there are many aspects of our entire existence where we will make highly
questionable choices before we ultimately kick the can...whether yer just some immature teenrage'n ejaculate'n oscar meyer weiner warrior try'na hide stock piles of crusty mummified tube socks buried in every nook and cranny of yer closet to some postmenopausal nightmare with her knickers in a knot try'n to recapture her dwindled youth by become'n the self appointed neighborhood nazi...
prevent'n someone deliver'n pizza to a customer in their cul-de-sac just cuz they're wear'n a TAYLOR SWIFT tee (oh and their skin color just happens to match the cuntasaurus's shit stained eyes) take'n chances with our own fate in hopes to garner a reputation as some sorta asinine bad-ass to yer plethora of non-existent on-line "friends" and flocks of fuckless fucks is an all too unfortunate socially accepted norm these days
in the late 60's there was the simple amusement of 2 innocent tempered
glass balls attached to a rope called "CLACKERS" that basically were invented to annoy the fuck outta yer parents durin' their swingers nite with the neighbors until you were told to go outside with that infernal racket and all was fine and dandy until the solid shiny orbs garnered a merried of injuries from blackened eyes...broken noses to near death experiences
by the 70's the backyard became an all out assault with the entire family
and neighborhood thanks to the colorfully coated missiles of death innocently labeled "LAWN DARTS" that paired you up in teams to launch yer ammo to the other end of the yard...hopefully hitt'n it into the confines of the targeted area placed on the opposite side (though if that one prissy pustule in pig tails was outside of their safe zone from yer school who always tries to make you look like some buffoon in ballet class that you play with only cuz they live on yer block...you made damn sure that they were the actual intended target) which was actually a reproduction stolen from the ancient Romans who 1st invented them called "PLUMBATA" back in 500 bc (and i'm pretty sure they weren't play'n around fer shits and giggles back then) however...eventually they were banned by 1988 due to the fact they caused over 6,000 hospital related injuries and 2 unfortunate deaths
(this was also the last time i believe that some ballet snob tried to one up any unsuspect'n students in class)
when the 80's rolled around it was all about gett'n wet and wild and totally
save'n money with the many over priced water parks and long lines out there on all those unbearably hot summer afternoons with yer own personal water slide in yer own backyard known as the "SLIP-N-SLIDE" which was an easy way to cool off on all those blister'n days when it felt like mother nature was have'n another one of her hot flash attacks...unfortunately it also resulted in many back injuries and broken teeth from not realize'n you don't dive into water slides like it’s a pool you fool just cuz there's water involved
if we could only go back to the careless yet sinister triple dog dare days!
(ummm...just an FYI...i had already invented that stunt in the back of my dad's yellow city pick-up truck in the winter of 1976...so there's still some ongoin' litigation over copyright infringements with the director of that flick to this day)
BUTT...here we are
with the rise of reality tv in the past 20 years send'n all of the great song
write'n theme show composers straight to the unemployment line...
would regrettably bring the rise to the instant oatmeal fame via TIKTOK challenges and YOUTUBE pranksters gett'n as many views as possible along with a paycheck from corporate giants all cuz they can't deal with the value of an honest days pay by sling'n fries and frosty shakes fer cuntasaurus's behind a counter all day (like their predecessors before them had to)
cuz that'll never get them their personalized Maserati by may they need fer their insta followers to gawk at...with the biggest of these insane challenges i ever heard about bein that of the tide pod challenge which were mostly influence'n kids between the ages of catastrophe to a cuntruffle to play russian roulette with their own life basically!
another one of these asinine challenges that i was completely outta the
loop with was the idiotically insane fire challenge that consisted of douse'n parts of yer body with a flammable liquid then start'n yerself on fire while film'n it before it goes out...i'm almost positive (don't worry i got my results back last week...i'm still negative just like my outlook on life as a whole) that this one's called the non-cremation challenge but what do i know?
one that shocked the total shit outta me was the Nyquil chicken challenge
which i'm pretty sure was not intended to be associated in any way shape or form with Colonel Sanders secret recipe by any means
or YOUTUBER's try'na bug the complete and utter shit outta as many
unaware shoppers or sidewalk strollers as possible just fer a knee jerk reaction to get as many "likes" as possible and a payday on their channel which consists of millions of lobotomized brain dead followers (though it's totally childish) be that as it may...back in april of this year one particular piss ant YOUTUBER did his damndest to annoy the fiddler's fuck outta some food service delivery guy who was pick'n up an order fer a customer in a Virginia mall when some 21 year old dipshit with a death wish got in his face over a stupid audio record'n to get this worker's reaction to post on his social media channel...however...
just like in baseball...3 strikes means yer out and that's exactly what happened when food courier Alan Colie gave this jackass jokester with 3 attempts to calmly yet sternly tell him to stop bein' an annoy'n asswipe until he was left with no other option so he pulled out his loaded pocket protector from his dish rag wind breaker and took the wind right outta the pain in the ass prankster with a single shot to the stomach
these pranksters and "influencers" wanna act like they're some sorta
super power bad ass just cuz they're give'n an astronomical bank account to be as asshole and expect no accountability...the thing is Gen Z'er's...us Gen X'ers survived on a helluva lot less shit and hadda put up with a helluva lot more (without out any video proof to haunt us later on in life) like try'n not to get 3rd degree burns from endless hours slide'n down lucifer's metal tongue durin' the boil'n hot summers of the 1970's and the 1980's...
include'n cling'n on fer dear life every time we decided to hop aboard the wheel of death in the park...so trust me...a large portion of us Gen X'ers ain't putt'n up with ANY of yer fuckery these days so think twice before come'n up with the latest "must do" influential/stupid bullshit pranks!
here’s a lil advice fer all you wannabe personal fortune 500 machines
out there...you outta be heed'n the words of one KATHY BATES as she so calmly put it in "FRIED GREEN TOMATOES" before it’s too late!
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
ps...if you wanna try somethin' a lil dare'n and make an actual difference
in yer demeaner...why not vote fer this marvelous matriarch by click'n here
