audition...i was told when i first came to Hollywood that i had to get rid of my accent cuz it would limit me cuz i was already such a character then i thought i'm just a marketable package...

i'm not gonna be Robert DeNiro and disappear into a roll...

i'm like Dolly Parton...there's alot of me...just in real life!

i have a serial obsession with Madonna and hope to be play'n one of her many reincarnations in some lifetime movie of the week…in the very 

distant future that i'm sure will also star Markie Post...

as some obsessed...down-n-out drunk...divorcee...Madonna wannabe

 

and then i remembered you yerself had an obsession as the non heterosexual perform'n illusionist…locked in the loony bin fer reparative 

therapy try'n to keep the legacy of the late great TAMMY WYNETTE alive in the hilarious black comedy about southern white trailer trash…

"SORDID LIVES"

starr'n "DESIGNING WOMEN" alumni DELTA BURKE and BONNIE BEDELIA

funny lady BETH GRANT

songbird OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN among others

there's that one moment in the movie when you broke down and said...  

"well...someone's got to carry on her legacy now that she's gone!" seriously...it gave me the chills!

and i'm not afraid to say it hear and now…you was absolutely robbed!

how did that not get you nominated fer an oscar fer yer portrayal of Brother Boy? 

 

the movie just didn't do that well i guess

 

eventually it was turned into a prequel i guess...and made into a tv series

"SORDID LIVES TV SERIES"

what was it like work'n with that sexually charged Golden Girl herself…

 Blanche Devereaux on the tv series with RUE McCLANAHAN?

 

i adored her...but i would even say this in front of her...she is a doll but she was having problems with her back and she got on this pain medicine and she was a bitch (Leslie laughs) we asked her if she wanted to go out on the road with the show...cuz we were all broke...people don't know that Rue

lost alot of money in that Bernie Madoff fiasco...so she had to go back to work at 73...it was terrible...she was broke...Caroline Rae was broke...i was broke...so we decided to do a "Sordid Evening of Comedy" and hit the road to make some money...we charged $75 a ticket for a meet and greet and that's what Rue hated...she hated the meet and greet cuz she wasn't feeling well cuz at this point she was in a wheel chair...but she would tell stories about the Golden Girls...

and the audience would just eat it up! She was one of the greats!

you've said "yer the gayest man you know" grow'n up in a conservative family in Chattanooga in yer off broadway smash hit that traveled the  

country sides with "MY TRIP DOWN THE PINK CARPET"

which was taken from yer ball bust'n hysterically penned memoir you wrote a few years back…reveal'n celeb run-in's from...

BOY GEORGE

to GEORGE CLOONEY

yer take on Hollyweird…yer fame and yer addictions…gay culture and

just say'n it's OK to be a non heterosexual or non homosexual…just love yerself...that must've been...well a trip fer you? 

well "My Trip Down the Pink Carpet" LILY TOMLIN saw and helped me produce it and we did it in New York and then took it to London...what i talk about in my one man show is myself...it's my favorite subject! growing up gay in the baptist church (i've been baptized 14 times) my dad was a lieutenant colonel in the army and i was not exactly the son he envisioned...i was booked at the Pantages theater in downtown Minneapolis and CAMP heard about my stand up comedy and wanted me to do the show at their theater.

now yer back in the land of 10,000 bottoms…oops…i mean lakes…

with yer brand new show "Fruit Fly" @ CAMP in downtown St Paul...can ya tell my kittens what they can expect this time around? 

well...i was there last year at CAMP in St Paul and fell in love with that city and the St Paul hotel and all the restaurants in that area...and it was a homo hoe-down...it was packed every single night...word spread and i was getting a nice cross over audience which is always good...what my one man show "FRUIT FLY" is all about is...

it answers the age old question "do gay men become their mothers?"

my mother was the baby of 9 children and my daddy was the baby in his family...so when the babies had a baby...i was photographed relentlessly...

i mean how could i have not turned out gay with beanies and matching umbrella's...i was just decorated and trotted out...so i took those stories and did a show around them....it's a performance with flies...music...stories...light cues...it's stories about me with my mother...people were really moved by it...i told my devote baptist mother at 12 years old that i was gay and she always had problems with that and started taking me to christian therapy...and they would pray over me...and they told me when i have urges for sex with someone of the  same sex...it was the voice of the prince of darkness.

it's a full length play...i can promise them alot of laughs but it's much more...it's very moving...and i'm really really proud of it...we booked it in London...Paris...Amsterdam in january and february...so CAMP is actually getting in on the beginnings of something big. CAMP is a wonderful venue so i would love to get a good cross over crowd of both straight and gay people there again

now we've come to the part of the interview i just like to call…

can we talk about ME fer a change?

this is where you get to put on yer best Barbara Walters blouse and ask me ANYTHING under the rainbow…and I mean ANYTHING (well except rainbows) that yer die’n to know about this unintentionally internationally unknown perform’n illusionist of her own universe…I swear…I’ll still come to yer show 

have you ever met Lorna Luft...Judy Garland's daughter?

i have not had the pleasure yet...but i have clicked my heels once or twice and said there's no place like a homo!

i wanna thank the ever hysterical and MUST NOT ferget…Emmy award

winner…Leslie Jordan fer hop scotch'n his tiny tush into my studio today!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

a TENSION TAMER

we've all experienced those...not so pleasant moments in life...

from time to time...when you wanna go ape shit on the next person who asks you to use yer inside voice when try'n to get yer point across

whether it be at yer family's gift exchange'n dur'in the holidays cuz yer parents never got you those cha cha heels you've been begg'n fer all damn year long

or when yer date doesn't return yer text in a timely manner...so you spend all day cook'n up a tasty bunny soup...even though he told you his wife was in a car accident and put in a self induced coma

or maybe it 's cuz someone brought you another damn green bean casserole to yer loved one's funeral luncheon

whatever the case may be kittens...take off yer temperamental tutu...cuz today i am sitt'n down with the perfect tension tamer to tame those restless natives dance'n around to that jungle music inside yer head

among her many numerous accomplishments from the big screen to the lil screen...today's special guest has worked tirelessly fer the past 27 years

as the break out star from the 1999 non heterosexual romantic comedy smash hit "TRICK" starr'n a sexually frustrated ivory tinkler...a hot to trot stripper and some annoy'n 90210 has-been...with the most poignant facial line ever used in cinematic history...that i unfortunately experienced literally weeks before i rented my VHS copy at my local blockbuster store

"ever get cum in your eyes Gabriel?" (and it does...no joke!)

in 2001 made a guest appearance on an episode of  the hit series
"WILL & GRACE"
(which...THANK CHER...it's FINALLY back on the air)

and then in 2003 as one of the headliners in this brilliantly hysterical bust yer panty lined comedies "GIRLS WILL BE GIRLS" that'll make you think twice about ever cross'n a queen

today's guest has performed across the globe from stage to screen

 and everywhere in between...of course i'm talk'n about the one and only Bronx beauty MISS COCO PERU

thank you sooo much COCO fer take'n time outta yer busy schedule to entertain my flock of kittens thru-out the globe...so let's get right to it...

you been slapp'n on yer very distinctively subtle war paint with yer 1st show "MY GODDAMN CABARET" in 1992 and have been travel'n the globe entertain'n the masses who sit on their asses ever since...tell us what can the audience expect with yer latest words of wisdom this time?

People who have seen the new show have been telling me how current it is and on point and that is satisfying to me because you always hope when you write that your stories resonate with your audience. Things are very tense right now in the world and I address a few things that have made me tense recently and try to work through it by sharing my personal stories and I think storytelling and taking the time out to gather as a group and connect is important to our sanity.

with yer brilliant series "CONVERSATIONS WITH COCO" where you've interviewed many great LGBT icons like BEA ARTHUR...JANE FONDA and most recently LILY TOMLIN that you taped for a series hopefully soon to be on television (that i'm glad i got producer credit for w/my donation) is there anyone yer really die'n to interview fer yer series?

I have interviewed both Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin so i would love to complete the Holy Trinity

 and interview Dolly Parton.

Of course Cher as well! So many possibilities, really!

you have a very distinctive and iconic look as perform'n illusionists go...i have always thought yer look was inspired by a 60's socialite party hostess...with yer appropriately cut dresses and yer equally distinctive sassy brassy Patty Duke flipped do...tell me COCO...do you ever feel pressure from dime store queens to change up yer fabulous firey flip?

YES! I address that very topic in my new show! Secretly, I think the other queens are jealous that I have a simple hairdo that requires very little work. When i created COCO I thought it was important to create a look that people would easily recognize and then stick with it.

with television and the internet bein' saturated with make-up tutorials and

shows like "RUPAUL's DRAG RACE" and "THE BOULET BROTHERS"

do you think that the whole art of drag...as it once was...has now become much too main stream and lost its intrigue and mystery it once had?

NEW FLASH! Everything changes! I love the Boulet Brothers, I know them personally and I think they have done wonders for nightlife here in L.A. and also, I love that they celebrate the freak and the grotesque. I have always said drag is so much bigger than what some people think it is. Still, there is something strange about drag going as mainstream as it has,

but at the same time I love that teenage girls and their moms bond over their love of Coco Peru looking for Tension Tamer Tea. I'll be retiring soon so at the end of the day I'm just grateful that I have worked for as long as I have doing what I love. It's a miracle! If I was going to take issue with reality TV, and this is true for all reality shows, it is that the audience sometimes make celebrities out of people who are "ordinary."

When i was young my role models were people who trained and had a craft, who had worked years perfecting their art, people like Bea Arthur, Whoopi Goldberg, Bette Midler, Liza Minnelli, Robin Williams, to name a few. When I created Coco I knew that if I was going to survive I had to work hard in order to win over an audience and gain a following. nowadays, just being on TV and being loud is enough to make you a celebrity and that concerns me. However, I've been working for so many years and I feel like I have had to figure out a way to fit into this new world and I feel like I do. I love my young fans and I appreciate their support and I love when they call me Aunt Coco and even Mom!

Speaking of things "that bothers me"...what would you like to say to that Melania gal if you were given the chance? (hypothetically of course)

I don't think I would say anything to her but maybe I would ask her questions and my first question would be, "Are you happy?" And then I would look deep into her eyes, deeply, and repeat the same question.

now comes the fav-o-rit part of the interview that i like to simply call... 

"can we talk about ME for a change?"

basically COCO...put yerself in yer best breezy Mrs. Walters smock

& put me under the spotlight by ask'n me ANY question that pops in yer mind under the rainbow that you want to know about me...from family/religion/sexpectations...i mean A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G...well except about rainbows...cuz that's just fuck'n lazy journalism

Hmmmm! You saw my new show in Minneapolis, so did it resonate with you and why?

i have to say...i have been bust'n my balls fer years (and really...i have...blue balls are no fun)...but more importantly...yer show has the brilliant blend of storytell'n with song...a roller coaster of emotions that brings you back to center stage...it taught me what it means to bring the "inner woman" in all of us...OUT!...

bein' thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe that i am fer the past 23 years...it was beyond eye open'n...littered with many many hysterically move'n moments fer me personally...but it also had many tender moments that made me reflect on some of my own personal regrets from the past...a perfect blend like a pomegranate martini...with just a sprinkle of bitters but pack'n one helluva punch...it definitely made my nite...that i hadda hop a red eye to Oprahville and see it one more time...and you did not disappoint...(even with that self involved A double snake hole in the audience who was try'na make it all about him) it was a beyond an absolute pleasure to meet one of my icons in person...fer the 2nd time...even if i hadda lose a lil bit of my dignity fer pocket change in order to get a respectable photo that didn't make me look like a model fer cerebral palsy (ps...to any of my "sensitive" kittens out there...that's not meant as ANY sorta dig on the cerebral palsy runway models of the world either...so don't call yer state senators demand'n immediate action!)

i wanna thank thee iconic legend MISS COCO PERU fer pave'n the way fer so many girlie boys...you'd be an absolute damn fool to miss this experience! click here fer current COCO dates in yer city and do yerself a favor and just go!

if yer a twatter...follow her on TWITTER here
if ya wanna be her BFF...follow her on FB here
if yer all about the pix...follow her on INSTAGRAM here
if ya wanna watch the COCO experience from
TARGET to tension tamer talks...subscribe to her YOUTUBE channel here

now get off my dress!